ericlustbader.the ninja-第92节
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e spot where he and Yukio had rolled over one another as they had made love。 Of what things Cheong and Itami spoke at those times Nicholas had no idea。
One day he came home from his studies earlier than usual and found the Colonel still outside。 He was huddled inside his old English great coat。 It seemed far too big for him now。
Nicholas skirted the house； went to sit beside him。 He was appalled to see the sharp bones standing out along the ridges of the Colonel's cheeks。
'How are you？' he said。 His breath frosted in a miniature cloud in front of him。
…^Pine；' the Colonel said。 'I am just … tired。' He smiled wistfully。 'Just tired； that's all。' His thin hands fluttered like birds。 The backs were dark with liver spots。 They settled restlessly on his thighs。 'Don't worry about me。 You know； I am thinking of taking your mother away somewhere for a rest。 She's still not got over this thing。 She needs to get away from here for a while。 Forget all about grief。 Your aunt hangs on to her now as if she were her only lifeline。 It isn't fair。〃
'It'll be all right； Dad。'
The Colonel sighed。 'I don't know about that。 The world is changing。 It's bee too plex。 I'll never understand it。 Perhaps you will。 I hope so。' He rubbed his palms up and down his thighs as if they ached。 'Nothing's the way it once was。' He looked away； into the sky。 The last of the geese were moving south in giant vees； two fingers lifted triumphantly： the victory sign。 'I had such dreams when I came here。 There was so much I could have done。'
'And you have。 You've acplished so much。'
'Like ashes；' the Colonel said。 'I feel as if I've done nothing； merely slid with the tide； taken by forces I knew nothing of。' He shook his head。 'I cannot escape the feelings that perhaps I didn't try hard enough。'
'How can you say that？ You gave them everything。 Everything。'
'I thought it was the right thing to do。 Did I do wrong？ I can't say now。 I'm pulled in two directions。 I wish I had given them more； gone to Washington； pleaded our case there。 I wish I had given them less； spent more time with you and your mother。'
Nicholas put his arm around the Colonel's shoulders。 How thin they had bee。 Where had all the hard muscle gone？ Not even to fat。 It had just disappeared。
'It's all right； Dad。' Such an inane phrase； connoting nothing。 He seemed tongue…tied。 'It's all right'
What was it he really wanted to say？
But something irrevocable had taken place in the Colonel's life and it wasn't all right。
Despite repeated trips to the physician； despite a prescription of potent pills； eating and； finally； injections； he continued to lose weight until there was nothing more anyone could do to sustain him。 Ten days after his talk with Nicholas in the Zen garden； he died in his sleep。
The funeral was immense。 Most of the arrangements were taken care of by the American military in Tokyo。 Mourners came from all over the Pacific and President Johnson sent a personal envoy from Washington。 Nicholas thought this man's presence highly ironic； given what he knew of his father's failed ambitions。 The Americans had been unwilling to listen to him in life but were anxious to extol him in death。 He could not help but resent the man； despite his charm and extreme courtesy； seeing in him not a little of Mark Anthony。
The Japanese government； as was its wont； was somewhat more honest。 The Prime Minister himself attended； as did many members of the Diet。 The Japanese would not forget the Colonel's awesome contributions to their country and they paid their debt … some time later； after a decent interval； Nicholas was approached for training for a high…level governmental post。 He politely declined； pleased none the less。
As requested in the Colonel's will； the American Army rabbi conducted the ceremony； which no doubt nonplussed many of the attendance； especially those who had believed they knew the Colonel well。 The rabbi had known the Colonel for a long time and when he spoke the eulogy it was with enormous conviction。 It was； in retrospect； quite a beautiful ceremony。
'The Tenshin Shoden Katori ryu is the only answer now。'
'I believe that is so。 Yes。'
'I want to leave and I do not want to leave。'
'I understand this fully； Nicholas。'
Kansatsu's cat's eyes were bright and alive。
He and Nicholas knelt facing each other。 Around them was the gleaming empty expanse of the dojd； a deserted beach in the sunlight。
'What will happen to me … there？'
'I am afraid that I cannot tell you。 I do not know。'
'Will I be safe？'
'Only you can answer that。 But the strength to be so is within you。'
'I am glad you came to the funeral。' …'Your father was a fine man； Nicholas。 I knew him well。'
'I did not know。〃
'No。'
'Well。。。'
'I have prepared your letters of introduction。 These include your graduation certificates … with highest honours … from this ryu。' His eyes； focused on Nicholas's face； were unwavering； bits of flashing jet。 He withdrew from his wide sleeve three tightly rolled sheets of mulberry paper tied with a thin black cord。 He extended them and； when Nicholas touched them； it was the only physical link between them。 'Remember；' he said； 'there is a chain。 Thin。 Link by link it goes。 Take care you discover the identity of the next link on； lest the chain break in your hands and you are left defenceless。' Then he handed over the sheets。 His hand lowered with a kind of grave finality。
'Sayonara； Nicholas。'
'Sayonara； sensei。' Tears filled his eyes so fully that he could see only a blur rise and leave the room。 I love you； he thought。 It was what he had wanted to say to the Colonel that day in the Zen garden and hadn't。
He heard no door click shut but abruptly he knew that he was alone in the house of cedar。
Oddly； the first thing he noticed was that the woodbine had died。 Ataki no longer came； and during the last weeks the Colonel had been too ill to think of hiring a replacement。 The hedges； always so carefully pruned even in winter； were spiky with branches left unchecked。 The ground was hard with ice and frozen snow。
He felt a rising desire to run inside and tell Cheong that he was leaving but he was so uncertain of her response that he lingered awhile outside。
Above him the sky was a rich cobalt blue with just a few tracings of high cirrus clouds and； farther down； orange along the horizon where the sun slid through the thick haze。 Far away； he thought he could hear the rumbling drone of a 707 ing down at Haneda。
Now he might have regretted canceling his dinner date with a couple of school chums in the city； he had told Cheong this morning he'd be home late。 But； the decision being made to leave for Kyoto where the new ryu was located； he had felt the need for pletion。 And that would not e until he had told her。
Inside； the house was quite still as it had been since the moment he had returned home from Kumamoto； as if that had bee some inexplicable nexus point in all their lives。 Loss had followed gain and he wondered now if it had been worth it。 He thought once more of the day of Roku…No…Miya and her certitude of the implacability of fate。 Thought； too； of the Colonel's conviction that he had been taken by forces he knew nothing of。 Life could not be so cruelly unfathomable。
He went through the darkened hall； wondering that none of the lights had been lit。
The kitchen was deserted。 No one answered his call。 He shrugged off his coat； threw it over the back of a chair； went towards the back of the house。 Stillness nodded deferentially to him； ancient as time。
He came； at length to his parents' room。 The thin paper shoji was closed but； beyond； a light was on and he caught the edge of a shadow； moving。
He hesitated； reluctant to disturb Cheong if she was about to rest。 Tomorrow； he promised himself； he would take her to the grave and together they would kneel before the marker of new cedar； lighting the incense and saying the prayers in English and in Japanese。
The shadow moved again and he called out her name softly into the falling night。 No answer came and cautiously he opened the shoji。
He stood perfectly still； one foot in； one out； staring。 All the breath had gone out of him。 His head pounded and he felt a shock at the base of his neck as if from contact with a live wire。 All the tatamis save one had been taken outside。 The futon was folded in a neat pile in the far corner。 One round white paper…shaded lamp was on against the right wall。 Beyond； outside the glass panels of the far wall； lay the blue…whiteness of the snow； virgin； without one footprint to mar its granular surface。 It seemed unnaturally pale against the black backdrop of the croptomeria and pine forest。 There were no lights in the sky。 The one remaining tatami had been placed in the centre of the room； the surrounding wood floor seemed naked； like raw flesh with the skin stripped away。 On it Cheong knelt with her back to him。 She wore a formal light grey kimono with obi。 The one with the pink roses embroidered across it。 Her back was bowed； her head down as if in prayer。 The light gleamed on her blue…black hair； immaculately coiffed。
At her right side tiny Itami knelt； sitting at right angles so that he could see her profi
