tc.patriotgames-第99节

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the　depression　following　a　failed　procedure。　As　much　as　she　had　needed　him　a　few　painful　weeks　past；　now　he　needed　her。　She　couldn't　do　that　　or　could　she？
　　　　〃What's　been　bothering　you？　Can　I　help？〃
　　　　〃I　can't　really　talk　about　it；〃　Jack　said　as　he　knotted　his　tie。　〃It　was　the　right　thing；　but　not　something　you　can　feel　very　good　about。〃　
　　　　〃The　people　who　〃
　　　　〃No；　not　them。　If　it　was　them　。　。　。　〃　He　turned　to　face　his　wife。　〃If　it　was　them；　I'd　be　all　smiles。　There's　been　a　break。　The　FBI　　I　shouldn't　be　telling　you　this；　and　it　doesn't　go　any　farther　than　this　room　　they　found　the　gun。　That　might　be　important；　but　we　don't　know　for　sure　yet。　The　other　thing　　well；　I　can't　talk　about　that　at　all。　Sorry。　I　wish　I　could。〃
　　　　〃You　haven't　done　anything　wrong？〃　His　face　changed　at　that　question。
　　　　〃No。　I've　thought　that　one　over　the　past　few　days。　Remember　the　time　you　had　to　take　that　lady's　eye　out？　It　was　necessary；　but　you　still　felt　pretty　bad　about　it。　Same　thing。〃　He　looked　in　the　mirror。　Sort　of　the　same　thing。
　　　　〃Jack；　I　love　you　and　I　believe　in　you。　I　know　that　you'll　do　the　right　thing。〃
　　　　〃I'm　glad；　babe；　because　sometimes　I'm　not　so　sure。〃　He　held　out　his　arms　and　she　came　to　him。　At　some　French　military　base　in　Chad；　another　young　woman　was　experiencing　something　other　than　a　loving　embrace；　Ryan　thought。　Whose　fault　is　that？　One　thing　for　sure；　she　isn't　the　same　as　my　wife。　She's　not　like　this　girl　of　mine。
　　　　He　felt　her　against　himself；　felt　the　baby　move　again；　and　finally　he　was　sure。　As　his　wife　had　to　be　protected；　so　did　all　the　other　wives；　and　all　the　children；　and　all　the　living　people　who　were　judged　as　mere　abstractions　by　the　ones　who　trained　in　those　camps。　Because　they　weren't　abstractions；　they　were　real。　It　was　the　terrorists　who　had　cast　themselves　out　of　the　civilized　munity　and　had　to　be　hunted　down　one　way　or　another。　If　we　can　do　it　by　civilized　rules；　well　and　good　　but　if　not；　then　we　have　to　do　the　best　we　can；　and　rely　on　our　consciences　to　keep　us　from　going　over　the　edge。　He　thought　that　he　could　trust　his　conscience。　He　was　holding　it　in　his　arms。　Jack　kissed　his　wife　gently　on　the　cheek。
　　　　〃Thanks。　That's　twelve。〃

　　　　The　seminar　led　to　the　final　two　weeks　of　classes　which　led　in　turn　to　final　exams　and　missioning　Week：　yet　another　class　of　midshipmen　graduated　to　join　the　fleet；　and　the　Corps。　The　plebes　were　plebes　no　longer；　and　were　finally　able　to　smile　in　public　once　or　twice　per　day。　The　campus　became　quiet；　or　nearly　so；　as　the　underclassmen　went　home　for　brief　vacations　before　taking　cruises　with　the　fleet；　and　preparing　for　Plebe　Summer；　the　rough　initiation　for　a　new　class　of　mids。　Ryan　was　incongruously　trapped　in　his　real　job　for　a　week；　finishing　up　a　mountain　of　paperwork。　Neither　the　Academy's　history　department　nor　the　CIA　was　very　happy　with　him　now。　His　attempt　to　serve　two　masters　had　not　been　a　total　success。　Both　jobs；　he　realized；　had　suffered　somewhat；　and　he　knew　that　he'd　have　to　choose　between　them。　It　was　a　decision　that　he　consciously　tried　to　avoid　while　the　proof　of　its　necessity　piled　up　around　him。
　　　　〃Hey；　Jack！〃　Robby　came　in　wearing　his　undress　whites。　
　　　　〃Grab　a　seat；　mander。　How's　the　flying　business？〃　
　　　　〃No　plaints。　The　kid　is　back　in　the　saddle；〃　Jackson　said；　sitting　down。　〃You　should　have　been　up　in　the　Tomcat　with　me　last　week。　Oh；　man；　I'm　finally　back　in　the　groove。　I　was　hassling　with　a　guy　in　an　A…4　playing　aggressor；　and　I　ruined　his　day。　It　was　so　fine。〃　He　grinned　like　a　lion　surveying　a　herd　of　crippled　antelope。　〃I'm　ready！〃　
　　　　〃When　do　you　leave？〃
　　　　〃I　report　for　duty　5　August。　I　guess　I'll　be　heading　out　of　here　on　the　first。〃
　　　　〃Not　before　we　have　you　and　Sissy　over　for　dinner。〃　Jack　checked　his　calendar。　〃The　thirtieth　is　a　Friday。　Seven　o'clock。　Okay？〃　
　　　　〃Aye　aye；　sir。〃　
　　　　〃What's　Sissy　going　to　do　down　there？〃
　　　　〃Well；　they　have　a　little　symphony　in　Norfolk。　She's　going　to　be　their　number…two　piano　soloist；　plus　doing　her　teachin'　on　the　side。〃
　　　　〃You　know　they　have　the　in…vitro　center　down　there。　Maybe　you　guys　can　have　a　kid　after　all。〃
　　　　〃Yeah；　Cathy　told　her　about　that。　We're　thinking　about　it；　but　　well。　Sissy's　had　a　lot　of　disappointments；　you　know？〃　
　　　　〃You　want　Cathy　to　talk　to　her　about　it　some　more？〃　
　　　　Robby　thought　about　that。　〃Yeah；　she　knows　how。　How's　she　making　out　with　this　one？〃
　　　　〃She's　hitching　about　her　figure　a　lot；〃　Jack　chuckled。　〃Why　is　it　that　they　never　understand　how　pretty　they　look　pregnant？〃　
　　　　〃Yeah。〃　Robby　grinned　his　agreement；　wondering　if　Sissy　would　ever　look　the　same　way　to　him。　Jack　felt　guilty　for　touching　a　sensitive　topic；　and　changed　the　subject。
　　　　〃By　the　way；　what's　with　all　the　boats？　I　saw　a　bunch　of　yardbirds　parked　on　the　waterfront　this　morning。〃　
　　　　〃That's　'moored；'　you　dumb　jarhead；〃　Robby　corrected　his　friend。　〃They're　replacing　the　pilings　over　at　the　naval　station　across　the　river。　It's　supposed　to　take　two　months。　Something　went　wrong　with　the　old　ones　　the　preservative　didn't　work　or　some　such　bullcrap。　Your　basic　government…contractor　screwup。　No　big　deal。　The　job's　supposed　to　be　finished　in　time　for　the　next　school　year　　not　that　I　care　one　way　or　another；　of　course。　By　that　time；　boy；　I'll　be　spending　my　mornings　at　twenty…five　thousand　feet；　back　where　I　belong。　What　are　you　going　to　be　doing？〃　
　　　　〃What　do　you　mean？〃　
　　　　〃Well；　you're　either　gonna　be　here　or　at　Langley；　right？〃
　　　　Ryan　looked　out　the　window。　〃Damned　if　I　know。　Rob；　we　got　a　baby　on　the　way　and　a　bunch　of　other　things　to　think　about。〃　
　　　　〃You　haven't　found　'em　yet？〃
　　　　Jack　shook　his　head。　〃We　thought　we　had　a　break；　but　it　didn't　work　out。　These　guys　are　pros；　Robby。〃
　　　　Jackson　reacted　with　surprising　passion。　〃Bull…shit；　man！　Professionals　don't　hurt　kids。　Hey；　they　want　to　take　a　shot　at　a　soldier　or　a　cop；　okay；　I　can　understand　that　　it　ain't　right；　but　I　can　understand　it；　okay？　　soldiers　and　cops　have　guns　to　shoot　back　with；　and　they　got　training。　So　it's　an　even　match；　surprise　on　one　side　and　procedure　on　the　other；　and　that　makes　it　a　fair　game。　Going　after　nonbatants；　they're　just　fucking　street　hoods；　Jack。　Maybe　they're　clever；　but　they　sure　as　hell　ain't　professionals！　Professionals　got　balls。　Professionals　put　it　on　the　line　for…real。〃
　　　　Jack　shook　his　head。　Robby　was　wrong；　but　he　knew　of　no　way　to　persuade　his　friend　otherwise。　His　code　was　that　of　the　warrior；　who　had　to　live　by　civilized　rules。　Rule　Number　One　was：　You　don't　deliberately　harm　the　helpless。　It　was　bad　enough　when　that　happened　by　accident。　To　do　so　on　purpose　was　cowardly；　beneath　contempt；　those　who　did　so　merited　only　death。　They　were　beyond　the　pale。
　　　　〃They're　playing　a　goddamned　game；　Jack；〃　the　pilot　went　on。　〃There's　even　a　song　about　it。　I　heard　it　at　Riordan's　on　St。　Patrick's　Day。　'I've　learned　all　my　heroes　and　wanted　the　same/To　try　out　my　hand　at　the　patriot　game。'　Something　like　that。〃　Jackson　shook　his　head　in　disgust。　〃War　isn't　a　game；　it's　a　profession。　They　play　their　little　games；　and　call　themselves　patriots；　and　go　out　and　kill　little　kids。　Bastards。　Jack；　out　in　the　fleet；　when　I'm　driving　my　Tomcat；　we　play　our　games　with　the　Russians。　Nobody　gets　killed；　because　both　sides　are　professionals。　I　don't　much　like　the　Russians；　but　the　boys　that　fly　the　Bears　know　their　stuff。　We　know　our　stuff；　and　both　sides　respect　the　other。　There's　rules；　and　both　sides　play　by　'em。　That's　the　way　it's　supposed　to　be。〃　
　　　　〃The　world　isn't　that　simple；　Robby；〃　Jack　said　quietly。
　　　　〃Well；　it　damned　well　ought　to　be！〃　Jack　was　surprised　at　how　worked　up　his　friend　was　about　this。　〃You　tell　those　guys　at　CIA：　find　'em　for　us；　then　get　somebody　to　give　the　order；　and　I'll　escort　the　strike　in。〃
　　　　〃The　last　two　times　we　did　that　we　lost　people；〃　Ryan　pointed　out。
　　　　〃We　take　our　chances。　That's　what　they　pay　us　for。　Jack。〃　
　　　　〃Yeah；　but　before　you　toss　the　dice　again；　we　want　you　over　for　dinner。〃
　　　　Jackson　grinned　sheepishly。　〃I　won't　bring　my　soap　box　with　me；　I　promise。　Dressy？〃　
　　　　〃Robby；　am　I　ever　dressy？〃

　　　　〃I　told　'em　it　wasn't　dressy；〃　Jack　said　afterward。　
　　　　〃Good；〃　his　wife　agreed。
　　　　〃I　thought　you'd　say　that。〃　He　looked　up　at　his　wife；　her　skin　illuminated　by　moonlight。　〃You　really　are　pretty。〃　
　　　　〃You　keep　saying　that　〃
　　　　〃Don't　move。　Just　stay　where　you　are。〃　He　ran　his　hand　across　her　flanks。　
　　　　〃Why？〃
　　　　〃You　said　this　is　the　last　time　for　a　while。　I　don't　want　it　to　be　over　yet。〃　
　　　　〃The　next　time　you　can　be　on　top；〃　she　promised。
　　　　〃It'll　be　worth　waiting　for；　but　you　won't　be　as　beautiful　as　you　are　now。〃　
　　　　〃I　don't　feel　beautiful　at　the　moment。〃
　　　　〃Cathy；　you　are　talking　to　an　expert；〃　her　husband　pronounced。　〃I　am　the　one　person　in　this　house　who　can　give　out　a　dispassionate　appraisal　of　the　pulchritude　of　any　female　human　being；　living　or　dead；　and　I　say　that　you　are　beautiful。　End　of　discussion。〃
　　　　Cathy　Ryan　took　her　own　appraisal。　Her　belly　was　disfigured　by　gross…looking　stretch　marks；　her　breasts　were　bloated　and　sore；　her　feet　and　ankles　swollen；　and　her　legs　were　knotting　up　from　her　current　position。　〃Jack；　you　are　a　dope。〃　
　　　　〃She　n