pzb.drawingblood-第58节

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　　〃Aw；　fuck　you；〃　said　Terry。　〃I'm　just　a　drummer　working　overtime。　Zach's　a　singer。〃
　　Basking　in　the　praise；　Zach　started　to　grab　a　Natty　Boho；　then　realized　he　had　finished　his　first　one　onstage　and　his　bladder　was　full。　〃Is　there　anywhere　I　can　take　a　piss　back　here　or　do　I　have　to　fight　my　way　to　the　rest　room？〃
　　〃Yeah；　if　you　go　way　back　behind　the　stage；　there's　a　little　bitty　John　in　the　far　corner。　Nobody's　supposed　to　know　about　it　because　it　doesn't　have　a　sink；　but　you　can　piss　there。〃
　　Zach　took　off　in　the　direction　Terry　had　pointed　him。　A　narrow　L…shaped　hall　hooked　away　into　the　bowels　of　the　backstage　area；　virtually　lightless。　Zach　trailed　his　hand　along　the　wall　to　keep　his　bearings。　The　cinder　blocks　felt　cool　and　moist　beneath　his　fingers；　as　if　he　were　descending　into　an　underground　cave。　Eventually　he　came　to　an　open　door；　felt　around　until　he　found　a　light　switch；　and　beheld　the　dankest；　saddest　little　water　closet　he　had　ever　laid　eyes　on。　It　was　clean；　and　that　almost　made　it　worse：　a　bathroom　this　desolate　needed　roaches　and　mildew　to　liven　it　up。　He　hated　to　imagine　Kinsey　back　here　scrubbing　the　toilet。
　　Zach　peeled　his　leggings　down。　The　stream　of　pee　sounded　very　loud　going　into　the　rusty　water；　and　he　realized　his　ears　were　ringing。　As　he　readjusted　himself；　a　knock　sounded　at　the　door。　I　bet　I　know　who　that　is；　Zach　thought。
　　〃Yeah？〃
　　〃It's　Calvin。〃
　　Bing！　You　win　the　trip　to　Acapulco　and　the　set　of　steak　knives　too。　He　opened　the　door　a　crack　and　saw　a　sparkling　eye；　a　shock　of　bleached　hair；　half　of　a　grinning　mouth。
　　〃Just　wanted　to　see　if　you　were　done。　I　gotta　go　too。〃
　　Zach　let　Calvin　in　and　turned　to　leave。　Calvin　stepped　right　up　to　the　toilet；　tugged　his　pants　down；　and　let　fly。　Huh；　Zach　thought；　so　he　really　did　have　to　piss。
　　But　as　Zach　was　halfway　out　the　door；　Calvin　said；　〃Hey；　Dario？〃
　　〃Yeah？〃
　　〃That　was　a　fuckin'　brilliant　set。　You　look　great　onstage。〃
　　〃Aw　hell；　I　just　like　to　sing。　You　guys　are　the　musicians。〃
　　〃Yeah；　right。　You're　about　as　humble　as　me。〃　Calvin　flushed　the　toilet；　pulled　his　leggings　up　to　a　point　just　above　the　line　of　his　pubic　hair；　then　turned　and　in　one　smooth　motion　grabbed　Zach　and　pinned　him　against　the　wall。　His　chest　pressed　against　Zach's；　slick　with　sweat。　His　hands　slid　up　Zach's　rib　cage　and　his　thumbs　grazed　Zach's　bare　nipples；　then　tweaked　them　gently。　Zach　found　himself　instantly；　crazily　aroused。
　　Calvin's　lips　brushed　Zach's。　〃Do　you　want　this　as　bad　as　I　do？〃　he　whispered。
　　〃Well…yeah；　but…〃
　　Calvin's　mouth　closed　over　his；　hot　and　lush；　full　of　the　golden　taste　of　beer。　His　tongue　slid；　searched；　teased　its　way　into　Zach's　mouth。　For　several　seconds　they　kissed　with　sloppy　abandon。　Calvin's　unshaven　face　scoured　him；　abraded　him。　It　would　leave　scratches。　Zach　didn't　care。
　　He　felt　Calvin's　hips　nudging　against　his　own；　Calvin's　dick　getting　hard　against　him；　pushing　into　his　bare　stomach。　Almost　automatically；　Zach　moved　his　hips　so　that　their　hardons　were　pressed　together；　separated　only　by　two　thin　layers　of　cotton。　The　concrete　wall　was　rough　and　cool　against　his　back。　The　noise　of　the　club　was　a　dull　subliminal　roar　far　away。
　　He　suddenly　wondered　why　in　hell　he　was　doing　this。
　　The　question　was　jarring。　It　made　him　realize　that　since　the　moment　he'd　said　yeah；　but　and　Calvin　had　stopped　his　mouth　with　a　kiss；　he　hadn't　had　a　single　thought　in　his　head。　Not　for　Trevor；　not　for　himself；　not　for　anything　but　his　own　damned　mindless　pleasure。　Zach　knew　he　had　often　used　sex　like　a　drug。　But　until　now；　he'd　never　consciously　known　that　he　used　it　to　make　himself　stop　thinking。
　　The　shame　of　that　knowledge　washed　over　him　like　a　caustic　wave。　But　on　its　crest　came　a　second　realization。　Being　with　Trevor　didn't　make　him　feel　that　way；　didn't　short…circuit　his　thought　processes　or　cut　off　his　emotions。　When　they　made　love　Zach's　perceptions　intensified　and　his　consciousness　seemed　to　expand。　Before；　fucking　had　always　been　like　slamming　a　door　on　the　world。　With　Trevor　it　was　like　opening　a　thousand　doors。
　　And　that　meant　he　wasn't　getting　anything　here　that　he　couldn't　get　a　thousand　times　better　at　home。
　　Zach　felt　a　pang　of　regret　as　he　broke　the　kiss　and　pushed　Calvin　away。　Calvin　was　what　he　used　to　think　of　as　a　sweet　catch；　a　beautiful　bad　boy　with　a　guitar；　and　in　the　old　days　Zach　would　have　loved　to　take　an　all…night　tour　of　Calvin's　personal　heavens　and　hells。
　　But　whether　he　liked　it　or　not；　those　days　were　gone　for　him。　He　couldn't　do　this　to　Trevor。　Furthermore；　he　didn't　even　want　to。
　　〃Sorry；〃　he　said。　〃I　can't。〃
　　〃Sure　you　can。〃　Calvin　tried　to　push　back　against　him。　His　eyes　were　wild；　his　breath　ing　fast。　He　was　obviously　horny　to　the　point　of　pain；　and　Zach　felt　for　him。　But　there　were　plenty　of　adorable　boys　out　there；　fairly　stewing　in　their　own　juices。　A　handsome　blond　guitarist　could　take　his　pick。
　　〃No。　I　can't。　I'm　with　somebody；　and　you　knew　damn　well　I　was。〃
　　〃Hey…〃　Calvin　twitched　one　shoulder　in　the　most　insouciant　of　shrugs；　but　his　eyes　were　hurt。　〃Saw　you　lookin'；　was　all。　Just　tryin'　to　show　the　new　kid　a　little　hometown　hospitality。〃
　　〃I　know　I　was　looking。　'Course　I　was。　You're　gorgeous。〃　Calvin's　eyes　softened　a　little。　〃But　I'm　with　Trevor；　okay？　We're　solid。　I　love　him。〃
　　Calvin　sniffed。　〃You　fall　in　love　pretty　fast；　don't　you？〃
　　〃Not　really。　It　took　me　nineteen　years。〃
　　〃Aren't　you　scared　he'll　freak　out　and　murder　you　in　your　sleep？〃
　　Zach　laughed。　〃No。　If　Trevor　decides　to　kill　me；　he'll　make　sure　I'm　awake　for　it。〃
　　Calvin　considered　this　dubiously。　〃Whatever；〃　he　said　at　last。　〃You　wanna　kiss　me　one　more　time？〃
　　〃Yes；〃　Zach　told　him　honestly。　〃But　I'm　not　gonna。〃
　　He　ducked　under　Calvin's　arm　and　left　the　guitarist　staring　after　him。　As　he　fumbled　his　way　back　along　the　hall；　the　noise　and　the　energy　of　the　club　grew　stronger　with　every　step　he　took。　He　felt　the　invisible　thread　of　his　lover　pulling　him；　drawing　him。
　　Zach　had　done　plenty　of　things　he　was　proud　of：　survived　on　his　own　since　he　was　fourteen；　hacked　his　way　into　systems　that　no　one　else　could　crack；　bailed　his　friends　out　of　jail　and　wiped　their　records　clean。
　　All　of　that　was　fine。　But　he　couldn't　remember　the　last　time　a　decision　not　to　do　something　had　made　him　feel　so　good。
　　
　　〃I　sold　a　story　to　Taboo！〃　Trevor　shouted　over　the　din　of　the　bar。
　　Kinsey's　slightly　harassed　expression　became　an　enormous　grin。　〃That's　great！　Have　a　Coke！　Hell；　have　two　Cokes！〃　He　slapped　them　down　on　the　bar　in　front　of　Trevor；　then　held　up　an　apologetic　hand　and　hurried　away　to　serve　the　customers　lining　up　for　beer。　Trevor　pulled　a　five…dollar　bill　out　of　his　pocket　and　dropped　it　into　the　tip　jar　while　Kinsey's　back　was　turned。
　　Zach　had　given　him　a　wad　of　cash　this　morning。　Just　in　case　you　need　anything　in　town；　he'd　said；　pressing　it　into　Trevor's　hand。　When　Trevor　protested　the　amount…over　a　hundred　dollars…Zach　only　looked　disgusted。　Money　is　just　stuff　you　trade　for　things　that　you　want；　he　had　told　Trevor　with　the　air　of　a　person　explaining　that　two　plus　two　equals　four。　When　you　need　more；　you　get　it。　It　may　not　grow　on　trees；　but　accessing　a　bank　account　is　a　hell　of　a　lot　easier　than　climbing　a　tree。
　　Trevor　looked　around　the　crowded　bar；　but　saw　no　sign　of　Zach。　Probably　he　was　still　backstage　getting　stoned　with　the　band。　Trevor　didn't　think　Zach　would　mind　if　he　joined　them。　To　his　own　surprise；　he　was　actually　beginning　to　develop　a　taste　for　pot。　Possibly　because　it　was　such　a　vital　ponent　of　Zach's　body　chemistry。　But　maybe；　Trevor　thought；　he　was　also　ready　to　start　altering　his　consciousness　instead　of　just　exaggerating　it。
　　He　grabbed　his　two　Cokes　and　started　making　his　way　back　toward　the　stage。　Halfway　〃there；　he　passed　Calvin　going　the　other　way。　Trevor　just　nodded；　but　Calvin　reached　out　and　stopped　him；　put　his　hands　on　Trevor's　shoulders　and　leaned　in　to　speak　loudly　in　Trevor's　ear。　〃You've　got　a　real　sweet　boyfriend。　He　sure　does　love　you。　Better　hang　on　to　him。〃
　　Then　he　was　gone　into　the　crowd。　What　was　that　all　about？　Trevor　wondered。　But　Calvin　had　fucked　with　his　head　enough。　He　didn't　care　what　the　guitarist　thought　of　him。　Terry　and　R。J。　were　better　musicians　anyway。　Calvin's　playing　had　plenty　of　glitter　and　flash；　but　none　of　their　Southern　soul。
　　Trevor　let　himself　into　the　dressing　room　and　Zach　was　there；　bare…chested；　sleek　as　a　seal；　resplendent；　taking　a　long　toke　on　a　fat；　fragrant　joint。　The　room　was　already　crowded　with　friends　of　the　band；　but　Zach　saw　Trevor　right　away。　He　held　the　smoke　in　his　lungs　as　he　passed　the　joint；　crossed　the　room；　put　his　lips　against　Trevor's；　and　exhaled　a　long；　steady　stream　of　smoke　into　Trevor's　mouth。　A　shotgun。
　　Trevor　abandoned　his　Cokes　and　ran　his　hands　down　the　curve　of　Zach's　spine。　His　fingertips　came　away　slick　with　sweat。　He　touched　them　to　his　mouth；　tasted　salt。
　　〃Do　you　want　to　go　somewhere？〃　Zach　whispered　in　his　ear。　Trevor　nodded。　Zach　pulled　him　through　the　door；　along　a　dark　passageway；　into　a　tiny；　ill…lit　bathroom。　They　slammed　the　door　and　leaned　against　it；　groping