gc.thewhiterose-第43节

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　　　The　crash　and　roar　returned。　I　remembered　the　Rebel　horde；　relentless；　like　the　sea；　wave　after　wave；　smashing　upon　unyielding　cliffs　of　defenders。　I　recalled　the　feuding　Taken；　their　fey　and　fell　deaths；　the　wild　and　terrible　sorceries　。　。　。
　　　〃It　was　a　battle　of　battles；　was　it　not？〃
　　　I　did　not　turn　as　she　joined　me。　〃It　was。　I　never　did　it　justice。〃
　　　〃They　will　sing　of　it。〃　She　glanced　up。　Stars　had　begun　to　appear。　In　the　twilight　her　face　seemed　pale　and　strained。　Never　before　had　I　seen　her　in　any　but　the　most　self…possessed　mood。
　　　〃What　is　it？〃　Now　I　did　turn；　and　saw　a　group　of　soldiers　some　distance　away；　watching；　either　awed　or　aghast。
　　　〃I　have　performed　a　divination。　Several；　in　fact；　for　I　did　not　get　satisfactory　results。〃
　　　〃And？〃
　　　〃Perhaps　I　got　no　results　at　all。〃
　　　I　waited。　You　do　not　press　the　most　powerful　being　in　the　world。　That　she　was　on　the　verge　of　confiding　in　a　mortal　was　stunning　enough。
　　　〃All　is　flux。　I　divined　three　possible　futures。　We　are　headed　for　a　crisis；　a　history…shaping　hour。〃
　　　I　turned　slightly　toward　her。　Violet　light　shaded　her　face。　Dark　hair　tumbled　down　over　one　cheek。　It　was　not　artifice；　for　once；　and　the　impulse　to　touch；　to　hold；　perhaps　to　fort；　was　powerful。　〃Three　futures？〃
　　　〃Three。　I　could　not　find　my　place　in　any。〃
　　　What　do　you　say　at　a　moment　like　that？　That　maybe　there　was　an　error？　You　accuse　the　Lady　of　making　a　mistake。
　　　〃In　one；　your　deaf　child　triumphs。　But　it　is　the　least　likely　chance；　and　she　and　all　hers　perish　gaining　the　victory。　In　another；　my　husband　breaks　the　grasp　of　the　grave　and　reestablishes　his　Domination。　That　darkness　lasts　ten　thousand　years。　In　the　third　vision；　he　is　destroyed　forever　and　all。　It　is　the　strongest　vision；　the　demanding　vision。　But　the　price　is　great　。　。　。　Are　there　gods；　Croaker？　I　never　believed　in　gods。〃
　　　〃I　don't　know；　Lady。　No　religion　I　ever　encountered　made　any　sense。　None　are　consistent。　Most　gods　are　megalomaniacs　and　paranoid　psychotics　by　their　worshipers'　description。　I　don't　see　how　they　could　survive　their　own　insanity。　But　it's　not　impossible　that　human　beings　are　incapable　of　interpreting　a　power　so　much　greater　than　themselves。　Maybe　religions　are　twisted　and　perverted　shadows　of　truth。　Maybe　there　are　forces　which　shape　the　world。　I　myself　have　never　understood　why；　in　a　universe　so　vast；　a　god　would　care　about　something　so　trivial　as　worship　or　human　destiny。〃
　　　〃When　I　was　a　child　。　。　。　my　sisters　and　I　had　a　teacher。〃
　　　Did　I　pay　attention？　You　bet　your　sweet　ass　I　did。　I　was　ears　from　my　toenails　to　the　top　of　my　pointy　head。　〃A　teacher？〃
　　　〃Yes。　He　argued　that　we　are　the　gods；　that　we　create　our　own　destiny。　That　what　we　are　determines　what　will　bee　of　us。　In　a　peasantlike　vernacular；　we　all　paint　ourselves　into　corners　from　which　there　is　no　escape　simply　by　being　ourselves　and　interacting　with　other　selves。〃
　　　〃Interesting。〃
　　　〃Well。　Yes。　There　is　a　god　of　sorts；　Croaker。　Do　you　know？　Not　a　mover　and　shaker；　though。　Simply　a　negator。　An　ender　of　tales。　He　has　a　hunger　than　cannot　be　sated。　The　universe　itself　will　slide　down　his　maw。〃
　　　〃Death？〃
　　　〃I　do　not　want　to　die；　Croaker。　All　that　I　am　shrieks　against　the　unrighteousness　of　death。　All　that　I　am；　was；　and　probably　will　be；　is　shaped　by　my　passion　to　evade　the　end　of　me。〃　She　laughed　quietly；　but　there　was　a　thread　of　hysteria　there。　She　gestured；　indicating　the　shadowed　killing　ground　below。　〃I　would　have　built　a　world　in　which　I　was　safe。　And　the　cornerstone　of　my　citadel　would　have　been　death。〃
　　　The　end　of　the　dream　was　drawing　close。　I　could　not　imagine　a　world　without　me　in　it；　either。　And　the　inner　me　was　outraged。　Is　outraged。　I　have　no　trouble　imagining　someone　being　obsessed　with　escaping　death。　〃I　understand。〃
　　　〃Maybe。　We're　all　equals　at　the　dark　gate；　no？　The　sands　run　for　us　all。　Life　is　but　a　flicker　shouting　into　the　jaws　of　eternity。　But　it　seems　so　damned　unfair！〃
　　　Old　Father　Tree　entered　my　thoughts。　He　would　perish　in　time。　Yes。　Death　is　insatiable　and　cruel。
　　　〃Have　you　reflected？〃　she　asked。
　　　〃I　think　so。　I'm　no　necromancer。　But　I've　seen　roads　I　don't　want　to　walk。〃
　　　〃Yes。　You're　free　to　go；　Croaker。〃
　　　Shock。　Even　my　heels　tingled　with　disbelief。　〃Say　what？〃
　　　〃You're　free。　The　Tower　gate　is　open。　You　need　but　walk　out　it。　But　you're　also　free　to　remain；　to　reenter　the　lists　in　the　struggle　that　envelopes　us　all。〃
　　　There　was　almost　no　light　left　except　for　some　sun　hitting　very　high　clouds。　Against　the　deep　indigo　in　the　east　a　squadron　of　bright　pinpricks　moved　westward。　They　seemed　headed　toward　the　Tower。
　　　I　gabbled　something　that　made　no　sense。
　　　〃Will　she；　nihil　she；　the　Lady　of　Charm　is　at　war　with　her　husband　once　more；〃　she　said。　〃And　till　that　struggle　is　lost　or　won；　there　is　no　other。　You　see　the　Taken　returning。　The　armies　of　the　east　are　marching　toward　the　Barrowland。　Those　beyond　the　Plain　have　been　ordered　to　withdraw　to　garrisons　farther　east。　Your　deaf　child　is　in　no　danger　unless　she　es　looking　for　it。　There　is　an　armistice。　Perhaps　eternally。〃　Weak　smile。　〃If　there　is　no　Lady；　there　is　no　one　for　the　White　Rose　to　battle。〃
　　　She　left　me　then；　in　total　confusion；　and　went　to　greet　her　champions。　The　carpets　came　down　out　of　the　darkness；　settling　like　autumn　leaves。　I　moved　a　little　nearer　till　my　personal　guardian　indicated　that　my　relationship　with　the　Lady　was　insufficiently　close　to　permit　eavesdropping。
　　　The　wind　grew　more　chill；　blowing　out　of　the　north。　And　I　wondered　if　it　might　not　be　autumn　for　us　all。
　　　
　　　Chapter　Forty：　MAKING　UP　MY　MIND
　　　
　　　She　never　once　demanded　anything。　Even　her　hints　were　so　oblique　they　left　everything　to　me　to　work　out。　Two　days　after　our　evening　on　the　ramparts　I　asked　the　Colonel　if　I　might　see　her。　He　said　he　would　ask。　I　suspect　he　was　under　instructions。　Otherwise　there　would　have　been　arguments。
　　　Another　day　passed　before　he　came　to　say　the　Lady　had　time　for　me。
　　　I　closed　my　inkwell；　cleaned　my　quill；　and　rose。　〃Thank　you。〃　He　looked　at　me　oddly。　〃Is　something　wrong？〃
　　　〃No。　Just　。　。　。　〃
　　　I　understood。　〃I　don't　know　either。　I'm　sure　she　has　some　special　use　for　me。〃
　　　That　brightened　the　Colonel's　day。　That　he　could　prehend。
　　　The　usual　routine。　This　time　I　entered　her　demesne　as　she　stood　at　a　window　opening　on　a　world　of　wet　gloom。　Grey　rain；　choppy　brown　water；　and　hulking　to　the　left；　shapes　barely　discernible；　trees　clinging　precariously　to　a　high　river　bank。　Cold　and　misery　leaked　out　of　that　portraiture。　It　had　a　too　familiar　smell。
　　　〃The　Great　Tragic　River；〃　she　said。　〃In　full　flood。　But　it's　always　in　flood；　isn't　it？〃　She　beckoned。　I　followed。　Since　my　last　visit　a　large　table　had　been　added。　Atop　it　was　a　miniature　of　the　Barrowland；　a　representation　so　good　it　was　spooky。　You　almost　expected　to　see　little　Guards　scurrying　around　the　pound。
　　　〃You　see？〃　she　asked。
　　　〃No。　Though　I've　been　there　twice；　I'm　not　familiar　with　much　but　the　town　and　the　pound。　What　am　I　supposed　to　see？〃
　　　〃The　river。　Your　friend　Raven　evidently　recognized　its　import。〃　With　one　delicate　finger　she　sketched　a　loop　well　to　the　east　of　the　river's　course；　which　curved　into　the　ridge　where　we　had　camped。
　　　〃At　the　time　of　my　triumph　in　Juniper　the　river's　bed　lay　here。　A　year　later　the　weather　turned。　The　river　flooded　continuously。　And　crept　this　way。　Today　it's　devouring　this　ridge。　I　examined　it　myself。　The　ridge　is　entirely　earthen；　without　bones　of　stone。　It　won't　last。　Once　it　goes；　the　river　will　cut　into　the　Barrowland。　All　the　spells　of　the　White　Rose　won't　keep　it　from　opening　the　Great　Barrow。　Each　fetish　swept　away　will　make　it　that　much　easier　for　my　husband　to　rise。〃
　　　I　grunted。　〃Against　Nature　there　is　no　defense。〃
　　　〃There　is。　If　one　foresees。　The　White　Rose　did　not。　I　did　not　when　I　attempted　to　bind　him　more　securely。　Now　it's　too　late。　So。　You　wanted　to　speak　to　me？〃
　　　〃Yes。　I　have　to　leave　the　Tower。〃
　　　〃So。　You　didn't　have　to　e　to　me　about　that。　You're　free　to　stay　or　go。〃
　　　〃I'm　going　because　there're　things　I　have　to　do。　As　you　well　know。　If　I　walk；　I'll　probably　get　them　done　too　late。　It's　a　long　hike　to　the　Plain。　Not　to　mention　risky。　I　want　to　beg　transportation。〃
　　　She　smiled；　and　this　smile　was　genuine；　radiant；　subtly　different　from　previous　smiles。　〃Good。　I　thought　you　would　see　where　the　future　lies。　How　soon　can　you　be　ready？〃
　　　〃Five　minutes。　There　is　one　question。　Raven。〃
　　　〃Raven　has　been　hospitalized　at　the　pound　at　the　Barrowland。　Nothing　can　be　done　for　him　right　now。　Every　effort　will　be　made　when　an　opportunity　arises。　Sufficient？〃
　　　I　could　not　argue；　of　course。
　　　〃Good。　Transport　will　be　available。　You　will　have　a　unique　chauffeur。　The　Lady　herself。〃
　　　〃I　。　。　。　〃
　　　〃I；　too；　have　been　thinking。　My　best　next　step　is　to　meet　your　White　Rose。　I'm　going　with　you。〃
　　　After　gulping　quarts　of　air；　I　managed；　〃They'd　jump　all　over　you。〃
　　　〃Not　if　they　don't　know　me。　They　wouldn't；　unless　they　were　told。〃
　　　Well；　no　one　was　likely　to　recognize　her。　I　am　unique　in　having　met　her　and　lived　to　brag　on　it。　But　。　。　。　　Gods；　the　heaps　and　bales　of　buts。　〃If　you　entered　the　null；　all　your　spells　would　fall　apart。〃