bill_the_galactic_hero_v1.1-第21节

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　　〃You　don't　have　to　tell　me　your　name；〃　the　small　man　said；　〃not　unless　you　want　to。　But　I　am　Inspector　Jeyes。　Have　you　e　seeking　sanctuary？〃
　　　〃Are　you　offering　it？〃　Bill　asked　dubiously。
　　〃Interesting　point；　most　interesting。〃　Jeyes　rubbed　his　chapped　hands　together　with　a　dry；　rustling　sound。　〃But　we　shall　have　no　theological　arguments　now；　tempting　as　they　are；　I　assure　you；　so　I　think　it　might　be　best　to　make　a　statement；　yes　indeed。　There　is　a　sanctuary　here…have　you　e　to　avail　yourself　of　it？〃
　　Bill；　now　that　he　had　recovered　from　his　first　shock；　was　being　a　little　crafty；　remembering　all　the　trouble　he　had　gotten　into　by　opening　his　big　wug。　〃Listen；　I　don't　even　know　who　you　are　or　where　I　am　or　what　kind　of　strings　are　attached　to　this　sanctuary　business。〃
　　　〃Very　proper；　my　mistake；　I　assure　you；　since　I　took　you　for　one　of　the　city's　deplanned；　though　now　I　notice　that　the　rags　you　are　wearing　were　once　a　trooper's　dress　uniform　and　that　the　oxidized　shard　of　pot　metal　on　your　chest　is　the　remains　of　a　noble　decoration。　Wele　to　Helior；　the　Imperial　Planet；　and　how　is　the　war　ing？〃　
　　〃Fine；　fine…but　what's　this　all　about？〃
　　〃I　am　Inspector　Jeyes　of　the　City　Department　of　Sanitation。　I　can　see；　and　I　sincerely　hope　you　will　pardon　the　indiscretion；　that　you　are　in　a　bit　of　trouble；　out　of　uniform；　your　plan　gone；　perhaps　even　your　ID　card　vanished。〃　He　watched　Bill's　uneasy　motion　with　shrewd；　birdlike　eyes。　〃But　it　doesn't　have　to　be　that　way。　Accept　sanctuary。　We　will　provide　for　you；　give　you　a　good　job；　a　new　uniform；　even　a　new　ID　card。〃
　　〃And　all　I　have　to　do　is　bee　a　garbage　man！〃　Bill　sneered。　
　　〃We　prefer　the　term　G…man；〃　Inspector　Jeyes　answered　humbly。　　
　〃I'll　think　about　it；〃　Bill　said　coldly。
　　〃Might　I　help　you　make　up　your　mind？〃　the　inspector　asked；　and　pressed　a　button　on　the　wall。　The　portal　into　outer　blackness　squealed　open　once　again；　and　the　robot　grabbed　Bill　and　started　to　push。
　　〃Sanctuary！〃　Bill　squealed；　then　pouted　when　the　robot　had　released　him　and　the　door　was　resealed。　〃I　was　just　going　to　say　that　anyway；　you　didn't　have　to　throw　your　weight　around。〃
　　〃A　thousand　pardons；　we　want　you　to　feel　happy　here。　Wele　to　the　D　of　S。　At　the　risk　of　embarrassment；　may　I　ask　if　you　will　need　a　new　ID　card？　Many　of　our　recruits　like　to　start　life　afresh　down　here　in　the　department；　and　we　have　a　vast　selection　of　cards　to　choose　from。　We　get　everything　eventually　you　must　remember；　bodies　and　emptied　wastebaskets　included；　and　you　would　be　surprised　at　the　number　of　cards　we　collect　that　way。　If　you'll　just　step　into　this　elevator　。　。　。〃
　　The　D　of　S　did　have　a　lot　of　cards；　cases　and　cases　of　them；　all　neatly　filed　and　alphabetized。　In　no　time　at　all　Bill　had　found　one　with　a　description　that　fitted　him　fairly　closely；　issued　in　the　name　of　one　Wilhelm　Stuzzicadenti；　and　showed　it　to　the　inspector。　　　〃Very　good；　glad　to　have　you　with　us；　Villy　。　。　。〃
　　〃Just　call　me　Bill。〃　　　〃。　。　。　and　wele　to　the　service；　Bill；　we　are　always　undermanned　down　here；　and　you　can　have　your　pick　of　jobs；　yes　indeed；　depending　of　course　upon　your　talents…and　your　interests。　When　you　think　of　sanitation　　hat　es　to　your　mind？〃
　　〃Garbage。〃　　　The　inspector　sighed。　〃That's　the　usual　reaction；　but　I　had　expected　better　of　you。　Garbage　is　just　one　thing　our　Collection　Division　has　to　deal　with；　in　addition　there　are　Refuse；　Waste；　and　Rubbish。　Then　there　are　whole　other　departments；　Hall　Cleaning；　Plumbing　Repair；　Research；　Sewage　Disposal　。　。　。　〃
　　〃That　last　one　sounds　real　interesting。　Before　I　was　forcefully　enlisted　I　was　taking　a　correspondence　course　in　Technical　Fertilizer　Operating。〃　　　〃Why　that's　wonderful！　You　must　tell　me　more　about　it；　but　sit　down　first；　get　fortable。〃　He　led　Bill　to　a　deep；　upholstered　chair；　then　turned　away　to　extract　two　plastic　cartons　from　a　dispenser。　〃And　have　a　cooling　Alco…Jolt　while　you're　talking。〃
　　〃There's　not　much　to　say。　I　never　finished　my　course；　and　it　appears　now　I　will　never　satisfy　my　lifelong　ambition　and　operate　fertilizer。　Maybe　your　Sewage　Disposal　department　。　。　。　？〃
　　〃I'm　sorry。　It　is　heartbreaking；　since　that's　right　down　your　alley　too；　so　to　speak；　but　if　there　is　one　operation　that　doesn't　give　us　any　problem；　it's　sewage；　because　it's　mostly　automated。　We're　proud　of　our　sewage　record　because
it's　a　big　one；　there　must　be　over　150　billion　people　on　Helior　。　。　。〃
　　　〃WOW！〃
　　〃。　。　。　you're　right；　I　can　see　that　glow　in　your　eye。　That　is　a　lot　of　sewage；　and　I　hope　sometime　to　have　the　honor　of　showing　you　through　our　plant。　But　remember；　where　there　is　sewage　there　must　be　food；　and　with　Helior　importing　all　its　food　we　have　a　closed…circle　operation　here　that　is　a　sanitary　engineer's　dream。　Ships　from　the　agricultural　planets　bring　in　the　processed　food　which　goes　out　to　the　populace　where　it　starts　through；　what　might　be　called　the　chain　of　mand。　We　get　the　effluvium　and　process　it；　the　usual　settling　and　chemical　treatments；　anaerobic　bacteria　and　the　like…　I'm　not　boring　you　am　I？〃
　　〃No；　please　。　。　。〃　Bill　said；　smiling　and　flicking　away　a　tear　with　a　knuckle；　〃it's　just　that　I'm　so　happy；　I　haven't　had　an　intelligent　conversation　in　so　long　。　。　。〃
　　〃I　can　well　imagine…it　must　be　brutalizing　in　the　service；〃　he　clapped　Bill　on　the　shoulder；　a　hearty　stout…fellow…well…met　gesture。　〃Forget　all　that；　you're　among　friends　now。　Where　was　I？　Oh　yes；　the　bacteria；　then　dehydration　and　pression。　We　produce　one　of　the　finest　bricks　of　condensed　fertilizer　in　the　civilized　galaxy　and　I'll　stand　up　to　any　man　on　that　〃
　　〃I'm　sure　you　do！〃　Bill　agreed　fervently。
　　〃…and　automated　belts　and　lifts　carry　the　bricks　to　the　spaceports　where　they　are　loaded　into　the　spaceships　as　fast　as　they　are　emptied。　A　full　load　for　a　full　load；　that's　our　motto。　And　I've　heard　that　on　some　poor…soiled　planets　they　cheer　when　the　ships　e　home。　No；　we　can't　plain　about　our；　sewage　operation；　it　is　in　the　other　departments　that　we　have　our　problems。〃　Inspector　Jeyes　drained　his　container　and　sat　scowling；　his　pleasure　drained　just　as　fast。　〃No；　don't　do　that！〃　he　barked　as　Bill　finished　his　drink　and　started　to　pitch　the　empty　container　at　the　wall…disposal　chute。　　　〃Didn't　mean　to　snap；〃　the　inspector　apologized；　〃but　that's　our　big　problem。　Refuse。　Did　you　ever　think　how　many　newspapers　150　billion　people　throw　away　every　day？　Or　how　many　dispos…a…steins？　Or　dinner　plates？　We're　working　on　this　problem　in　research；　day　and　night；　but　it's　getting　ahead　of　us。　It's　a　nightmare。　That　Alco…Jolt　container　you're　holding　is　one　of　our　answers；　but　it's　just　a　drop　of　water　in　the　ocean。〃　
　　As　the　last　drops　of　liquid　evaporated　from　the　container　it　began　to　writhe　obscenely　in　Bill's　hand；　and；　horrified；　he　dropped　it　to　the　floor；　where　it　continued　to　twitch　and　change　form；　collapsing　and　flattening　before　his　eyes。　
　　〃We　have　to　thank　the　mathematicians　for　that　one；〃　the　inspector　said。　〃To　a　topologist　a　phonograph　record　or　a　teacup　or　a　drink　container　all　have　the　same　shape；　a　solid　with　a　hole　in　it；　and　any　one　can　be　deformed　into　any　of　the　others　by　a　continuous　one…to…one　transformation。　So　we　made　the　containers　out　of　memory　plastic　that　return　to　their　original　shape　once　they're　dry…there；　you　see。〃
　　　The　container　had　finished　its　struggles　and　now　lay　quietly　on　the　floor；　a　flat　and　finely　grooved　disk　with　a　hole　in　the　center。　Inspector　Jeyes　picked　it　up　and　peeled　the　Alco…Jolt　label　off；　and　Bill　could　now　read　the　other　label　that　had　been　concealed；　underneath。　LOVE　IN　ORBIT；　BOING！　BOING！　BOING！　SUNG　BY　THE　COLEOPTERAE。　　　〃Ingenious；　isn't　it？　The　container　has　transformed　itself　into　a　phonograph　record　of　one　of　the　more　obnoxious　top　tunes；　an　object　that　no　Alco…Jolt　addict　could　possibly　discard。　It　is　taken　away　and　cherished　and　not　dropped　down　a　chute　to　make　another　problem　for　us。〃　　　Inspector　Jeyes　took　both　of　Bill's　hands　in　his；　and　when　he　looked　him　directly　in　the　eyes　his　own　were　more　than　a　little　damp。　〃Say　you'll　do　it；　Bill…go　into　research。　We　have　such　a　shortage　of　skilled；　trained　men；　men　who　understand　our　problems。　Maybe　you　didn't　finish　your　fertilizeroperating
course；　but　you　can　help；　a　fresh　mind　with　fresh　ideas。　A　new　broom　to　help　sweep　things　clean；　hey？〃
　　〃I'll　do　it；〃　Bill　said　with　determination。　〃Refuse　research　is　the　sort　of　work　a　man　can　get　his　teeth　into。〃
　　〃It's　yours。　Room；　board；　and　uniform；　plus　a　handsome　salary　and　all　the　refuse　and　rubbish　you　want。　You'll　never　regret　this　。　。　。〃　A　warbling　siren　interrupted　him；　and　an　instant　later　a　sweating；　excited　man　ran　into　the　room。　　　〃Inspector；　the　rocket　has　really　gone　up　this　time。　Operation　Flying　Saucer　has　failed！　There　is　a　team　just　down　from　astronomy；　and　they　are　fighting　with　our　research　team；　just　rolling　over　and　over　on　the　floor　like　animals　。　。　。〃
　　Inspector　Jeyes　was　out　of　the　door　before　the　messenger　finished；　and　Bill　ran　after　him；　dropping　down　a　pig…chute　just　on　his　heels。　They　had　to　take　a　chairway；　but　it　was　too　slow　for　the　inspector；　and　he　bounded　along　like　a　rabbit　from　chair　back　to　chair　back；　with　Bill　close　behind。　Then　they　burst　into　a　laboratory　filled　with　plex　electronic