ericlustbader.the ninja-第72节

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　could　all　break　apart　now；　he　knew；　and　held　his　breadi。
　She　laughed　again；　a　bell…like　sound；　slightly　echoey　within　the　confines　of　the　metal　van。　'All　right；'　she　said　softly；　'I'll　tell　you　why　I　do　it。　I　like　it；　it's　as　simple　as　that。　It's　fun　to　get　paid　to　fuck。　I'm　an　actress；　a　model；　selling　things；　just　like　Angela　Didion　was。　It's　all　e　on；　there's　no　involvement。'
　'Never？'
　Her　head　tossed　like　a　bridling　horse's　and　he　saw　a　flash　of　light　across　her　eyes。　'Sometimes；'　she　said　truthfully；　'with　a　woman。'　She　was　thinking　of　Dare。　'Does　that　shock　you？'
　'Not　really；'　he　said。　'Did　you　think　it　would？'
　'I　don't　know　what　kind　of　man　you　are。'
　'I'm　just　your　plain　ordinary　New　York　slob。'
　'Yeah；　I　can　see　that。'　She　had　hurt　him　and　she　knew　it；　she　felt　he　had　asked　for　it。
　'What　about　the　booze？'　Croaker　asked　her。
　'What　about　it？〃　He　could　hear　her　voice　go　hard　as　her　defences　came　up。
　'Still　hitting　the　bottle　hard　？'
　Perversely；　she　felt　herself　wanting　to　tell　him　the　truth；　stopped　herself　in　time。　'Not　so　much　any　more；'　she　said。　'I've　got　my　work　to　keep　me　warm。'
　'No　men？'
　'What　is　this；　twenty　questions？〃
　'If　you　want　to　call　it　that。'
　'I　don't　want　to　call　it　anything；'　she　said　shortly。　'I　want　to　get　out　of　here。'
　'I　can't　detain　you　any　longer。'
　'You　mean　I'm　free　to　go？'
　'There　are　no　charges。'
　'Now　I'm　supposed　to　thank　you？〃
　He　knew　it　was　over；　that　he　might　just　as　well　have　not　begun　this　at　all。　He　felt　tired　and　depressed。　'You're　not　guilty　of　anything。　You're　free　to　go。'　He　deliberately　used　her　phraseology。
　Still　she　made　no　move　to　go。
　He　sat　stiffly　with　his　back　against　the　wall；　his　buttocks　jammed　up　against　the　joining　of　the　bench　to　the　wall。　His　wrists　lay　loosely　on　his　thighs。　He　stared　at　his　hands；　could　barely　make　out　the　pale　sheen　of　his　nails。
　'What　do　you　want　from　me？'
　Her　voice　was　so　soft　that　for　a　moment　he　thought　it　might　be　a　whisper　from　his　own　mind。
　'Nothing；'　he　said。　His　voice　sounded　dead。　'I　don't　want　anything　from　you。'
　'In　a　horses's　ass。'
　'All　right。'　His　head　swung　round　and　he　saw　that　she　was　staring　at　him。　She　blinked　once　and　it　seemed　that　she　did　so　in　slow　motion。　'I　can　help　you；　Gelda。'
　'What's　that　supposed　to　mean？'
　He　knew　then　that　he　meant　what　he　said；　that　it　was　not　just　his　desire　to　probe　for　information　about　Raphael　Tomkin；　he　knew　that　he　had　been　dreaming　about　her　for　the　past　two　weeks。　A　current　of　electricity　went　through　him　and　he　half　turned　towards　her。　Her　eyes　seemed　to　be　searching　for　some…diing　in　his　face。
　'Just　what　it　says。'
　'I　wouldn't　trust　you　if　I　were　drowning　and　you　had　the　only　line。'
　'But　you　are　drowning；'　he　said　softly。　And　then；　after　a　time；　'It　doesn't　have　to　be　like　that。　The　booze　and　the　pills　and　the　…　work。'　He　paused。　'You　could　go　away　somewhere。'
　'Go　away！'　she　exploded。　'Christ；　there's　no　place　far　enough　to　get　away　from　myself。'　She　put　her　head　back　against　the　metal　wall　and　he　saw　her　soft　diroat　again。　'You　want　to　know　how　I　got　my　name？　Gelda。'　She　said　that　last　word　as　if　it　had　a　bitter　taste。　'I　got　it　because　my　mother　hated。'　She　laughed　humourlessly；　the　first　ugly　sound　he　had　heard　her　utter。　'Oh；
　not　me　personally。　She　would　never　stoop　to　anything　so　personal。　She　was　far　too　busy　detesting　the　life　which　bound　her　like　a　jealous　lover。　Being　so　powerfully　rich　had　been　her　one　dream　in　life；　her　overriding　goal。。。　Yes；　I　guess　you　could　call　it　that：　her　goal。　Anyway；　she　found　it　with　my　father。　Found；　too；　mat　it　was　not　what　she'd　expected　it　to　be　…　not　by　a　long　shot。　Oh；　she　had　all　the　power　she　had　dreamed　of　and　all　the　money；　but　living　with　my　father　was　pure　hell　and　with　every　moment　of　their　marriage　he　ground　her　down。'　She　sighed。　'I　think；　in　the　end；　it　became　a　game　with　him；　to　try　and　see　how　much　he　could　take　away　frpm　her。　Not　material　things；　of　course。　My　God；　she　had　more　than　enough　of　those。　No；　it　was　in　the　area　that　matters　most　to　my　father　that　he　denied　her：　in　the　mind。　I　suspect　dial　if　she　had　fought　back；　she　would　have　eventually　emerged　bloody　but　victorious；　as　they　say。
　'But　she　would　not。　She　wanted　to　hold　on　to　her　dream　so　desperately　that　she　forfeited　any　kind　of　courage。　She　was　my　father's　slave；　a　slave；　more　accurately；　to　his　wealth。　She　was　Ajveak…willed　bitch　who　must　have　loved　the　pain　which　my　father　inflicted　on　her。　I　mean　she　put　up　with　it；　didn't　she？　Even　after　…'　She　stopped　suddenly；　putting　the　palm　of　her　hand　over　her　mouth　　for　a　moment。　'Christ；　what　am　I　saying？　And　to　a　cop　of　all　people。'　She　stifled　a　nervous　laugh。　'I　must　be　out　of　my　mind。'
　His　heart　beat　faster　as　he　heard　himself　say；　'What　does　all　this　have　to　do　with　how　you　were　named？'
　'What？'　she　said　almost　absently。
　'You　were　going　to　tell　me　about　your　name。'
　'Oh。　Oh；　yes。'　She　folded　her　hands　one　over　the　other。　She　rubbed　them　against　her　long　thighs；　back　and　fordi　in　a　hyno…tic　rhydim。　'I　really　believe　mat　about　the　last　thing　my　mother　wanted　was　a　child。　But　my　father；　as　always；　insisted　on　what　he　wanted。　And　what　he　wanted　was　children。　Strangely　enough　…　or　not　so　strangely'　…　here　she　gave　an　odd　little　laugh　…　'he　didn't　care　whether　they　were　boys　or　girls；　just　as　long　as　he　became　a　sire。　He's　old…fashioned　that　way；　he　feels　it's　a　sign　of　manhood。
　'But　my　mother　misunderstood　him。　She　supposed　that　he　wanted　sons　to　carry　on　the　Tomkin　line　and　that　anydiing　else
　would　be　considered　a　failure。　I　suppose　it's　a　measure　of　how　far　she　really　was　from　him　that　she　could　have　been　so　wrong　about　him。
　'She　was　naturally　ecstatic　that　she　had　given　birth　to　a　girl。　So　she　named　me　Gelda。　It　was　a　way　of　getting　back　at　my　father　without　him　knowing；　you　see。　Gelda。　Gelding。　Get　it？　Sure　you　do。'　She　turned　away　as　if　from　the　memory。
　'You　could　change　it；'　he　said　reasonably　and　for　the　first　time　she　gave　a　pletely　natural　laugh。　It　was　quite　beautiful；　he　thought。　'I　guess　I'm　just　perverse；'　she　said。　'I　carry　it　now　as　a　reminder。'
　'Of　what？'
　'What's　it　your　business？'　she　snapped。　All　the　warmth　that；　so　soon；　had　suffused　her　voice；　was　abruptly　gone。
　'Look；'　he　said；　'I'll　tell　you　the　truth。'　It　was　a　desperate　gamble；　one　which　he　had　hoped　not　to　make。　He　had　no　choice　now。　'I　need　your　help　with　an　investigation。'
　'With　what？'
　This　was　it。　'I　think　your　father　murdered　Angela　Didion。'
　'So？'
　It　was　not　what　he'd　expected　and　he　was　momentarily　nonplussed。
　Gelda　seemed　pleased。　'I　see　you're　speechless；'　she　said；　laughing。　'Good　for　you。　Did　you　think　I'd　say；　〃I　hate　his　guts；　copper；　but　he's　still　my　father？〃　Bullshit。　It　wouldn't　surprise　me　if　he　did　kill　her。'
　'You　mean；　in　your　opinion；　he's　capable　of　murder？'　His　heart　hammered　in　his　chest；　this　seemed　like　a　straight　gift　from　heaven。
　'In　my　opinion？'　She　laughed。　'Yes。　In　my　opinion　my　father's　quite　capable　of　murder。　Laws；　I　remember；　were　not　things　for　him　to　be　concerned　with。'
　She　had　moved　fractionally　so　that　she　was　facing　him　in　three…quarters　profile　and　he　could　see　her　eyes　and　the　hurt　within　them；　deeply　buried。
　'Did　you　know　about　Angela　Didion？'　he　asked　quietly。
　'You　mean　that　he　was　balling　her？　Sure。　I　was　there　one　day　when　she　walked　in。　She　did　it　so　you　knew　right　away　it　was　like　she　owned　the　place；　you　know？'
　'Did　you　talk　with　her？'
　She　smiled。　'We　didn't　exactly　get　along。　There　was　a　kind　of　instant　repulsion；　as　if　we　were　magnets　with　the　same　polarity。'
　'I　thought　you　and　your　old　man　didn't　get　along。'
　'We　don't。'　She　seemed　quite　close　to　him　now；　though　he　had　not　been　aware　that　any　shift　had　taken　place。　'But　sometimes　my　father　is　impossible　to　ignore。　That　happens　maybe　twice　a　year。'　She　shrugged。　'Who　knows？　Maybe　he　wants　to　see　if　I've　changed　any。'
　'Changed　in　what　way？'　f
　'It's　none　of　…'　The　fire　in　her　eyes　died　and　she　said；　quite　sweetly；　'That　I've　given　up　girls。　He　can't　stand　that　in　me。　I　suppose　that's　one　of　the　reasons　I　like　them　more　than　men。'　She　shrugged。　'A　shrink　said　that　to　me　once。　I　walked　out。　I　didn't　need　to　pay　him　fifty　dollars　an　hour　to　tell　me　what　I　already　knew。'
　'How'd　Tomkin　e　to　know　at　all？〃　^〃About　me　and　girls？　Oh；　he　found　me　at　it　one　day　on　the　summer　estate　on　Gin　Lane　out　near　South　Hampton。　That　was　after　we'd　sold　the　Connecticut　estate；　after　Mother　。。。　died。'
　'What　did　he　do？'
　'My　mother　was　a　suicide。　He　…'

　'No；　I　meant　when　he　found　you　and　the　other　girl。'
　'You　know；　even　my　sister　Justine　doesd't　know　this　part　of　it；　I'd　never　tell　her　and；　God　knows；　my　father　never　would。　He　treats　her　like　my　mother　always　did。　He　dotes　on　her　as　if　she　were　a　cripple。　She　was　the　baby；　after　all。　But　she　was　slim　and　athletic　while　I　was　heavy。　No　matter　what　kind　of　diet　they　put　me　on　and；　believe　me；　they　put　me　on　them　all；　I　never　could　lose　weight。　My　mother　never　let　me　forget　that；　she　made　me　ashamed　of　it。'
　She　paused。　'I　don't　know　how　I　got　on　to　that。'　She　wasn't　really　talking　to　him　any　more。　'Anyway；　my　father　found　me　with　this　girl。　It　was　about　a