sidneysheldon.astrangerinthemirror-第26节

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　〃I　want　to　talk　to　you；　Peter。〃　
　〃Can't　it　wait？〃　That　was　Rose　Dunning；　cueing　her。　
　〃I'm　afraid　it's　waited　too　long　already。　I'm　catching　a　plane　for　Reno　this　afternoon。〃　
　〃Just　like　that？〃　
　〃No。　I've　been　trying　to　catch　that　plane　for　five　years；　Peter。　This　time　I'm　going　to　make　it。〃　
　Jill　felt　Rose　Dunning's　hand　patting　her　thigh。　
　〃That's　very　good；〃　the　agent　said；　approvingly。　〃Keep　reading。〃　She　let　her　hand　rest　on　Jill's　leg。　
　〃Your　problem　is　that　you　haven't　grown　up　yet。　You're　still　playing　games。　Well；　from　now　on；　you're　going　to　have　to　play　by　yourself。〃　
　Rose　Dunning's　hand　was　stroking　her　thigh。　It　was　disconcerting。　〃Fine。　Go　on；〃　she　said。　
　〃I　　I　don't　want　you　to　try　to　get　in　touch　with　me　ever　again。　Is　that　quite　clear？〃　
　The　hand　was　stroking　Jill　faster；　moving　toward　her　groin。　Jill　lowered　the　script　and　looked　at　Rose　Dunning。　The　woman's　face　was　flushed　and　her　eyes　had　a　glazed　look　in　them。　
　〃Keep　reading；〃　she　said　huskily。　
　〃I　　I　can't；〃　Jill　said。　〃If　you　〃　
　The　woman's　hand　began　to　move　faster。　〃This　is　to　get　you　in　the　mood；　darling。　It's　a　sexual　fight；　you　see。　I　want　to　feel　the　sex　in　you。〃　Her　hand　was　pressing　harder　now；　moving　between　Jill's　legs。　
　〃No！　〃　Jill　got　to　her　feet；　trembling。　Saliva　was　dribbling　out　of　the　corner　of　the　woman's　mouth。　
　〃Be　good　to　me　and　I'll　be　good　to　you。〃　Her　voice　was　pleading。　〃e　here；　baby。〃　She　held　out　her　arms　and　made　a　grab　for　her；　and　Jill　ran　out　of　the　office。　In　the　street　outside；　she　vomited。　Even　when　the　racking　spasms　were　over　and　her　stomach　had　quieted　down；　she　felt　no　better。　Her　headache　had　started　again。　It　was　not　fair。　The　headaches　didn't　belong　to　her。　They　belonged　to　Josephine　Czinski。　
　
　During　the　next　fifteen　months；　Jill　Castle　became　a　full…fledged　member　of　the　Survivors；　the　tribe　of　people　on　the　fringes　of　show　business　who　spent　years　and　sometimes　a　whole　lifetime　trying　to　break　into　the　Business；　working　at　other　jobs　temporarily。　The　fact　that　the　temporary　jobs　sometimes　lasted　ten　or　fifteen　years　did　not　discourage　them。　As　ancient　tribes　once　sat　around　long…ago　campfires　and　recounted　sagas　of　brave　deeds；　so　the　Survivors　sat　around　Schwab's　Drugstore；　telling　and　retelling　heroic　tales　of　show　business；　nursing　cups　of　cold　coffee　while　they　exchanged　the　latest　bits　of　inside　gossip。　They　were　outside　the　Business；　and　yet；　in　some　mysterious　fashion；　they　were　at　the　very　pulse　and　heartbeat　of　it。　They　could　tell　you　what　star　was　going　to　be　replaced；　what　producer　had　been　caught　sleeping　with　his　director；　what　network　head　was　about　to　be　kicked　upstairs。　They　knew　these　things　before　anyone　else　did；　through　their　own　special　kind　of　jungle　drums。　For　the　Business　was　a　jungle。　They　had　no　illusions　about　that。　Their　illusions　lay　in　another　direction。　They　thought　they　could　find　a　way　to　get　through　the　studio　gates；　scale　the　studio　walls。　They　were　artists；　they　were　the　Chosen。　Hollywood　was　their　Jericho　and　Joshua　would　blow　his　golden　trumpet　and　the　mighty　gates　would　fall　before　them　and　their　enemies　would　be　smitten；　and　lo；　Sam　Winters's　magic　wand　would　be　waved　and　they　would　be　wearing　silken　robes　and　be　Movie　Stars　and　adored　ever　after　by　their　grateful　public。　Amen。　The　coffee　at　Schwab's　was　heady　sacramental　wine；　and　they　were　the　Disciples　of　the　future；　huddling　together　for　fort；　warming　one　another　with　their　dreams；　on　the　very　brink　of　making　it。　They　had　met　an　assistant　director　who　told　them　a　producer　who　said　a　casting　director　who　promised　and　any　second　now；　and　the　reality　would　be　in　their　grasp。　In　the　meantime；　they　worked　in　supermarkets　and　garages　and　beauty　parlors　and　car　washes。　They　lived　with　each　other　and　married　each　other　and　divorced　each　other；　and　they　never　noticed　how　time　was　betraying　them。　They　were　unaware　of　the　new　lines　and　the　graying　temples；　and　the　fact　that　it　took　half　an　hour　longer　in　the　morning　to　put　on　makeup。　They　had　bee　shopworn　without　having　been　used；　aged　without　mellowing；　too　old　for　a　career　with　a　plastics　pany；　too　old　to　have　babies；　too　old　for　those　younger　parts　once　so　coveted。　They　were　now　character　actors。　But　they　still　dreamed。　The　younger　and　prettier　girls　were　picking　up　what　they　called　mattress　money。　
　〃Why　break　your　ass　over　some　nine…to…five　job　when　all　you　have　to　do　is　lay　on　your　back　a　few　minutes　and　pick　up　an　easy　twenty　bucks？　Just　till　your　agent　calls。〃　
　Jill　was　not　interested。　Her　only　interest　in　life　was　her　career。　A　poor　Polish　girl　could　never　marry　a　David　Kenyon。　She　knew　that　now。　But　Jill　Castle；　the　movie　star；　could　have　anybody；　and　anything　she　wanted。　Unless　she　could　achieve　that；　she　would　change　back　into　Josephine　Czinski　again。　She　would　never　let　that　happen。　
　Jill's　first　acting　job　came　through　Harriet　Marcus；　one　of　the　Survivors　who　had　a　third　cousin　whose　ex…brother…in…law　was　a　second　assistant　director　on　a　television　medical　series　shooting　at　Universal　Studios。　He　agreed　to　give　Jill　a　chance。　The　part　consisted　of　one　line；　for　which　Jill　was　to　receive　fifty…seven　dollars；　minus　deductions　for　Sodal　Security；　withholding　taxes　and　the　Motion　Picture　Relief　Home。　Jill　was　to　play　the　part　of　a　nurse。　The　script　called　for　her　to　be　in　a　hospital　room　at　a　patient's　bedside；　taking　his　pulse　when　the　doctor　entered。　Doctor　：　〃How　is　he；　Nurse？〃　nurse：　〃Not　very　good；　I'm　afraid。　Doctor。〃　
　That　was　it。　Jill　was　given　a　single；　mimeographed　page　from　the　script　on　a　Monday　afternoon　and　told　to　report　for　makeup　at　six　a。m。　the　following　morning。　She　went　over　the　scene　a　hundred　times。　She　wished　the　studio　had　given　her　the　entire　script。　How　did　they　expect　her　to　figure　out　what　the　character　was　like　from　one　page？　Jill　tried　to　analyze　what　kind　of　a　woman　the　nurse　might　be。　Was　she　married？　Single？　She　could　be　secretly　in　love　with　the　doctor。　Or　maybe　they　had　had　an　affair　and　it　was　over。　How　did　she　feel　about　the　patient？　Did　she　hate　the　thought　of　his　death？　Or　would　it　be　a　blessing？　〃Not　very　good；　I'm　afraid。　Doctor。〃　She　tried　to　put　concern　in　her　voice。　She　tried　again。　〃Not　very　good。　I'm　afraid。　Doctor。〃　Alarmed。　He　was　going　to　die。　〃Not　very　good；　I'm　afraid。　Doctor。〃　Accusing。　It　was　the　doctor's　fault。　If　he　had　not　been　away　with　his　mistress　。。。　
　Jill　stayed　up　the　entire　night　working　on　the　part；　too　keyed…up　to　sleep；　but　in　the　morning；　when　she　reported　to　the　studio；　she　felt　exhilarated　and　alive。　It　was　still　dark　when　she　arrived　at　the　guard's　gate　off　Lankershim　Boulevard；　in　a　car　borrowed　from　her　friend　Harriet。　Jill　gave　the　guard　her　name；　and　he　checked　it　against　a　roster　and　waved　her　on。　
　〃Stage　Seven；〃　he　said。　〃Two　blocks　down；　turn　right。〃　
　Her　name　was　on　the　roster。　Universal　Studios　was　expecting　her。　It　was　like　a　wonderful　dream。　As　Jill　drove　toward　the　sound　stage；　she　decided　she　would　discuss　the　part　with　the　director；　let　him　know　that　she　was　capable　of　giving　him　any　interpretation　he　wanted。　Jill　pulled　into　the　large　parking　lot　and　went　onto　Stage　Seven。　The　sound　stage　was　crowded　with　people　busily　moving　lights；　carrying　electrical　equipment；　setting　up　the　camera；　giving　orders　in　a　foreign　language　she　did　not　understand。　〃Hit　the　inky　clink　and　give　me　a　brute。。。。　I　need　a　scrim　here。。。。　Kill　the　baby。。。。〃　Jill　stood　there　watching；　savoring　the　sights　and　smells　and　sounds　of　show　business。　This　was　her　world；　her　future。　She　would　find　a　way　to　impress　the　director；　show　him　that　she　was　someone　special。　He　would　get　to　know　her　as　a　person；　not　as　just　another　actress。　The　second　assistant　director　herded　Jill　and　a　dozen　other　actors　over　to　wardrobe；　where　Jill　was　handed　a　nurse's　uniform　and　sent　back　to　the　sound　stage；　where　she　was　made　up　with　all　the　other　bit　players　in　a　corner　of　the　sound　stage。　Just　as　they　were　finished　with　her；　the　assistant　director　called　her　name。　Jill　hurried　on　to　the　hospital…room　set　where　the　director　stood　near　the　camera；　talking　to　the　star　of　the　series。　The　star's　name　was　Rod　Hanson；　and　he　played　a　surgeon　full　of　passion　and　wisdom。　As　Jill　approached　them。　Rod　Hanson　was　saying；　
　〃I　have　a　German　shepherd　that　can　fart　better　dialogue　than　this　shit。　Why　can't　the　writers　ever　give　me　some　character；　for　Christ's　sake？〃　　
　〃Rod；　we've　been　on　the　air　five　years。　Don't　improve　a　hit。　The　public　loves　you　the　way　you　are。〃　The　cameraman　walked　up　to　the　director。　
　〃All　lit；　chief。〃　
　〃Thanks；　Hal；〃　the　director　said。　He　turned　to　Rod　Hanson。　〃Can　we　make　this；　baby？　We'll　finish　the　discussion　later。〃　
　〃One　of　these　days；　I'm　going　to　wipe　my　ass　with　this　studio；〃　Hanson　snapped。　He　strode　away。　Jill　turned　to　the　director；　who　was　now　alone。　This　was　her　opportunity　to　discuss　the　interpretation　of　the　character；　to　show　him　that　she　understood　his　problems　and　was　there　to　help　make　the　scene　great。　She　gave　him　a　warm；　friendly　smile。　
　〃I'm　Jill　Castle；〃　she　said。　〃I'm　playing　the　nurse。　I　think　she　can　really　be　very　interesting　and　I　have　some　ideas　about　…〃　
　He　nodded　absently　and　said；　〃Over　by　the　bed；〃　and　walked　away　to