el.angeleyes-第36节

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in　for　the　first　time　in　ten　years　with　a　Yakuza　oyabun　at　her　side。
　She　met　him　in　his　office；　late　in　the　day；　after　his　last　class　had　ended。　As　his　secretary　announced　her；　Honno　felt　a　hol…lowness　in　the　pit　of　her　stomach；　the　fluttering；　almost　humiliating　sense　of　being　brought　before　a　judge；　as　if　the　first　thing　Giin　might　say　to　her　was；　〃Well；　my　dear；　what　have　you　done　with　your　life　since　you　left　me？〃
　In　fact；　he　said　nothing。　He　was　grading　test　papers　when　she　was　shown　into　his　office。　It　was　no　more　than　a　cubicle；　really；　windowless；　almost　airless。　It　was　jammed　with　books；　papers；　bound　galleys；　gigantic　reference　works。
　Giin　sat　behind　an　anonymous　desk。　He　wore　an　anonymous　dark　suit；　his　gray　hair　neatly　parted；　his　round　wire　spectacles　shining　in　the　glare　of　the　overhead　lights。　He　did　not　look　up　when　she　came　in；　and　she　thought　that　rude。　Somehow；　this　increased　her　sense　of　humiliation。　But　by　now　Honno　had　concluded　that　she　felt　as　humiliated　for　him　as　she　did　for　herself。　Until　this　moment　she　did　not　appreciate　how　difficult　this　interview　might　be　for　him。
　She　had　left　him　abruptly；　unforgivably；　after　agreeing　to　marry　him；　after　he　had　made　her　an　integral　part　of　his　life；　introduced　her　to　his　family　and　his　friends。　And；　worst　of　all；　she　had　done　so　without　so　much　as　a　word　of　explanation。　But　how　could　she　have　told　him　that　she　refused　to　marry　an　inveterate　gambler？　It　would　have　been　too　shameful　for　herself　and　for　him。
　Now；　looking　at　him　in　this　tiny　office；　grading　papers　of　students　who；　no　doubt；　would　never　fathom　the　depths　of　his　genius；　Honno　felt　her　cheeks　burning。　She　sat　silently；　to　meekly　wait　out　his　silence　so　that　he　could　regain　a　measure　of　the　face　she　had　robbed　him　of　ten　years　ago。
　When；　at　last；　he　judged　the　silence　to　be　of　appropriate　duration；　Giin　said；　〃So；　I　understand　that　you　have　married。　Are　you　happy？〃
　〃Of　course　I　am！〃　Honno　exclaimed；　and　immediately　regretted　her　response。　〃That　is；　Eikichi　Kansei　is　a　good　husband。〃
　For　me　first　time　Giin　lifted　his　head。　Honno　could　see　his　eyes　behind　the　lenses　of　his　spectacles。　He　stared　directly　at　her；　and　she　seemed　to　wither；　so　intimidating　was　his　gaze。　For　an　instant　she　even　wished；　crazily；　that　she　had　allowed　Big　Ezoe　to　e　with　her。　But　it　was　only　anger；　and　a　hurt　she　knew　she　had　no　right　to　feel；　so　she　closed　off　both　these　emotions；　sealing　them　behind　the　facade　all　Japanese　learn　to　construct　almost　from　the　moment　they　are　born。　
　〃It　is　good　to　see　you；　Giin；〃　she　ventured。　
　〃It　has　been　a　very　long　time；〃　he　said；　and　she　tried　not　to　wince。　〃A　lifetime　for　some。〃
　〃How　have　you　been？〃　Honno　was　now　dreading　his　every　response。
　Giin　raised　his　hands；　indicating　his　jammed　cubicle。　〃This　is　how　I　am。〃
　〃Have　you　married？〃　
　''There　was　no　need　to　after　you　left。''　
　〃I…〃　Honno's　nerve　faltered。　In　the　face　of　his　pain　and　anger；　what　was　there　to　say？
　〃I　am　pleased　that　you　have　found　a　life　for　yourself；〃　Giin　said　in　a　lighter　tone。　〃You　seemed　so　lost；　so　confused　when　I　knew　you。　I　tried　to　help　you　with　these　things；　but　perhaps　I　did　not　know　how　to　unlock　the　riddle　of　you。〃　He　smiled；　and　Honno　was　reminded　of　the　man　she　had　once　known。　〃That's　ironic；　don't　you　think；　considering　my　expertise　in　solving　problems？　But　my　work　then　involved　cryptograms；　codes；　mathematical　formulae。　plex　matters；　to　be　sure；　but　nevertheless；　cut　and　dried。　The　truth　is；　I　was　never　much　good　at　handling　people；　or　understanding　them；　for　that　matter。　Perhaps　that's　where　we　went　wrong。〃　
　〃Yes；〃　Honno　said；　lowering　her　head。　〃Perhaps。〃　
　〃That's　why　I　decided　to　e　here　to　the　university；〃　Giin　said　sometime　later。　〃Here　I　am　not　only　surrounded　by　people；　I　am　forced　to　interact　with　them。　I　suppose　it　was　my　way　of　admitting　my　faults；　of　trying　to　remake　myself。〃
　When　Honno　said　nothing；　he　continued；　〃I'm　glad　you　agreed　to　have　dinner　with　me。　I　know　I　was　rude　to　you　earlier；　but　it　was　only　my　shock；　and　my　shame　at　remembering。〃
　Honno　forced　herself　to　look　at　him。
　〃I've　stopped　gambling；　you　see；〃　Giin　said。　〃Eventually；　I　came　to　understand　how　pernicious　it　was；　how　utterly　it　had　ruined　my　life。　It　cost　me　my　job；　some　of　my　friends。　When　I　saw　what　I　had　been　reduced　to；　my　first　thought　was　of　you；　and　how　grateful　I　was　that　you　had　left；　so　that　I　could　not　drag　you　down　with　me。　I　never　would　have　forgiven　myself　if　that　had　happened。〃
　〃I　don't　know　what　to　say；〃　Honno　said；　which　was　the　truth。　Giin's　abrupt…and　unexpected…confession　had　caught　her　quite　by　surprise。　Her　thoughts　were　in　chaos。　And　her　emotions　。　。　。　My　God；　she　thought；　the　attraction　is　still　there；　deeply　buried　but　unmistakable。　She　was　utterly　horrified　by　this　thought；　but　no　matter　what　inner　contortions　she　went　through；　she　was　unsuccessful　in　suppressing　it。　I　am　happily　married　now；　she　reminded　herself。　It　did　not　seem　to　matter。　This　was　not　what　she　had　expected。　She　could　see　the　love　in　his　eyes；　which　he　had　never　let　die。　Something　unknown　inside　her　was　melting。
　〃You're　not　required　to　say　anything；〃　Giin　said　gently。　〃You　are　only　required　to　sit　here　so　that　I　can　look　at　you　once　more　for　as　long　as　the　night　will　last。〃
　〃You　did　what！〃　Big　Ezoe　said。
　〃I　gave　him　the　ledgers；〃　Honno　said。
　〃I　can't　believe　it！〃
　It　was　the　next　evening。　Honno　had　e　to　Big　Ezoe's　warehouse。
　〃But　that　was　the　plan；〃　Honno　said。　〃It　was　what　I　was　supposed　to　do。〃
　〃You　were　supposed　to　tell　him　about　the　existence　of　the　ledgers！　See　if　he'd　agree　to　crack　the　code　for　us！〃
　'　'But　he　did　agree；''　Honno　said。　''And　stop　shouting　at　me。〃
　〃I'll　stop　shouting；〃　Big　Ezoe　shouted；　〃when　we　get　those　ledgers　back　from　him！''
　〃You　should　have　seen　Giin。　He　was　so　eager　to　get　back　to　what　he　had　been　doing　years　ago。　That's　why　I　gave　him　the　ledgers　right　away。''
　〃Your　eyes　are　shining；〃　Big　Ezoe　said。　〃It's　disgusting。〃
　Honno　laughed。　''You　have　no　right　to　speak　to　me　that　way。　And　why　should　you　care？　Are　you　envious？〃
　〃Of　what？　A　beaten…down　old　gambler？〃
　〃He　doesn't　gamble　anymore；〃　Honno　said；　somewhat　stiffly。
　Big　Ezoe's　eyes　narrowed。　〃Where　did　you　hear　that？〃
　〃Giin　told　me　himself。　He　confessed…〃
　Big　Ezoe　groaned。　〃And　you；　you　little　lovestruck　girl；　believed　him。〃
　〃Of　course；　I…〃
　〃Fool！〃
　〃Don't…〃
　〃But　you　are　a　fool；　Mrs。　Kansei。〃
　Angry　and　confused　now；　Honno　said；　〃Would　you　kindly　tell　me　what's　going　on？〃
　〃It's　simple；〃　Big　Ezoe　said。　〃He's　conned　you。〃
　〃No；　you're　wrong；〃　Honno　said。　〃I　know　Giin。〃
　〃And　I　know　gamblers。　They　don't　change。　Ever。　They　only　say　they　do。　I'm　afraid；　Mrs。　Kansei；　when　it　es　to　human　nature；　you've　got　a　lot　to　learn。〃
　〃If　you'd　stop　making　generalizations；〃　Honno　said；　〃you'd　be　far　better　off。〃
　Big　Ezoe　shook　his　head。　〃I　see　you　need　to　be　convinced；〃　he　said。　〃Do　you　know　where　he　lives？〃　And　when　Honno　nodded；　he　ordered；　〃Take　me　there。〃
〃Now？〃
　〃Right　now！〃　Big　Ezoe　said；　taking　her　arm　and　guiding　her　out　of　his　office。
　〃There's　no　answer；〃　Honno　said；　ringing　the　bell　to　Giin's　apartment　for　the　third　time。　''He　must　be　out　to　dinner。''
　Big　Ezoe　grunted。　〃Sure　he　is。〃　He　extracted　a　length　of　metal　from　his　pocket；　slid　it　deftly　into　the　lock。　As　he　began　to　manipulate　it；　Honno　said；　〃What　are　you　doing？〃
　〃What　does　it　look　like？〃　Big　Ezoe　said；　turning　the　knob　and　opening　the　door　inward。
　As　they　stepped　across　the　threshold；　Honno　said；　〃Isn't　there　a　law　against　this　sort　of　thing？''
　〃If　there　is；〃　Big　Ezoe　said；　〃I'm　not　aware　of　it。〃
　He　closed　the　door　behind　them；　turned　on　the　light。　Honno　gasped。　Big　Ezoe　said；　〃Shit！〃
　Giin's　apartment　was　in　chaos。　Furniture　was　upended；　drawers　were　thrown　here　and　there；　their　contents　strewn　around　the　floor。　Cushions　were　ripped；　as　were　sections　of　the　carpet。　The　mess　extended　throughout　the　three　rooms　of　the　small　apartment。
　〃In　the　name　of　heaven；　what　happened　here？''　Honno　said。　
　〃No　Giin；　no　ledgers；〃　Big　Ezoe　said。　He　looked　at　her。　〃They're　both　gone。〃
　Honno　was　horrified。　〃Now　do　you　see　how　wrong　you　were　to　suspect　him？　Someone's　taken　him；　along　with　the　ledgers。　Dear　God；　what　have　I　gotten　him　into？　Giin　could　be　hurt…or　worse！〃　Her　heart　constricted。　There　were　tears　in　her　eyes　as　the　past；　for　so　long　held　in　check；　echoed　through　her　like　a　crack　of　thunder。
　〃Did　you　enjoy　meeting　my　family？〃　Mars　Volkov　asked　Irina。　〃I　hope　you　weren't　bored。〃
　〃Not　in　the　least；〃　she　said。　〃I　adored　every　minute　of　it。〃
　They　were　standing　in　the　smoke…filled　lobby　of　the　old　Moscow　Arts　Theater　during　intermission　of　Chekhov's　Three　Sisters。　Irina　had　recognized　Natasha　Mayakova；　the　actress　Valeri　had　had　the　assignation　with；　the　moment　she　came　on　stage。　There　was　something　about　her　makeup　that　made　her　seem　somehow　sinister；　like　the　Marquise　de　Merteuil；　the　older　woman　in　Dangerous　Liaisons；　the　film　Irina　had　smuggled　back　from　America　on　videocassette。
　Irina　wanted　to　burn　this　Natasha　Mayakova　with　her　eyes；　although　she　could　not　quite　understand　why　she　should　be　so　enraged。　What　could　Valeri　Bondasenko　mean　to　her　now？