the secret places of the heart-第39节

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mention　someone　called　Martin　Leeds？〃　Dr。　Martineau　seemed　to　reflect。　Then　realizing　that　this　was　a　mistake；　he　said：　〃He　told　me　the　essential　facts。〃　The　poor　lady　breathed　a　sigh　of　relief。　〃I'm　glad；〃　she　said　simply。　She　repeated；　〃Yes；　I'm　glad。　It　makes　things　easier　now。〃　Dr。　Martineau　looked　his　enquiry。　〃She　wants　to　come　and　see　him。〃　〃Here？〃　〃Here！　And　Helen　here！　And　the　servants　noticing　everything！　I've　never　met　her。　Never　set　eyes　on　her。　For　all　I　know　she　may　want　to　make　a　scene。〃　There　was　infinite　dismay　in　her　voice。　Dr。　Martineau　was　grave。　〃You　would　rather　not　receive　her？〃　〃I　don't　want　to　refuse　her。　I　don't　want　even　to　seem　heartless。　I　understand；　of　course；　she　has　a　sort　of　claim。　〃　She　sobbed　her　reluctant　admission。　〃I　know　it。　I　know。　。　。　。　There　was　much　between　them。〃　Dr。　Martineau　pressed　the　limp　hand　upon　the　little　tea　table。　〃I　understand；　dear　lady；〃　he　said。　〃I　understand。　Now　。　。　。　suppose　_I_　were　to　write　to　her　and　arrangeI　do　not　see　that　you　need　be　put　to　the　pain　of　meeting　her。　Suppose　I　were　to　meet　her　here　myself？　〃If　you　COULD！〃　The　doctor　was　quite　prepared　to　save　the　lady　any　further　distresses；　no　matter　at　what　trouble　to　himself。　〃You　are　so　good　to　me；〃　she　said；　letting　the　tears　have　their　way　with　her。　〃I　am　silly　to　cry；〃　she　said；　dabbing　her　eyes。　〃We　will　get　it　over　to…morrow；〃　he　reassured　her。　〃You　need　not　think　of　it　again。〃　He　took　over　Martin's　brief　note　to　Lady　Hardy　and　set　to　work　by　telegram　to　arrange　for　her　visit。　She　was　in　London　at　her　Chelsea　flat　and　easily　accessible。　She　was　to　come　to　the　house　at　mid…day　on　the　morrow；　and　to　ask　not　for　Lady　Hardy　but　for　him。　He　would　stay　by　her　while　she　was　in　the　house；　and　it　would　be　quite　easy　for　Lady　Hardy　to　keep　herself　and　her　daughter　out　of　the　way。　They　could；　for　example；　go　out　quietly　to　the　dressmakers　in　the　closed　car；　for　many　little　things　about　the　mourning　still　remained　to　be　seen　to。　Section　8　Miss　Martin　Leeds　arrived　punctually；　but　the　doctor　was　well　ahead　of　his　time　and　ready　to　receive　her。　She　was　ushered　into　the　drawing　room　where　he　awaited　her。　As　she　came　forward　the　doctor　first　perceived　that　she　had　a　very　sad　and　handsome　face；　the　face　of　a　sensitive　youth　rather　than　the　face　of　a　woman。　She　had　fine　grey　eyes　under　very　fine　brows；　they　were　eyes　that　at　other　times　might　have　laughed　very　agreeably；　but　which　were　now　full　of　an　unrestrained　sadness。　Her　brown　hair　was　very　untidy　and　parted　at　the　side　like　a　man's。　Then　he　noted　that　she　seemed　to　be　very　untidily　dressed　as　if　she　was　that　rare　and；　to　him；　very　offensive　thing；　a　woman　careless　of　her　beauty。　She　was　short　in　proportion　to　her　broad　figure　and　her　broad　forehead。　〃You　are　Dr。　Martineau？〃　she　said。　〃He　talked　of　you。〃　As　she　spoke　her　glance　went　from　him　to　the　pictures　that　stood　about　the　room。　She　walked　up　to　the　painting　and　stood　in　front　of　it　with　her　distressed　gaze　wandering　about　her。　〃Horrible！〃　she　said。　〃Absolutely　horrible！　。　。　。　Did　SHE　do　this？〃　Her　question　disconcerted　the　doctor　very　much。　〃You　mean　Lady　Hardy？〃　he　asked。　〃She　doesn't　paint。〃　〃No；　no。　I　mean；　did　she　get　all　these　things　together？　〃　〃Naturally；〃　said　Dr。　Martineau。　〃None　of　them　are　a　bit　like　him。　They　are　like　blows　aimed　at　his　memory。　Not　one　has　his　life　in　it。　How　could　she　do　it？　Look　at　that　idiot　statuette！　。　。　。　He　was　extraordinarily　difficult　to　get。　I　have　burnt　every　photograph　I　had　of　him。　For　fear　that　this　would　happen；　that　he　would　go　stiff　and　formaljust　as　you　have　got　him　here。　I　have　been　trying　to　sketch　him　almost　all　the　time　since　he　died。　But　I　can't　get　him　back。　He's　gone。〃　She　turned　to　the　doctor　again。　She　spoke　to　him；　not　as　if　she　expected　him　to　understand　her；　but　because　she　had　to　say　these　things　which　burthened　her　mind　to　someone。　〃I　have　done　hundreds　of　sketches。　My　room　is　littered　with　them。　When　you　turn　them　over　he　seems　to　be　lurking　among　them。　But　not　one　of　them　is　like　him。〃　She　was　trying　to　express　something　beyond　her　power。　〃It　is　as　if　someone　had　suddenly　turned　out　the　light。〃　She　followed　the　doctor　upstairs。　〃This　was　his　study；〃　the　doctor　explained。　〃I　know　it。　I　came　here　once；〃　she　said。　They　entered　the　big　bedroom　in　which　the　coffined　body　lay。　Dr。　Martineau；　struck　by　a　sudden　memory；　glanced　nervously　at　the　desk；　but　someone　had　made　it　quite　tidy　and　the　portrait　of　Aliss　Grammont　had　disappeared。　Miss　Leeds　walked　straight　across　to　the　coffin　and　stood　looking　down　on　the　waxen　inexpressive　dignity　of　the　dead。　Sir　Richmond's　brows　and　nose　had　become　sharper　and　more　clear…cut　than　they　had　ever　been　in　life　and　his　lips　had　set　into　a　faint　inane　smile。　She　stood　quite　still　for　a　long　time。　At　length　she　sighed　deeply。　She　spoke；　a　little　as　though　she　thought　aloud；　a　little　as　though　she　talked　at　that　silent　presence　in　the　coffin。　〃I　think　he　loved；〃　she　said。　〃Sometimes　I　think　he　loved　me。　But　it　is　hard　to　tell。　He　was　kind。　He　could　be　intensely　kind　and　yet　he　didn't　seem　to　care　for　you。　He　could　be　intensely　selfish　and　yet　he　certainly　did　not　care　for　himself。　。　。　。　Anyhow；　I　loved　HIM。　。　。　。　There　is　nothing　left　in　me　now　to　love　anyone　elsefor　ever。　。　。　。〃　She　put　her　hands　behind　her　back　and　looked　at　the　dead　man　with　her　head　a　little　on　one　side。　〃Too　kind；〃　she　said　very　softly。　〃There　was　a　sort　of　dishonesty　in　his　kindness。　He　would　not　let　you　have　the　bitter　truth。　He　would　not　say　he　did　not　love　you。　。　。　。　〃He　was　too　kind　to　life　ever　to　call　it　the　foolish　thing　it　is。　He　took　it　seriously　because　it　takes　itself　seriously。　He　worked　for　it　and　killed　himself　with　work　for　it　。　。　。　。　〃　She　turned　to　Dr。　Martineau　and　her　face　was　streaming　with　tears。　〃And　life；　you　know；　isn't　to　be　taken　seriously。　It　is　a　jokea　bad　jokemade　by　some　cruel　little　god　who　has　caught　a　neglected　planet。　。　。　。　Like　torturing　a　stray　cat。　。　。　。　But　he　took　it　seriously　and　he　gave　up　his　life　for　it。　〃There　was　much　happiness　he　might　have　had。　He　was　very　capable　of　happiness。　But　he　never　seemed　happy。　This　work　of　his　came　before　it。　He　overworked　and　fretted　our　happiness　away。　He　sacrificed　his　happiness　and　mine。〃　She　held　out　her　hands　towards　the　doctor。　〃What　am　I　to　do　now　with　the　rest　of　my　life？　Who　is　there　to　laugh　with　me　now　and　jest？　〃I　don't　complain　of　him。　I　don't　blame　him。　He　did　his　bestto　be　kind。　〃But　all　my　days　now　I　shall　mourn　for　him　and　long　for　him。　。　。　。　〃　She　turned　back　to　the　coffin。　Suddenly　she　lost　every　vestige　of　self…control。　She　sank　down　on　her　knees　beside　the　trestle。　〃Why　have　you　left　me！〃　she　cried。　〃Oh！　Speak　to　me；　my　darling！　Speak　to　me；　I　TELL　YOU！　Speak　to　me！〃　It　was　a　storm　of　passion；　monstrously　childish　and　dreadful。　She　beat　her　hands　upon　the　coffin。　She　wept　loudly　and　fiercely　as　a　child　does。。。。　Dr。　Martineau　drifted　feebly　to　the　window。　He　wished　he　had　locked　the　door。　The　servants　might　hear　and　wonder　what　it　was　all　about。　Always　he　had　feared　love　for　the　cruel　thing　it　was；　but　now　it　seemed　to　him　for　the　first　time　that　he　realized　its　monstrous　cruelty。



THE　END