sk.petsematary-第63节

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　screw　up　my　plans。
　　〃That's　all　right；　Mr。　Goldman；〃　he　said　evenly。　〃It　was　。　well。　。　。　an　emotional　day　for　all　of　us。〃
　　〃It　was　not　all　right；〃　he　persisted；　and　Louis　realized…　although　he　did　not　want　to…that　Goldman　was　not　just　being　political；　was　not　just　saying　that　he　was　sorry　he　had　been　such　a　bastard　now　that　he　was　getting　his　own　way。　The　man　was　nearly　weeping；　and　he　was　speaking　with　a　slow　and　trembling　urgency。　〃It　was　a　terrible　day　for　all　of　us。　Thanks　to　me。
　　Thanks　to　a　stupid；　bullheaded　old　man。　I　hurt　my　daughter　when　she　needed　my　help　。　。　。　I　hurt　you；　and　maybe　you　needed　my　help　too；　Louis。　That　you　do　this。　。　。　behave　this　way　after　I　behaved　that　way。　。　。　it　makes　me　feel　like　garbage。　And　I　think　that　is　just　the　way　I　should　feel。〃
　　Oh　let　him　stop　this；　let　him　stop　before　1　start　to　scream　at　him　and　blow　the　whole　deal。
　　〃Rachel's　probably　told　you；　Louis；　we　had　another　daughter…〃
　　〃Zelda；〃　Louis　said。　〃Yes；　she　told　me　about　Zelda。〃
　　〃It　was　difficult；〃　Goldman　said　in　that　trembling　voice。　〃Difficult　for　all　of　us。　Most　difficult　for　Rachel；　perhaps…Rachel　was　there　when　Zelda　died…but　difficult　for　Dory　and　me　too。　Dory　almost　had　a　breakdown…〃
　　What　do　you　think　Rachel　had？　Louis　wanted　to　shout。　Do　you　think　a　kid　can't　have　a　nervous　breakdown？　Twenty　years　later　she's　still　jumping　at　death's　shadow。　And　now　this　happens。　This　miserable；　awful　thing。　It's　a　minor　miracle　that　she　isn't　in　the　fucking　hospital；　being　fed　through　an　I。V。　tube。　So　don't　talk　to　me　about　how　difficult　it　was　for　you　and　your　wife；　you　bastard。
　　〃Ever　since　Zelda　died；　we　have。　。　。　I　suppose　we　have　clung　to　Rachel。　。　。　always　wanting　to　protect　her。　。　。　and　to　make　it　up　to　her。　Make　up　for　the　problems　she　had　with　her　。　。　。　her　back。　。　。　for　years　afterward。　Make　up　for　not　being　there。〃
　　Yes；　the　old　man　was　really　crying。　Why　did　he　have　to　be　crying？　It　made　it　harder　for　Louis　to　hold　on　to　his　clean；　pure　hate。　More　difficult；　but　not　impossible。　He　deliberately　called　up　the　image　of　Goldman　reaching　into　the　pocket　of　his　smoking　jacket　for　his　overflowing　checkbook　。　。　。　but　he　suddenly　saw　Zelda　Goldman　in　the　background；　an　unquiet　ghost　in　a　stinking　bed；　her　cheesy　face　full　of　spite　and　agony；　her　hands　pulled　into　claws。　The　Goldman　ghost。　Oz　the　Gweat　and　Tewwible。
　　〃Please；〃　he　said。　〃Please；　Mr。　Goldman。　Irwin。　No　more。　Let's　not　make　things　any　worse　than　they　have　to　be；　okay？〃
　　〃I　believe　now　that　you　are　a　good　man　and　that　I　misjudged　you；　Louis。　Oh；　listen；　I　know　what　you　think。　Am　I　that　stupid？　No。　Stupid；　but　not　that　stupid。　You　think　I'm　saying　all　of　this　because　now　I　can；　you're　thinking　oh　yeah；　he's　getting　what　he　wants　and　once　he　tried　to　buy　me　off；　but　。　。　。　but　Louis；　I　swear。　。　。〃
　　〃No　more；〃　Louis　said　gently。　〃I　can't。　。　。　I　really　can't　take　any　more。〃　Now　his　voice　was　trembling　as　well。　〃Okay？〃
　　〃All　right；〃　Goldman　said　and　sighed。　Louis　thought　it　was　a　sigh　of　relief。　〃But　let　me　say　again　that　I　apologize。　You　don't　have　to　accept　it。　But　that　is　what　I　called　to　say；　Louis。　I　apologize。〃
　　〃All　right；〃　Louis　said。　He　closed　his　eyes。　His　head　was　thudding。　〃Thank　you；　Irwin。　Your　apology　is　accepted。〃
　　〃Thank　you；〃　Goldman　said。　〃And　thank　you　。　。　。　for　letting　them　e。　Perhaps　it　is　what　they　both　need。　We'll　wait　for　them　at　the　airport。〃
　　〃Fine；〃　Louis　said；　and　an　idea　suddenly　occurred　to　him。　It　was　crazy　and　attractive　in　its　very　sanity。　He　would　let　bygones　be　bygones。　。　。　and　he　would　let　Gage　lie　in　his　Pleasantview　grave。　Instead　of　trying　to　reopen　a　door　that　had　swung　shut；　he　would　latch　it　and　double…bolt　it　and　throw　away　the　key。　He　would　do　just　what　he　had　told　his　wife　he　was　going　to　do：　tidy　up　their　affairs　here　and　catch　a　plane　back　to　Shytown。　They　would　perhaps　spend　the　entire　summer　there；　he　and　his　wife　and　his　good…hearted　daughter。　They　would　go　to　the　zoo　and　the　planetarium　and　boating　on　the　lake。　He　would　take　Ellie　to　the　top　of　the　Sears　Tower　and　show　her　the　Midwest　stretching　away　like　a　great　fiat　gameboard；　rich　and　dreaming。　Then　when　mid…August　came；　they　would　e　back　to　this　house　which　now　seemed　so　sad　and　so　shadowy；　and　perhaps　it　would　be　like　starting　over　again。　Perhaps　they　could　begin　weaving　from　fresh　thread。　What　was　on　the　Creed　loom　right　now　was　ugly；　splattered　with　drying　blood。
　　But　would　that　not　be　the　same　as　murdering　his　son？　Killing　him　a　second　time？
　　A　voice　inside　tried　to　argue　that　this　was　not　so；　but　he　would　not　listen。　He　shut　the　voice　up　briskly。
　　〃Irwin；　I　ought　to　go　now。　I　want　to　make　sure　Rachel's　got　what　she　needs　and　then　get　her　to　bed。〃
　　〃All　right。　Goodbye；　Louis。　And　once　more…〃
　　If　he　says　he's　sorry　one　more　time；　I'll　fucking　scream。
　　〃Goodbye；　Irwin；〃　he　said　and　hung　up　the　phone。
　　Rachel　was　deep　in　a　litter　of　clothes　when　he　came　upstairs。　Blouses　on　the　beds；　bras　hung　over　the　backs　of　chairs；　slacks　on　hangers　that　had　been　hung　over　the　doorknob。　Shoes　were　lined　up　like　soldiers　under　the　window。　She　appeared　to　be　packing　slowly　but　petently。　Louis　could　see　it　was　going　to　take　her　at　least　three　suitcases　（maybe　four）；　but　he　could　also　see　no　sense　in　arguing　with　her　about　it。　Instead　he　pitched　in　and　helped。
　　〃Louis；〃　she　said　as　they　closed　the　last　suitcase　（he　had　to　sit　on　it　before　Rachel　could　snap　the　catches）；　〃are　you　sure　there's　nothing　you　want　to　tell　me？〃
　　〃For　God's　sake；　hon；　what　is　this？〃
　　〃I　don't　know　what　it　is；〃　she　replied　evenly。　〃That's　why　I'm　asking。〃
　　〃What　do　you　think　I'm　going　to　do？　Creep　off　to　a　bordello？　Join　the　circus？　What？〃
　　〃I　don't　know。　But　this　feels　wrong。　It　feels　as　if　you're　trying　to　get　rid　of　us。〃
　　〃Rachel；　that's　ridiculous！〃　He　said　this　with　a　vehemence　that　was　partly　exasperation。　Even　in　such　straits　as　these；　he　felt　a　certain　pique　in　being　seen　through　so　easily。
　　She　smiled　wanly。　〃You　never　were　a　very　good　liar；　Lou。〃
　　He　began　to　protest　again；　and　she　cut　him　off。
　　〃Ellie　dreamed　you　were　dead；〃　she　said。　〃Last　night。　She　woke　up　crying；　and　I　went　in　to　her。　I　slept　with　her　for　two　or　three　hours　and　then　came　back　in　with　you。　She　said　that　in　her　dream　you　were　sitting　at　the　kitchen　table　and　your　eyes　were　open；　but　she　knew　you　were　dead。　She　said　she　could　hear　Steve　Masterton　screaming。〃
　　Louis　looked　at　her；　dismayed。　〃Rachel；〃　he　said　at　last；　〃her　brother　just　died。　It's　normal　enough　for　her　to　dream　that　other　members　of　her　family…〃
　　〃Yes；　I　surmised　that　much　for　myself。　But　the　way　she　told　it　the　elements　。　。　。　it　seemed　to　me　to　have　a　quality　of　prophecy。
　　She　laughed　weakly。
　　〃Or　maybe　you　had　to　be　there。〃
　　〃Yes；　maybe　so；〃　Louis　said。
　　It　seemed　to　me　to　have　a　quality　of　prophecy。
　　〃e　to　bed　with　me；〃　Rachel　said。　〃The　Valium's　all　worn　off；　and　I　don't　want　to　take　any　more。　But　I'm　afraid。　I've　been　having　my　own　dreams。　。　。〃
　　〃Dreams　of　what？〃
　　〃Of　Zeida；〃　she　said　simply。　〃The　last　few　nights　since　Gage　died；　when　I　go　to　sleep；　Zelda's　there；　She　says　she's　ing　for　me；　and　this　time　she'll　get　me。　That　both　she　and　Gage　will　get　me。　For　letting　them　die。〃
　　〃Rachel；　that's…〃
　　〃I　know。　Just　a　dream。　Normal　enough。　But　e　to　bed　with　me　and　keep　the　dreams　away　if　you　can；　Louis。〃
　　They　lay　together　in　the　dark；　crowded　into　Louis's　single。
　　〃Rachel？　You　still　awake？〃
　　〃Yes。〃
　　〃I　want　to　ask　you　something。〃
　　〃Go　ahead。〃
　　He　hesitated；　not　wanting　to　cause　her　even　more　pain　but　needing　to　know。
　　〃Do　you　remember　the　scare　we　had　with　him　when　he　was　nine　months　old？〃　he　asked　finally。
　　〃Yes。　Yes；　of　course　I　do。　Why？〃
　　By　the　time　Gage　was　nine　months　old；　Louis　had　bee　deeply　concerned　about　his　son's　cranial　size。　It　was　right　off　Louis's　Berterier　Chart；　which　showed　the　normal　range　of　infant　head　sizes　on　a　per…month　basis。　At　four　months；　Gage's　skull　size　had　begun　to　drift　toward　the　highest　part　of　the　curve；　and　then　it　began　to　go　even　higher　than　that。　He　wasn't　having　any　trouble　holding　his　head　up…that　would　have　been　a　dead　giveaway
　　…but　Louis　had　nevertheless　taken　him　to　George　Tardiff；　who　was　perhaps　the　best　neurologist　in　the　Midwest。　Rachel　had　wanted　to　know　what　was　wrong；　and　Louis　had　told　her　the　truth：　he　was　worried　that　Gage　might　be　hydrocephalic。　Rachel's　face　had　grown　very　white；　but　she　had　remained　calm。
　　〃He　seems　normal　to　me；〃　she　said。
　　Louis　nodded。　〃He　does　to　me　too。　But　I　don't　want　to　ignore　this；　babe。〃
　　〃No；　you　mustn't；〃　she　said。　〃We　mustn't。〃
　　Tardiff　had　measured　Gage's　skull　and　frowned。　Tardiff　poked　two　fingers　at　Gage's　face；　Three　Stooges　style。　Gage　flinched。　Tardiff　smiled。　Louis's　heart　thawed　out　a　little。　Tardiff　gave　Gage　a　ball　to　hold。　Gage　held　it　for　a　while　and　then　dropped　it。
　　Tardiff　retrieved　the　ball　and　bounced　it；　watching　Cage's　eyes。　Gage's　eyes　tracked　the　ball。
　　〃I'd　say　there's　a　fifty…fifty　chance　he's　hydrocephalic；〃　Tardiff　said　to　Louis　in　his　office　later。　〃No…the　odds　may　actually　be　a　bit　higher　than　that。　If　so；　it's　mild。　He　seems　very