ah.thefinaldiagnosis-第63节

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t　silly　now？…she；　with　all　her　years　of　nursing；　getting　sentimental　at　this　late　day。　She　asked　Elizabeth；　〃What　were　you　thinking　about…when　I　came　in　just　then？〃
　〃I　was　thinking　about　children…fat；　roly…poly　children　scrambling　on　green　grass　in　afternoon　sunshine。〃　Elizabeth's　voice　had　a　dreamlike　quality。　〃It　was　like　that　in　Indiana　when　I　was　a　little　girl…in　the　summers。　Even　then　I　used　to　think　that　someday　I　would　have　children　and　that　I　would　sit　beside　them　while　they　rolled　on　the　grass　in　the　sunshine；　just　as　I　had。〃
　〃It's　a　funny　thing　about　children；〃　Wilding　said。　〃Sometimes　things　turn　out　so　different　from　the　way　you　thought　they　would。　I　had　a　son；　you　know。　He's　a　man　now。〃
　〃No；〃　Elizabeth　said；　〃I　didn't　know。〃
　〃Don't　misunderstand　me；〃　Wilding　said。　〃He's　a　fine　man…a　naval　officer。　He　got　married　a　month　or　two　ago；　I　had　a　letter　from　him　telling　me。〃
　Elizabeth　found　herself　wondering…what　it　would　be　like　to　bear　a　son　and　then　have　a　letter；　telling　about　his　getting　married。
　〃I　never　did　feel　we　got　to　know　one　another　very　well；〃　Wilding　was　saying。　〃I　expect　that　was　my　fault　in　a　way…getting　divorced　and　never　giving　him　a　real　home。〃
　〃But　you'll　go　and　see　him　sometimes？〃　Elizabeth　said。　〃And　there'll　be　grandchildren；　I　expect。〃
　〃I've　thought　a　lot　about　that；〃　Wilding　said。　〃I　used　to　think　it　would　be　fun。　You　know…having　grandchildren；　living　somewhere　near；　then　going　in　the　evenings　to　baby…sit；　and　all　the　rest。〃
　Elizabeth　asked；　〃But　won't　you…now？〃
　Wilding　shook　her　head。　〃I　have　a　feeling　that　when　I　go　it'll　be　like　visiting　strangers。　And　it　won't　be　often　either。　You　see；　my　son　is　stationed　in　Hawaii；　they　left　last　week。〃　She　added　with　a　touch　of　defiant　loyalty；　〃He　was　ing　to　see　me　and　bring　his　wife。　Then　something　came　up　at　the　last　minute；　so　they　couldn't　make　it。〃
　There　was　a　silence；　then　Wilding　said；　〃Well；　I'll　have　to　be　getting　on　now。〃　She　eased　to　her　feet；　then　added　from　the　doorway；　〃Drink　your　juice；　Mrs。　Alexander。　I'll　e　and　tell　you…just　as　soon　as　we　hear　anything　at　all。〃
　
　Kent　O'Donnell　was　sweating；　and　the　assisting　nurse　leaned　forward　to　mop　his　forehead。　Five　minutes　had　passed　since　artificial　respiration　had　begun；　and　still　there　was　no　response　from　the　tiny　body　under　his　hands。　His　thumbs　were　on　the　chest　cavity；　the　remainder　of　his　fingers　crossed　around　the　back。　The　child　was　so　small；　O'Donnell's　two　hands　overlapped；　he　had　to　use　them　carefully；　aware　that　with　too　much　pressure　the　fragile　bones　would　sunder　like　twigs。　Gently；　once　more；　he　squeezed　and　relaxed；　the　oxygen　hissing；　trying　to　induce　breath；　to　coax　the　tired；　tiny　lungs　back　into　life　with　movement　of　their　own。
　O'Donnell　wanted　this　baby　to　live。　He　knew；　if　it　died；　it　would　mean　that　Three　Counties…his　hospital…had　failed　abjectly　in　its　most　basic　function：　to　give　proper　care　to　the　sick　and　the　weak。　This　child　had　not　had　proper　care；　it　had　been　given　the　poorest　when　it　needed　the　best；　and　dereliction　had　edged　out　skill。　He　found　himself　trying　to　municate；　to　transmit　his　own　burning　fervor　through　his　finger　tips　to　the　faltering　heart　lying　beneath　them。　You　needed　us　and　we　failed　you；　you　probed　our　weakness　and　you　found　us　wanting。　But　please　let　us　try…again；　together。　Sometimes　we　do　better　than　this；　don't　judge　us　for　always　by　just　one　failure。　There's　ignorance　and　folly　in　this　world；　and　prejudice　and　blindness…we've　shown　you　that　already。　But　there　are　other　things；　too；　good；　warm　things　to　live　for。　So　breathe！　It's　such　a　simple　thing；　but　so　important。　O'Donnell's　hands　moved　back　and　forth　。　。　。　pressing　。　。　。　releasing　。　。　。　pressing　。　。　。　releasing　。　。　。　pressing　。　。　。
　Another　five　minutes　had　passed　and　the　intern　was　using　his　stethoscope；　listening　carefully。　Now　he　straightened　up。　He　caught　O'Donnell's　eye　and　shook　his　head。　O'Donnell　stopped；　he　knew　it　was　useless　to　go　on。
　Turning　to　Dornberger；　he　said　quietly；　〃I'm　afraid　he's　gone。〃
　Their　eyes　met；　and　both　men　knew　their　feelings　were　the　same。
　O'Donnell　felt　himself　gripped　by　a　white…hot　fury。　Fiercely　he　ripped　off　the　mask　and　cap；　he　tore　at　the　rubber　gloves　and　flung　them　savagely　to　the　floor。
　He　felt　the　others'　eyes　upon　him。　His　lips　in　a　thin；　grim　line；　he　told　Dornberger；　〃All　right。　Let's　go。〃　Then；　harshly；　to　the　intern；　〃If　anyone　should　want　me；　I'll　be　with　Dr。　Pearson。〃
　
　Twenty…one
　
　In　the　pathology　office　the　telephone　bell　jangled　sharply　and　Pearson　reached　out　for　the　receiver。　Then；　his　face　pale；　nervousness　showing；　he　stopped。　He　said　to　Coleman；　〃You　take　it。〃
　As　David　Coleman　crossed　the　room　there　was　a　second　impatient　ring。　A　moment　later　he　was　saying；　〃Dr。　Coleman　speaking。〃　He　listened；　expressionless；　then　said；　〃Thank　you；〃　and　hung　up。
　His　eyes　met　Pearson's。　He　said　quietly；　〃The　baby　just　died。〃
　The　other　man　said　nothing。　His　eyes　dropped。　Slouched　in　the　office　chair；　the　lined；　craggy　face　half　in　shadow；　his　body　motionless；　he　seemed　aged　and　defeated。
　Coleman　said　softly；　〃I　think　I'll　go　to　the　lab。　Someone　should　talk　with　John。〃
　There　was　no　answer。　As　Coleman　left　the　pathology　office；　Pearson　was　still　sitting；　silent　and　unmoving；　his　eyes　unseeing；　his　thoughts　known　only　to　himself。
　
　Carl　Bannister　had　gone　out　of　the　lab　when　David　Coleman　came　in。　John　Alexander　was　there　alone；　seated　on　a　stool　before　one　of　the　wall　benches；　the　lab　clock　immediately　above　his　head。　He　made　no　attempt　to　turn　around　as　Coleman　approached；　his　footsteps　slow；　the　leather　of　his　shoes　creaking　as　he　crossed　the　floor。
　There　was　a　silence；　then；　still　without　turning；　Alexander　asked　softly；　〃It's　。　。　。　over？〃
　Without　answering　Coleman　reached　out　his　hand。　He　let　it　rest　on　the　other's　shoulder。
　His　voice　low；　Alexander　said；　〃He　died；　didn't　he？〃
　〃Yes；　John；〃　Coleman　said　gently；　〃he　died。　I'm　sorry。〃
　He　withdrew　his　hand　as　Alexander　turned　slowly。　The　younger　man's　face　was　strained；　the　tears　streaming。　He　said；　softly　but　intensely；　〃Why；　Dr。　Coleman？　Why？〃
　Groping　for　words；　he　tried　to　answer。　〃Your　baby　was　premature；　John。　His　chances　were　not　good…even　if　。　。　。　the　other　。　。　。　hadn't　happened。〃
　Looking　him　directly　in　the　eyes；　Alexander　said；　〃But　he　might　have　lived。〃
　This　was　a　moment　of　truth　in　which　evasion　had　no　place。　〃Yes；〃　Coleman　said。　〃He　might　have　lived。〃
　John　Alexander　had　risen　to　his　feet。　His　face　was　close　to　Coleman's；　his　eyes　imploring；　questioning。　〃How　could　it　happen　。　。　。　in　a　hospital　。　。　。　with　doctors？〃
　〃John；〃　Coleman　said；　〃at　this　moment　I　haven't　any　answer　for　you。〃　He　added　softly；　〃At　this　moment　I　haven't　any　answer　for　myself。〃
　Alexander　nodded　dumbly。　He　took　out　a　handkerchief　and　wiped　his　eyes。　Then　he　said　quietly；　〃Thank　you　for　ing　to　tell　me。　I　think　I'll　go　to　Elizabeth　now。〃
　
　Kent　O'Donnell　had　not　spoken　during　his　progress　through　the　hospital　with　Dr。　Dornberger；　the　intense　anger　and　frustration；　which　had　engulfed　him　like　a　wave　as　he　had　looked　down　at　the　dead　child；　kept　him　tight…lipped　and　silent。　As　they　swept　through　corridors　and　pattered　down　stairways；　eschewing　the　slow…moving　elevators；　bitterly　once　more　O'Donnell　reviled　himself　for　his　own　inaction　about　Joe　Pearson　and　the　pathology　department　of　Three　Counties。　God　knows；　he　thought；　there　had　been　plenty　of　danger　signs：　Rufus　and　Reubens　had　warned　him；　and　he　had　had　the　evidence　of　his　own　eyes　to　tell　him　Pearson　was　failing　with　his　years；　his　responsibilities　growing　beyond　him　in　the　busy；　expanded　hospital。　But　no！　He；　Kent　O'Donnell；　M。D。；　F。R。C。S。　（Eng。）；　F。A。C。S。；　chief　of　surgery；　medical…board　president…off　with　your　hats　for　a　fine；　big　man！　〃Send　him　victorious；　happy　and　glorious；　long　to　reign　over　us；　God　save　O'Donnell！〃…he　had　been　too　preoccupied　to　bestir　himself；　to　use　the　toughness　his　job　demanded；　to　face　the　unpleasantness　which　was　bound　to　follow　action。　So；　instead；　he　had　looked　the　other　way；　pretended　all　was　well；　when　experience　and　instinct　had　told　him　deep　inside　he　was　only　hoping　that　it　would　be。　And　where　had　he　been　all　this　time…he；　the　great　man　of　medicine？　Wallowing　in　hospital　politics；　supping　with　Orden　Brown；　fawning　on　Eustace　Swayne；　hoping　that　by　inaction；　by　permitting　a　status　quo；　by　leaving　Swayne's　friend　Joe　Pearson　severely　alone；　the　old　tycoon　would　graciously　e　through　with　money　for　the　fancy　new　hospital　buildings…O'Donnell's　dream　of　empire；　with　himself　as　king。　Well；　the　hospital　might　receive　the　money　now；　and　again　it　might　not。　But　whether　it　did　or　didn't；　one　price；　at　least；　had　already　been　paid。　He　thought：　You'll　find　the　receipt　upstairs…a　small　dead　body　in　an　O。R。　on　the　fourth　floor。　Then；　as　they　came　to　Pearson's　door；　he　felt　his　anger　lessen　and　sorrow　take　its　place。　He　knocked；　and　Dornberger　followed　him　in。
　Joe　Pearson　was　still　sitting；　exactly　as　Coleman　had　left　him。　He　looked　up　but　made　no　attempt　to　rise。
　Dornberger　spoke　first。　He　spoke　quietly；　without　antagonism；　as　if　wanting　to　set　the　mood　of　this　meeting　as　a　service　to　an　old　friend。　He　said；　〃The　baby　died；　Joe。　I　s