ericlustbader.the ninja-第85节
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explain it to himself？
'It's e down to that fight you two had in the dojo；' she said cannily。 'It's like you have each other by the throat and neither of you will let go。 You'll destroy each other that way； don't you see？ One of you has to let go； otherwise 。。。 Why can't it be you？'
'There's a matter of honour。' He only knew it now； a revelation like the sun as it first slips over the horizon； beginning to defeat the long night's chill。
'Oh； don't give me that one；' she said shortly。 'That kind of honour went out of style a long time ago。'
How little she must understand of life； he thought。 'For some of us； it's never gone out of style。'
'For the samurai；' she said tartly。 'The elite of Japan。 The warriors who hurl themselves unhesitatingly into battle。 Who live to die in bat？' She laughed； a harsh； disforting sound。 'Now who needs a strong dose of reality？ You're the same； the two of you。 Two rabid dogs who'll worry a leg off before they'll give up and let go。'
'Not the same；' he said。 'Not the same at all。 Saigo hates everything I stand for。 My mixed blood； my love of Japan bined with my abominable Caucasian features。 It rankles him that someone who looks the way I do should be better than him at anything； especially something so important as bujutsu。'
'Important？ What's so goddamned important about bujutsu？ What has any of that to do with living； with feeling …'
'You're a good one to talk about that。' Knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as it was out of his mouth。 He saw the look on her face； said； reaching out for her； 'I'm sorry。 You know I didn't mean …'
'Oh； you meant it； Nicholas。 I'm quite certain of that。 And you've a right to say it； I guess。 I've been frightened these last few days and now you know how I get when I'm frightened。 You've made me feel … something … I was sure was impossible for me。 I still don't quite … well； part of the time I want to run away from you and hide and never see another human being for the rest of my life。 Is it okay to trust you？ I keep asking myself。 Isn't it just my cunt and my mouth he's after？ But then I think； he's already got those so why go into this at all？ It must be real even though every instinct that's still functioning tells me it's not。 The past dies very slowly。 I keep hearing echoes all around me。 When you talk to me； say things； I hear what you're saying but； in my mind； other meanings； hidden and secretive like invisible hieroglyphics； burn themselves into my brain and I hear two different things and I begin a debate as to which of those signals is the real one； the one you mean for me to hear。' She looked at him。 'Does any of this make any sense to you？〃
'I think so。'
'I see it doesn't。' Her eyes were so bright they seemed to glitter despite the lack of any direct light。 'I suppose I am trying to tell you I love you。'
Her arms were around his neck； though how they had got there he had no idea。 Hadn't they been at her sides just a moment ago？ Had there been any movement since then？ What was happening？
They kissed in a kind of timeless moment where even their breath hung suspended； condensed clouds on a chill winter's morning。
They took their bags down to the ferryboat ticket…taker's； a ramshackle wooden building no larger than an outhouse with an arched window in its front； glassless and inadequately hooded against inclement weather。 One could easily freeze to death within such a place。
A young boy in his late teens took the two rail ticket passes Nicholas handed him； stamped and punched them in several places； handed them back。
'The next ferry sails in seven minutes；' he told them。 Even here； in such an out…of…the…way town； there was the typical Japanese concern with punctuality。
Yukio was unnaturally quiet until they cast off。 But once they were moving； her melancholy seemed to slip away。 'Perhaps there will be a new show in town；' she said gaily。 'Or a riding stable。 We could picnic and ride all afternoon。' It was as if the episode on the near shore had never occurred。 Still； Nicholas was disturbed in its wake。
Behind them； Shimonoseki drifted away like a dream； beyond the churning white wake of the ferry。 Gulls swung gracefully across their bow； wheeling obliquely like a fighter squadron； calling plaintively to each other。
They passed； quite close it seemed in the mist； a pair of fishing boats lying low in the swells； their black nets hauled up the masts like a moron's idea of a sail。 A young boy on one of the boats waved excitedly as the ferry passed him by but there were none aboard； it seemed； inclined to return the gesture。
Nicholas's gaze shifted subtly to regard Yukio beside him。 Her head was thrown back as if to catch the wan sunlight on the wide planes of her cheekbones； her hair flying to one side； a raven's spread wing。 The long line of her neck was exposed； shadowed softly because of the thrust of her chin in this position。 The hard jut of her breasts。 Was it his imagination or could he see the slight protrusions of her nipples as they poked； erect； through the lace of her bra？
'Why is it； do you think； that Satsugai is afraid of the Colonel？'
The wind tore at her words； flinging over the ferry's side； out towards the bobbing fishing boats； mere black points now； misting to dull grey； and for a moment he was not sure he had heard her right。
'I was not aware that he was。'
She turned towards him； studied his face。 'Oh； yes。 But of course。 You mean you haven't noticed it？ Well； I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised； really。 I've spent more time with him than you have。'
They argue a lot。' He put his elbows along the railing； leaned overboard。 He felt her hand on his arm。
'Don't do that。 Please。' She laughed。 'If you fell in I'd have to go in after you and I hate the water。〃 'Water and trains。'
'Water worse than anything。 I don't mind being near it。 I like that； in fact。 I'm just terrified by the tides and undertow and that。'
'About Satsugai；' he said。 'He and my father are from the opposite sides of the tracks； politically speaking。 But that's； well； just talk。'
'Do you imagine that they would be together if it were not for Itami and your mother？'
He looked at the water； dark and light。 'No； I don't suppose so。'
'Right。 Well； I know Satsugai。 That kind of hate only stems from fear and let me tell you he is not a man who is easily frightened。 Whatever the Colonel has on him is potent indeed。'
'I think it's just that Satsugai； being in the zaibutsu； was under suspicion as a war criminal for a time。 You know； during the purges when the Americans disbanded the traditional family structure of the zaibatsu。 My father intervened on Satsugai's behalf。 I don't know the details but that kind of debt would be a heavy burden for Satsugai to bear。'
'Yes。 He prides himself on owing no one and he's more powerful now than he was during the war。' She shook her head。 'To think that's due in part to the Colonel。'
'It's family。 That's something my mother is adamant about。 Politics are relatively unimportant next to that。 Next to my father and me； Itami is her sole family。 There is nothing they wouldn't do for one another。'
The fog closed in on them and the day turned chill。 The ferry's deep horn sounded at regular intervals； hoarse and mournful。 The gulls had gone and now it was even impossible to see the water。 They might have been skimming through the air。 The whiteness seemed stifling。 There was no breeze to speak of。 They heard voices； muffled and odd sounding； from the ferry's far side as if ing to them from across a vast and unfathomable gulf。
All at once the land loomed before them out of the intense mist and； with only a slight bump； the ferry docked against the jute…covered slip。 Nicholas wondered how the captain had seen his way across。 They could hear the creak of the pilings。 Then a dog began to bark hysterically。
To Nicholas the train ride to Kumamoto seemed interminable even though it took merely a fraction of the time it had taken for the bulk of the journey。 Perhaps the fog had something to do with it； but he felt now a kind of desperate longing to know what it was that had brought Saigo down here。 Kansatsu had been concerned about it。 He realized that now； so belatedly。 The sensei would never have e out and said such a thing； merely implied it。 But what could it be about Saigo's visits here that would be so disturbing？ And why should it concern Kansatsu at all？ These questions gnawed at him as they rode across Kyushu and he wished with all his might that he had the answers but； of course； that was a useless wish。 In fact； any wish； Cheong had told him more than once； is useless。 'If you want something badly enough；' she had said； 'then you must do it。 Those who sit and wish for things acplish nothing。'
Abruptly； he felt resentment welling up inside him for that part of him which was Western in nature。 But even so； he knew that that was his turbulent side； filled with energy and longing； impatience and changeability。 It was； in short； what made him different。
Yukio； as usual； was filled with lust and； in the jouncing； empty car； she sat on his lap； lifting her skirt up and making the hot connection。 Neither of them needed to move at all。
Kumamoto wa
