rh.royalassassin-第58节
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It was unthinkable。 To tell her those things would hurt and shame her。 She would have felt permanently dirtied by the touch we had shared。 I told myself that I could stand to have her despise me； but I could not stand to have her despise herself。 I told myself that I clenched my lips shut because it was the nobler thing to do； to keep these secrets to myself was better than to let the truth destroy her。 Did I lie to myself； then？
Don't we all？
I lay there； with her arms twined warm around me； with the length of her body warming my side； and promised myself that I would change。 I would stop being all those things； and then I would never need tell her。 Tomorrow； I promised myself；
I would tell Chade and Shrewd that I would no longer kill for them。 Tomorrow； I would make Nighteyes understand why I must sever my bond with him。 Tomorrow。
But today； in this day that was already beginning to dawn； I had to go forth with the wolf at my side； to hunt the Forged ones and slay them。 Because I wanted to go to Shrewd with a fresh triumph； to put him in the mood to grant the boon I would ask。 This very evening； when my killing was done； I would ask him to allow Molly and me to marry。 I promised myself that his permission would mark the beginning of my new life as a man who would no longer have to keep secrets from the woman he loved。 I kissed her forehead； then set her arms softly aside from me。
〃I have to leave you；〃 I whispered as she stirred。 〃But I pray it will not be for long。 Today I go to Shrewd； to ask permission to marry you。〃
She stirred and opened her eyes。 She watched in a sort of wonder as I went naked from her bed。 I put more wood on the fire； then avoided her gaze as I gathered my scattered clothes and put them on。 She was not so shy； for as I looked up from fastening my belt； I found her eyes upon me； smiling。 I blushed。
〃I feel we are wed already；〃 she whispered。 〃I cannot imagine how the speaking of any vows could make us more truly joined。〃
〃Nor I。〃 I came to sit on the edge of her bed； to take her hands in mine once again。 〃But there will be great satisfaction to me in letting all know of it。 And that； my lady； requires a wedding。 And a public speaking of all my heart has already vowed to you。 But for now； I must go。〃
〃Not yet。 Stay awhile yet。 I am sure we have some small time left before anyone else begins to stir。〃
I leaned over her to kiss her。 〃I have to go now； to retrieve a certain rope that is hanging from the battlements to my lady's window。 Otherwise； it might excite ment。〃
〃At least stay long enough to let me change the dressings on your arm and neck。 However did you hurt yourself so？ I meant to ask you last night； but 。。。〃
I smiled down at her。 〃I know。 There were more interesting things to pursue。 No； my dear。 But I promise you I shall take care of it this morning； in my room。〃 To call her 〃my dear〃 made me feel a man as no words ever had before。 I kissed her； promising myself that I would go immediately afterward； but found myself lingering to her touch on my neck。 I sighed。 〃I do have to go。〃
〃I know。 But you have not told me how you injured yourself。〃
I could hear in her voice that she did not think my hurts were serious； but only tried to use the subject to detain me at her side。 But still it shamed me； and I tried to make the lie as harmless as possible。 〃Dog bites。 A bitch in the stable with pups。 I guess I did not know her as well as I had thought。 I bent to pick up one of her pups； and she went for me。〃
〃Poor boy。 Well。 Are you sure you cleaned it well？ Animal bites infect very easily。〃
〃I'll clean it again when I dress it。 Now。 I must go。〃 I covered her over with the feather quilt； but not without a twinge of regret at leaving that warmth。 〃Get what little sleep is left for you before day breaks。〃
〃FitzChivalry！ 〃
I paused at the door； turned back。 〃Yes？〃
〃e to me tonight。 Regardless of what the King may say。〃
I opened my mouth to protest。
〃Promise me！ Otherwise； I shall not survive this day。 Promise me you will return to me。 For no matter what the King may say； know this。 I am your wife now。 And always will be。 Always。〃
My heart stood still in me at that gift； and I could do no more than dumbly nod。 My look must have been enough； for the smile she bestowed on me was bright and golden as midsummer sunshine。 I lifted the bar and unhooked the latch of the door。 Easing it open； I peered out into the darkened hallway。 〃Be sure you lock up after me；〃 I whispered； and then I slipped away from her into the little that was left of the night。
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Hunting
THE SKILL； LIKE any other discipline； can be taught in number of ways。 Galen； Skill Master under King Shrewd； used techniques of deprivation and enforced hardship to break down a student's inner walls。 Once reduced to a level of cowering survival； the student was susceptible to Galen's invasion of his mind and his enforced acceptance of Galen's Skilling techniques。 While the students who survived his training and went on to bee his coterie could all Skill reliably； none were especially strong of talent。 Galen reportedly congratulated himself at taking students of little talent； and teaching them to Skill reliably。 This may be the case。 Or perhaps he took students with great potential； and ground them down to adequate tools。
One may contrast Galen's techniques with that of Solicity； Skill Mistress before him。 She supplied the initial instruction to the then young Princes Verity and Chivalry。 Verity's account of his instruction indicates much was acplished by gentleness and lulling her students into lowering their barriers。 Both Verity and Chivalry emerged from her training as adept and strong Skill users。 Her death unfortunately occurred before their full adult instruction was plete； and before Galen had advanced to a journey status as a Skill instructor。 One can only wonder how much knowledge of the Skill went to her grave with her； and what potentials of this royal magic may never be rediscovered。
I spent little time in my room that morning。 The fire had gone out； but the chill I felt there was more than that of an unwarmed room。 This room was an empty shell of a life soon to be left behind。 It seemed more barren than ever。 I stood； bared to the waist； and shivered as I washed myself with unwarmed water； and belatedly changed the bandaging on my arm and neck。 I did not deserve for those wounds to look as clean as they did。 Nonetheless； they were healing well。
I dressed warmly； a padded mountain shirt going on under a heavy leather jerkin。 I pulled on heavy leather over trousers and laced them close to my legs with strips of leather。 I took down my work blade and armed myself with a short dagger as well。 From my working kit； I took a small pot of powdered death's cap。 Despite all this； I felt unprotected； and equally foolish； as I left my room。
I went straight to Verity's tower。 I knew he would be awaiting me； expecting to work with me on Skilling。 Somehow I would have to convince him that I needed to hunt Forged ones this day。 I climbed the stairs swiftly； wishing this day were over。 All of my life was presently focused on the moment when I could knock on King Shrewd's door and ask his permission to marry Molly。 The mere thought of her flooded me with such a strange bination of unfamiliar feelings that my strides on the stairs slowed as I tried to consider them all。 Then I gave it over as useless。 〃Molly；〃 I said aloud； but softly； to myself。 Like a magic word； it strengthened my resolve and spurred me on。 I stopped outside the door and rapped loudly。
I felt rather than heard Verity's permission to enter。 I pushed open the door and went inside。 I shut the door behind me。
Physically； the room was still。 A cool breeze sprang in from the open window and Verity sat enthroned before it on his old chair。 His hands rested idly on the windowsill and his eyes were fixed on the distant horizon。 His cheeks were pink； his dark hair mussed by the wind's fingers。 Save for the soft current from the window； the room was still and silent。 Yet I felt as if I had stepped into a whirlwind。 Verity's consciousness washed against me and I was drawn into his mind； swept along with his thoughts and his Skilling far out to sea。 He carried me with him on a dizzying tour of every ship within the range of his mind。 Here we brushed the thoughts of a merchant captain； 〃。。。 if the price is good enough； load up with oil for the return trip 。。。。〃 and then skipped from him to a net mender patching hastily； her fid flying； grumbling to herself as the captain railed at her to be faster about her task。 We found a pilot worrying about his pregnant wife at home； and three families out digging clams in the dim morning light before the tide came in to cover the beds again。 These and a dozen others we visited before Verity suddenly recalled us to our own bodies and place。 I felt as giddy as a small boy who has been boosted aloft by his father to perceive the whole chaos of the fair before being returned to his ow
