sk.theshining-第51节

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fierce。　He　was　shuddering　all　over；　his　muscles　jerking　beneath　his　plaid　shirt　and　jeans。
　　〃Jack？　What？　Tell　me　what's　wrong！〃　At　last　the　sobs　began　to　change　themselves　into　words；　most　of　them　incoherent　at　first；　but　ing　clearer　as　his　tears　began　to　spend　themselves。
　　〃。　。　。　dream；　I　guess　it　was　a　dream；　but　it　was　so　real；　I　。　。　it　was　my　mother　saying　that　Daddy　was　going　to　be　on　the　radio　and　I　。　。
　　。　he　was　。　。　。　he　was　telling　me　to　。　。　。　I　don't　know；　he　was　yelling　at　me　。　。
　　。　and　so　I　broke　the　radio　。　。　。　to　shut　him　up。　To　shut　him　up。　He's　dead。　I　don't　even　want　to　dream　about　him。　He's　dead。　My　God；　Wendy；　my　God。　I　never　had　a　nightmare　like　that。　I　never　want　to　have　another　one。　Christ！　It　was　awful。〃
　　〃You　just　fell　asleep　in　the　office？〃
　　〃No　。　。　。　not　here。　Downstairs。〃　He　was　straightening　a　little　now；　his　weight　ing　off　her；　and　the　steady　backand…forth　motion　of　his　head　first　slowed　and　then　stopped。
　　〃I　was　looking　through　those　old　papers。　Sitting　on　a　chair　I　set　up　down　there。　Milk　receipts。　Dull　stuff。　And　I　guess　I　just　drowsed　off。　That's　when　I　started　to　dream。　I　must　have　sleepwalked　up　here。〃　He　essayed　a　shaky　little　laugh　against　her　neck。　〃Another　first。〃
　　〃Where　is　Danny；　Jack？〃
　　〃I　don't　know。　Isn't　he　with　you？〃
　　〃He　wasn't　。　。　。　downstairs　with　you？〃　He　looked　over　his　shoulder　and　his　face　tightened　at　what　he　saw　on　her　face。
　　〃Never　going　to　let　me　forget　that；　are　you；　Wendy？〃
　　〃Jack…〃
　　〃When　I'm　on　my　deathbed　you'll　lean　over　and　say；　‘It　serves　you　right；　remember　the　time　you　broke　Danny's　arm？'　〃
　　〃Jack！〃
　　〃Jack　what？〃　he　asked　hotly；　and　jumped　to　his　feet。　〃Are　you　denying　that's　what　you're　thinking？　That　I　hurt　him？　That　I　hurt　him　once　before　and　I　could　hurt　him　again？〃
　　〃I　want　to　know　where　he　is；　that's　all！〃
　　〃Go　ahead；　yell　your　fucking　head　off；　that'll　make　everything　okay；　won't　it？
　　〃　She　turned　and　walked　out　the　door。
　　He　watched　her　go；　frozen　for　a　moment；　a　blotter　covered　with　fragments　of　broken　glass　in　one　hand。　Then　he　dropped　it　into　the　wastebasket；　went　after　her；　and　caught　her　by　the　lobby　desk。　He　put　his　hands　on　her　shoulders　and　turned　her　around。　Her　face　was　carefully　set。
　　〃Wendy；　I'm　sorry。　It　was　the　dream。　I'm　upset。　Forgive？〃
　　〃Of　course；〃　she　said；　her　face　not　changing　expression。　Her　wooden　shoulders　slipped　out　of　his　hands。　She　walked　to　the　middle　of　the　lobby　and　called：
　　〃Hey；　doc！　Where　are　you？〃　Silence　came　back。　She　walked　toward　the　double　lobby　doors　opened　one　of　them；　and　stepped　out　onto　the　path　Jack　had　shoveled。　It　was　more　like　a　trench；　the　packed　and　drifted　snow　through　which　the　path　was　cut　came　to　her　shoulders。　She　called　him　again；　her　breath　ing　out　in　a　white　plume。　When　she　came　back　in　she　had　begun　to　look　scared。
　　Controlling　his　irritation　with　her；　he　said　reasonably：　〃Are　you　sure　he's　not　sleeping　in　his　room？〃
　　〃I　told　you；　he　was　playing　somewhere　when　I　was　knitting。　I　could　hear　him　downstairs。〃
　　〃Did　you　fall　asleep？〃
　　〃What's　that　got　to　do　with　it？　Yes。　Danny？〃
　　〃Did　you　look　in　his　room　when　you　came　downstairs　just　now？〃
　　〃I…〃She　stopped。
　　He　nodded。　〃I　didn't　really　think　so。〃　He　started　up　the　stairs　without　waiting　for　her。　She　followed　him；　half…　running；　but　he　was　taking　the　risers　two　at　a　time。　She　almost　crashed　into　his　back　when　he　came　to　a　dead　stop　on　the　first…floor　landing。　He　was　rooted　there；　looking　up；　his　eyes　wide。
　　〃What…？〃　she　began；　and　followed　his　gaze。
　　Danny　still　stood　there；　his　eyes　blank；　sucking　his　thumb。　The　marks　on　his　throat　were　cruelly　visible　in　the　light　of　the　hall's　electric　flambeaux。
　　〃Danny！〃　she　shrieked。
　　It　broke　Jack's　paralysis　and　they　rushed　up　the　stairs　together　to　where　he　stood。　Wendy　fell　on　her　knees　beside　him　and　swept　the　boy　into　her　arms。　Danny　came　pliantly　enough；　but　he　did　not　hug　her　back。　It　was　like　hugging　a　padded　stick；　and　the　sweet　taste　of　horror　flooded　her　mouth。　He　only　sucked　his　thumb　and　stared　with　indifferent　blankness　out　into　the　stairwell　beyond　both　of　them。
　　〃Danny；　what　happened？〃　Jack　asked。　He　put　out　his　hand　to　touch　the　puffy　side　of　Danny's　neck。　〃Who　did　this　to
　　〃Don't　you　touch　him！〃　Wendy　hissed。　She　clutched　Danny　in　her　arms；　lifted　him；　and　had　retreated　halfway　down　the　stairs　before　Jack　could　do　more　than　stand　up；　confused。
　　〃What？　Wendy；　what　the　hell　are　you　t…〃
　　〃Don't　you　touch　him！　I'll　kill　you　if　you　lay　your　hands　on　him　again！〃
　　〃Wendy…〃
　　〃You　bastard！〃　She　turned　and　ran　down　the　rest　of　the　stairs　to　the　first　floor。　Danny's　head　jounced　mildly　up　and　down　as　she　ran。　His　thumb　was　lodged　securely　in　his　mouth。　His　eyes　were　soaped　windows。　She　turned　right　at　the　foot　of　the　stairs；　and　Jack　heard　her　feet　retreat　to　the　end　of　it。　Their　bedroom　door　slammed。
　　The　bolt　was　run　home。　The　lock　turned。　Brief　silence。　Then　the　soft；　muttered　sounds　of　forting。
　　He　stood　for　an　unknown　length　of　time；　literally　paralyzed　by　all　that　had　happened　in　such　a　short　space　of　time。　His　dream　was　still　with　him；　painting　everything　a　slightly　unreal　shade。　It　was　as　if　he　had　taken　a　very　mild　mescaline　hit。　Had　he　maybe　hurt　Danny　as　Wendy　thought？　Tried　to　strangle　his　son　at　his　dead　father's　request？　No。　He　would　never　hurt　Danny。
　　（He　fell　down　the　stairs；　Doctor。）　He　would　never　hurt　Danny　now。
　　（How　could　I　know　the　bug　bomb　was　defective？）　Never　in　his　life　had　he　been　willfully　vicious　when　he　was　sober。
　　（Except　when　you　almost　killed　George　Hatfield。）
　　〃No！〃　he　cried　into　the　darkness。　He　brought　both　fists　crashing　down　on　his　legs；　again　and　again　and　again。
　　
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　　Wendy　sat　in　the　overstuffed　chair　by　the　window　with　Danny　on　her　lap；　holding　him；　crooning　the　old　meaningless　words；　the　ones　you　never　remember　afterward　no　matter　how　a　thing　turns　out。　He　had　folded　onto　her　lap　with　neither　protest　nor　gladness；　like　a　paper　cutout　of　himself；　and　his　eyes　didn't　even　shift　toward　the　door　when　Jack　cried　out　〃No！〃　somewhere　in　the　hallway。
　　The　confusion　had　receded　a　little　bit　in　her　mind；　but　she　now　discovered　something　even　worse　behind　it。　Panic。
　　Jack　had　done　this；　she　had　no　doubt　of　it。　His　denials　meant　nothing　to　her。
　　She　thought　it　was　perfectly　possible　that　Jack　had　tried　to　throttle　Danny　in　his　sleep　just　as　he　had　smashed　the　CB　radio　in　his　sleep。　He　was　having　a　breakdown　of　some　kind。　But　what　was　she　going　to　do　about　it？　She　couldn't　stay　locked　in　here　forever。　They　would　have　to　eat。
　　There　was　really　only　one　question；　and　it　was　asked　in　a　mental　voice　of　utter　coldness　and　pragmatism；　the　voice　of　her　maternity；　a　cold　and　passionless　voice　once　it　was　directed　away　from　the　closed　circle　of　mother　and　child　and　out　toward　Jack。　It　was　a　voice　that　spoke　of　self…preservation　only　after　son…preservation　and　its　question　was：　（Exactly　how　dangerous　is　he？）　He　had　denied　doing　it。　He　had　been　horrified　at　the　bruises；　at　Danny's　soft　and　implacable　disconnection。　If　he　had　done　it；　a　separate　section　of　himself　had　been　responsible。　The　fact　that　he　had　done　it　when　he　was　asleep　was…in　a　terrible；　twisted　way…encouraging。　Wasn't　it　possible　that　he　could　be　trusted　to　get　them　out　of　here？　To　get　them　down　and　away。　And　after　that　。　。　。
　　But　she　could　see　no　further　than　she　and　Danny　arriving　safe　at　Dr。　Edmonds's　office　in　Sidewinder。　She　had　no　particular　need　to　see　further。　The　present　crisis　was　more　than　enough　to　keep　her　occupied。
　　She　crooned　to　Danny；　rocking　him　on　her　breasts。　Her　fingers；　on　his　shoulder；　had　noticed　that　his　T…shirt　was　damp；　but　they　had　not　bothered　reporting　the　information　to　her　brain　in　more　than　a　cursory　way。　If　it　had　been　reported；　she　might　have　remembered　that　Jack's　hands；　as　he　had　hugged　her　in　the　office　and　sobbed　against　her　neck；　bad　been　dry。　It　might　have　given　her　pause。　But　her　mind　was　still　on　other　things。　The　decision　had　to　be　made…to　approach　Jack　or　not？
　　Actually　it　was　not　much　of　a　decision。　There　was　nothing　she　could　do　alone；　not　even　carry　Danny　down　to　the　office　and　call　for　help　on　the　CB　radio。　He　had　suffered　a　great　shock。　He　ought　to　be　taken　out　quickly　before　any　permanent　damage　could　be　done。　She　refused　to　let　herself　believe　that　permanent　damage　might　already　have　been　done。
　　And　still　she　agonized　over　it；　looking　for　another　alternative。　She　did　not　want　to　put　Danny　back　within　Jack's　reach。　She　was　aware　now　that　she　had　made　one　bad　decision　when　she　had　gone　against　her　feelings　（and　Danny's）　and　allowed　the　snow　to　close　them　in　。　。　。　for　Jack's　sake。　Another　bad　decision　when　she　had　shelved　the　idea　of　divorce。　Now　she　was　nearly　paralyzed　by　the　idea　that　she　might　be　making　another　mistake；　one　she　would　regret　every　minute　of　every　day　of　the　rest　of　her　life。
　　There　was　not　a　gun　in　the　place。　There　were　knives　hanging　from　the　magnetized　runners　in　the　kitchen；　but　Jack　was　between　her　and　them。
　　In　her　striving　to　make　the　right　decision；　to　find　the　alternative；　the　bitter　irony　of　her　thoughts　did　not　occu