srdonaldson.theillearthwar-第27节

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ch　cleansed　and　healed　the　song's　despair；　as　if　the　united　power　of　the　singing　alone　were　answer　enough　to　Kevin's　outcry。　By　making　music　out　of　despair；　the　people　resisted　it。　But　Covenant　felt　otherwise。　He　was　beginning　to　understand　the　danger　that　threatened　the　Land。
　So　he　was　still　sitting；　gripping　his　beard　and　staring　blankly　before　him；　when　the　people　filed　out　of　the　amphitheater；　left　him　alone　with　the　hot　brightness　of　the　sun。　He　remained　there；　muttering　grimly　to　himself；　until　he　became　aware　that　Hile　Troy　had　e　over　to　him。
　When　he　looked　up；　the　Warmark　said；　〃I　didn't　expect　to　see　you　here。〃
　Gruffly；　Covenant　responded；　〃I　didn't　expect　to　see　you。〃　But　he　was　only　obliquely　thinking　about　Troy。　He　was　still　trying　to　grapple　with　Kevin。
　As　if　he　could　hear　Covenant's　thoughts；　the　Warmark　said；　〃It　all　es　back　to　Kevin。　He's　the　one　who　made　the　Seven　Wards。　He's　the　one　who　inspired　the　Bloodguard。　He's　the　one　who　did　the　Ritual　of　Desecration。　And　it　wasn't　necessary…or　it　wasn't　inevitable。　He　wouldn't　have　been　driven　that　far　if　he　hadn't　already　made　his　big　mistake。〃
　〃His　big　mistake；〃　Covenant　murmured。
　〃He　admitted　Foul　to　the　Council；　made　him　a　Lord。　He　didn't　see　through　Foul's　disguise。　After　that　it　was　too　late。　By　the　time　Foul　declared　himself　and　broke　into　open　war；　he'd　had　time　for　so　much　subtle　treachery　that　he　was　unbeatable。
　〃In　situations　like　that；　I　guess　most　ordinary　men　kill　themselves。　But　Kevin　was　no　ordinary　man…he　had　too　much　power　for　that；　even　though　it　seemed　useless。　He　killed　the　Land　instead。　All　that　survived　were　the　people　who　had　time　to　escape　into　exile。
　〃They　say　that　Kevin　understood　what　he'd　done　just　before　he　died。　Foul　was　laughing　at　him。　He　died　howling。
　〃Anyway；　that's　why　the　Oath　of　Peace　is　so　important　now。　Everyone　takes　it…it's　as　fundamental　as　the　Lords'　oath　of　service　to　the　Land。　Together　they　all　swear　that　somehow　they'll　resist　the　destructive　emotions…like　Kevin's　despair。　They…〃
　〃I　know；〃　Covenant　sighed。　〃I　know　all　about　it。〃　He　was　remembering　Triock；　the　man　who　had　loved　Lena　in　Mithil　Stonedown　forty　years　ago。　Triock　had　wanted　to　kill　Covenant；　but　Atiaran　had　prevented　him　on　the　strength　of　the　Oath　of　Peace。　〃Please　don't　say　any　more。　I'm　having　a　hard　enough　time　as　it　is。〃
　〃Covenant；〃　Troy　continued　as　if　he　were　still　on　the　same　subject；　〃I　don't　see　why　you　aren't　ecstatic　about　being　here。　How　can　the　‘real'　world　be　any　more　important　than　this？〃
　〃It's　the　only　world　there　is。〃　Covenant　climbed　heavily　to　his　feet。　〃Let's　get　out　of　here。　This　heat　is　making　me　giddy。〃
　Moving　slowly；　they　left　the　amphitheater。　The　air　in　Revelstone　weled　them　back　with　its　cool；　dim　pleasance；　and　Covenant　breathed　it　deeply；　trying　to　steady　himself。
　He　wanted　to　get　away　from　Troy；　evade　the　questions　he　knew　Troy　would　ask　him。　But　the　Warmark　had　a　look　of　determination。　After　a　few　moments；　he　said；　〃Listen；　Covenant。　I'm　trying　to　understand。　Since　the　last　time　we　talked；　I've　spent　half　my　time　trying。　Somebody　has　got　to　have　some　idea　what　to　expect　from　you。　But　I　just　don't　see　it。　Back　there；　you're　a　leper。　Isn't　this　better？〃
　Dully；　answering　as　briefly　as　possible；　Covenant　said；　〃It　isn't　real。　I　don't　believe　it。〃　Half　to　himself；　he　added；　〃Lepers　who　pay　too　much　attention　to　their　own　dreams　or　whatever　don't　live　very　long。〃
　〃Jesus；〃　Troy　muttered。　〃You　make　it　sound　as　if　leprosy　is　all　there　is。〃　He　thought　for　a　moment；　then　demanded；　〃How　can　you　be　so　sure　this　isn't　real？〃
　〃Because　life　isn't　like　this。　Lepers　don't　get　well。　People　with　no　eyes　don't　suddenly　start　seeing。　Such　things　don't　happen。　Somehow；　we're　being　betrayed。　Our　own…our　own　needs　for　something　that　we　don't　have…are　seducing　us　into　this。　It's　crazy。　Look　at　you。　e　on…think　about　what　happened　to　you。　There　you　were；　trapped　between　a　nine…story　fall　and　a　raging　fire…blind　and　helpless　and　about　to　die。　Is　it　so　strange　to　think　that　you　cracked　up？
　〃That　is；〃　he　went　on　mordantly；　〃assuming　you　exist　at　all。　I've　got　an　idea　about　you。　I　must've　made　you　up　subconsciously　so　that　I　would　have　someone　to　argue　with。　Someone　to　tell　me　I'm　wrong。〃
　〃Damn　it！〃　Troy　cried。　Turning　swiftly；　he　snatched　up　Covenant's　right　hand　and　gripped　it　at　eye　level　between　them。　With　his　head　thrust　defiantly　forward；　he　said　intensely；　〃Look　at　me。　Feel　my　grip。　I'm　here。　It's　a　fact。　It's　real。〃
　For　a　moment；　Covenant　considered　Troy's　hand。　Then　he　said；　〃I　feel　you。　And　I　see　you。　I　even　hear　you。　But　that　only　proves　my　point。　I　don't　believe　it。　Now　let　go　of　me。〃
　〃Why？！〃
　Troy's　sunglasses　loomed　at　him　darkly；　but　Covenant　glared　back　into　them　until　they　turned　away。　Gradually；　the　Warmark　released　the　pressure　of　his　grip。　Covenant　yanked　his　hand　away；　and　walked　on　with　a　quiver　in　his　breathing。　After　a　few　strides；　he　said；　〃Because　I　can　feel　it。　And　I　can't　afford　it。　Now　listen　to　me。　Listen　hard。　I'm　going　to　try　to　explain　this　so　you　can　understand。
　〃Just　forget　that　you　know　there's　no　possible　way　you　could　have　e　here。　It's　impossible…　But　just　forget　that　for　a　while。　Listen。　I'm　a　leper。　Leprosy　is　not　a　directly　fatal　disease；　but　it　can　kill　indirectly。　I　can　only…any　leper　can　only　stay　alive　by　concentrating　all　the　time　every　minute　to　keep　himself　from　getting　hurt…and　to　take　care　of　his　hurts　as　soon　as　they　happen。　The　one　thing…　Listen　to　me。　The　one
　thing　no　leper　can　afford　is　to　let　his　mind　wander。　If　he　wants　to　stay　alive。　As　soon　as　he　stops　concentrating；　and　starts　thinking　about　how　he's　going　to　make　a　better　life　for　himself；　or　starts　dreaming　about　how　his　life　was　before　he　got　sick；　or　about　what　he　would　do　if　he　only　got　cured；　or　even　if　people　simply　stopped　abhorring　lepers〃…he　threw　the　words　at　Troy's　head　like　chunks　of　stone…〃then　he　is　as　good　as　dead。
　〃This…Land…is　suicide　to　me。　It's　an　escape；　and　I　can't　afford　even　thinking　about　escapes；　much　less　actually　falling　into　one。　Maybe　a　blind　man　can　stand　the　risk；　but　a　leper　can't。　If　I　give　in　here；　I　won't　last　a　month　where　it　really　counts。　Because　I'll　have　to　go　back。　Am　I　getting　through　to　you？〃
　〃Yes；〃　Troy　said。　〃Yes。　I'm　not　stupid。　But　think　about　it　for　a　minute。　If　it　should　happen…if　it　should　somehow　be　true　that　the　Land　is　real…then　you're　denying　your　only　hope。　And　that's…〃
　〃I　know。〃
　〃…that's　not　all。　There's　something　you're　not　taking　into　account。　The　one　thing　that　doesn't　fit　this　delusion　theory　of　yours　is　power…your　power。　White　gold。　Wild　magic。　That　damn　ring　of　yours　changes　everything。　You're　not　a　victim　here。　This　isn't　being　done　to　you。　You're　responsible。〃
　〃No；〃　Covenant　groaned。
　〃Wait　a　minute！　You　can't　just　deny　this。　You're　responsible　for　your　dreams；　Covenant。　Just　like　anybody　else。〃
　No！　Nobody　can　control　dreams。　Covenant　tried　to　fill　himself　with　icy　confidence；　but　his　heart　was　chilled　by　another　cold　entirely。
　Troy　pressed　his　argument。　〃There's　been　plenty　of　evidence　that　white　gold　is　just　exactly　what　the　Lords　say　it　is。　How　were　the　defenses　of　the　Second　Ward　broken？　How　did　the　Fire…Lions　of　Mount　Thunder　get　called　down　to　save　you？　White　gold；　that's　how。　You've　already　got　the　key　to　the　whole　thing。〃
　〃No。〃　Covenant　struggled　to　give　his　refusal　some　force。　〃No。　It　isn't　like　that。　What　white　gold　does　in　the　Land　has　nothing　to　do　with　me。　It　isn't　me。　I　can't　touch　it；　make　it　work；　influence　it。　It's　just　another　thing　that's　happened　to　me。　I've　got　no　power。　For　all　I　know　or　can　do　about　it；　this　wild　magic　could　turn　on　tomorrow　or　five　seconds　from　now　and　blast　us　all。　It　could　crown　Foul　king　of　the　universe　whether　I　want　it　to　or　not。　It　has　nothing　to　do　with　me。〃
　〃Is　that　a　fact？〃　Troy　said　sourly。　〃And　since　you　don't　have　any　power；　no　one　can　hold　you　to　blame。〃
　Troy's　tone　gave　Covenant　something　on　which　to　focus　his　anger。　〃That's　right！〃　he　flared。　〃Let　me　tell　you　something。　The　only　person　in　life　who's　free　at　all；　ever；　is　a　person　who's　impotent。　Like　me。　Or　what　do　you　think　freedom　is？　Unlimited　potential？　Unrestricted　possibilities？　Hellfire！　Impotence　is　freedom。　When　you're　incapable　of　anything；　no　one　can　expect　anything　from　you。　Power　has　its　own　limit　seven　ultimate　power。　Only　the　impotent　are　free。
　〃No！〃　he　snapped　to　stop　Troy's　protest。　〃I'll　tell　you　something　else。　What　you're　really　asking　me　to　do　is　learn　how　to　use　this　wild　magic　so　I　can　go　around　butchering　the　poor；　miserable　creatures　in　Foul's　army。　Well；　I'm　not　going　to　do　it。　I'm　not　going　to　do　any　more　killing…and　certainly　not　in　the　name　of　something　that　isn't　even　real！〃
　〃Hooray；〃　muttered　Troy　in　tight　sarcasm。　〃Sweet　Jesus。　Whatever　happened　to　people　who　used　to　believe　in　things？〃
　〃They　got　leprosy　and　died。　Weren't　you　listening　to　that　song？〃
　Before　Troy　could　reply；　they　rounded　a　corner；　and　entered　an　intersection　where　several　halls　came　together。　Bannor　stood　in　the　junction　as　if　he　were　waiting　for　them。　He　blocked　the　hall　Covenant　had　intended　to　take。　〃Choose　another　way；〃　he　said　expressionlessly。　〃Turn　aside。　Now。〃
　Troy　did　not