lmb.shardsofhonor-第47节

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　Count　Vortala　turned　to　Cordelia。　〃Lady　Vorkosigan。　Won't　you　lend　us　your　vote？　You　seem　to　have　e　to　know　him　very　well。　Tell　him　he's　the　man　for　the　job。〃
　〃When　we　came　up　here；〃　said　Cordelia　slowly；　〃with　this　vague　talk　of　a　post；　I　thought　I　might　urge　him　to　take　it　up。　He　needs　work。　He's　made　for　it。　I　confess　I　wasn't　anticipating　that　offer。〃　She　stared　at　the　Emperor's　embroidered　bedspread；　caught　by　its　intricate　patterns　and　colors。　〃But　I've　always　thought…tests　are　a　gift。　And　great　tests　are　a　great　gift。　To　fail　the　test　is　a　misfortune。　But　to　refuse　the　test　is　to　refuse　the　gift；　and　something　worse；　more　irrevocable；　than　misfortune。　Do　you　understand　what　I'm　saying？〃
　〃No；〃　said　Vortala。
　〃Yes；〃　said　Vorkosigan。
　〃I've　always　felt　that　theists　were　more　ruthless　than　atheists；〃　said　Ezar　Vorbarra。
　〃If　you　think　it's　really　wrong；〃　said　Cordelia　to　Vorkosigan；　〃that's　one　thing。　Maybe　that's　the　test。　But　if　it's　only　fear　of　failure…you　have　not　the　right　to　refuse　the　gift　for　that。〃
　〃It's　an　impossible　job。〃
　〃That　happens；　sometimes。〃
　He　took　her　aside；　quietly；　to　the　tall　windows。　〃Cordelia…you　have　not　the　first　conception　of　what　kind　of　life　it　would　be。　Did　you　think　our　public　men　surrounded　themselves　with　liveried　retainers　for　decoration？　If　they　have　a　moment's　ease；　it　is　at　the　cost　of　twenty　men's　vigilance。　No　separate　peace　permitted。　Three　generations　of　Emperors　have　spent　themselves　trying　to　untangle　the　violence　in　our　affairs；　and　we're　still　not　e　to　the　end　of　it。　I　haven't　the　hubris　to　think　I　can　succeed　where　he　failed。〃　His　eyes　flicked　in　the　direction　of　the　great　bed。
　Cordelia　shook　her　head。　〃Failure　doesn't　frighten　me　as　much　as　it　used　to。　But　I'll　quote　you　a　quote；　if　you　like。　'Exile；　for　no　other　motive　than　ease；　would　be　the　last　defeat；　with　no　seed　of　future　victory　in　it。'　I　thought　the　man　who　said　that　was　on　to　something。〃
　Vorkosigan　turned　his　head；　to　some　unfocused　distance。　〃It's　not　the　desire　for　ease　I'm　talking　about　now。　It's　fear。　Simple；　squalid　terror。〃　He　smiled　ruefully　at　her。　〃You　know；　I　fancied　myself　quite　a　bravo　once；　until　I　met　you　and　rediscovered　funk。　I'd　forgotten　what　it　was　to　have　my　heart　in　the　future。〃
　〃Yeah；　me　too。〃
　〃I　don't　have　to　take　it。　I　can　turn　it　down。〃
　〃Can　you？〃　Their　eyes　met。
　〃It's　not　the　life　you　were　anticipating；　when　you　left　Beta　Colony。〃
　〃I　didn't　e　for　a　Me。　I　came　for　you。　Do　you　want　it？〃
　He　laughed；　shakily。　〃God；　what　a　question。　It's　the　chance　of　a　lifetime。　Yes。　I　want　it。　But　it's　poison；　Cordelia。　Power　is　a　bad　drug。　Look　what　it　did　to　him。　He　was　sane　too；　once；　and　happy。　I　think　I　could　turn　down　almost　any　other　offer　without　a　blink。〃
　Vortala　leaned　on　his　stick　ostentatiously；　and　called　across　the　room；　〃Make　up　your　mind；　Aral。　My　legs　are　beginning　to　ache。　But　for　your　delicacy…it's　a　job　any　number　of　men　I　know　would　kill　for。　And　you're　getting　it　offered　free　and　clear。〃
　Only　Cordelia　and　the　Emperor　knew　why　Vorkosigan　barked　a　short　laugh　at　this。　He　sighed；　gazed　at　his　master；　and　nodded。
　〃Well；　old　man。　I　thought　you　might　find　a　way　to　rule　from　your　grave。〃
　〃Yes。　I　propose　to　haunt　you　continually。〃　A　little　silence　fell　while　the　Emperor　digested　his　victory。　〃You'll　need　to　start　assembling　your　personal　staff　immediately。　I'm　willing　Captain　Negri　to　my　grandson　and　the　Princess；　for　Security。　But　I　thought　perhaps　you　might　like　to　have　mander　Illyan；　for　yourself。〃
　〃Yes。　I　think　he　and　I　might　deal　very　well　together。〃　A　pleasant　thought　seemed　to　strike　a　light　in　Vorkosigan's　dark　face。　〃And　I　know　just　the　man　for　the　job　of　personal　secretary。　He'll　need　a　promotion　for　it…a　lieutenancy。〃
　〃Vortala　will　take　care　of　it　for　you。〃　The　Emperor　lay　back　wearily；　and　cleared　his　throat　of　phlegm　again；　lips　leaden。　〃Take　care　of　it　all。　I　suppose　you'd　better　send　that　doctor　back　in。〃　He　waved　them　out　with　a　tired　twitch　of　one　hand。
　Vorkosigan　and　Cordelia　emerged　from　the　Imperial　Residence　into　the　warm　air　of　the　late　summer　evening；　soft　and　grey　with　humidity　from　the　nearby　river。　They　were　trailed　by　their　new　bodyguards；　trim　in　the　familiar　black　uniforms。　There　had　been　a　lengthy　conference　with　Vortala；　Negri；　and　Illyan。　Cordelia's　head　swam　with　the　number　and　detail　of　subjects　covered。　Vorkosigan；　she'd　noticed　enviously；　seemed　to　have　no　trouble　keeping　up；　indeed；　he'd　set　the　pace。
　His　face　seemed　focused；　more　electric　than　she'd　seen　it　since　she'd　e　to　Barrayar；　filled　with　an　eager　tension。　He's　alive　again；　she　thought。　Looking　out；　not　in；　forward；　not　back。　Like　when　I　first　met　him。　I'm　glad。　Whatever　the　risks。
　Vorkosigan　snapped　his　fingers　and　said　〃Tabs；〃　out　loud；　cryptically。　〃First　stop　Vorkosigan　House。〃
　They　had　driven　past　the　Count's　official　residence　on　their　last　trip　to　Vorbarr　Sultana；　but　this　was　the　first　time　Cordelia　had　been　in　it。　Vorkosigan　took　the　wide　circular　staircase　two　steps　at　a　time　to　his　own　room。　It　was　a　large　chamber；　simply　furnished；　overlooking　the　back　garden。　It　had　the　same　feel　as　Cordelia's　own　room　in　her　mother's　apartment；　of　frequent　and　prolonged　disoccupation；　with　archeological　layers　of　past　passions　stuffed　into　drawers　and　closets。
　Not　surprisingly；　there　was　evidence　of　interest　in　all　kinds　of　strategy　games；　and　civil　and　military　history。　More　surprising　was　a　portfolio　of　yellowing　pen…and…ink　drawings；　run　across　as　he　sorted　through　a　drawer　full　of　medals；　mementos；　and　pure　junk。
　〃Did　you　do　these？〃　Cordelia　asked　curiously。　〃They're　pretty　good。〃
　〃When　I　was　a　teenager；〃　he　explained；　still　sorting。　〃Some　later。　I　gave　it　up　in　my　twenties。　Too　busy。〃
　His　medal　and　campaign　ribbon　collection　showed　a　peculiar　history。　The　early；　lesser　ones　were　carefully　arranged　and　displayed　on　velvet…covered　cards；　with　notes　attached。　The　later；　greater　ones　were　piled　haphazardly　in　a　jar。　One；　which　Cordelia　recognized　as　a　high　Barrayaran　award　for　valor；　was　shoved　loose　in　the　back　of　the　drawer；　its　ribbon　crumpled　and　tangled。
　She　sat　on　his　bed　and　sorted　through　the　portfolio。　They　were　mostly　meticulous　architectural　studies；　but　also　a　few　figure　studies　and　portraits　done　in　a　less　certain　style。　There　were　several　of　a　striking　young　woman　with　short　dark　curls；　both　clothed　and　nude；　and　Cordelia　realized　with　a　shock　from　the　notes　on　them　that　she　was　looking　at　Vorkosigan's　first　wife。　She　had　seen　no　other　pictures　of　her　anywhere　in　his　things。　There　were　also　three　studies　of　a　laughing　young　man　labeled　〃Ges〃　that　seemed　hauntingly　familiar。　She　mentally　added　forty　pounds　and　twenty　years　to　him；　and　the　room　seemed　to　tilt　as　she　recognized　Admiral　Vorrutyer。　She　closed　the　portfolio　back　up　quietly。
　Vorkosigan　finally　found　what　he　was　looking　for；　a　couple　of　sets　of　old　red　lieutenant's　tabs。　〃Good。　It　was　quicker　than　going　by　headquarters。〃
　At　the　Imperial　Military　Hospital　they　were　stopped　by　a　male　nurse。　〃Sir？　Visiting　hours　are　over；　sir。〃
　〃Did　no　one　call　from　headquarters？　Where's　that　surgeon？〃
　Koudelka's　surgeon；　the　man　who　had　worked　on；　or　over；　him　with　the　hand　tractor　during　Cordelia's　first　visit；　was　routed　out　at　last。
　〃Admiral　Vorkosigan；　sir。　No；　of　course　visiting　hours　don't　apply　to　him。　Thank　you；　corpsman；　dismissed。〃
　〃I'm　not　visiting　this　time；　Doctor。　Official　business。　I　mean　to　relieve　you　of　your　patient　tonight；　if　it's　physically　possible。　Koudelka's　been　reassigned。〃
　〃Reassigned？　He　was　to　be　discharged　in　a　week！　Reassigned　to　what？　Hasn't　anybody　read　my　reports？　He　can　barely　walk。〃
　〃He　won't　need　to。　His　new　assignment　is　all　desk　work。　I　trust　you　have　his　hands　working？〃
　〃Pretty　well。〃
　〃Any　medical　work　left　to　be　done？〃
　〃Nothing　important。　A　few　last　tests。　I　was　just　holding　him　to　the　end　of　the　month；　so　he　would　have　pleted　his　fourth　year。　Thought　it　would　help　his　pension　a　bit；　such　as　it　is。〃
　Vorkosigan　sorted　through　the　papers　and　disks；　and　handed　the　pertinent　ones　to　the　doctor。　〃Here。　Cram　this　in　your　puter　and　get　his　release　signed。　e　on；　Cordelia；　let's　go　surprise　him。〃　He　looked　happier　than　he　had　all　day。
　They　entered　Koudelka's　room　to　find　him　still　dressed　for　the　day　in　black　fatigues；　struggling　with　a　therapeutic　hand　coordination　exercise　and　cursing　under　his　breath。
　〃Hello；　sir；〃　he　greeted　Vorkosigan　absently。　〃The　trouble　with　this　damn　tin…foil　nervous　system　is　that　you　can't　teach　it　anything。　Practice　only　helps　the　organic　parts。　I　swear　some　days　I　could　beat　my　head　on　the　wall。〃　He　gave　up　the　exercise　with　a　sigh。
　〃Don't　do　that。　You're　going　to　need　it　in　the　days　to　e。〃
　〃I　suppose　so。　It　was　never　my　best　part；　though。〃　He　stared；　abstracted　and　downcast；　at　the　board；　then　remembered　to　be　cheerful　for　his　mander。　Looking　up；　he　noticed　the　time。　〃What　are　you　doing　here　at　this　hour；　sir？〃
　〃Business。　Just　what　are　your　plans　for　the　next　few　weeks；　Ensign？〃
　〃Well；　they're　discharging　me　next　week；　you　know。　I'll　go　home　for　a　while。　Then　start　looking　for　work；　I　guess。　I　don't　know　what　land。〃
　〃Too　bad；〃　said　Vorkosigan；　keeping　h