the lily of the valley-第26节

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giving　me　your　life；　and　if　I　take　it；　must　I　not　ever　be　grateful　to

you？



〃It　was　time　I　finished　my　tapestry；〃　she　added　as　we　re…entered　the

salon；　where　I　kissed　her　hand　as　if　to　renew　my　vows。　〃Perhaps　you　do

not　know；　Felix；　why　I　began　so　formidable　a　piece　of　work。　Men　find

the　occupations　of　life　a　great　resource　against　troubles；　the

management　of　affairs　distracts　their　mind；　but　we　poor　women　have　no

support　within　ourselves　against　our　sorrows。　To　be　able　to　smile

before　my　children　and　my　husband　when　my　heart　was　heavy　I　felt　the

need　of　controlling　my　inward　sufferings　by　some　physical　exercise。　In

this　way　I　escaped　the　depression　which　is　apt　to　follow　a　great

strain　upon　the　moral　strength；　and　likewise　all　outbursts　of

excitement。　The　mere　action　of　lifting　my　arm　regularly　as　I　drew　the

stitches　rocked　my　thoughts　and　gave　to　my　spirit　when　the　tempest

raged　a　monotonous　ebb　and　flow　which　seemed　to　regulate　its　emotions。

To　every　stitch　I　confided　my　secrets；you　understand　me；　do　you　not？

Well；　while　doing　my　last　chair　I　have　thought　much；　too　much；　of　you；

dear　friend。　What　you　have　put　into　your　bouquets　I　have　said　in　my

embroidery。〃



The　dinner　was　lovely。　Jacques；　like　all　children　when　you　take　notice

of　them；　jumped　into　my　arms　when　he　saw　the　flowers　I　had　arranged

for　him　as　a　garland。　His　mother　pretended　to　be　jealous；　ah；　Natalie；

you　should　have　seen　the　charming　grace　with　which　the　dear　child

offered　them　to　her。　In　the　afternoon　we　played　a　game　of　backgammon；

I　alone　against　Monsieur　and　Madame　de　Mortsauf；　and　the　count　was

charming。　They　accompanied　me　along　the　road　to　Frapesle　in　the

twilight　of　a　tranquil　evening；　one　of　those　harmonious　evenings　when

our　feelings　gain　in　depth　what　they　lose　in　vivacity。　It　was　a　day　of

days　in　this　poor　woman's　life；　a　spot　of　brightness　which　often

comforted　her　thoughts　in　painful　hours。



Soon；　however；　the　riding　lessons　became　a　subject　of　contention。　The

countess　justly　feared　the　count's　harsh　reprimands　to　his　son。

Jacques　grew　thin；　dark　circles　surrounded　his　sweet　blue　eyes；　rather

than　trouble　his　mother；　he　suffered　in　silence。　I　advised　him　to　tell

his　father　he　was　tired　when　the　count's　temper　was　violent；　but　that

expedient　proved　unavailing；　and　it　became　necessary　to　substitute　the

old　huntsman　as　a　teacher　in　place　of　the　father；　who　could　with

difficulty　be　induced　to　resign　his　pupil。　Angry　reproaches　and

contentions　began　once　more；　the　count　found　a　text　for　his　continual

complaints　in　the　base　ingratitude　of　women；　he　flung　the　carriage；

horses；　and　liveries　in　his　wife's　face　twenty　times　a　day。　At　last　a

circumstance　occurred　on　which　a　man　with　his　nature　and　his　disease

naturally　fastened　eagerly。　The　cost　of　the　buildings　at　the　Cassine

and　the　Rhetoriere　proved　to　be　half　as　much　again　as　the　estimate。

This　news　was　unfortunately　given　in　the　first　instance　to　Monsieur　de

Mortsauf　instead　of　to　his　wife。　It　was　the　ground　of　a　quarrel；　which

began　mildly　but　grew　more　and　more　embittered　until　it　seemed　as

though　the　count's　madness；　lulled　for　a　short　time；　was　demanding　its

arrearages　from　the　poor　wife。



That　day　I　had　started　from　Frapesle　at　half…past　ten　to　search　for

flowers　with　Madeleine。　The　child　had　brought　the　two　vases　to　the

portico；　and　I　was　wandering　about　the　gardens　and　adjoining　meadows

gathering　the　autumn　flowers；　so　beautiful；　but　too　rare。　Returning

from　my　final　quest；　I　could　not　find　my　little　lieutenant　with　her

white　cape　and　broad　pink　sash；　but　I　heard　cries　within　the　house；

and　Madeleine　presently　came　running　out。



〃The　general；〃　she　said；　crying　（the　term　with　her　was　an　expression

of　dislike）；　〃the　general　is　scolding　mamma；　go　and　defend　her。〃



I　sprang　up　the　steps　of　the　portico　and　reached　the　salon　without

being　seen　by　either　the　count　or　his　wife。　Hearing　the　madman's　sharp

cries　I　first　shut　all　the　doors；　then　I　returned　and　found　Henriette

as　white　as　her　dress。



〃Never　marry；　Felix；〃　said　the　count　as　soon　as　he　saw　me；　〃a　woman　is

led　by　the　devil；　the　most　virtuous　of　them　would　invent　evil　if　it

did　not　exist；　they　are　all　vile。〃



Then　followed　arguments　without　beginning　or　end。　Harking　back　to　the

old　troubles；　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　repeated　the　nonsense　of　the

peasantry　against　the　new　system　of　farming。　He　declared　that　if　he

had　had　the　management　of　Clochegourde　he　should　be　twice　as　rich　as

he　now　was。　He　shouted　these　complaints　and　insults；　he　swore；　he

sprang　around　the　room　knocking　against　the　furniture　and　displacing

it；　then　in　the　middle　of　a　sentence　he　stopped　short；　complained　that

his　very　marrow　was　on　fire；　his　brains　melting　away　like　his　money；

his　wife　had　ruined　him！　The　countess　smiled　and　looked　upward。



〃Yes；　Blanche；〃　he　cried；　〃you　are　my　executioner；　you　are　killing　me；

I　am　in　your　way；　you　want　to　get　rid　of　me；　you　are　monster　of

hypocrisy。　She　is　smiling！　Do　you　know　why　she　smiles；　Felix？〃



I　kept　silence　and　looked　down。



〃That　woman；〃　he　continued；　answering　his　own　question；　〃denies　me　all

happiness；　she　is　no　more　to　me　than　she　is　to　you；　and　yet　she

pretends　to　be　my　wife！　She　bears　my　name　and　fulfils　none　of　the

duties　which　all　laws；　human　and　divine；　impose　upon　her；　she　lies　to

God　and　man。　She　obliges　me　to　go　long　distances；　hoping　to　wear　me

out　and　make　me　leave　her　to　herself；　I　am　displeasing　to　her；　she

hates　me；　she　puts　all　her　art　into　keeping　me　away　from　her；　she　has

made　me　mad　through　the　privations　she　imposes　on　mefor　everything

flies　to　my　poor　head；　she　is　killing　me　by　degrees；　and　she　thinks

herself　a　saint　and　takes　the　sacrament　every　month！〃



The　countess　was　weeping　bitterly；　humiliated　by　the　degradation　of

the　man；　to　whom　she　kept　saying　for　all　answer；　〃Monsieur！　monsieur！

monsieur！〃



Though　the　count's　words　made　me　blush；　more　for　him　than　for

Henriette；　they　stirred　my　heart　violently；　for　they　appealed　to　the

sense　of　chastity　and　delicacy　which　is　indeed　the　very　warp　and　woof

of　first　love。



〃She　is　virgin　at　my　expense；〃　cried　the　count。



At　these　words　the　countess　cried　out；　〃Monsieur！〃



〃What　do　you　mean　with　your　imperious　'Monsieur！'〃　he　shouted。　〃Am　I

not　your　master？　Must　I　teach　you　that　I　am？〃



He　came　towards　her；　thrusting　forward　his　white　wolf's　head；　now

hideous；　for　his　yellow　eyes　had　a　savage　expression　which　made　him

look　like　a　wild　beast　rushing　out　of　a　wood。　Henriette　slid　from　her

chair　to　the　ground　to　avoid　a　blow；　which　however　was　not　given；　she

lay　at　full　length　on　the　floor　and　lost　consciousness；　completely

exhausted。　The　count　was　like　a　murderer　who　feels　the　blood　of　his

victim　spurting　in　his　face；　he　stopped　short；　bewildered。　I　took　the

poor　woman　in　my　arms；　and　the　count　let　me　take　her；　as　though　he

felt　unworthy　to　touch　her；　but　he　went　before　me　to　open　the　door　of

her　bedroom　next　the　salon；a　sacred　room　I　had　never　entered。　I　put

the　countess　on　her　feet　and　held　her　for　a　moment　in　one　arm；　passing

the　other　round　her　waist；　while　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　took　the　eider…

down　coverlet　from　the　bed；　then　together　we　lifted　her　and　laid　her；

still　dressed；　on　the　bed。　When　she　came　to　herself　she　motioned　to　us

to　unfasten　her　belt。　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　found　a　pair　of　scissors；

and　cut　through　it；　I　made　her　breathe　salts；　and　she　opened　her　eyes。

The　count　left　the　room；　more　ashamed　than　sorry。　Two　hours　passed　in

perfect　silence。　Henriette's　hand　lay　in　mine；　she　pressed　it　to　mine；

but　could　not　speak。　From　time　to　time　she　opened　her　eyes　as　if　to

tell　me　by　a　look　that　she　wished　to　be　still　and　silent；　then

suddenly；　for　an　instant；　there　seemed　a　change；　she　rose　on　her　elbow

and　whispered；　〃Unhappy　man！ah！　if　you　did　but　know〃



She　fell　back　upon　the　pillow。　The　remembrance　of　her　past　sufferings；

joined　to　the　present　shock；　threw　her　again　into　the　nervous

convulsions　I　had　just　calmed　by　the　magnetism　of　love；a　power　then

unknown　to　me；　but　which　I　used　instinctively。　I　held　her　with　gentle

force；　and　she　gave　me　a　look　which　made　me　weep。　When　the　nervous

motions　ceased　I　smoothed　her　disordered　hair；　the　first　and　only　time

that　I　ever　touched　it；　then　I　again　took　her　hand　and　sat　looking　at

the　room；　all　brown　and　gray；　at　the　bed　with　its　simple　chintz

curtains；　at　the　toilet　table　draped　in　a　fashion　now　discarded；　at

the　commonplace　sofa　with　its　quilted　mattress。　What　poetry　I　could

read　in　that　room！　What　renunciations　of　luxury　for　herself；　the　only

luxury　being　its　spotless　cleanliness。　Sacred　cell　of　a　married　nun；

filled　with　holy　resignation；　its　sole　adornments　were　the　crucifix　of

her　bed；　and　above　it　the　portrait　of　her　aunt；　then；　on　each　side　of

the　holy　water　basin；　two　drawings　of　the　children　made　by　herself；

with　locks　of　their　hair　when　they　were　little。　What　a　retr