pzb.lostsouls-第48节
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A night for reflecting。
A night for thinking of matters ordinarily left untouched; left half…buried in the sludge of the unconscious。 Some nights seem shaped by an unseen dark hand。 Some nights seem made for lying awake; eyes following the cracks and flyspecks on the ceiling; or the dead leaves and flowers pinned there; or the painted stars。 Some nights seem made for plodding through the mind…sludge; poking at swollen and corrupted things; then ruthlessly heaving them over and staring them full in the face。
Some nights are made for torture; or reflection; or the savoring of loneliness。
Zillah lay draped around Nothing。 To someone who lifted the tin roof off the trailer and looked upon the two small figures tangled in the sheets; Zillah's position would have appeared both protective and possessive。 He lay with his cheek against Nothing's smooth hair; and he thought; Mine。 More than anything was before; more than anything will ever be again; this is mine。 My seed; my blood; my soul。
In town; a bad country…and…western band took the stage at the Sacred Yew。 Christian wiped down the bar and tried not to listen to the mournful strains of the Rickenbacker; tried to blot out lyrics like 'This heart was made for drinkin'; not for thinkin'。〃 His mind turned to Zillah and Nothing; to their obsessive incestuous passion for each other。 Well; he asked himself; what difference can it make? Who can it hurt? There are so few of us; and if it stops two souls from being alone; then where is the harm?
He worried for Nothing because he knew Zillah was mad。 Madder even than he had been fifteen years ago at Mardi Gras。 The green light in his eyes was crazier; his passion for violence and pain more evident。 But perhaps the whole race was mad in one way or another。 Surely years upon years of living on the fringes of the world would drive anyone to madness。 Zillah and the others…their madness was that they had grown to love living as nomads; outlaws; murderers。 Their madness made them happy。 And as for Nothing; perhaps being loved by his mad; beautiful father was better than being alone。
In another part of town; out where the pines hung heavy and green; where the October colors of the other trees flamed darkly in the night; where the kudzu marked the passage of the road; Ghost lay curled in bed。 He was aware of Steve in the next room; sleeping the sleep of alcohol; sodden and dreamless。 Steve wasn't drinking se much beer lately。 He had started on Jim Beam instead。 Tonight he had begun by drinking it with tap water and ended up taking straight slugs from the bottle; and by the time Ghost helped him stagger to bed; he had put away a fifth of the stuff。
Steve talked and talked。 Laying blame。 That bitch; he said。 That fucking betraying bitch。 And that green…eyed mother…fucker; I wonder how he'd smirk if somebody cut off his balls 。 。 。
Ghost listened; saying 〃yeah〃 and 〃uh…huh' at the appropriate places。 But where was the point in laying blame? Zillah had bewitched Ann。 Ghost knew from his grandmother that love…spells don't work on people who don't want them; and they are surely the hardest kind of spells to undo once they are done。 And as for Nothing 。 。 。 well; Nothing was home after all; wasn't he? Blood calls to blood。 If Nothing wanted to sleep every night in his father's arms; then Ghost guessed that was what he must do。
He wrapped his arms around his pillow and wondered; What will e of all this? Where will all these lost souls go? But that was not the question he wanted to ask。 What would e; would e。 He reached out with his mind and found Ann in the dark somewhere; wandering by herself; searching for something that would only hurt her if she found it。 Bewitched。 She could not feel his mind brushing hers; would not answer him。 He closed his eyes and tried to will himself to sleep。 He'd been crying a lot lately。 But he didn't want to cry alone in the dark。
As Ghost began to dream; the inhabitants of the trailer on Violin Road congregated in the tiny kitchen and greeted the new night with plastic cups of wine。 At the Sacred Yew; Christian watched the bar clock and counted off the hours until closing time。
Night。
Chapter 22
(Scratch)
(Pop!)
A yellow…orange explosion in the dark。 Steve lit a fat joint that had been rolled from more of Terry's Popacatepetl Purple。 Sparks showered down; flared like tiny nighttime suns among the clamp pine needles; and died。
It was Halloween night; and they were sitting in the tiny Civil War graveyard in the woods behind their house。 Ghost liked to e out here to smoke; to be among the trees and lie on the thick carpet of pine needles。 He liked the gravestones that seemed to sprout like mushrooms from the forest floor; the weathered crosses of wood and granite; the white lambs and winged death's…heads so worn away that they might have been natural outcroppings。
When Steve sucked at the twisted cigarette; its light made his eyes into deep dark pools; threw his sharp nose and chin into spooky shadowed relief。 Ghost took the joint and dragged deeply。 The glow turned his hanging pale hair fiery; suffused his eyes。 He held his breath for a long time; sighed out a great plume of smoke; and leaned back against his favorite gravestone: that of Miles Hummingbird; 1846…1865。 Kinsey's great…great…great…uncle。 A private in the Confederate army; shot somewhere in the Virginia woods on a rainy day near the end of the war; trundled home to North Carolina and buried in the springtime mud。 Miles's gravestone was rough and gray and moldering; and Miles's bones fell softly away to dust below。 In the drifts of his body lay a shell with creamy pink insides; a shell he had carried home from his family's one trip to the shore when he was twelve; a shell his sister had laid in his hands; over his torn chest; a shell with dry tears inside a hundred and twenty years old。
Ghost put his cheek against the cool granite and thought; Is it cold in the shell tonight; Miles?; and Miles's rusty Carolina voice; so very far away; said; It's warm; Ghost。 It's warm and yellow as the sand; and the ocean is the color my sister eyes once were。
〃Blue…green?〃 said Ghost。 〃Like the calm ocean? Or blue…gray; like before a storm?〃 He didn't realize he had spoken aloud until Steve glared at him。
〃Shit。 What a way to spend Halloween; in the graveyard listening to you talk to the spooks。 I ought to be over at R。J。's party with five or six brews already down and another one ready to go。 Not in the damn graveyard getting stoned。〃 Steve lay back in the pine needles with his hands behind his head and regarded the smeary glittering stars that were beginning to appear。 He looked as if he would like to snuff them out。
〃You don't need any beer;〃 Ghost told him。 〃You've been
drinking too much。 Weed clears out your brain。〃
〃You think Ann will be at that party?〃
〃Not if she thinks you will。〃
〃No; I guess not。 I guess she's still hanging around that trailer on Violin Road。 Out where those creeps moved in。〃 Steve was silent for a moment。 〃You know; they never let her in。 I drove past there one day and saw her in their yard。 Thought maybe her car had broken down; so I stopped and asked her if she wanted a ride into town; but she told me to get lost。 Said she was waiting for her true love。〃 He sucked at the joint。 〃I hope they tell her to fuck off。〃
Ghost lay down next to Steve。 〃What did you do?〃
〃I sprayed gravel。 Peeled out of there。 I figured if I hung around; I'd either kill her or that little green…eyed fucker。〃
Ghost heard Steve's knuckles cracking。 〃You don't want to mess with them;〃 he said。
〃'Yeah; I know what you told me。 His face was all healed up; and that means he must be Count Dracula or something。 I don't remember; Ghost I don't know。〃
'Trust me; then。〃
〃Guess I better。 What else have I got to trust?〃 There was no anger in Steve's voice now。 He only sounded sad; and very tired。 A man who wanted to stop thinking。
Ghost would have done anything to make Steve happier。 But what could he do? Unbewitch Ann? Tell Zillah and his crew to get out of town before sunrise? He propped himself on his elbows and shook a few pine needles out of his hair。 The sweet orange smell of singeing pumpkin flesh drifted in from the houses at the edge of the woods。
Ghost wondered if the one…eyed jack…o'…lantern he had carved was still burning on their front porch。 He felt desperate to talk about something; anything else。 〃The lost souls get to e out tonight;〃 he said。
〃Huh? You mean us?〃 The joint had gone out。 Steve lit it again。
〃Uh…uh。〃 Ghost sucked spicy smoke; felt his lungs expand and his brain swirl。 〃All the dark things。 All the sad things and the minds left over from the bodies; the minds who don't know they're dead; the ones with no place to go。〃 He felt his pupils grow larger against the dark。 〃And the evil things; too。〃
〃Now you're trying to give me the creeps。 Well; I can play that game too。 Want me to tell you the story of the Hook again? Huh?〃 The joint had burned down to a quarter inch。 Steve snuffed it and dropped it in the pine needles; then began to cough。 〃Fuck it。 I want a beer。 Let's go ove