sk.petsematary-第44节

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oned　part　of　me　for　years。〃
　　〃Maybe　you　have。〃
　　Rachel's　eyes　slipped　closed　and　then　opened　again　slowly。　〃And　don't　blame　it　all　on　my　father；　Louis。　Please。　That　was　a　terrible　time　for　them。　The　bills…Zelda's　bills…were　sky…high。　My　dad　had　missed　his　chance　to　expand　into　the　suburbs；　and　the　sales　in　the　downtown　store　were　off。　On　top　of　that；　my　mother　was　half…crazy　herself。
　　〃Well；　it　all　worked　out。　It　was　as　if　Zelda's　death　was　the　signal　for　good　times　to　e　around　again。　There　had　been　a　recession；　but　then　the　money　loosened　up　and　Daddy　got　his　loan；　and　since　then　he's　never　looked　back。　But　that's　why　they've　always　been　possessive　of　me；　I　think。　It's　not　just　because　I'm　the　only　one　left…〃
　　〃It's　guilt；〃　Louis　said。
　　〃Yes；　I　suppose。　And　you　won't　be　mad　at　me　if　I'm　sick　when　they　bury　Norma？〃
　　〃No；　honey；　I　won't　be　mad。〃　He　paused　and　then　took　her　hand。　〃May　I　take　Ellie？〃
　　Her　hand　tightened　in　his。　〃Oh；　Louis；　I　don't　know；〃　she　said。　〃She's　so　young…〃
　　〃She's　known　where　babies　e　from　for　a　year　or　more；〃　he　reminded　her　again。
　　She　was　quiet　for　a　long　time；　looking　up　at　the　ceiling　and　biting　her　lips。　〃If　you　think　it's　best；〃　she　said　finally。　〃If　you　think　it　won't。　。　。　won't　hurt　her。〃
　　〃e　over　here；　Rachel；〃　he　said；　and　that　night　they　slept　back…to…stomach　in　Louis's　bed；　and　when　she　woke　up　trembling　in　the　middle　of　the　night；　the　Valium　worn　off；　he　soothed　her　with　his　hands　and　whispered　in　her　ear　that　everything　was　okay；　and　she　slept　again。
　　　33
　　〃For　man…and　woman…is　like　the　flowers　in　the　valley；　which　bloom　today　and　are　tomorrow　cast　into　the　oven：　the　time　of　man　is　but　a　season；　it　eth；　and　so　it　passeth　away。　Let　us　pray。〃
　　Ellie；　resplendent　in　a　navy　blue　dress　bought　especially　for　the　occasion；　dropped　her　head　so　abruptly　that　Louis；　sitting　next　to　her　in　the　pew；　heard　her　neck　creak。　Ellie　had　been　in　few　churches；　and　of　course　it　was　her　first　funeral；　the　bination　had　awed　her　to　unaccustomed　silence。
　　For　Louis；　it　had　been　a　rare　occasion　with　his　daughter。　Mostly　blinded　by　his　love　for　her；　as　he　was　by　his　love　for　Gage；　he　rarely　observed　her　in　a　detached　way；　but　today　he　thought　he　was　seeing　what　was　almost　a　textbook　case　of　the　child　nearing　the　end　of　life's　first　great　developmental　stage；　an　organism　of　almost　pure　curiosity；　storing　up　information　madly　in　almost　endless　circuits。　Ellie　had　been　quiet　even　when　Jud；　looking　strange　but　elegant　in　his　black　suit　and　lace…up　shoes　（Louis　believed　it　was　the　first　time　he　had　ever　seen　him　in　anything　but　loafers　or　green　rubber　boots）；　had　bent　over；　kissed　her；　and　said：　〃Glad　you　could　e；　honey。　And　I　bet　Norma　is　too。〃
　　Ellie　had　gazed　at　him；　wide…eyed。
　　Now　the　Methodist　minister；　Reverend　Laughlin；　was　pronouncing　the　benediction；　asking　God　to　lift　up　His　countenance　upon　them　and　give　them　peace。
　　〃Will　the　pallbearers　e　forward？〃　he　asked。
　　Louis　started　to　rise；　and　Ellie　halted　him；　tugging　his　arm　frantically。　She　looked　scared。　〃Daddy！〃　she　stage…whispered。　〃Where　are　you　going？〃
　　〃I'm　one　of　the　pallbearers；　honey；〃　Louis　said；　sitting　down　beside　her　again　for　a　moment　and　putting　an　arm　around　her　shoulders。　〃That　means　I'm　going　to　help　carry　Norma　out。　There　are　four　of　us　that　are　going　to　do　it…me　and　two　of　Jud's　nephews　and　Norma's　brother。〃
　　〃Where　will　I　find　you？〃
　　Louis　glanced　down　front。　The　other　three　pallbearers　had　assembled　there；　along　with　Jud。　The　rest　of　the　congregation　was　filing　out；　some　of　them　weeping。
　　〃If　you　just　go　out　on　the　steps；　I'll　meet　you　there；〃　he　said。　〃All　right；　Ellie？〃
　　〃Yes；〃　she　said。　〃Just　don't　forget　me。〃
　　〃No；　I　won't。〃
　　He　got　up　again；　and　she　tugged　his　hand　again。
　　〃Daddy？〃
　　〃What；　babe？〃
　　〃Don't　drop　her；〃　Ellie　whispered。
　　Louis　joined　the　others；　and　Jud　introduced　him　to　the　nephews；　who　were　really　second　or　third　cousins　。　。　。　descendants　of　Jud's　father's　brother。　They　were　big　fellows　in　their　twenties　with　a　strong　facial　resemblance。　Norma's　brother　was　somewhere　in　his　late　fifties；　Louis　guessed；　and　while　the　strain　of　a　death　in　the　family　was　on　his　face；　he　seemed　to　be　bearing　up　well。
　　〃Pleased　to　meet　you　all；〃　Louis　said。　He　felt　a　trifle　unfortable…an　outsider　in　the　family　circle。
　　They　nodded　at　him。
　　〃Ellie　okay？〃　Jud　asked　and　nodded　to　her。　She　was　lingering　in　the　vestibule；　watching。
　　Sure…she　just　wants　to　make　sure　I　don't　go　up　in　a　puff　of　smoke；　Louis　thought　and　almost　smiled。　But　then　that　thought　called　up　another　one：　Oz　the　Gweat　and　Tewwible。　And　the　smile　died。
　　〃Yes；　I　think　so；〃　Louis　said　and　raised　a　hand　to　her。　She　raised　hers　in　return　and　went　outside　then　in　a　swirl　of　navy　blue　dress。　For　a　moment　Louis　was　uneasily　struck　by　how　adult　she　looked。　It　was　the　sort　of　illusion；　no　matter　how　fleeting；　that　could　give　a　man　pause。
　　〃You　guys　ready？〃　one　of　the　nephews　asked。
　　Louis　nodded；　so　did　Norma's　younger　brother。
　　〃Take　it　easy　with　her；〃　Jud　said。　His　voice　had　roughened。　Then　he　turned　away　and　walked　slowly　up　the　aisle　with　his　head　down。
　　Louis　moved　to　the　back　left　corner　of　the　steel…gray　American　Eternal　coffin　Jud　had　chosen　for　his　wife。　He　laid　hold　of　his　runner　and　the　four　of　them　slowly　carried　Norma's　coffin　out　into　the　bright　still　cold　of　February　first。　Someone…the　church　custodian；　he　supposed…had　laid　down　a　good　bed　of　cinders　over　the　slippery　path　of　tamped　snow。　At　the　curb　a　Cadillac　hearse　idled　white　exhaust　into　the　winter　air。　The　funeral　director　and　his　husky　son　stood　beside　it；　watching　them；　ready　to　lend　a　hand　if　anyone　（her　brother；　perhaps）　should　slip　or　flag。
　　Jud　stood　beside　him　and　watched　as　they　slid　the　coffin　inside。　〃Goodbye；　Norma；〃　he　said　and　lit　a　cigarette。　〃I'll　see　you　in　a　while；　old　girl。〃
　　Louis　slipped　an　arm　around　Jud's　shoulders；　and　Norma's　brother　stood　close　by　on　his　other　side；　crowding　the　mortician　and　his　son　into　the　background。　The　burly　nephews　（or　second　cousins；　or　whatever　they　were）　had　already　done　a　fade；　the　simple　job　of　lifting　and　carrying　done。　They　had　grown　distant　from　this　part　of　the　family；　they　had　known　the　woman's　face　from　photographs　and　a　few　duty　visits　perhaps…long　afternoons　spent　in　the　parlor　eating　Norma's　cookies　and　drinking　Jud's　beer；　perhaps　not　really　minding　the　old　stories　of　times　they　had　not　lived　through　and　people　they　had　not　known；　but　aware　of　things　they　could　have　been　doing　all　the　same　（a　car　that　could　have　been　washed　and　Turtle…waxed；　a　league　bowling　practice；　maybe　just　sitting　around　the　TV　and　watching　a　boxing　match　with　some　friends）；　and　glad　to　be　away　when　the　duty　was　done。
　　Jud's　part　of　the　family　was　in　the　past　now；　as　far　as　they　were　concerned；　it　was　like　an　eroded　planetoid　drifting　away　from　the　main　mass；　dwindling；　little　more　than　a　speck。　The　past。　Pictures　in　an　album。　Old　stories　told　in　rooms　that　perhaps　seemed　too　hot　to　them…they　were　not　old；　there　was　no　arthritis　in　their　joints；　their　blood　had　not　thinned。　The　past　was　runners　to　be　gripped　and　hefted　and　later　let　go。　After　all；　if　the　human　body　was　an　envelope　to　hold　the　human　soul…God's　letters　to　the　universe…as　most　churches　taught；　then　the　American　Eternal　coffin　was　an　envelope　to　hold　the　human　body；　and　to　these　husky　young　cousins　or　nephews　or　whatever　they　were；　the　past　was　just　a　dead　letter　to　be　filed　away。
　　God　save　the　past；　Louis　thought　and　shivered　for　no　good　reason　other　than　that　the　day　would　e　when　he　would　be　every　bit　unfamiliar　to　his　own　blood…his　own　grandchildren　if　Ellie　or　Gage　produced　kids　and　he　lived　to　see　them。　The　focus　shifted。　Family　lines　degenerated。　Young　faces　looking　out　of　old　photographs。
　　God　save　the　past；　he　thought　again　and　tightened　his　grip　around　the　old　man's　shoulders。
　　The　ushers　put　the　flowers　into　the　back　of　the　hearse。　The　electric　rear　window　rose　and　thumped　home　in　its　socket。　Louis　went　back　to　where　his　daughter　was；　and　they　walked　to　the　station　wagon　together；　Louis　holding　Ellie's　arm　so　she　wouldn't　slip　in　her　good　shoes　with　the　leather　soles。　Car　engines　were　starting　up。
　　〃Why　are　they　putting　on　their　lights；　Daddy？〃　Ellie　asked　with　mild　wonder。　〃Why　are　they　putting　on　their　lights　in　the　middle　of　the　day？〃
　　〃They　do　it；〃　Louis　began　and　heard　the　thickness　in　his　own　voice；　〃to　honor　the　dead；　Ellie。〃　He　pulled　out　the　knob　that　turned　on　the　wagon's　headlights。　〃e　on。〃
　　They　were　going　home　at　last；　the　graveside　ceremony　over…　actually　it　was　held　at　the　small　Mount　Hope　Chapel；　no　grave　would　be　dug　for　Norma　until　spring…when　Ellie　suddenly　burst　into　tears。
　　Louis　glanced　at　her；　surprised　but　not　particularly　alarmed。　〃Ellie；　what　is　it？〃
　　〃No　more　cookies；〃　Ellie　sobbed。　〃She　made　the　best　oatmeal　cookies　I　ever　ate。　But　she　won't　make　them　anymore　because　she's　dead。　Daddy；　why　do　people　have　to　be　dead？〃
　　〃I　don't　really　know；〃　Louis　said。　〃To　make　room　for　all　the　new　people；　I　guess。　Little　people　like　you　and　your　brother　Gage。〃
　　〃I'm　never　going　to　get　married　or　do　sex　and　have