bill_the_galactic_hero_v1.1-第17节

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back　on　his　heels。　He　dialed　the　number。
　　〃Police；〃　a　voice　said；　and　a　bulldog…faced　sergeant　wearing　a　Prussian　blue　uniform　and　a　scowl　appeared　on　the　screen。
　　〃I　want　to　report　a　theft。〃
　　〃Grand　larceny　or　petty　larceny？〃
　　〃I　don't　know；　it　was　my　floor　plan　that　was　stolen。〃
　　〃Petty　larceny。　Proceed　to　your　nearest　police　station。　This　is　an　emergency　circuit；　and　you　are　tying　it　up　illegally。　The　penalty　for　illegally　tying　up　an　emergency　circuit　is　。　。　。〃　Bill　jammed　hard　on　the　button　and　the　screen　went　blank。　He　turned　back　to　the　robot　cashier。
　　〃No　refunds；〃　it　said。　Bill　snarled　impatiently。
　　〃Shut　up。　All　I　want　to　know　is　where　the　nearest　police　station　is。〃
　　〃I　am　a　cashier　robot；　not　an　information　robot。　That　information　is　not　in　my　memory。　I　suggest　you　consult　your　floor　plan。〃
　　〃But　it's　my　floor　plan　that　has　been　stolen！〃
　　〃I　suggest　you　talk　to　the　police。〃
　　〃But　。　。　。〃　Bill　turned　red　and　kicked　the　cashier's　box　angrily。　〃No　refunds；〃　it　said　as　he　stalked　away。
　　〃Drinky；　drinky；　make　you　stinky；〃　a　robot　bar　said；　rolling　up　and　whispering　in　his　ear。　It　made　the　sound　of　ice　cubes　rattling　in　a　frosty　glass。
　　〃A　damn　good　idea。　Beer。　A　large　one。〃　He　pushed　coins　into　its　money　slot　and　clutched　at　the　dispos…a…stein　that　rattled　down　the　chute　and　almost　bounced　to　the　ground。　It　cooled　and　refreshed　him　and　calmed　his　anger。　He　looked　at　the　sign　that　said　To　THE　JEWELED　PALACE。　〃I'll　go　to　the　palace；　have　a　look…see；　then　find　someone　there　who　can　direct　me　to　the　police　station。　Ouchl〃　The　robot　bar　had　pulled　the　dispos…a…stein　from　his　hand；　almost　taking　his　forefinger　with　it；　and　with　unerring　robotic　aim　hurled　it　thirty…two　feet　into　the　open　mouth　of　a　rubbish　shaft　that　projected　from　a　wall。
　　The　Jeweled　Palace　appeared　to　be　about　as　accessible　as　the　Hanging　Gardens；　and　he　decided　to　report　the　theft　before　paying　his　way　into　the　grilled　enclosure　that　circled　the　palace　at　an　awesome　distance。　There　was　a　policeman
hanging　out　his　belly　and　idly　spinning　his　club　near　the　entrance　who　should　know　where　the　police　station　was。
　　〃Where's　the　police　station？〃　Bill　asked。
　　〃I　ain't　no　information　booth…use　your　floor　plan。〃
　　〃lout〃…through　teeth　tightly　clamped　together…〃I　cannot。　My　floor　plan　has　been　stolen　and　that　is　why　I　want　to　find　Yipe！〃
　　Bill　said　Yipe！　because　the　policeman；　with　a　practiced　motion；　had　jammed　the　end　of　his　club　up　into　Bill's　armpit　and　pushed　him　around　the　er　with　it。
　　〃I　used　to　be　a　trooper　myself　before　I　bought　my　way　out；〃　the　officer　said。　
　　〃I　would　enjoy　your　reminiscences　more　if　you　took　the　club　out　of　my　armpit；〃　Bill　moaned；　then　sighed　gratefully　as　the　club　vanished。
　　〃Since　I　used　to　be　a　trooper　I　don't　want　to　see　a　buddy　with　the　Purple　Dart　with　Coalsack　Nebula　Cluster　get　into　trouble。　I　am　also　an　honest　cop　and　don't　take　bribes；　but　if　a　buddy　was　to　loan　me　twenty…five　bucks　until　payday　I　would　be　much　obliged。〃
　　Bill　had　been　born　stupid；　but　he　was　learning。　The　money　appeared　and　vanished　swiftly；　and　the　cop　relaxed；　clacking　the　end　of　his　club　against　his　yellow　teeth。
　　〃Let　me　tell　you　something；　pal；　before　you　make　any　official　statements　to　me　in　my　official　capacity；　since　up　to　now　we　have　just　been　talking　buddy…buddy。　There　are　a　lot　of　ways　to　get　into　trouble　here　on　Helior；　but　the　easiest　is　to　lose　your　floor　plan。　It　is　a　hanging　offense　on　Helior。　I　know　a　guy　what　went　into　the　station　to　report　that　someone　got　his　plan　and　they　slapped　the　cuffs　on　him　inside　ten　seconds；　maybe　five。　Now　what　was　it　you　wanted　to　say　to　me？〃
　　〃You　got　a　match？〃
　　〃I　don't　smoke。〃
　　〃Good…by。〃
　　〃Take　it　easy；　pal。〃
　　Bill　scuttled　around　another　corner　and　leaned　against　the　wall　breathing　deeply。　Now　what？　He　could　barely　find　his　way　around　this　place　with　the　plan…how　could　he　do　it　without　one？　There　was　a　leaden　weight　pulling　at　his　insides　that　he　tried　to　ignore。　He　forced　away　the　feeling　of　terror　and　tried　to　think。　But　thinking　made　him　lightheaded。　It　seemed　like　years　since　he　had　had　a　good　meal；　and　thinking　of　food　he　began　to　pump　saliva　at　such　a　great　rate　that　he　almost　drowned。　Food；　that's　what　he　needed；　food　for　thought；　he　had　to　relax　over　a　nice；　juicy　steak；　and　when　the　inner　man　was　satisfied　he　would　be　able　to　think　clearly　and　find　a　way　out　of　this　mess。　There　must　be　a　way　out。　He　had　almost　a　full　day　left　before　he　was　due　back　from　leave；　there　was　plenty　of　time。　Staggering　around　a　sharp　bend　he　came　out　into　a　high　tunnel　brilliant　with　lights；　the　most　brilliant　of　which　was　a　sign　that　said　THE　GOLD　SPACE　SUIT。
　　〃The　Gold　Space　Suit；〃　Bill　said。　〃That's　more　like　it。　Galaxy…famous　on　countless　TV　programs；　what　a　restaurant；　that's　the　way　to　build　up　the　old　morale。　It'll　be　expensive；　but　what　the　hell　。　。　。〃
　　Tightening　his　belt　and　straightening　his　collar；　he　strode　up　the　wide　gold　steps　and　through　the　imitation　spacelock。　The　headwaiter　beckoned　him　and　smiled；　soft　music　wafted　his　way　and　the　floor　opened　beneath　his　feet。　Scratching　helplessly　at　the　smooth　walls；　he　shot　down　the　golden　tube　which　turned　gradually　until；　when　he　emerged；　he　shot　through　the　air　and　fell；　sprawling；　into　a　dusty　metal　alleyway。　Ahead　of　him；　painted　on　the　wall　with　foot…high　letters；　was　the　imperious　message；　GET　LOST　BUM。　
　　He　stood　and　dusted　himself；　and　a　robot　sidled　over　and　crooned　in　his　ear　with　the　voice　of　a　。young　and　lovely　girl；　〃I　bet　you're　hungry；　darling。　Why　not　try　Giuseppe　Singh's　neo…Indian　curried　pizza？　You're　just　a　few　steps　from　Singh's；　directions　are　on　the　back　of　the　card。〃
　　The　robot　took　a　card　from　a　slot　in　its　chest　and　put　it　carefully　into　Bill's　mouth。　It　was　a　cheap　and　badly　adjusted　robot。　Bill　spluttered　the　soggy　card　out　and　wiped　it　on　his　handkerchief。
　　〃What　happened？〃　he　asked。
　　〃I　bet　you're　hungry；　darling；　grrrr…ark。〃　The　robot　switched　to　another　recorded　message；　cued　by　Bill's　question。　〃You　have　just　been　ejected　from　The　Gold　Space　Suit；　galaxy…famous　on　countless　TV　programs；　because　you　are　a　cheap　bum。　When　you　entered　this　establishment　you　were　X…rayed　and　the　contents　of　your　pockets　automatically　puted。　Since　the　contents　of　your　pockets　obviously　fell　below　the　minimum　with　cover　charge；　one　drink；　and　tax；　you　were　ejected。　But　you　are　still　hungry；　aren't　you　darling？〃　The　robot　leered；　and　the　dulcet；　sexy　voice　poured　from　between　the　broken　gaps　of　its　mouthptate。　〃C'mon　down　to　Singh's　where　food　is　good　and　cheap。　Try　Singh's　yummy　lasagna　with　dhal　and　lime　sauce。〃
　　Bill　went；　not　because　he　wanted　some　loathsome　Bombay…Italian　concoction；　but　because　of　the　map　and　instructions　on　the　back　of　the　card。　There　was　a　feeling　of　security　in　knowing　he　was　going　from　somewhere　to　somewhere　again；　following　the　directions；　clattering　down　this　stair　well；　drop。　ping　in　that　gravchute；　grabbing　for　a　place　in　the　right　hookway。　After　one　last　turning　his　nose　was　assaulted‘　by　a　wave　of　stale　fat；　old　garlic；　and　charred　flesh；　and　he　knew　he　was　there。
　　The　food　was　incredibly　expensive　and　far　worse　than　he　had　ever　imagined　it　could　be；　but　it　stilled　the　painful　rumbling　in　his　stomach；　by　direct　assault　if　not　by　pleasant　satiation。　With　one　fingernail　he　attempted　to　pry　horrible
pieces　of　gristle　from　between　his　teeth　while　he　looked　at　the　man　across　the　table　from　him；　who　was　moaning　as　he　forced　down　spoonfuls　of　something　nameless。　His　tablemate　was　dressed　in　colorful　holiday　clothes　and　looked　a　fat；　ruddy；　and　cheerful　type。
　　〃Hi　。　。　。　！〃　Bill　said；　smiling。
　　〃Go　drop　dead；〃　the　man　snarled。
　　〃All　I　said　was　Hi。〃　Petulantly。
　　〃That's　enough。　Everyone　who　has　bothered　to　talk　to　me　in　the　sixteen　hours　I　been　on　this　so…called　pleasure　planet　has　cheated　or　screwed　me　or　stolen　my　money　one　way　or　another。　I　am　next　to　broke　and　I　still　have　six　days　left　of　my　See　Helior　and　Live　tour。〃
　　〃I　only　wanted　to　ask　you　if　I　could　sort　of　look　through　your　floor　plan　while　you　were　eating。〃
　　〃I　told　you；　everyone　is　out　to　screw　me　out　of　something。　Drop　dead。〃
　　〃Please。〃
　　〃I'll　do　it…for　twenty…five　bucks；　cash　in　advance；　and　only　as　long　as　I'm　eating。〃
　　〃Done！〃　Bill　slapped　the　money　down；　whipped　under　the　table；　and；　sitting　cross…legged；　began　to　flip　furiously　through　the　volume；　writing　down　travel　instructions　as　fast　as　he　could　plot　a　course。　Above　him　the　fat　man　continued　to　eat　and　groan；　and　whenever　he　hit　a　particularly　bad　mouthful　he　would　jerk　the　chain　and　make　Bill　lose　his　place。　Bill　had　charted　a　route　almost　halfway　to　the　haven　of　the　Transit　Ranker's　Center　before　the　man　pulled　the　book　away　and　stamped　out。
　　When　Odysseus　returned　from　his　terror…haunted　voyage　he　spared　Penelope's　ears　the　incredible　details　of　his　journey。　When　Richard　Lion…Heart；　freed　finally　from　his　dungeon；　came　home　from　the　danger…filled　years　of　the　Crusades；　he　did　。not　assault　Queen　Berengaria's　sensibilities　with　horrorfull　　anecdotes；　he　simply　greeted　her　and　unlocked　her　chastity　belt。　Neither　will　I；　gentle　reader；　profane　your　hearing　with　the　dangers　and　despairs　of　Bill's　journeyings；　for　they　are　beyond　i