el.angeleyes-第48节

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ind。
　''The　presence　of　God；''　said　the　Hero；　〃is　something　we　all　feel。　It's　what　binds　the　four　of　us；　even　though　four　more　divergent　creatures　could　hardly　exist　in　one　place。　Or　perhaps　it's　our　belief　in　Him　that　has　brought　us　together。''
　''I　don't　want　to　speak　about　God；''　Mars　said。
　''Then　by　all　means；　we'll　change　the　subject；''　the　Hero　said　sardonically。　〃I　wouldn't　want　you　to　feel　disfited　in　any　way。〃　He　smiled；　although　it　was　hardly　a　benign　expression。　〃But　before　we　do；　I'll　say　one　thing　more。　I've　got　your　weakness　down　pat。〃
　Mars　found　to　his　shame　that　his　mouth　was　dry。　He　longed　for　a　glass　of　water；　but　to　ask　Lara　to　get　him　one　would　be　unthinkable；　he　could　just　imagine　the　Hero　laughing　at　him。　〃And　what　is　that？〃　he　managed　to　get　out。
　〃It's　essentially　this：　you　don't　know　what　happened　to　me　up　there；　so　no　matter　what　stories　I　give　you；　no　matter　what　I　say；　you　cannot　altogether　disbelieve　me。　Because；　even　though　I　don't　think　of　myself　as　God；　in　one　sense　I've　bee　like　God。　You　know　absolutely　nothing　about　me。〃
　〃You're　a　man；　just　like　I'm　a　man。　We're　both　human　beings；　nothing　more。〃　But　Mars　said　this　with　far　more　conviction　than　he　felt。
　〃You　know；　Volkov；　the　two　of　us　remind　me　of　a　pair　of　rival　Spanish　Gypsies。　We've　challenged　each　other　to　a　duel。　We're　bound　together　by　a　six…foot　cord。　But　we've　somehow　lost　our　stabbing　knives；　our　conventional　weapons；　and　now　we're　desperately　trying　to　e　up　with　an　alternate　way　inside　each　other's　defenses。　Stalemate。〃　That　smile；　hard　as　steel；　widening。　〃Or　is　it？　Have　you　figured　it　out　yet？　Haven't　you　seen　its　shape　emerging　from　the　darkness？　Hasn't　our　duel；　rather；　evolved　into　a　war　of　wits？　〃
　〃We're　not　on　opposite　sides；〃　Mars　said。　〃I'm　not　sure　where　you　got　the　idea　that　I　am　your　enemy。''
　The　Hero　said　nothing。　He　was　watching　Arbat　in　the　pool。
　〃What　do　you　and　the　dolphin　talk　about？〃　Mars　said　suddenly。
　〃Arbat。〃
　〃Arbat；〃　Mars　conceded。
　''We　discuss　the　universe；''　the　Hero　said；　still　looking　at　the　dolphin。　〃The　plexity　of　existence；　the　diversity　of　knowledge。　We　also　contemplate　the　nature　of　death。〃
　Mars　was　staring　at　Lara；　but　apparently　she　did　not　think　this　exchange　at　all　amusing　or　even　odd。　Mars　abruptly　felt　an　acute　sense　of　dislocation。　What　is　going　on　here？　he　asked　himself。　One　of　us　in　this　room　appears　to　be　mad；　but　the　curious　thing　is；　I　don't　know　who　it　is。
　〃What　happened　up　there；　in　space；　in　Odin…Galaktika　II？〃　Mars　said。　〃We　lost　contact　with　you；　the　event　took　place。　I　know　it　was　a　long　time　ago…〃
　〃Not　for　me；〃　the　Hero　said。　〃It　happened　yesterday。〃
　〃Well；　I　know；　in　some　circumstances　it　must　seem　like…〃
　〃It　happened　yesterday；〃　the　Hero　repeated。　He　raised　his　hands；　cupped　them　into　a　hollow　sphere。　〃Because　I've　learned　how　to　bend　time　in　the　same　way　you've　learned　how　to　bend　light　rays。〃
　And　that　was　another　of　his　disconcerting；　dislocating　idiosyncrasies。　The　Него　kept　saying　〃you〃　instead　of　〃us；〃　as　if　he　no　longer　belonged　to　the　human　race。
　''How　many　times　in　the　past　fifteen　months　since　I　came　out　of　the　a　have　you　asked　me　what　happened？　And　how　many　times　have　I　told　you？〃
　Too　many　to　count；　Mars　thought。　The　trouble　was；　no　one　believed　him。　How　could　they？
　He　said；　〃Nevertheless；　I'd　appreciate　it　if　you　would　tell　me　again。〃
　〃Again？〃　the　Hero　asked。　〃Or　one　more　time？〃
　The　two　men　grinned　at　each　other；　and　Mars　thought。　He's　quite　right；　this　is　a　war　of　wits。　I　must　ensure　that　he　doesn't　win　it。
　''We　had　put　the　Mars　module　ponents　together　in　Earth's　orbit；〃　the　Hero　began。　〃Everything　was　going　just　fine。　We　were　working　well　together。　I　guess；　in　the　end；　you　were　right　in　paring　the　crew　down　from　ten　to　two。　We　never　would　have　made　it　in　such　a　huge　module。　It　was　very　difficult　putting　together　the　sections　of　the　smaller　module　you　sent　up　in　different　payloads。
　〃We　blasted　out　of　Earth's　orbit　into　the　Mars　injection　trajectory。　We　began　the　next　phase　of　the　mission。　We　were　well　past　the　gravitational　pull　of　the　Moon。　How　incredible　it　was　to　see　that　satellite　up　close。　For　those　moments　of　the　flyby；　I　was　a　child　again；　staring　up　through　a　clear　winter's　sky　and　wondering；　What's　it　like　up　there？　Now　I　knew；　and　it　was　giving　me　the　chills。　I　was　actually　sick　from　the　sight　of　it；　as　if　it　were　too　much　to　take　in；　as　if　I　were　Moses　approaching　the　burning　bush。　But；　of　course；　I　was　wrong。　That　would　e　later。
　〃We　were　in　deep　space。　Mars　was　beckoning　us　like　a　red　titan。　We　slept　like　dead　men。　We　were　told　that　would　happen　on　a　mission　of　almost　three　years。　Day　fatigue　sets　in。　Because　we　were　hooked　up　to　Mission　Control；　you　knew　just　when　we　were　awake　and　when　we　were　asleep。　The　funny　thing　was　that　I　never　dreamed。　I　know　I've　said　this　over　and　over　to　the　psychiatrists　and　they　don't　believe　me　because　the　hard　medical　evidence　refutes　it。　They　told　me　your　readouts　showed　I　had　REM　every　night　cycle。　They　insisted　I　dreamed；　that　I　just　never　remembered　my　dreams。　Well；　I　may　have　had　rapid　eye　movement；　but　I　tell　you　that　I　did　not　dream。　I　have　always　remembered　my　dreams；　ever　since　I　was　a　little　boy。　And　I　think　now　that　one　reason　I　didn't　dream　was　because　I　felt　as　if　I　was　dreaming　while　I　was　awake。
　〃Another　thing　is　that　the　psychiatrists　said　I　talk　altogether　too　much　about　dreams。　They　say　I'm　fixated　on　dreams。　But　in　the　scheme　of　what　happened　to　me　up　there；　I'm　convinced　that　not　dreaming　is　significant；　even　if　no　one　else　does。　I　know　they　think　I'm　lying　or；　at　least；　delusional　about　what　happened　during　the　event。　Otherwise　I　wouldn't　still　be　here；　and　you　wouldn't　continue　to　interrogate　me。　I　know　what　you're　like。　You　hate　a　mystery；　you'll　tear　apart　heaven　and　earth　to　solve　it。〃
　The　Hero　abruptly　began　to　laugh；　continuing　in　a　crescendo。　Through　his　tears　he　gasped；　〃Heaven　and　earth；　that's　very；　very　funny。　I　don't　know　what's　e　over　me。　Before　I　lifted　off；　I　never　had　much　of　a　sense　of　humor。　Who　knows；　perhaps　being　suspended　between　heaven　and　a　living　hell　will　do　that　for　you。〃
　Mars　felt　he　had　to　pierce　the　encroaching　silence　before　it　got　impenetrable。　〃What　happened　to　Gregor？〃　he　said。
　〃No　names！〃　the　Hero　shouted。　He　was　extremely　agitated。　〃Goddamnit；　I　told　you！　I　warned　you！　But　you're　a　thick　son…uvabiteh；　you　never　listen！　Now　fuck　off！〃
　〃I'm　sorry；〃　Mars　said。　〃I　apologize。　I　forgot。〃
　〃Like　hell　you　did。''　The　Hero　turned　away；　began　an　inprehensible　conversation　of　clicks　with　Arbat。
　Mars　looked　at　Lara。　Her　face　was　calm；　firm。　Did　he　see　the　hint　of　a　rebuke　in　her　expression？
　He　tried　again。　''What　should　we　call　your　partner　who　died？　Odysseus；　did　you　hear　me？〃
　〃Menelaus；〃　the　Hero　said；　without　turning　away　from　Arbat。
　〃All　right。　What　happened　to　Menelaus？〃
　〃He　died；〃　the　Hero　said　suddenly。　〃He　was　outside。　We　were　both　suited　up；　although　I　was　still　inside　the　vehicle。　It　was　a　typical　EVA；　planned　way　in　advance。　Everything　was　fine。　Until　。　。　。〃He　was　silent　for　a　long　time。　〃What　I　think　happened　was　that　we　encountered　some　kind　of　storm　in　the　form　of　a　shower　of　tiny　particles；　like　minuscule　meteors。　I　heard　a　hollow　sound；　like　someone　throwing　a　handful　of　sand　at　the　vehicle's　hull。　Then　I　heard　his　voice。　It　was　already　breaking　up；　and　I　knew　it　was　an　emergency。　I　put　on　my　helmet；　got　out　of　the　airlock　as　quickly　as　I　could。
　〃What　I　saw　。　。　。　his　helmet　had　been　pierced　by　the　burst　of　cosmic　storm。　We　were　hanging　in　darkness；　but　there　was　this　light　all　around。　I　don't　mean　starlight；　that's　separate　and　distinct。　I　saw　what　had　happened　to　him　in　the　illumination　of　this　。　。　。　light　between　the　stars。　His　visor　had　been　riddled　by　the　sand　of　space　or　of　a　far　distant　world。　Who　knows　the　truth？　We　never　will；　that's　for　certain。
　〃All　the　atmosphere；　the　pressure；　had　been　sucked　out　of　his　EVA　suit　in　the　time　it　took　me　to　get　to　him。　He　was　hanging　there；　at　the　end　of　his　umbilical。　The　expulsion　from　inside　his　suit　had　created　a　force；　and　he　was　spinning；　spinning。　His　eyes　were　staring　straight　ahead；　and　he　was　。。。　I　don't　know　how　to　say　this　properly　because　it　was　so　horrible　。。。　he　was　smiling；　as　if　in　defiance　of　the　bruises　and　contusions　that　puckered　his　face　like　the　seas　of　the　Moon。　Then　I　had　him；　stopped　his　spinning　and　drew　him　back　toward　the　vehicle。　I　knew　he　was　dead。　I　knew　there　was　nothing　I　could　do　for　him。
　〃Then　I　got　a　good　look　at　his　face。　It　was　as　if；　I　don't　know；　something　had　blasted　his　eyes。　At　first　I　assumed　some　of　the　cosmic　sand　had　penetrated　him。　But　then　I　knew　that　couldn't　be　because　only　his　eyes　were　affected。〃
　Silence　again；　and　Mars　was　obliged　to　say；　〃What　happened　to　Menelaus's　eyes？　What　did　you　see　there？〃
　The　Hero　put　his　head　down。　〃What's　the　use　of　going　on？　You　won't　believe　me　because　your　forensic　evidence　contradicts　my　story。〃
　〃No。　The　evidence　doesn't　corroborate　what　you've　told　us。　That　isn't　the　same　thing。　Forensics　on　Menelaus　were　utterly　inconclusive。　The　truth　is；　we　could　tell　nothing　from　his　corpse。　It　was　as　if　it　had　been　wiped　clean　of　ev