jg.skippingchristmas-第19节

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　a　thing　to　stop　the　bleeding。　
　〃Did　you　get　the　Yarbers　and　the　Friskis？〃　Nora　asked　at　the　phone；　the　receiver　stuck　to　her　head。
　〃Yes；　they　can't　e。〃
　〃Unpack　those　grocery　bags；〃　she　demanded；　then　said　into　the　phone；　〃Sue；　it's　Nora。　Merry　Christmas。　Look；　we've　just　had　a　big　surprise　over　here。　Blair's　ing　home　with　her　fiancé；　be　here　tonight；　and　we're　running　around　like　crazy　trying　to　put　together　a　last…minute　party。〃　Pause。　〃Peru；　thought　we　wouldn't　see　her　till　next　Christmas。〃　Pause。　〃Yes；　quite　a　surprise。〃　Pause。　〃Yes；　fiancé。〃　Pause。　〃He's　a　doctor。〃　Pause。　〃He's　from　down　there　somewhere；　Peru　I　think；　she　just　met　him　a　few　weeks　ago　and　now　they're　getting　married；　so　needless　to　say　we're　in　shock。　So　tonight。〃　Pause。
　Luther　removed　eight　pounds　of　smoked　Oregon　trout；　all　packed　in　airtight　thick　cellophane　wrappers；　the　type　that　gave　the　impression　the　fish　had　been　caught　years　ago。
　〃Sounds　like　a　nice　party；〃　Nora　was　saying。　〃Sorry　you　can't　make　it。　Yes；　I'll　give　a　hug　to　Blair。　Merry　Christmas；　Sue。〃　She　hung　up　and　took　a　deep　breath。　With　the　worst　possible　timing　Luther　said；　〃Smoked　trout？〃
　〃Either　that　or　frozen　pizza；〃　she　fired　back　with　glowing　eyes　and　clenched　fists。
　〃There's　not　a　turkey　or　a　ham　left　in　the　stores；　and；　even　if　I　found　one；　there's　not　enough　time　to　cook　it。　So；　yes；　Luther；　Mr。　Beach　Bum；　we're　having　smoked　trout　for　Christmas。〃
　The　phone　rang　and　Nora　snatched　it。
　〃Hello；　yes；　Emily；　how　are　you？　Thanks　for　returning　my　call。〃
　Luther　couldn't　think　of　a　single　person　named　Emily。　He　pulled　out　a　three…pound　block　of　Cheddar　cheese；　a　large　wedge　of　Swiss；　boxes　of　crackers；　clam　dip；　and　three　two…day…old　chocolate　pies　from　a　bakery　Nora　had　always　avoided。　She　was　rattling　on　about　their　last…minute　party；　when　suddenly　she　said；　〃You　can　e！　That's　wonderful。　Around　sevenish；　casual；　sort　of　a　e…and…go。〃　Pause。　〃Your　parents？　Sure　they　can　e；　the　more　the　merrier。　Great；　Emily。　See　you　in　a　bit。〃　She　hung　up　without　a　smile。
　〃Emily　who？〃
　〃Emily　Underwood。〃
　Luther　dropped　a　box　of　crackers。　〃No；〃　he　said。
　She　was　suddenly　interested　in　unpacking　the　last　bag　of　groceries。
　〃You　didn't；　Nora；〃　he　said。　〃Tell　me　you　didn't　invite　Mitch　Underwood。　Not　here；　not　to　our　house。　You　didn't；　Nora；　please　say　you　didn't。〃
　〃We're　desperate。〃
　〃Not　that　desperate。〃
　〃I　like　Emily。〃
　〃She's　a　witch　and　you　know　it。　You　like　her？　When's　the　last　time　you　had　lunch　with　her；　or　breakfast　or　coffee　or　anything？〃
　〃We　need　bodies；　Luther。〃
　〃Mitch　the　Mouth　is　not　a　body；　he's　a　windbag。　A　thundering　load　of　hot　air。　People　hide　from　the　Underwoods；　Nora。　Why？〃
　〃They're　ing。　Be　thankful。〃
　〃They're　ing　because　nobody　in　their　right　mind　would　invite　them　to　a　social　occasion。　They're　always　free。〃
　〃Hand　me　that　cheese。〃
　〃This　is　a　joke；　right？〃
　〃He'll　be　good　with　Enrique。〃
　〃Enrique'll　never　again　set　foot　in　the　United　States　after　Underwood　gets　through　with　him。　He　hates　everything…the　city；　the　state；　Democrats；　Republicans；　Independents；　clean　air；　you　name　it。　He's　the　biggest　bore　in　the　world。　He'll　get　half…drunk　and　you　can　hear　him　two　blocks　over。〃
　〃Settle　down；　Luther。　It's　done。　Speaking　of　drinking；　I　didn't　have　time　to　get　the　wine。　You'll　have　to　go。〃
　〃I'm　not　leaving　the　safety　of　my　home。〃
　〃Yes；　you　are。　I　didn't　see　Frosty。〃
　〃I'm　not　doing　Frosty。　I've　made　up　my　mind。〃
　〃Yes；　you　are。〃
　The　phone　rang　again；　and　Nora　grabbed　it。　〃Who　could　this　be？〃　Luther　muttered　to　himself。　〃Can't　get　any　worse。〃
　〃Blair；〃　Nora　said。　〃Hello；　dear。〃
　〃Gimme　the　phone；〃　Luther　kept　muttering。　〃I'll　send　'em　back　to　Peru。〃
　〃You're　in　Atlanta…great；〃　Nora　said。　Pause；　〃We're　just　cooking　away；　dear；　getting　ready　for　the　party。〃　Pause。　〃We're　excited　too；　dear；　can't　wait。〃　Pause。　〃Of　course　I'm　making　a　caramel　cream　pie；　your　favorite。〃　She　shot　Luther　a　look　of　horror。　〃Yes；　honey；　we'll　be　at　the　airport　at　six。　Love　you。〃
　Luther　glanced　at　his　watch。　Three　o'clock。　She　hung　up　and　said；　〃I　need　two　pounds　of　caramel　and　a　jar　of　marshmallow　cream。〃
　〃I'll　finish　the　tree…it　still　needs　more　ornaments；〃　Luther　said；　〃I'm　not　fighting　the　mobs。〃　
　Nora　chewed　a　fingernail　for　a　second　and　assessed　things。　This　meant　a　plan　was　ing；　probably　one　with　a　lot　of　detail。
　〃Let's　do　this；〃　she　began。　〃Let's　finish　decorating　by　four。　How　long　will　Frosty　take？〃
　〃Three　days。〃
　〃At　four；　I'll　make　the　final　run　to　town；　and　you　get　Frosty　up　on　the　roof。　Meanwhile；　we'll　go　through　the　phone　book　and　call　everybody　we've　ever　met。〃
　〃Don't　tell　anyone　Underwood's　ing。〃
　〃Hush；　Luther！〃
　〃Smoked　trout　with　Mitch　Underwood。　That'll　be　the　hottest　ticket　in　town。〃
　Nora　put　on　a　Sinatra　Christmas　CD；　and　for　twenty　minutes　Luther　flung　more　ornaments　on　Trogdon's　tree　while　Nora　set　out　candles　and　ceramic　Santas　and　decorated　the　fireplace　mantel　with　plastic　holly　and　mistletoe。　They　said　nothing　to　each　other　for　a　long　time；　then　Nora　broke　the　ice　with　more　instructions。　〃These　boxes　can　go　back　to　the　attic。〃
　Of　all　the　things　Luther　hated　about　Christmas；　perhaps　the　most　dreaded　chore　was　hauling　boxes　up　and　down　the　retractable　stairs　of　the　attic。　Up　the　staircase　to　the　second　floor；　then　wedge　into　the　narrow　hallway　between　two　bedrooms；　then　readjust　positions　so　that　the　box；　which　was　inevitably　too　big；　could　be　shoved　up　the　flimsy　ladder　through　the　opening　to　the　attic。　ing　down　or　going　up；　it　didn't　matter。　It　was　a　miracle　he'd　avoided　serious　injury　over　the　years。
　〃And　after　that；　start　bringing　Frosty　up；〃　she　barked　like　an　admiral。
　She　leaned　hard　on　Reverend　Zabriskie；　and　he　finally　said　he　could　stop　by　for　half　an　hour。　Luther；　at　gunpoint；　called　his　secretary；　Dox；　and　twisted　her　arm　until　she　agreed　to　stop　by　for　a　few　minutes。　Dox　had　been　married　three　times；　was　currently　unmarried　but　always　had　a　boyfriend　of　some　variety。　The　two　of　them；　plus　Reverend　and　Mrs。　Zabriskie；　plus　the　Underwood　group；　totaled　an　optimistic　eight；　if　they　all　converged　at　the　same　time。　Twelve　altogether　with　the　Kranks　and　Blair　and　Enrique。
　Twelve　almost　made　Nora　cry　again。　Twelve　would　seem　like　three　in　their　living　room　on　Christmas　Eve。
　She　called　her　two　favorite　wine　stores。　One　was　closed；　the　other　would　be　open　for　a　half　hour。　At　four；　Nora　left　in　a　flurry　of　instructions　for　Luther；　who；　by　then；　was　thinking　of　hitting　the　cognac　hidden　in　the　basement。
　
　
　Sixteen
　
　Just　minutes　after　Nora　left；　the　phone　rang；　Luther　grabbed　it。　Maybe　it　was　Blair　again。　He'd　tell　her　the　truth。　He'd　give　her　a　piece　of　his　mind　about　how　thoughtless　this　last…minute　surprise　was；　how　selfish。　She'd　get　her　feelings　hurt；　but　she'd　get　over　it。　With　a　wedding　on　the　way；　she'd　need　them　more　than　ever。
　〃Hello；〃　he　snapped。
　〃Luther；　it's　Mitch　Underwood；〃　came　a　booming　voice；　the　sound　of　which　made　Luther　want　to　stick　his　head　in　the　oven。
　〃Hi；　Mitch。〃
　〃Merry　Christmas　to　you。　Hey；　look；　thanks　for　the　invite　and　all；　but　we　just　can't　squeeze　you　guys　in。　Lots　of　invitations；　you　know。〃
　Oh　yes；　the　Underwoods　were　on　everyone's　A　list。　Folks　clamored　for　Mitch's　insufferable　tirades　on　property　taxes　and　city　zoning。　〃Gee；　I'm　real　sorry；　Mitch；〃　Luther　said。　〃Maybe　next　year。〃
　〃Sure；　give　us　a　call。〃
　〃Merry　Christmas；　Mitch。〃
　The　gathering　of　twelve　was　now　down　to　eight；　with　more　defections　on　the　way。　Before　Luther　could　take　a　step；　the　phone　was　ringing　again。　〃Mr。　Krank；　it's　me；　Dox；〃　came　a　struggling　voice。
　〃Hello；　Dox。〃
　〃Sorry　about　your　cruise　and　all。〃
　〃You've　already　said　that。〃
　〃Yes；　look；　something's　e　up。　This　guy　I'm　seeing　was　gonna　surprise　me　with　dinner　at　Tanner　Hall。　Champagne；　caviar；　the　works。　He　made　a　reservation　a　month　ago。　I　really　can't　say　no　to　him。〃
　〃Of　course　you　can't；　Dox。〃
　〃He's　hiring　a　limo；　everything。　He's　a　real　sweetheart。〃
　〃Sure　he　is；　Dox。〃
　〃We　just　can't　make　it　to　your　place；　but　I'd　love　to　see　Blair。〃
　Blair'd　been　gone　a　month。　Dox　hadn't　seen　her　in　two　years。　〃I'll　tell　her。〃
　〃Sorry；　Mr。　Krank。〃
　〃No　problem。〃
　Down　to　six。　Three　Kranks　plus　Enrique；　and　the　Reverend　and　Mrs。　Zabriskie。　He　almost　called　Nora　to　break　the　bad　news；　but　why　bother？　Poor　thing　was　out　there　beating　her　brains　out。　Why　make　her　cry？　Why　give　her　another　reason　to　bark　at　him　for　his　grand　idea　gone　bad？
　Luther　was　closer　to　the　cognac　than　he　wanted　to　admit。
　
　Spike　Frohmeyer　reported　all　he'd　seen　and　heard。　With　forty　bucks　in　his　pocket　and　a　fading　vow　of　silence　floating　around　out　there；　he　was　at　first　hesitant　to　talk。　But　then　no　one　kept　quiet　on　Hemlock。　After　a　couple　of　prodding　volleys　from　his　father；　Vic；　he　unloaded　everything。
　He　reported　how　he'd　been　paid　to　help　take　the　tree　from　the　Trogdons'；　how　he'd　helped　Mr。　Krank　set　it　up　in　his　living　room；　then　practically　thrown　on　ornaments　and　lights；　how　Mr。　Krank　had　kept　sneaking　to　the　telephone　and　calling　people；　how　he'd　heard　just　enough　to　know　that　the　Kranks　were　planning　a　last…minute　party　for　Christmas　Eve；　but　nobody　wanted　to　e。　He　could