el.angeleyes-第73节

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　Now；　as　Valeri　set　their　breakfast　on　the　table；　Irina　found　that　she　had　no　appetite。　Valeri　watched　her　toy　with　her　food；　said；　〃I　want　you　to　break　off　your　relationship　with　Mars。〃
　Irina　felt　her　heart　skip　a　beat。　　''I　can't　do　that；''　she　said。
　〃You　not　only　can；　you　will。〃　Valeri　tore　off　a　chunk　of　black　bread；　took　a　bite　of　it。　〃That's　an　order。〃
　Irina　looked　up　at　him。　〃Why　are　you　doing　this？〃
　〃I　made　a　mistake；〃　Valeri　said。　〃It's　as　simple　as　that。〃
　〃Don't　lie　to　me。〃
　He　raked　some　of　the　sauteed　cucumber　onto　his　bread；　dipped　it　into　a　pool　of　pale　yellow　yogurt。
　Irina　said；　〃Whatever　your　motives　are　for　wanting　me　to　stop　seeing　Mars　Volkov；　they're　far　from　simple。　I　don't　know　what's　going　on　in　your　mind…I　never　do…but　it's　sure　to　be　convoluted。〃
　〃I　don't　want　you　getting　involved。　Isn't　that　simple　enough　for　you？　Nothing　convoluted　there。〃
　''You　sent　me　off　to　Mars　to　get　involved…〃
　〃I　did　no　such　thing！〃　his　outburst　was　so　vehement　that　Irina　jumped。　〃Don't　you　understand　anything？〃　he　said　in　a　more　normal　tone　of　voice。　〃I　wanted　him　involved　with　you；　not　the　other　way　around。　Now　I　think　I've　made　a　fundamental　error　in　sending　you　into　the　lion's　lair。　I　think；　Irina；　that　the　lion's　had　you　for　supper。''
　〃You're　judging　me　unfairly。　You　think　I'm　weak；　a　pushover　for　whomever…〃
　〃Mars　Petrovich　isn't　just　anybody！〃　Valeri　thundered。
　Irina　could　not　bring　herself　to　look　into　his　face。　She　felt　disoriented　by　this　conversation。　Valeri　her　protector？　No；　no！　He　was　KGB；　he　was　lying；　always　tying。　She　steeled　herself。
　〃I　can　take　care　of　myself；〃　she　said。
　〃Perhaps　from　your　point　of　view；〃　he　said。　〃Not　from　mine。〃
　〃But　my　point　of　view　must　have　some　validity！''　she　cried。　〃You　can't　think　of　me　as　just　a　method　to　unlock　Mars's　secrets！〃
　〃Of　course　I　don't。〃　He　finished　off　his　bread　and　cucumbers；　wiped　his　fingers。　〃That's　why　I　want　you　away　from　his　influence。　It's　clear　to　me　that　you　haven't　the　willpower　to　resist　his　movie…star　charisma。〃
　〃That's　a　typically　male　thing　to　say。　Women　don't　fall　in　love　with　men　just　because　they're　handsome。〃
　〃Charisma；〃　Valeri　said；　〃is　more　than　skin　deep。〃　He　grunted。　〃Take　it　from　me。　It's　my　business　to　know　such　things。〃
　〃Well；　whatever　you　may　think；　I'm　not　in　love　with　Mars　Volkov。〃
　〃Then　what　have　you　been　doing　with　him？　Fucking　his　brains　out　and　that's　all？''
　Irina　stood　up。　〃Why　you…〃　She　was　trembling　with　rage；　but　could　not　find　the　words　to　hurl　back　in　his　face。
　〃Sit　down；　Irina；〃　Valeri　said　in　a　softer　tone　of　voice。　〃I　haven't　called　you　a　whore。〃
　〃No。　But　I　imagine　that's　next〃
　Valeri　watched　her。　〃It　seems　to　me　that　you　enjoy　it　when　we　make　love。〃
　Irina　sat　back　down。　〃I　do；〃　she　said。　It　sickened　her　to　think　that　it　was　the　truth。
　〃Irina；　I　don't　want　to　fight　with　you。〃
　〃What　is　it　you　want；　then？〃
　〃Can't　you　see　that　I'm　trying　to　protect　you？〃
　〃Protect　me？〃　If　she　were　not　so　afraid　of　him；　she　would　have　laughed　in　his　face。　〃From　what？〃
　〃Mars　Volkov　is　the　enemy。　He　wants　to　destroy　me。　I　think　perhaps　you've　forgotten　that。〃
　〃I　have　forgotten　nothing；〃　she　said；　angry　despite　herself。
　〃Irina；　what's　happened　to　you？〃
　〃Nothing；　I'm　just…〃　With　a　chill　that　froze　her　soul；　she　realized　how　dangerous　Valeri　could　be；　and　knew　she　was　taking　the　wrong　tack　with　him。　〃I'm　tired；　that's　all。　The　strain　of　keeping　up　pretenses；　of　lying　to　Mars；　of　having　to　remember　through　layers　of　identities；　has　frayed　my　nerves。　Sometimes　I'm　not　sure　who　I　am　anymore。〃
　Valeri　nodded。　〃You　see？　Your　own　mind　is　telling　you　that　you　weren't　cut　out　to　be　a　spy。　And　that's　all　the　more　reason　for　you　to　break　it　off　with　him。　Now。　Do　you　understand　me；　Irina？　I　see　that　I　gave　you　more　than　you　can　handle；　and　I'm　sincerely　sorry　for　that。　Now　I　want　you　to　forget　all　about　Mars　Volkov。　I'll　think　of　another　way　to　get　to　him。　I'm　not　about　to　sacrifice　you；　nothing's　that　important；　not　even　Volkov。〃
　Now　Irina　had　no　choice　but　to　look　at　him。　She　could　barely　think　straight。　〃What　are　you　saying？〃
　Valeri　pushed　his　plate　away。　〃You　must　know　how　I　feel　about　you。　Haven't　I　made　it　perfectly　clear　every　time　we　make　love？〃
　〃Valeri；　I…〃
　〃I　care　for　you；　Irina。〃　His　hand　enfolded　hers。　〃I　made　a　terrible　mistake　in　trying　to　use　you　against　Mars　Petrovich。　My　overwhelming　desire　to　destroy　him　put　you　in　grave　danger；　and　I'm　ashamed　of　myself　for　doing　that。　That's　why　I　must　take　you　out　of　harm's　way　now…immediately…before　you're　in　too　deep　for　me　to　get　you　out。〃
　His　voice　was　so　soft；　go　gentle；　that　Irina　felt　her　disorientation　return。　She　felt　her　original　desire　for　him　rising　and；　with　it；　her　own　power　waning。　Again　she　had　to　remind　herself　of　what　Valeri　really　was　behind　this　pelling；　seductive　mask。　The　specter　of　the　papers　Mars　had　shown　her；　revealing　Valeri's　true　identity；　rose　up；　towering　over　everything；　and　Irina　shuddered　inside；　clamping　down　on　all　feeling；　concentrating　on　what　she　must　do　to　help　Mars　destroy　Valeri。
　I　have　not　told　Mars　Natasha's　name；　Irina　said　to　herself；　so　I　have　not　betrayed　her。
　She　was　standing　on　a　corner　later　that　day；　concealed　within　the　shadows　of　an　ornate　doorway。　She　was　watching　Valeri　and　Natasha　Mayakova　talking　in　the　lobby　of　the　old　Moscow　Arts　Theater。
　She　no　longer　felt　the　intense　jealousy　she　once　had　at　their　clandestine　meetings。　But；　then；　she　no　longer　felt　the　same　way　about　Valeri　Bondasenko。　Now　he　revolted　her。
　Or　did　he？　Then　how　is　it；　she　asked　herself；　that　you　adore　him　when　he　makes　love　to　you？
　Irina　had　tried　all　morning　to　answer　that　question。　There　seemed　an　essential　paradox　in　all　her　relations　that　she　was　not　understanding　or　seeing。　It　nagged　at　her；　she　felt　as　if　her　thoughts　were　spinning　around　in　circles。　She　understood　dimly　that　she　no　longer　seemed　capable　of　distinguishing　right　from　wrong；　good　from　evil。　It　was　wrong　to　continue　sleeping　with　Valeri；　knowing　what　she　knew　about　him。　She　had　told　herself　that　she　did　not　want　to　go　back　to　him；　and　she　had　meant　it。　Yet　the　moment　she　did　go　back　to　him；　the　moment　he　put　his　arms　around　her；　her　insides　turned　to　water　and　the　sexual　hunger　inside　took　over。　Did　that　make　her　evil；　as　well？　Even　her　devotions　at　the　Church　of　the　Archangel　Gabriel　were　no　longer　of　any　solace。
　In　an　intense　spasm　of　guilt；　Irina　imagined　Valeri　in　a　black　leather　trench　coat；　and　thought。　You　are　doing　a　first…rate　job　of　scaring　yourself。
　But　she　was　also　frightened　for　Natasha。　Did　she　know　what　kind　of　man　Valeri　was？　Did　she　know　that　she　was　kissing　a　colonel　in　the　KGB　when　she　met　with　him　once　a　week　in　the　afternoon？
　The　last　time　they　had　met；　Irina　had　followed　Valeri　when　he　had　left　her。　But　he　had　merely　returned　to　his　office；　staying　there　the　rest　of　the　day；　except　for　when　he　appeared　at　the　Congress　of　Peoples'　Deputies。
　Irina　watched　Valeri　now；　saying　good…bye　to　Natasha。　I　care　for　you；　Irina。　I　made　a　terrible　mistake　in　trying　to　use　you　against　Mars　Petrovich；　he　had　said。　More　lies。
　If　she　were　going　to　be　truthful　with　herself；　Irina　had　to　admit　that　she　could　not　read　Valeri　at　all。　How　did　he　really　feel　about　her？　Why　had　he　seduced　her？　What　was　it　he　wanted　from　her？　Did　he　care　about　her？　But；　no；　that　was　impossible。
　She　concentrated　more　deeply。　She　wanted　to　think　like　a　spy；　to　prove　him　wrong　when　he　had　told　her　she　wasn't　cut　out　to　be　a　spy；　so　she　worked　at　getting　inside　his　head。　He　seemed　to　be　a　bundle　of　contradictions。　If　he　had　picked　her　up　in　order　to　use　her　against　Mars；　then　why　had　he　suddenly　ordered　her　away　from　Mars？　Had　something　changed？　Was　she　missing　a　step　in　the　equation？　She　could　not　say。　She　only　knew　one　thing：　she　did　want　a　measure　of　revenge　on　the　KGB　for　what　they　had　done　to　her　father；　to　her　entire　family。
　Irina　had　never　before　dreamed　she　would　be　in　a　position　to　exact　revenge；　but　her　relationship　with　Mars　had　changed　all　that。　She　saw　clearly　how　she　could　use　his　power　to　destroy　Valeri。　Some　kind　of　evil　animal　was　whimpering　inside　her；　re…creating　the　scents；　the　emotions　of　sex。　How　can　you　think　of　destroying　all　this？　the　evil　animal　said。　Are　you　mad？
　Irina　blinked。　How　long　had　she　been　standing　here？　She　took　a　step　out　of　the　shadows；　then　immediately　retreated。　Across　the　street　Natasha　was　emerging　from　the　old　Moscow　Arts　Theater。
　She　glanced　at　her　watch。　Now　that's　interesting；　she　thought。　Rehearsals　aren't　half　over　with　yet。　Where　can　she　be　going？
　Irina　set　off　after　Natasha；　watching　as　she　headed　up　Gorky　Street；　through　the　crowds。　At　the　last　instant　Natasha　ducked　into　Druzhba；　the　Freedom　bookstore。　Irina　waited　a　moment；　then　followed　her　inside。
　The　bookstore　was　crowded　with　tourists；　but　Irina　did　not　see　Natasha。　She　went　quickly　through　the　store　and　out　the　back；　caught　a　glimpse　of　Natasha　turning　a　corner。　Irina　hurried　after　her　and　found　herself；　more　or　less；　back　at　the　old　Moscow　Arts　Theater。　There　she　saw　Natasha　getting　into　a　black　Zil　which　pulled　immediately　out　into　the　street。
　Irina　turned　away　as　the　car　passe