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my name is red-我的名字叫红-第26节

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one a good person…” I said and fled。 
The house was so dark and melancholy that the air outside seemed warmer。 
The  sunlight  hit  my  face。  I  wished  for  Shekure’s  happiness。  But  I  also  felt 
something for that poor man in that damp; chilly and dark house。 On a whim; 
I  turned  into  the  Spice  Market  in  Laleli  thinking  the  smells  of  cinnamon; 
saffron and pepper would restore my spirits。 I was mistaken。 
At  Shekure’s  house;  after  she  took  up  the  letters;  she  immediately  asked 
after Black。 I told her that the fire of love had mercilessly engulfed his entire 
being。 This news pleased her。 
94 
 
“Even lonely spinsters busy with their knitting are discussing why Elegant 
Effendi might’ve been killed;” I said later; changing the subject。 
“Hayriye; make some halva as a present of condolence and take it over to 
Kalbiye; poor Elegant Effendi’s widow;” said Shekure。 
“All the Erzurumis and quite a crowd of others will be attending his funeral 
service;” I said。 “His relatives swear they’ll avenge his spilt blood。” 
Shekure  had  already  begun  to  read  Black’s  letter。  I  looked  into  her  face 
intently  and  angrily。  This  woman  was  probably  such  a  fox  that  she  could 
control how her passions were reflected in her face。 As she read I sensed that 
my  silence  pleased  her;  that  she  regarded  it  as  my  approval  of  the  special 
import she gave to Black’s letter。 Shekure finished the letter and smiled at me; 
to meet with her satisfaction; I felt forced to ask; “What has he written?” 
“Just as in his childhood…He’s in love with me。” 
“What are your thoughts?” 
“I’m a married woman。 I’m waiting for my husband。” 
Contrary to your expectations; the fact that she’d lie to me after asking me 
to get involved in her affairs didn’t anger me。 Actually; this ment relieved 
me。  If  more  of  the  young  maidens  and  women  I’ve  carried  letters  for  and 
advised in the ways of the world attended to details the way Shekure did; they 
would’ve  lessened  the  work  for  us  both  by  half。  More  importantly;  they 
would’ve ended up in better marriages。 
“What does the other one write?” I asked anyway。 
“I  don’t  intend  to  read  Hasan’s  letter  right  now;”  she  answered。  “Does 
Hasan know that Black’s returned to Istanbul?” 
“He doesn’t even know he exists。” 
“Do  you  speak  with  Hasan?”  she  asked;  opening  wide  her  beautiful  black 
eyes。 
“As you’ve requested。” 
“Yes?” 
“He’s in agony。 He’s deeply in love with you。 Even if your heart belongs to 
another;  it’ll  be  difficult  ever  to  be  free  of  him  now。  By  accepting  his  letters 
you’ve greatly encouraged him。 Be wary of him; however。 For not only does he 
want to make you return there; but by establishing that his older brother has 
95 
 
died;  he’s  preparing  to  marry  you。”  I  smiled  to  soften  the  weight  of  these 
words and so as not to be reduced to being that malcontent’s mouthpiece。 
“What’s  the  other  one  say;  then?”  she  asked;  but  did  she  herself  know 
whom she was inquiring after? 
“The miniaturist?” 
“My  mind’s  all  ajumble;”  she  said  suddenly;  perhaps  afraid  of  her  own 
thoughts。 “It seems that matters will bee even more confused。 My father’s 
growing  older。  What’ll  bee  of  us;  of  these  fatherless  children?  I  sense  an 
evil approaching; that the Devil is preparing some mischief for us。 Esther; tell 
me something that will hearten me。” 
“Don’t  you  fret  in  the  slightest;  my  dearest  Shekure;”  I  said  as  emotion 
welled up within me。 “You’re truly intelligent; you’re very beautiful。 One day 
you’ll sleep in the same bed with your handsome husband; you’ll cuddle with 
him; and having forgotten all your worries; you’ll be happy。 I can read this in 
your eyes。” 
Such affection rose within me that my eyes filled with tears。 
“Fine; but which one will bee my husband?” 
“Isn’t that wise heart of yours giving you an answer?” 
“It’s  because  I  don’t  understand  what  my  heart  is  saying  that  I’m 
dispirited。” 
For a moment it occurred to me that Shekure didn’t trust me at all; that 
she was masterfully concealing her distrust in order to learn what I knew; that 
she  was  trying  to  arouse  my  pity。  When  I  saw  she  wouldn’t  be  writing  a 
response  to  the  letters  at  present;  I  grabbed  my  sack;  entered  the  courtyard 
and slipped away—but not before saying something I told all my maids; even 
those who were cross…eyed: 
“Fear  not;  my  dear;  if  you  keep  those  beautiful  eyes  of  yours  peeled;  no 
misfortune; no misfortune at all will befall you。” 
 
   
96 
 
I; SHEKURE 
 
If truth be told; it used to be that each time Esther the clothier paid a visit; I’d 
fantasize  that  a  man  stricken  with  love  would  finally  be  roused  to  write  a 
letter that could stir the heart of an intelligent woman like myself—beautiful; 
well…bred and widowed; yet with her honor still intact—and set it pounding。 
And to discover that the letter was from one of the usual suitors; would; at the 
very  least;  fortify  my  resolve  and  forbearance  to  await  my  husband’s  return。 
But  these  days;  every  time  Esther  leaves;  I  bee  confused  and  feel  all  the 
more wretched。 
I listened to the sounds of my world。 From the kitchen came the bubbling 
sound  of  boiling  water  and  the  smell  of  lemons  and  onions。  Hayriye  was 
boiling zucchini。 Shevket and Orhan were frolicking and playing “swordsman” 
in the courtyard beneath the pomegranate tree; I heard their shouts。 My father 
was sitting silently in the next room。 I opened and read Hasan’s letter and was 
reassured  that  there  was  no  cause  for  alarm。  Still;  I  grew  a  little  more 
frightened  of  him;  and  congratulated  myself  for  withstanding  his  efforts  to 
make love to me when we shared the same house。 Next; I read Black’s letter; 
holding  it  gently  as  if  it  were  some  delicate  and  sensitive  bird;  and  my 
thoughts  became  muddled。  I  didn’t  read  the  letters  again。  The  sun  broke 
through  the  clouds  and  it  occurred  to  me  that  if  I’d  entered  Hasan’s 
bedchamber  one  night  and  made  love  with  him;  no  one;  except  Allah; 
would’ve  been  the  wiser。  He  did  resemble  my  missing  husband;  it’d  be  the 
same thing。 Sometimes a strange thought like this entered my head。 As the sun 
quickly warmed me; I could feel my body: my skin; my neck; even my nipples。 
Orhan slipped inside as the sunlight struck me through the open door。 
“Mama; what are you reading?” he said。 
All right then; remember how I said that I didn’t reread the letters Esther 
had just delivered? I lied。 I was in the midst of reading them again。 This time; I 
truly did fold them up and tuck them away in my blouse。 
“e here; you; onto my lap;” I said to Orhan。 He did so。 “Oh my; you’re 
so  heavy。  May  God  protect  you;  you’ve  gotten  quite  big;”  I  said  and  kissed 
him。 “You’re as cold as ice…” 
“You’re so warm; Mama;” he interrupted; leaning back onto my bosom。 
We  were  leaning  tight  against  each  other;  enjoying  sitting  that  way  in 
silence。 I smelled the nape of his neck and kissed him。 I hugged him even more 
tightly。 We were still。 
97 
 
“I’m feeling ticklish;” he said later。 
“Tell me then;” I said in my serious voice。 “If the Sultan of the Jinns came 
and said he’d grant you a wish; what would you want most of all?” 
“I’d want Shevket to go away。” 
“What besides? Would you want to have a father?” 
“No; when I grow up I’m going to marry you myself。” 
It  wasn’t  aging;  losing  one’s  beauty  or  even  being  bereft  of  husband  and 
money  that  was  the  worst  of  all  calamities;  what  was  truly  horrible  was  not 
having anyone to be jealous of you。 I lowered Orhan’s warming body from my 
lap。 Thinking that a wicked woman like myself ought to wed someone with a 
good soul; I went up to see my father。 
“His Excellency Our Sultan will reward you after seeing for Himself that His 
book has been pleted;” I said。 “You’ll go to Venice again。” 
“I cannot be certain;” said my father。 “This murder has distressed me。 Our 
enemies are apparently quite powerful。” 
“I know; as well; that my own situation has emboldened them; giving rise 
to misunderstandings and unfounded hopes。” 
“How do you mean?” 
“I ought to be wed as soon as possible。” 
“What?” said my father。 “To whom? But you are married。 Where did this 
notion e from?” he asked。 “Who’s asked for your hand? Even if we were to 
find a reasonable and appealing prospect;” said my reasonable father; “I doubt 
we’d be able to take him; not like that; you understand。” He summed up my 
unfortunate  situation  as  follows:  “You’re  aware  that  there  are  weighty  and 
plicated  matters  we  must  settle  before  you  can  marry  again。”  After  a 
protracted  silence;  he  added;  “Is  it  that  you  want  to  leave  me;  my  dear 
daughter?” 
“Last night I dreamed that my husband

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