tw.togreenangeltower2-第33节

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　　　　　　　After　a　few　moments　Miriamele　went　and　pulled　the　door　closed　again。　He　would　be　back；　she　felt　sure。　Then　he　would　leave　her；　or　they　would　go　on　together；　but　things　would　be　different。　That　was　what　she　wanted。　That　was　what　she　needed。
　　　　　　　Her　head　felt　empty。　Those　few　thoughts　almost　seemed　to　echo；　like　stones　rattled　down　a　well。
　　　　　　　She　waited　a　long　time　for　sleep。　Just　as　she　was　beginning　to　slip　away；　she　heard　Simon　e　back　in。　He　dragged　his　bedroll　to　the　far　corner　and　lay　down。　Neither　of　them　spoke。
　　　　　　　Outside；　the　storm　had　passed；　but　water　still　dripped　from　the　ceiling。　Miriamele　counted　the　drops。

　　　　　　　By　midday　the　next　day；　Miriamele　felt　herself　recovered　enough　to　ride。　They　set　out　under　dark　clouds　of　more　than　one　kind。
After　all　the　pain　and　emotion　of　the　night　before　they　were　both　flat　with　each　other；　bruised　and　sullen　like　two　swordfighters　waiting　for　their　final　bout。　They　spoke　no　more　than　was　necessary；　but　Miriamele　saw　signs　of　Simon's　anger　all　day；　from　the　over…brisk　way　he　saddled　and　readied　his　horse　to　the　way　he　rode　ahead　of　her；　just　close　enough　to　stay　in　sight。
For　her　part；　Miriamele　felt　a　sort　of　relief。　The　worst　was　out　now　and　there　was　no　turning　back。　Now　Simon　would　know　her　for　what　she　was；　which　could　only　be　for　the　good；　ultimately。　It　hurt　to　have　him　despise　her；　as　he　so　obviously　did　at　present；　but　it　was　better　than　leading　him　on　falsely。　Nevertheless；　she　could　not　shake　the　feeling　of　loss。　It　had　been　so　warm；　so　nice；　to　kiss　him　and　hold　him　without　thinking。　If　only　he　had　not　talked　of　love。　If　only　he　had　not　forced　her　to　consider　her　responsibilities。　Deep　down；　she　had　known　that　anything　more　than　friendship　between　them　would　mean　living　in　a　lie；　but　there　had　been　moments；　sweet　moments；　when　she　had　allowed　herself　to　pretend　it　could　be　different。
　　　　　　　Making　the　best　time　they　could　on　the　terrible；　muddy　roads；　they　rode　well　beyond　the　reach　of　Falshire　by　evening　time；　out　into　the　wildlands　west　of　the　city。　When　darkness　came　down…little　more　than　a　thickening　of　the　already　murky　day…they　found　a　wayside　shrine　to　Elysia　and　made　their　beds　on　its　floor。　After　a　sparse　meal　and　even　sparser　conversation；　they　retired　to　their　bedrolls。　This　time　it　did　not　seem　to　bother　Simon　when　Miriamele　unfurled　her　pallet　on　me　opposite　side　of　the　fire　from　his。
After　her　first　day　in　the　saddle　following　several　days　of　illness；　Miriamele　felt　ready　to　sink　into　sleep　immediately；　but　sleep　would　not　e。　She　moved　several　times；　trying　to　find　a　fortable　position；　but　nothing　seemed　to　help。　She　lay　in　darkness；　staring　up　at　nothing；　listening　as　a　light　rain　pattered　the　roof　of　the　shrine。
　　　　　　　Would　Simon　leave　her；　she　wondered？　It　was　an　unexpectedly　frightening　thought。　She　had　said　several　times　that　she　was　willing　to　make　inis　journey　by　herself；　as　she　had　originally　planned；　but　she　realized　now　that　she　did　not　want　to　travel　alone。　Perhaps　she　had　been　wrong　to　tell　him。　Perhaps　it　would　have　been　better　to　give　him　some　more　face…saving　lie：　if　she　had　disgusted　him　too　pletely；　he　might　simply　go　back　to　Josua。
　　　　　　　And　she　did　not　want　him　to　go；　she　realized。　It　was　more　than　the　idea　of　traveling　these　gloomy　lands　by　herself　that　disturbed　her。　She　would　miss　him。
　　　　　　　It　was　odd　to　think　about；　now　that　she　had　probably　thrown　up　an　unbreachable　wall　between　them；　but　she　did　not　want　to　lose　him。　Simon　had　worked　his　way　into　her　heart　in　a　way　no　other　friend　ever　had。　His　boyish　silliness　had　always　charmed　her　when　it　didn't　irritate　her；　but　now　it　was　counterbalanced　by　a　serious　air　that　was　very　handsome。　Several　times　she　had　caught　herself　watching　him　in　surprise；　amazed　he　had　bee　a　man　in　such　a　short　time。
　　　　　　　And　there　were　other　qualities　that　had　bee　dear　to　her　as　well；　his　kindness；　his　loyalty；　his　openmindedness。　She　doubted　that　the　most　traveled　of　her　father's　courtiers　faced　life　with　the　same　unprejudiced　interest　as　Simon　did。
　　　　　　　It　was　frightening　even　to　contemplate　losing　all　those　things　if　he　left　her。
　　　　　　　But　she　had　lost　him　now…or　at　least；　there　would　always　be　a　shadow　over　their　friendship。　He　had　seen　the　stain　that　was　at　the　core　of　her；　she　had　made　it　as　visible　and　unpleasant　as　she　could。　She　was　not　willing　to　suffer　for　lies　any。　more；　and　seeing　the　way　he　felt　about　her　was　more　suffering　than　she　could　stand。　He　was　in　love　with　her。
　　　　　　　And　she　had　been　falling　in　love　with　him。
　　　　　　　The　thought　hit　her　with　unexpected　force。　Was　that　true？　Wasn't　love　supposed　to　e　like　a　bolt　of　skyfire；　to　blind　and　stun？　Or　at　the　least；　like　a　sweet　perfume　that　rose　and　filled　the　air　until　one　could　think　of　nothing　else？　Surely　her　feelings　for　Simon　had　been　different。　She　thought　of　him；　of　the　laughable　way　his　hair　looked　in　the　morning；　of　his　earnest　glances　when　he　was　worried　for　her。
Elysia；　Mother　of　God；　she　prayed；　take　this　pain　away。　Did　I　love　him？　Do　I　love　him？
　　　　　　　It　didn't　matter　now；　in　any　case。　She　had　taken　steps　of　her　own　to　remove　the　hurt。　Letting　Simon　continue　to　think　of　her　as　a　chaste　maiden　worthy　of　his　youthful　ideals　would　be　worse　than　anything…　worse　even　than　losing　him　pletely；　if　that　was　the　result。
　　　　　　　So　why；　then；　was　the　pain　still　so　very　strong？
　　　　　　　〃Simon？〃　she　whispered。　〃Are　you　awake？　〃
　　　　　　　If　he　was；　he　did　not　answer。　She　was　alone　with　her　thoughts。

　　　　　　　The　next　day　seemed　even　darker。　The　wind　was　sharp　and　biting。　They　rode　swiftly；　unspeaking；　with　Simon　again　keeping　Homefinder　a　short　distance　ahead　of　Miriamele　and　her　still…nameless　steed。
　　　　　　　By　late　morning　they　came　to　the　fork　where　the　River　Road　joined　the　Old　Forest　Road。　Two　corpses　hung　in　iron　cages　at　the　crossing；　and　had　clearly　done　so　for　some　time：　It　was　impossible　to　tell　from　the　wind…tossed　rags　of　clothing　or　the　grinning　bones　who　these　unfortunates　had　been。　Miriamele　and　Simon　both　made　the　sign　of　the　Tree　as　they　crossed；　passing　as　far　from　the　clanking　cages　as　they　could。　They　took　the　Old　Forest　Road　turning；　and　soon　the　River　Road　vanished　from　sight　behind　the　low　hills　to　the　south。
The　road　began　to　dip　downward。　On　the　north　side　they　could　now　see　the　edge　of　Aldheorte　Forest；　which　flowed　onto　and　over　the　foothills　there。　As　they　passed　down　through　the　outskirts　of　Hasu　Vale　and　into　the　shelter　of　the　hills　the　wind　became　less；　but　Miriamele　did　not　feel　forted。　Even　at　midday　the　valley　was　dark　and　almost　silent　except　for　the　slow　drip　of　the　morning's　rains　from　the　leafless　branches　of　oak　and　ash。　Even　the　evergreens　seemed　full　of　shadow。
　　　　　　　〃I　don't　like　this　valley；　Simon。〃　She　spurred　forward。　He　slowed　to　allow　her　to　catch　up。　〃It　was　always　a　quiet；　secretive　place…but　it　feels　different　now。〃
　　　　　　　He　shrugged；　looking　away　across　the　deep…shaded　hillside。　It　was　only　when　he　stared　so　long　at　the　unchanging　landscape　that　she　understood　he　did　not　want　to　meet　her　eyes。　〃I　have　not　liked　most　of　the　places　we've　been。〃　His　voice　was　cold。　〃But　we　are　not　traveling　for　pleasure。〃
　　　　　　　She　felt　a　flare　of　anger。　〃That's　not　what　I　meant　and　you　know　it；　Simon。　I　mean　that　this　valley　feels　。。。　I　don't　know；　dangerous。〃
　　　　　　　Now　he　did　turn。　His　smile　was　a　smirk　that　hurt　her　to　see。　〃Haunted；　you　mean？　Like　that　old　drunkard　said？〃
　　　　　　　〃I　don't　know　exactly　what　I　mean；〃　she　said　furiously。　〃But　I　can　see　it　was　a　waste　of　time　talking　about　it　with　you。〃
　　　　　　　〃No　doubt。〃　He　gently　but　deliberately　touched　his　spurs　to　Homefinder's　side　and　sent　her　trotting　forward。　Watching　his　straight　back；　Miriamele　fought　down　the　urge　to　shout　at　him。　What　had　she　expected？　No；　more　to　the　point；　what　had　she　wanted；　after　all？　Wasn't　it　best　he　had　been　told　the　truth？　Perhaps　things　would　be　easier　when　some　time　had　passed；　when　he　realized　they　could　still　be　friends。
　　　　　　　The　road　descended　deeper　into　the　valley；　so　that　the　thick…mantled　hills　seemed　to　be　growing　even　higher　on　either　side。　The　road　was　deserted；　and　the　few　rough　cottages　they　saw　perched　on　the　hillsides　seemed　equally　uninhabited；　but　at　least　it　seemed　they　would　be　able　to　find　shelter　somewhere　tonight…which　was　a　reassuring　thought；　since　Miriamele　did　not　in　the　least　wish　to　spend　a　night　here　out　of　doors。　She　had　conceived　a　serious　dislike　of　Hasu　Vale；　although　nothing　had　actually　happened　to　make　her　feel　that　way。　Still；　the　smothering　quality　of　the　stillness　and　the　thick；　overgrown　hillsides…and　perhaps；　just　a　little　bit；　her　own　sorrow…conspired　to　make　her　look　forward　to　the　moment　they　rode　out　of　this　valley　again　and　saw　the　headlands　of　Swertclif；　even　though　that　would　mean　that　Asu'a　and　her　father　were　very；　very　close。
　　　　　　　It　was　also　disheartening　to　think　of　spending　another　strained；　silent　night　with　Simon。　Before　their　last　unpleasant　exchange；　he　had　spoken　to　her　only　a　few　times　today；　and　then　only　about　practical　things。　He　had　discovered　what　he　claimed　were　new　footprints　near　the　shrine　where　they　had　spent　the　night　and　had　told　her　about　them　soon　after　they　set　out；　but　he　had　seemed　quite　of