cb.damnationgame-第9节
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dozen minor ailments conspired against his fort so that seldom a day passed without some irritation…an ulcerous mouth； or a chafing between the buttocks that itched furiously…fixing his attentions in the body when the urge to self…preservation called them elsewhere。 The curse of age； he'd decided； was distraction； and he couldn't afford the luxury of negligent thinking。 There was danger in contemplating itch and ulcer。 As soon as his mind was turned； something would take out his throat。 That was what the unease was telling him。 Don't look away for a moment； don't think you're safe because； old man； I've a message for you： the worst is yet to e。
Toy knocked once before entering the study。
〃Bill 。 。 。〃 Whitehead momentarily forgot the lawn and the advancing darkness as he turned to face his friend。
〃。 。 。 you got here。〃 〃Of course we got here； Joe。 Are we late？〃 〃No； no。 No problems？〃 〃Things are fine。〃 〃Good。〃 〃Strauss is downstairs。〃 In the diminishing light Whitehead crossed to the table and poured himself a sparing glass of vodka。 He had been holding off from drinking until now； a shot to celebrate Toy's safe arrival。
〃You want one？〃 It was a ritual question； with a ritual response： 〃No thanks。〃 〃You're going back to town； then？〃 〃When you've seen Strauss。〃 〃It's too late for the theater。 Why don't you stay； Bill？ Go back tomorrow morning when it's light。〃 〃I've got business；〃 Toy said； allowing himself the gentlest of smiles on the final word。 This was another ritual； one of many between the two men。 Toy's business in London； which the old man knew had nothing to do with the corporation； went unquestioned； it always had。
〃And what's your impression？〃 〃Of Strauss？ Much as I thought at the interview。 I think he'll be fine。 And if he isn't； there's plenty more where he came from。〃 〃I need someone who isn't going to scare easily。 Things could get very unpleasant。〃 Toy offered a nonmittal grunt and hoped that the talk on this matter wouldn't go any further。 He was tired after a day of waiting and traveling； and he wanted to look forward to the evening； this was no time to talk over that business again。
Whitehead had put down his drained glass on the tray and gone back to the window。 It was darkening in the room quite rapidly now； and when the old man stood with his back to Toy he was welded by shadow into something monolithic。 After thirty years in Whitehead's employ…three decades with scarcely a cross word spoken between them…Toy was still as much in awe of Whitehead as of some potentate with the power of life and death over him。 He still took a pause to find his equilibrium before entering into Whitehead's presence； he still found traces of the stammer he'd had when they'd met returning on occasion。 It was a legitimate response； he felt。 The man was power： more power than he could ever hope； or indeed would ever want； to possess： and it sat with deceptive lightness on Joe Whitehead's substantial shoulders。 In all their years of association； in conference or boardroom； he had never seen Whitehead want for the appropriate gesture or remark。 He was simply the most confident man Toy had ever met： certain to his marrow of his own supreme worth； his skills honed to such an edge that a man could be undone by a word； gutted for life； his self…esteem drained and his career tattered。 Toy had seen it done countless times； and often to men he considered his betters。 Which begged the question （he asked it even now； staring at Whitehead's back）： why did the great man pass the time of day with him？ Perhaps it was simply history。 Was that it？ History and sentiment。
〃I'm thinking of filling in the outdoor pool。〃 Toy thanked God Whitehead had changed the subject。 No talk of the past； for tonight at least。
〃…I don't swim out there any longer； even in the summer。〃 〃Put some fishes in。〃 Whitehead turned his head slightly to see if there was a smile on Toy's face。 He never signaled a joke in the tone of his voice； and it was easy； Whitehead knew； to offend the man's sensibilities if one laughed when no joke was intended； or the other way about。 Toy wasn't smiling。
〃Fishes？〃 said Whitehead。
〃Ornamental carp； perhaps。 Aren't they called koi？ Exquisite things。〃 Toy liked the pool。 At night it was lit from below； and the surface moved in mesmerizing eddies； the turquoise enchanting。 If there was a chill in the air the heated water gave off a wispy breath that melted away six inches from the surface。 In fact； though he'd hated swimming； the pool was a favorite place of his。 He wasn't certain if Whitehead knew this： he probably did。 Papa knew most things； he'd found； whether they'd been voiced or not。
〃You like the pool；〃 Whitehead stated。
There： proof。
〃Yes。 I do。〃 〃Then we'll keep it。〃 〃Well not just…〃 Whitehead raised his hand to ward off further debate； pleased to be giving this gift。
〃We'll keep it；〃 he said。 〃And you can fill it with koi。〃 He sat back down in the chair。
〃Shall I put the lawn lights on？〃 Toy asked。
〃No；〃 said Whitehead。 The dying light from the window cast his head in bronze； a latter…day Medici perhaps； with his weary…lidded； pit…set eyes； the white beard and mustache cropped nickingly close to his skin； the whole construction seemingly too weighty for the column supporting it。 Aware that his eyes were boring into the old man's back； and that Joe would surely sense it； Toy sloughed off the lethargy of the room and pressed himself back into action。
〃Well 。 。 。 shall I fetch Strauss； Joe？ Do you want to see him or not？〃 The words took an age to cross the room in the thickening darkness。 For several heartbeats Toy wasn't even certain that Whitehead had heard him。
Then the oracle spoke。 Not a prophecy； but a question。
〃Will we survive； Bill？〃 The words were spoken so quietly they only just carried； hooked on motes of dust and wafted from his lips。 Toy's heart sank。 It was the old theme again： the same paranoid song。
〃I hear more and more rumors； Bill。 They can't all be groundless。〃 He was still looking out the window。 Rooks circled above the wood half a mile or so across the lawn。 Was he watching them？ Toy doubted it。 He'd seen Whitehead like this often of late； sunk down into himself； scanning the past with his mind's eye。 It wasn't a vision Toy had access to； but he could guess at Joe's present fears…he'd been there； after all； in the early days…and he knew too that however much he loved the old man there were some burdens he would never be capable； or willing； to share。 He wasn't strong enough； he was at heart still the boxer Whitehead had employed as a bodyguard three decades before。 Now； of course； he wore a four…hundred…pound suit； and his nails were as immaculately kept as his manners。 But his mind was the same as ever； superstitious and fragile。 The dreams the great dreamed were not for him。 Nor were their nightmares。
Again； Whitehead posed the haunted question： 〃Will we survive？〃 This time Toy felt obliged to reply。
〃Everything's fine； Joe。 You know it is。 Profits up in most sectors 。 。 。〃 But evasion wasn't what the old man wanted and Toy knew it。 He let the words falter； leaving a silence； after the faltering； more wretched than ever。 Toy's stare； now fixed on Whitehead again； was unblinking； and at the corners of his eyes the murk that had taken over the room began to flicker and crawl。 He dropped his lids： they almost grated across his eyeballs。 Patterns danced in his head （wheels； stars and windows） and when he opened his eyes again the night finally had a stranglehold on the interior。
The bronze head remained unmoved。 But it spoke； and the words seemed to e from Whitehead's bowels； dirtied with fear。
〃I'm afraid； Willy；〃 he said。 〃All my life I've never been as frightened as I am now。〃 He spoke slowly； without the least emphasis； as if he despised the melodrama of his words and was refusing to magnify it further。
〃All these years； living without fear； I'd forgotten what it was like。 How crippling it is。 How it drains your willpower。 I just sit here； day in； day out。 Locked up in this place； with the alarms； the fences； the dogs。 I watch the lawn and the trees…〃 He was watching。
〃…and sooner or later； the light begins to fade。〃 He paused： a long； deep hush； except for the distant crows。
〃I can bear the night itself。 It's not pleasant； but it's unambiguous。 It's twilight I can't deal with。 That's when the bad sweats e over me。 When the light's going； and nothing's quite real anymore； quite solid。 Just forms。 Things that once had shapes 。 。 。〃 It had been a winter of such evenings： colorless drizzles that eroded distance and killed sound； weeks on end of uncertain light； when troubled dawn became troubled dusk with no day intervening。 There had been too few hard…frosted days like today； just one discouraging month upon another。
〃I sit here every evening now；〃 the old man was saying。 〃It's a test I set myself。 Just to sit and watch everything eroded。 Defying it all。〃 Toy could taste the profundity of Papa's despair。 He hadn't been like this ever before； not even after Evangeline's death。
It was almost pletely dark outside and in； without the lawn lights on； the grounds were pitch。 But Whitehea
