tp.lightfantastic-第32节

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　Twoflower　followed　him。
　On　the　other　side　of　the　curtain　was　a　room　with　a　small　bed；　a　rather　grubby　stove；　and　a　three…legged　table。　Then　the　shopkeeper　did　something　to　the　table；　here　was　a　noise　like　a　cork　ing　reluctantly　out　of　a　bottle；　and　the　room　contained　a　wall…to…wall　universe。
　'Don't　be　frightened；'　said　the　shopkeeper；　as　stars　streamed　past。
　'I'm　not　frightened；'　said　Twoflower；　his　eyes　sparkling。
　'Oh；'　said　the　shopkeeper；　slightly　annoyed。　'Anyway；　it's　just　imagery　generated　by　the　shop；　it's　not　real。'
　'And　you　can　go　anywhere？'
　'Oh　no；'　said　the　shopkeeper；　deeply　shocked。　'There's　all　kinds　of　fail…safes　built　in；　after　all；　there'd　be　no　point　in　going　somewhere　with　insufficient　per　capita　disposable　ine。　And　there's　got　to　be　a　suitable　wall；　of　course。　Ah；　here　we　are；　this　is　your　universe。　Very　bijou；　I　always　think。　A　sort　of　universette　。　。　。'
　

　Here　is　the　blackness　of　space；　the　myriad　stars　gleaming　like　diamond　dust　or；　as　some　people　would　say；　like　great　balls　of　exploding　hydrogen　a　very　long　way　off。　But　then；　some　people　would　say　anything。
　A　shadow　starts　to　blot　out　the　distant　glitter；　and　it　is　blacker　than　space　itself。
　From　here　it　also　looks　a　great　deal　bigger；　because　space　is　not　really　big；　it　is　simply　somewhere　to　be　big　in。　Planets　are　big；　but　planets　are　meant　to　be　big　and　there　is　nothing　clever　about　being　the　right　size。
　But　this　shape　blotting　out　the　sky　like　the　footfall　of　God　isn't　a　planet。
　It　is　a　turtle；　ten　thousand　miles　long　from　its　crater…pocked　head　to　its　armoured　tail。
　And　Great　A'Tuin　is　huge。
　Great　flippers　rise　and　fall　ponderously；　warping　space　into　strange　shapes。　The　Discworld　slides　across　the　sky　like　a　royal　barge。　But　even　Great　A'Tuin　is　struggling　now　as　it　leaves　the　free　depths　of　space　and　must　fight　the　tormenting　pressures　of　the　solar　shallows。　Magic　is　weaker　here；　on　the　littoral　of　light。　Many　more　days　of　his　and　the　Discworld　will　be　stripped　away　by　the　pressures　of　reality。
　Great　A'Tuin　knows　this；　but　Great　A'Tuin　can　recall　doing　all　this　before；　many　thousands　of　years　ago。
　The　astrochelonian's　eyes；　glowing　red　in　the　light　of　the　dwarf　star；　are　not　focussed　on　it　but　at　a　little　patch　of　space　nearby　。　。　。
　

　'Yes；　but　where　are　we？'　said　Twoflower。　The　shopkeeper；　hunched　over　his　table；　just　shrugged。
　'I　don't　think　we're　anywhere；'　he　said。　'We're　in　a　cotangent　incongruity；　I　believe。　I　could　be　wrong。　The　shop　generally　knows　what　it's　doing。'
　'You　mean　you　don't？'
　'I　pick　a　bit　up；　here　and　there。'　The　shopkeeper　blew　his　nose。　'Sometimes　I　land　on　a　world　where　they　understand　these　things。'　He　turned　a　pair　of　small；　sad　eyes　on　Twoflower。　'You've　got　a　kind　face；　sir。　I　don't　mind　telling　you。'
　'Telling　me　what？'
　'It's　no　life；　you　know；　minding　the　Shop。　Never　settling　down；　always　on　the　move；　never　closing。'
　Why　don't　you　stop；　then？'
　'Ah；　that's　it；　you　see；　sir…I　can't。　I'm　under　a　curse；　I　am。　A　terrible　thing。'　He　blew　his　nose　again。
　'Cursed　to　run　a　shop？'
　'Forever；　sir；　forever。　And　never　closing！　For　hundreds　of　years！　There　was　this　sorcerer；　you　see。　I　did　a　terrible　thing。'
　'In　a　shop？'　said　Twoflower。
　'Oh；　yes。　I　can't　remember　what　it　was　he　wanted；　but　when　he　asked　for　it　I　…　I　gave　one　of　those　sucking…in　noises；　you　know；　like　whistling　only　backwards？'　He　demonstrated。
　Twoflower　looked　sombre；　but　he　was　at　heart　a　kind　man　and　always　ready　to　forgive。
　'I　see；'　he　said　slowly。　'Even　so　…'
　'That's　not　all！'
　'Oh。'
　'I　told　him　there　was　no　demand　for　it！'
　'After　making　the　sucking　noise？'
　'Yes。　I　probably　grinned；　too。'
　'Oh；　dear。　You　didn't　call　him　squire；　did　you？'
　'I　…　I　may　have　done。'
　'Um。'
　'There's　more。'
　'Surely　not？'
　'Yes；　I　said　I　could　order　it　and　he　could　e　back　next　day。'
　'That　doesn't　sound　too　bad；'　said　Twoflower；　who　alone　of　all　the　people　in　the　multiverse　allowed　shops　to　order　things　for　him　and　didn't　object　at　all　to　paying　quite　large　sums　of　money　to　reimburse　the　shopkeeper　for　the　inconvenience　of　having　a　bit　of　stock　in　his　store　often　for　several　hours。
　'It　was　early　closing　day；'　said　the　shopkeeper。
　'Oh。'
　'Yes；　and　I　heard　him　rattling　the　doorhandle；　I　had　this　sign　on　the　door；　you　know；　it　said　something　like　〃Closed　even　for　the　sale　of　Necromancer　cigarettes；〃　anyway；　I　heard　him　banging　and　I　laughed。'
　'You　laughed？'
　'Yes。　Like　this。　Hnufhnufhnufblort。'
　'Probably　not　a　wise　thing　to　do；'　said　Twoflower；　shaking　his　head。
　'I　know；　I　know。　My　father　always　said；　he　said；　Do　not　peddle　in　the　affairs　of　wizards　。　。　。　Anyway；　I　heard　him　shouting　something　about　never　closing　again；　and　a　lot　of　words　I　couldn't　understand；　and　then　the　shop　…　the　shop　…　the　shop　came　alive。'
　'And　you've　wandered　like　this　ever　since？'
　'Yes。　I　suppose　one　day　I　might　find　the　sorcerer　and　perhaps　the　thing　he　wanted　will　be　in　stock。　Until　then　I　must　go　from　place　to　place　…'
　'That　was　a　terrible　thing　to　do；'　said　Twoflower。
　The　shopkeeper　wiped　his　nose　on　his　apron。　'Thank　you；'　he　said。
　'Even　so；　he　shouldn't　have　cursed　you　quite　so　badly；'　Twoflower　added。
　'Oh。　Yes；　well。'　The　shopkeeper　straightened　his　apron　and　made　a　brave　little　attempt　to　pull　himself　together。　'Anyway；　this　isn't　getting　you　to　Ankh…Morpork；　is　it？'
　'Funny　thing　is；'　said　Twoflower；　'that　I　bought　my　Luggage　in　a　shop　like　this；　once。　Another　shop；　I　mean。'
　'Oh　yes；　there's　several　of　us；'　said　the　shopkeeper；　turning　back　to　the　table；　'that　sorcerer　was　a　very　impatient　man；　I　understand。'
　'Endlessly　roaming　through　the　universe；'　mused　Twoflower。
　'That's　right。　Mind　you；　there　is　a　saving　on　the　rates。'
　'Rates？'
　'Yes；　they're…'　the　shopkeeper　paused；　and　wrinkled　his　forehead。　'I　can't　quite　remember；　it　was　such　a　long　time　ago。　Rates；　rates　…'
　'Very　large　mice？'
　'That's　probably　it。'
　

　'Hold　on　…　it's　thinking　about　something；'　said　Cohen。
　Lackjaw　looked　up　wearily。　It　had　been　quite　nice；　sitting　here　in　the　shade。　He　had　just　worked　out　that　in　trying　to　escape　from　a　city　of　crazed　madmen　he　had　appeared　to　have　allowed　one　mad　man　to　give　him　his　full　attention。　He　wondered　whether　he　would　live　to　regret　this。
　He　earnestly　hoped　so。
　'Oh　yes；　it's　definitely　thinking；'　he　said　bitterly。　'Anyone　can　see　that。'
　'I　think　it's　found　them。'
　'Oh；　good。'
　'Hold　onto　it。'
　'Are　you　mad？'　said　Lackjaw。
　'I　know　this　thing；　trust　me。　Anyway；　would　you　rather　be　left　with　all　these　star　people？　They　might　be　interested　in　having　a　talk　with　you。'
　Cohen　sidled　over　to　the　Luggage；　and　then　flung　himself　astride　it。　It　took　no　notice。
　'Hurry　up；'　he　said。　'I　think　it's　going　to　go。'
　Lackjaw　shrugged；　and　climbed　on　gingerly　behind　Cohen。
　'Oh？'　he　said；　'and　how　does　it　g　…'
　

　Ankh…Morpork！
　Pearl　of　cities！
　This　is　not　a　pletely　accurate　description；　of　course　…　it　was　not　round　and　shiny　…　but　even　its　worst　enemies　would　agree　that　if　you　had　to　liken　Ankh…Morpork　to　anything；　then　it　might　as　well　be　a　piece　of　rubbish　covered　with　the　diseased　secretions　of　a　dying　mollusc。
　There　have　been　bigger　cities。　There　have　been　richer　cities。　There　have　certainly　been　prettier　cities。　But　no　city　in　the　multiverse　could　rival　Ankh…Morpork　for　its　smell。
　The　Ancient　Ones；　who　know　everything　about　all　the　universes　and　have　smelt　the　smells　of　Calcutta　and　！Xrc　…！　and　dauntocum　Marsport；　have　agreed　that　even　these　fine　examples　of　nasal　poetry　are　mere　limericks　when　set　against　the　glory　of　the　Ankh…Morpork　smell。
　You　can　talk　about　ramps。　You　can　talk　about　garlic。　You　can　talk　about　France。　Go　on。　But　if　you　haven't　smelled　Ankh…Morpork　on　a　hot　day　you　haven't　smelled　anything。
　The　citizens　are　proud　of　it。　They　carry　chairs　outside　to　enjoy　it　on　a　really　good　day。　They　puff　out　their　cheeks　and　slap　their　chests　and　ment　cheerfully　on　its　little　distinctive　nuances。　They　have　even　put　up　a　statue　to　it；　to　memorate　the　time　when　the　troops　of　a　rival　state　tried　to　invade　by　stealth　one　dark　night　and　managed　to　get　to　the　top　of　the　walls　before；　to　their　horror；　their　nose　plugs　gave　out。　Rich　merchants　who　ave　spent　many　years　abroad　sent　back　home　for　specially…stoppered　and　sealed　bottles　of　the　stuff；　which　brings　tears　to　their　eyes。
　It　has　that　kind　of　effect。
　There　is　only　really　one　way　to　describe　the　effect　the　smell　of　Ankh…Morpork　has　on　the　visiting　nose；　and　that　is　by　analogy。
　Take　a　tartan。　Sprinkle　it　with　confetti。　Light　it　with　strobe　lights。
　Now　take　a　chameleon。
　Put　the　chameleon　on　the　tartan。
　Watch　it　closely。
　See？
　Which　explains　why；　when　the　shop　finally　materialised　in　Ankh…Morpork；　Rincewind　sat　bolt　upright　and　said　'We're　here；'　Bethan　went　pale　and　Twoflower；　who　had　no　sense　of　smell；　said；　'Really？　How　can　you　tell？'
　It　had　been　a　long　afternoon。　They　had　broken　into　realspace　in　a　number　of　walls　in　a　variety　of　cities　because；　according　to　the　shopkeeper；　the　Disc's　magical　field　was　playing　up　and　upsetting　everything。
　All　the　cities　were　empty　of　most　of　their　citizens　and　belonged　to　roa