pdouglas.thecodex-第46节

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stay　here　and　take　care　of　Philip。〃　He　looked　around。　〃No　giving　up。〃
　They　all　stood　up　shakily；　and　Tom　was　glad　to　see　a　rousing　of　energy　among　them。　He　collected　the　line　and　hooks　and　pushed　off　into　the　jungle。　He　went　in　a　straight　line　away　from　the　Sierra　Azul；　tearing　notches　in　the　sides　of　ferns　as　he　passed　to　mark　his　trail　and　keeping　an　eye　out　for　any　edible　plants。　The　rain　was　still　falling　steadily。　Two　hours　later　he　arrived；　exhausted；　at　a　muddy　cascade　of　water；　having　caught　a　small　lizard　to　use　as　bait。　He　hooked　the　struggling　reptile　on　the　hook　and　tossed　it　into　the　boiling　torrent。
　Five　hours　later；　with　just　enough　light　to　get　back　to　camp；　he　quit。　He　had　lost　three　of　six　hooks　and　a　good　portion　of　fishing　line　and　had　caught　nothing。　He　returned　to　camp　before　dark　to　find　Vernon　tending　the　fire。　Sally　was　still　out。
　〃How　is　Philip？〃
　〃Not　good。〃
　Tom　looked　in　on　Philip　and　found　him　tossing　in　a　restless　sleep；　drifting　in　and　out　of　a　dreamlike　state；　muttering　snatches　of　conversation。　The　slackness　in　his　face　and　lips　scared　Tom：　it　reminded　him　of　Don　Alfonso's　last　moments。　Philip　seemed　to　be　having　a　one…sided　conversation　with　their　father；　a　broken　series　of　grievances　and　accusations。　His　own　name　came　into　it；　and　Vernon's；　and　Philip's　mother；　whom　he　had　not　seen　in　twenty　years。　And　then　Philip　seemed　to　be　at　a　birthday　party；　a　child's　party。　It　was　his　fifth　birthday；　it　seemed；　and　he　was　opening　presents　and　exclaiming　with　joy。
　Tom　went　away　pained　and　saddened。　He　sat　down　next　to　Vernon　at　the　fire。　Vernon　put　his　arm　around　him。　〃He's　been　like　that　all　day。〃　He　handed　him　a　mug　of　tea。
　Tom　took　the　mug　and　drank。　His　own　hand　looked　like　the　hand　of　an　old　man；　veiny　and　splotched。　His　stomach　felt　hollow；　but　he　was　not　hungry。
　〃Sally　hasn't　e　back？〃
　〃No；　but　I　heard　a　couple　of　shots。〃
　As　if　on　cue；　they　heard　the　rustle　of　vegetation　and　Sally　appeared。　She　said　nothing；　just　slung　her　rifle　down　and　sat　by　the　fire。
　〃No　luck？〃　Tom　asked。
　〃Bagged　a　couple　of　stumps。〃
　Tom　smiled　and　took　her　hand。　〃None　of　the　stumps　in　the　forest　will　be　safe　as　long　as　the　great　hunter　Sally　stalks　her　prey。〃
　Sally　wiped　the　mud　off　her　face。　〃I'm　sorry。〃
　〃Tomorrow；〃　said　Tom；　〃if　I　leave　early　I　might　be　able　to　hike　back　to　the　river　where　we　found　Philip。　I'll　be　gone　overnight；　but　that　was　a　big　river；　and　I'm　sure　I'll　catch　a　mess　of　fish。〃
　〃Great　idea；　Tom；〃　said　Vernon；　his　voice　strained。
　〃We're　not　going　to　give　up。〃
　〃No；〃　said　Sally。
　Vernon　shook　his　head。　〃I　wonder　what　Father　would　think　if　he　saw　us　now。〃
　Tom　shook　his　head。　He　was　past　thinking　of　Maxwell　Broadbent。　If　he　knew　what　he'd　done；　sent　his　three　sons　to　their　deaths　。。。　It　didn't　bear　thinking　about。　They'd　failed　him　while　he　was　alive；　and　now　they'd　failed　him　after　his　death。
　Tom　stared　at　the　fire　for　a　while　and　then　asked；　〃Are　you　angry　at　Father？〃
　Vernon　hesitated。　〃Yes。〃
　Tom　made　a　helpless　gesture　with　his　hand。　〃Do　you　think　we'll　be　able　to　forgive　him？〃
　〃Does　it　matter？〃
　
　Tom　woke　up　before　dawn　with　a　strange　feeling　of　pressure　at　the　base　of　his　skull。　It　was　still　dark；　and　it　was　raining。　The　sound　of　the　rain　seemed　to　be　crawling　inside　his　head。　He　turned；　turned　again　on　the　damp　ground；　and　the　pressure　became　a　headache。　He　swung　his　feet　around　and　sat　up；　only　to　find；　with　huge　surprise；　that　he　could　barely　keep　himself　upright。　He　sank　back；　his　head　reeling；　staring　up　into　the　darkness；　which　seemed　to　fill　with　confused　swirls　of　red　and　brown　and　the　whispering　of　voices。　He　heard　the　soft；　worried　chatter　of　Bugger's　voice　near　him。　He　looked　around　and　finally；　in　the　darkness；　located　the　little　monkey　sitting　on　the　ground　near　him；　making　anxious　sucking　noises。　He　knew　something　was　wrong。
　It　was　more　than　just　the　effects　of　hunger。　Tom　realized　he　was　sick。　Oh　God；　he　thought；　not　now。　He　turned　his　head　and　tried　to　seek　out　Sally　or　Vernon　in　the　swirling　darkness；　but　he　could　see　nothing。　His　nose　seemed　to　be　filled　with　the　cloying　smell　of　rotting　vegetation；　rain；　and　loam。　The　sound　of　the　rain　drumming　on　the　forest　leaves　all　around　him　was　drilling　into　his　skull。　He　felt　himself　drift　off　to　sleep；　and　then　he　opened　his　eyes　and　there　was　Sally；　peering　at　him　with　a　flashlight　in　the　dark。
　〃I'm　going　fishing　today；〃　Tom　said。
　〃You're　not　going　anywhere；〃　she　answered。　She　reached　down　and　felt　his　forehead；　and　she　was　not　able　to　hide　from　him　the　look　of　fright　on　her　face。　〃I'll　bring　you　some　tea。〃
　She　came　back　with　a　steaming　mug　and　helped　Tom　drink　it　down。　〃You　sleep；〃　she　said。
　Tom　slept。
　When　he　woke；　it　was　brighter　but　still　raining。　Sally　was　crouching　over　him。　When　she　saw　his　eyes　open；　she　tried　to　smile。
　Despite　the　suffocating　heat　under　the　log；　he　shivered。　〃Philip？〃　he　managed　to　ask。
　〃The　same。〃
　〃Vernon？〃
　〃He's　sick；　too。〃
　〃Damn。〃　He　looked　at　Sally　and　felt　alarmed。　〃And　you？　How　are　you？〃　Her　face　looked　flushed。　〃You're　not　getting　sick；　too？〃
　Sally　laid　a　hand　on　his　cheek。　〃Yes；　I'm　getting　sick；　too。〃
　〃I'll　get　better；〃　Tom　said。　〃And　then　I'll　take　care　of　you。　We'll　get　out　of　this　mess。〃
　She　shook　her　head。　〃No；　Tom；　we　won't。〃
　The　simple　assertion　of　fact　seemed　to　clear　his　throbbing　head。　He　closed　his　eyes。　That　was　it；　then。　They　were　going　to　die　in　the　rain　under　that　rotten　log；　and　the　wild　animals　would　tear　them　apart。　And　no　one　would　ever　know　what　had　happened　to　them。　He　tried　to　say　this　was　the　fever　talking　to　him；　that　actually　things　weren't　that　bad；　but　deep　down　he　knew　it　was　true。　His　head　swirled。　They　were　going　to　die。　He　opened　his　eyes。
　She　was　still　there；　her　hand　on　his　cheek。　She　looked　at　him　for　a　long　time。　Her　face　was　dirty；　scratched；　bitten；　her　hair　tangled　and　dull；　her　eyes　hollow。　If　there　was　any　resemblance　to　the　girl　who　had　galloped　after　him　bareback　in　Utah；　it　was　gone…except　the　intense　turquoise　color　of　her　eyes　and　the　way　her　lower　lip　still　stuck　out　a　little。
　Finally　she　spoke。　〃We　don't　have　much　time。〃　She　paused；　looking　at　him　steadily。　〃I　need　to　tell　you　something；　Tom。〃
　〃What？〃
　〃It　seems　I've　fallen　in　love　with　you。〃
　Reality　returned　with　sudden　clarity。　Tom　couldn't　quite　speak。
　She　went　on　briskly。　〃Anyway；　there…now　it's　said。〃
　〃But　what　about…？〃
　〃Julian？　He's　the　perfect　dream　guy；　handsome；　brilliant；　with　all　the　right　opinions。　He's　the　guy　your　parents　want　you　to　marry。　He's　my　Sarah。　Who　wants　that？　The　feeling　I　had　for　him　isn't　at　all　like　what　I　feel　for　you；　with　all　your　。。。〃　She　hesitated　and　smiled。　〃Imperfections？〃
　With　those　words　all　plications　had　been　swept　away；　and　now　everything　was　clear　and　simple。　He　tried　to　speak；　finally　managed　to　croak　out　the　words。　〃I　love　you；　too。〃
　She　smiled；　and　a　little　glimmer　of　her　former　radiance　came　through。　〃I　know　that　and　I'm　glad。　I'm　sorry　I　was　cranky　with　you。　I　was　in　denial。〃
　They　were　silent　for　a　moment。
　〃I　guess　I　loved　you　from　the　moment　you　stole　my　horse　and　came　riding　after　me　back　there　in　Utah；〃　said　Tom。　〃But　I　really　knew　it　when　you　wouldn't　shoot　that　jaguar。　I'll　always　love　you　for　that。〃
　〃When　you　brought　me　outside　to　look　at　that　glowing　forest；〃　Sally　said；　〃that's　when〃　I　realized　that　I　was　falling　in　love　with　you。〃
　〃You　never　said　anything。〃
　〃It　took　me　a　while　to　work　it　out。　As　you　may　have　noticed；　I'm　stubborn。　I　didn't　want　to　admit　I　was　wrong。〃
　He　swallowed。　His　head　was　beginning　to　spin。　〃But　I'm　just　a　normal　guy。　I　didn't　go　to　Stanford　at　sixteen…〃
　〃Normal？　A　man　who　fights　in　hand…to…hand　bat　with　jaguars　and　anacondas？　Who　leads　an　expedition　into　the　heart　of　darkness　with　courage　and　good　humor？〃
　〃I　only　did　those　things　because　I　was　forced　to。〃
　〃That's　another　one　of　your　good　points：　You're　modest。　Being　with　you；　I　began　to　see　what　kind　of　a　person　Julian　is。　He　didn't　want　to　e　with　me　because　he　figured　it　would　be　inconvenient。　It　would　interrupt　his　work。　And　I　think；　underneath　it　all；　he　was　afraid。　Julian；　I　realized；　is　the　kind　of　person　who　doesn't　attempt　anything　unless　he's　absolutely　sure　he's　going　to　succeed。　You；　on　the　other　hand；　would　attempt　the　impossible。〃
　His　head　began　to　swim　again。　He　struggled　to　hold　it　still。　He　loved　what　he　was　hearing。
　She　smiled　sadly　and　laid　her　head　on　his　chest。　〃I'm　sorry　we've　both　run　out　of　time。〃
　He　put　his　hand　on　her　hair。　〃This　is　a　hell　of　a　place　to　fall　in　love。〃
　〃You're　not　kidding。〃
　〃Maybe　in　another　life　。。。〃　Tom　struggled　to　maintain　his　hold　on　reality。　〃We'll　have　another　chance；　somehow　。。。　somewhere　。。。〃　His　mind　began　to　whirl。　What　was　he　trying　to　say？　He　closed　his　eyes；　trying　to　steady　the　vertigo；　but　that　only　made　it　worse。　He　tried　opening　his　eyes；　but　there　was　nothing　but　a　swirl　of　green　and　brown；　and　he　wondered　briefly　if　it　all　hadn't　just　been　a　dream；　all　of　it；　his　father's　cancer；　the　journey；　the　jungle；　Sally；　his　dying　brother。　Yes；　in　fact　it　had　been　a　dream；　he　realized；　long　and　strange；　and　he　was　going　to　wake　up　in　his　own　bed；　a　little　boy　aga