ch.doublewhammy-第64节

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ight；　maybe　the　cop　cars　weren't　so　bad。　Might　even　get　viewers　curious；　jack　up　the　ratings。
　〃May　I　bring　him　in　now？〃　Deacon　Johnson　asked。
　〃Sure；　Izzy。〃　Weeb　was　done　with　his　haircut。　He　gave　the　barber　a　hundred　dollars　and　told　him　to　go　home。　Weeb　checked　himself　in　the　mirror　and　splashed　on　some　Old　Spice。　Then　he　went　to　the　closet　and　selected　a　pale　raspberry　suit；　one　of　his　favorites。　He　was　stepping　into　the　shiny　flared　trousers　when　Deacon　Johnson　returned　with　die　designated　sinner。
　〃Well；　you're　certainly　a　big　fella；〃　Weeb　said。
　〃I　must　be；〃　said　the　man。
　〃Deacon　Johnson　tells　me　you're　blind。〃
　〃Not　pletely。〃
　〃Well；　no；　of　course　not；〃　Reverend　Weeb　said。　〃No　child　of　God　is　pletely　blind；　not　in　the　spiritual　sense。　His　eyes　are　your　eyes。〃
　〃That's　damn　good　to　know。〃
　〃What's　your　name；　sinner？〃
　〃They　call　me　Skink。〃
　〃What's　that；　Scandinavian　or　something？　Skink。〃　Weeb　frowned。　〃Would　you　mind；　Mr。　Skink；　if　today　you　took　a　biblical　name？　Say；　Jeremiah？〃
　〃Sure。〃
　〃That's　excellent。〃　Reverend　Weeb　was　worried　about　the　man's　braided　hair；　and　he　pantomimed　his　concern　to　Deacon　Johnson。
　〃The　hair　stays；〃　Skink　said。
　〃It's　not　that　bad；〃　Deacon　Johnson　interjected。　〃Actually；　he　looks　a　little　like　one　of　the　Oak　Ridge　Boys。〃
　Charlie　Weeb　conceded　the　point。　He　said；　〃Mr。　Skink；　I　guess　they　told　you　how　this　works。　We've　got　a　dress　rehearsal　in　about　twenty　minutes；　but　I　want　to　warn　you：　the　real　thing　is　much　different；　much　more　。。。　emotional。　You　ever　been　to　a　televised　tent　healing　before？〃
　〃Nope。〃
　〃People　cry；　scream；　drool；　tremble；　fall　down　on　the　floor。　It's　a　joyous；　joyous　moment。　And　the　better　you　are；　the　more　joyous　it　is。〃
　〃What　I　want　to　know；〃　Skink　said；　〃is　do　I　really　get　healed？〃
　Reverend　Weeb　smiled　avuncularly　and　flicked　the　lint　off　his　raspberry　lapels。　〃Mr。　Skink；　there　are　two　kinds　of　healings。　One　is　a　physical　revelation；　the　other　is　spiritual。　No　one　but　the　Lord　himself　can　foretell　what　will　happen　this　afternoon…probably　a　genuine　miracle…but　at　the　very　least；　I　promise　your　eyes　will　be　healed　in　the　spiritual　sense。〃
　〃That　won't　help　me　pass　the　driver's　test；　will　it？〃
　Charlie　Weeb　coughed　lightly。　〃Did　Deacon　Johnson　mention　that　we　pay　in　cash？〃
　
　At　five　sharp；　the　special　live　edition　of　Jesus　in　Tour　Living　Room　flashed　via　satellite　across　the　far　reaches　of　the　Outdoor　Christian　Network。　Radiant　and　cool；　the　Reverend　Charles　Weeb　appeared　behind　his　pink　plaster　pulpit　and　weled　America　to　the　scenic　and　friendly　new　munity　of　Lunker　Lakes；　Florida。
　〃We　are　particularly　delighted　to　be　joined　by　hundreds　of　Christian　brothers　and　sisters　who　flew　all　the　way　down　here　to　share　this　exciting　day　with　us。　Thank　you　all　for　your　love；　your　prayers；　and　your　down　payments　。。。　as　you've　seen　for　yourself；　Florida　is　still　a　paradise；　a　place　of　peacefulness；　of　inner　reflection；　of　celebrating　God's　glorious　work　by　celebrating　nature　。。。　〃
　Camera　number　one　swung　skyward。
　〃And　see　there；　as　I　speak；〃　said　Reverend　Weeb；　〃eagles　soar　over　this　beautiful　new　Elysium！〃
　The　high…soaring　birds　were　not　eagles；　but　mon　brown　turkey　vultures。　The　cameraman　was　under　strict　instructions　to　avoid　close…ups。
　Camera　number　two　panned　to　the　audience…starchy；　contented；　attentive　faces；　except　for　one　man　in　the　front　row；　who　was　not　applauding。　He　wore　an　ill…fitting　sharkskin　suit；　a　frayed　straw　hat；　and　black　sunglasses。　He　did　not　look　like　a　happy　Christian　soldier；　more　like　Charles　Manson　on　steroids。　Camera　two　did　not　linger　on　his　face　for　long。
　Charlie　Weeb　didn't　call　on　him　for　twenty　minutes。　By　that　time　the　audience　throbbed　in　a　damp　and　weepy　frenzy。　As　Weeb　had　predicted；　fat　women　were　fainting　left　and　right。　Grown　men　were　bawling　like　babies。
　At　a　nod　from　Reverend　Weeb；　two　young　deacons　in　dove…white　suits　led　the　blind　man　to　the　stage。
　〃You　poor　wretched　sinner；〃　Weeb　said。　〃What　is　your　name？〃
　〃Jeremiah　Skink。〃
　〃Ah；　Jeremiah！〃
　The　audience　roared。
　〃Jeremiah；　do　you　believe　in　miracles？〃
　〃Yes；　Brother　Weeb；〃　Skink　said。　〃Yes；　I　do。〃
　〃Do　you　believe　the　Lord　is　here　at　Lunker　Lakes　today？〃
　〃I　believe　he's　here　with　you；〃　Skink　said；　reciting　the　lines；　which　had　been　cut　drastically　due　to　problems　at　rehearsal。
　〃And；　Jeremiah；　do　you　believe　he　watches　over　his　children？〃
　〃He　loves　us　all；〃　Skink　said。
　〃You　have　been　blind；　lo；　for　how　long？〃　
　〃Lo；　for　quite　a　while；〃　Skink　said。　〃And　the　doctors　have　given　up　on　you？〃　
　〃Totally；　Reverend　Weeb。〃
　〃And　you've　even　given　up　on　yourself；　haven't　you；　brother？〃　
　〃Amen；〃　Skink　said；　as　a　Minicam　zoomed　in　on　the　sunglasses。　He　was　mad　at　himself　for　caving　in　about　the　straw　hat　and　sharkskin　suit。
　Reverend　Weeb　dabbed　his　forehead　with　a　kerchief　and　rested　a　pudgy　pink　hand　on　Skink's　shoulder。
　〃Jeremiah；〃　he　said　momentously；　〃on　this　glorious　tropical　day　that　God　has　given　us；　on　a　day　when　Christian　sportsmen　are　reaping　fortunes　from　these　pristine　waters　behind　us；　on　such　a　day　it　is　God's　wish　that　you　should　see　again。　You　should　see　the　glory　of　his　sunshine　and　his　sky　and　the　breathtaking　natural　beauty　of　his　modestly　priced　family　town…home　munity。　Would　you　like　to　see　that；　Jeremiah？　Would　you　like　to　see　again？〃
　〃You　bet　your　ass；〃　Skink　said；　deviating　slightly　from　the　script。
　Reverend　Weeb's　eyebrows　jumped；　but　he　didn't　lose　tempo。　〃Jeremiah；〃　he　went　on；　〃I'm　going　to　ask　these　good　Christian　people　who　are　witnessing　with　us　today　at　Lunker　Lakes　to　join　hands　with　one　another。　And　all　of　you　at　home；　put　down　your　Bibles　and　join　hands　in　your　living　room。　And　I　myself　will　take　your　hands；　Jeremiah；　and　together　we　will　beseech　Almighty　Jesus　to　bless　you　with　the　gift　of　sight。〃
　〃Amen；〃　Skink　said。
　〃Amen！〃　echoed　the　crowd。
　〃Make　this　sinner　see！〃　Reverend　Weeb　cried　to　the　heavens。
　〃See！〃　the　crowd　shouted。　〃See！　See！〃
　Skink　was　getting　into　the　act；　in　spite　of　himself。　〃See　me；　feel　me！〃　he　hollered。
　〃See　him；　feel　him！〃　the　audience　responded。　A　strange　new　verse；　but　it　had　a　pleasing　cadence。
　Hastily　Reverend　Weeb　steered　the　prayer　chant　back　to　more　conventional　exhortations。　〃God；　save　this　wretched　sinner！〃
　〃Save　him！〃　echoed　the　crowd。
　Like　a　turtle　suddenly　caught　on　the　highway；　Reverend　Weeb　retracted　his　neck；　drew　in　his　extremities；　and　blinked　his　eyes。　The　trance　lasted　a　full　minute　before　he　snapped　out。　Raising　his　arms　above　his　head；　he　declared：　〃The　time　is　nigh。　Jesus　is　ing　to　our　living　room！〃
　The　audience　waited　rapturously。　The　Minicam　was　so　close　you　could　have　counted　the　pores　on　Charlie　Weeb's　nose。
　〃Jeremiah？〃　he　said。　〃Repeat　after　me：　'Jesus；　let　me　see　your　face。'〃
　Skink　repeated　it。
　〃And；　'Jesus；　let　me　see　the　sunshine。'　〃
　〃Jesus；　let　me　see　the　sunshine。〃
　〃And；　'Jesus；　let　me　see　the　pure　Christian　glory　of　your　newest　creation；　Lunker　Lakes。'〃
　〃Ditto；〃　Skink　said。　Now　came　the　fun　part。
　〃The　Lord　has　spoken；〃　Weeb　declared。　〃Jeremiah；　my　dear　Christian　brother；　remove　thy　Wayfarers！〃
　Skink　took　off　the　sunglasses　and　tucked　them　in　the　top　pocket　of　the　suit。　A　ripple　of　shock　passed　through　the　audience。　Skink　had　not　allowed　the　makeup　girls　near　his　face。　The　Minicams　backed　off　fast。
　Averting　his　eyes；　Reverend　Weeb　bellowed：　〃Jeremiah；　are　you　truly　healed？〃
　〃Oh　yes；　Brother　Weeb。〃
　〃And　what　is　it　you　see？〃
　〃A　great　man　in　a　raspberry　suit。〃
　The　audience　applauded。　Many　shouted　febrile　praises　to　the　heavens。
　Beaming　modestly；　Reverend　Weeb　pressed　on：　〃And；　Jeremiah；　above　my　head　there　is　a　joyous　sign…a　sign　invisible　to　your　eyes　only　a　few　short　moments　ago。　Tell　us　what　it　says。〃
　This　was　Skink's　big　cue；　the　lead…in　to　the　live　tournament　coverage。　Since　it　was　assumed　he　would　still　be　mostly　blind　after　the　healing；　Skink　had　been　asked　to　memorize　the　banner　and　pretend　to　be　reading　it　on　the　air。　The　banner　said：　〃Lunker　Lakes　Presents　the　Dickie　Lockhart　Memorial　Bass　Blasters　Classic。〃
　But　those　were　not　the　words　that　Skink　intended　to　say　into　the　microphone。
　Charlie　Weeb　waited　three　long　beats。　〃Jeremiah？〃
　Skink　raised　his　eyes　to　the　banner。
　〃Jeremiah；　please；〃　Weeb　said；　〃what　does　the　sign　say？〃
　〃It　says：　'Squeeze　My　Lemon；　Baby。'　〃
　A　hot　prickly　silence　fell　over　the　stage。　Terror　filled　the　face　of　the　Reverend　Charles　Weeb。　His　mouth　hung　open　and　his　gleaming　bonded　caps　clacked　vigorously；　but　no　spiritual　words　issued　forth。
　The　big　blind　man　with　the　pulpy　face　began　to　weep。
　〃Thank　you；　Lord。　Thank　you；　Brother　Weeb。　Thanks　for　everything。〃
　With　that；　Skink　turned　to　face　camera　one。
　And　winked。
　And　when　he　winked；　the　amber　glass　owl　eye　popped　from　the　hole　in　his　head　and　bounced　on　the　stage　with　the　sharp　crack　of　a　marble。　They　heard　it　all　the　way　in　the　back　row。
　〃Oh；　I　can　see　again；　Brother　Weeb；〃　the　formerly　blind　man　cried。　〃e；　let　me　embrace　you　as　the　Lord　embraced　me。〃
　With　simian　arms　Skink　reached　out　and　seized　the　Minicam　and　pulled　it　to　his　face。
　〃Squeeze　my　lemon；　baby！〃　he　moaned；　mashing　his　lips　to　the　lens。
　In　the