the secret places of the heart-第35节

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o　one　another。　Presently　the　band　down　below　and　the　dancing　ceased　and　the　little　lights　were　extinguished。　The　silent　moon　seemed　to　grow　brighter　and　larger　and　the　whisper　of　the　waters　louder。　A　crowd　of　young　people　flowed　out　of　the　gardens　and　passed　by　on　their　way　home。　Sir　Richmond　and　Miss　Grammont　strolled　through　the　dispersing　crowd　and　over　the　Toll　Bridge　and　went　exploring　down　a　little　staircase　that　went　down　from　the　end　of　the　bridge　to　the　dark　river；　and　then　came　back　to　their　old　position　at　the　parapet　looking　upon　the　weir　and　the　Pulteney　Bridge。　The　gardens　that　had　been　so　gay　were　already　dark　and　silent　as　they　returned；　and　the　streets　echoed　emptily　to　the　few　people　who　were　still　abroad。　〃It's　the　most　beautiful　bridge　in　the　world；〃　said　Miss　Grammont；　and　gave　him　her　hand　again。　Some　deep…toned　clock　close　by　proclaimed　the　hour　eleven。　The　silence　healed　again。　〃Well？〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　〃Well？〃　said　Miss　Grammont　smiling　very　faintly。　〃I　suppose　we　must　go　out　of　all　this　beauty　now；　back　to　the　lights　of　the　hotel　and　the　watchful　eyes　of　your　dragon。　〃　〃She　has　not　been　a　very　exacting　dragon　so　far；　has　she？〃　〃She　is　a　miracle　of　tact。〃　〃She　does　not　really　watch。　But　she　is　curiousand　very　sympathetic。　〃　〃She　is　wonderful。〃　。　。　。　。　〃That　man　is　still　fishing；〃　said　Miss　Grammont。　For　a　time　she　peered　down　at　the　dark　figure　wading　in　the　foam　below　as　though　it　was　the　only　thing　of　interest　in　the　world。　Then　she　turned　to　Sir　Richmond。　〃I　would　trust　Belinda　with　my　life；　she　said。　〃And　anyhow…　nowwe　need　not　worry　about　Belinda。〃　Section　7　At　the　breakfast　table　it　was　Belinda　who　was　the　most　nervous　of　the　three；　the　most　moved；　the　most　disposed　to　throw　a　sacramental　air　over　their　last　meal　together。　Her　companions　had　passed　beyond　the　idea　of　separation；　it　was　as　if　they　now　cherished　a　secret　satisfaction　at　the　high　dignity　of　their　parting。　Belinda　in　some　way　perceived　they　had　become　different。　They　were　no　longer　tremulous　lovers；　they　seemed　sure　of　one　another　and　with　a　new　pride　in　their　bearing。　It　would　have　pleased　Belinda　better；　seeing　how　soon　they　were　to　be　torn　apart；　if　they　had　not　made　quite　such　excellent　breakfasts。　She　even　suspected　them　of　having　slept　well。　Yet　yesterday　they　had　been　deeply　stirred。　They　had　stayed　out　late　last　night；　so　late　that　she　had　not　heard　them　come　in。　Perhaps　then　they　had　passed　the　climax　of　their　emotions。　Sir　Richmond；　she　learnt；　was　to　take　the　party　to　Exeter；　where　there　would　be　a　train　for　Falmouth　a　little　after　two。　If　they　started　from　Bath　about　nine　that　would　give　them　an　ample　margin　of　time　in　which　to　deal　with　a　puncture　or　any　such　misadventure。　They　crested　the　Mendips　above　Shepton　Mallet；　ran　through　Tilchester　and　Ilminster　into　the　lovely　hill　country　about　Up…Ottery　and　so　to　Honiton　and　the　broad　level　road　to　Exeter。　Sir　Richmond　and　Miss　Grammont　were　in　a　state　of　happy　gravity；　they　sat　contentedly　side　by　side；　talking　very　little。　They　had　already　made　their　arrangements　for　writing　to　one　another。　There　was　to　be　no　stream　of　love…　letters　or　protestations。　That　might　prove　a　mutual　torment。　Their　love　was　to　be　implicit。　They　were　to　write　at　intervals　about　political　matters　and　their　common　interests；　and　to　keep　each　other　informed　of　their　movements　about　the　world。　〃We　shall　be　working　together；〃　she　said；　speaking　suddenly　out　of　a　train　of　thought　she　had　been　following；　〃we　shall　be　closer　together　than　many　a　couple　who　have　never　spent　a　day　apart　for　twenty　years。〃　Then　presently　she　said：　〃In　the　New　Age　all　lovers　will　have　to　be　accustomed　to　meeting　and　parting。　We　women　will　not　be　tied　very　much　by　domestic　needs。　Unless　we　see　fit　to　have　children。　We　shall　be　going　about　our　business　like　men；　we　shall　have　world…wide　businessesmany　of　usjust　as　men　will。　。　。　。　〃It　will　be　a　world　full　of　lovers'　meetings。〃　Some　daysomewherewe　two　will　certainly　meet　again。〃　〃Even　you　have　to　force　circumstances　a　little；〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　〃We　shall　meet；　she　said；　〃without　doing　that。〃　〃But　where？〃　he　asked　unanswered。　。　。　。　〃Meetings　and　partings；〃　she　said。　〃Women　will　be　used　to　seeing　their　lovers　go　away。　Even　to　seeing　them　go　away　to　other　women　who　have　borne　them　children　and　who　have　a　closer　claim　on　them。〃　〃No　one…〃　began　Sir　Richmond；　startled。　〃But　I　don't　mind　very　much。　It's　how　things　are。　If　I　were　a　perfectly　civilized　woman　I　shouldn't　mind　at　all。　If　men　and　women　are　not　to　be　tied　to　each　other　there　must　needs　be　such　things　as　this。〃　〃But　you；〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　I　at　any　rate　am　not　like　that。　I　cannot　bear　the　thought　that　YOU〃　〃You　need　not　bear　it；　my　dear。　I　was　just　trying　to　imagine　this　world　that　is　to　be。　Women　I　think　are　different　from　men　in　their　jealousy。　Men　are　jealous　of　the　other　man；　women　are　jealous　for　their　manand　careless　about　the　other　woman。　What　I　love　in　you　I　am　sure　about。　My　mind　was　empty　when　it　came　to　you　and　now　it　is　full　to　overflowing。　I　shall　feel　you　moving　about　in　the　same　world　with　me。　I'm　not　likely　to　think　of　anyone　else　for　a　very　long　time。　。　。　。　Later　on；　who　knows？　I　may　marry。　I　make　no　vows。　But　I　think　until　I　know　certainly　that　you　do　not　want　me　any　more　it　will　be　impossible　for　me　to　marry　or　to　have　a　lover。　I　don't　know；　but　that　is　how　I　believe　it　will　be　with　me。　And　my　mind　feels　beautifully　clear　now　and　settled。　I've　got　your　idea　and　made　it　my　own；　your　idea　that　we　matter　scarcely　at　all；　but　that　the　work　we　do　matters　supremely。　I'll　find　my　rope　and　tug　it；　never　fear。　Half　way　round　the　world　perhaps　some　day　you　will　feel　me　tugging。〃　〃I　shall　feel　you're　there；〃　he　said；　〃whether　you　tug　or　not。　。　。　。〃　〃Three　miles　left　to　Exeter；〃　he　reported　presently。　She　glanced　back　at　Belinda。　〃It　is　good　that　we　have　loved；　my　dear；〃　she　whispered。　〃Say　it　is　good。〃　〃The　best　thing　in　all　my　life；〃　he　said；　and　lowered　his　head　and　voice　to　say：　〃My　dearest　dear。〃　〃Heart's　desirestill？〃　〃Heart's　delight。　。　。　。　Priestess　of　life。　。　。　。　Divinity。〃　She　smiled　and　nodded　and　suddenly　Belinda；　up　above　their　lowered　heads；　accidentally　and　irrelevantly；　no　doubt；　coughed。　At　Exeter　Station　there　was　not　very　much　time　to　spare　after　all。　Hardly　had　Sir　Richmond　secured　a　luncheon　basket　for　the　two　travellers　before　the　train　came　into　the　station。　He　parted　from　Miss　Grammont　with　a　hand　clasp。　Belinda　was　flushed　and　distressed　at　the　last　but　her　friend　was　quiet　and　still。　〃Au　revoir；〃　said　Belinda　without　conviction　when　Sir　Richmond　shook　her　hand。　Section　8。　Sir　Richmond　stood　quite　still　on　the　platform　as　the　train　ran　out　of　the　station。　He　did　not　move　until　it　had　disappeared　round　the　bend。　Then　he　turned；　lost　in　a　brown　study；　and　walked　very　slowly　towards　the　station　exit。　〃The　most　wonderful　thing　in　my　life；〃　he　thought。　〃And　alreadyit　is　unreal。　〃She　will　go　on　to　her　father　whom　she　knows　ten　thousand　times　more　thoroughly　than　she　knows　me；　she　will　go　on　to　Paris；　she　will　pick　up　all　the　threads　of　her　old　story；　be　reminded　of　endless　things　in　her　life；　but　never　except　in　the　most　casual　way　of　these　days：　they　will　be　cut　off　from　everything　else　that　will　serve　to　keep　them　real；　and　as　for　methis　connects　with　nothing　else　in　my　life　at　all。　。　。　。　It　is　as　disconnected　as　a　dream。　。　。　。　Already　it　is　hardly　more　substantial　than　a　dream。　。　。　。　〃We　shall　write　letters。　Do　letters　breathe　faster　or　slower　as　you　read　them？　〃We　may　meet。　〃Where　are　we　likely　to　meet　again？　。。。　I　never　realized　before　how　improbable　it　is　that　we　shall　meet　again。　And　if　we　meet？　。　。　。　〃Never　in　all　our　lives　shall　we　be　really　TOGETHER　again。　It's　overWith　a　completeness。　。　。　。　〃Like　death。〃　He　came　opposite　the　bookstalls　and　stopped　short　and　stared　with　unseeing　eyes　at　the　display　of　popular　literature。　He　was　wondering　now　whether　after　all　he　ought　to　have　let　her　go。　He　experienced　something　of　the　blank　amazement　of　a　child　who　has　burst　its　toy　balloon。　His　golden　globe　of　satisfaction　in　an　instant　had　gone。　An　irrational　sense　of　loss　was　flooding　every　other　feeling　about　V。V。　If　she　had　loved　him　truly　and　altogether　could　she　have　left　him　like　this？　Neither　of　them　surely　had　intended　so　complete　a　separation。　He　wanted　to　go　back　and　recall　that　train。　A　few　seconds　more；　he　realized；　and　he　would　give　way　to　anger。　Whatever　happened　that　must　not　happen。　He　pulled　himself　together。　What　was　it　he　had　to　do　now？　He　had　not　to　be　angry；　he　had　not　even　to　be　sorry。　They　had　done　the　right　thing。　Outside　the　station　his　car　was　waiting。　He　went　outside　the　station　and　stared　at　his　car。　He　had　to　go　somewhere。　Of　course！　down　into　Cornwall　to　Martin's　cottage。　He　had　to　go　down　to　her　and　be　kind　and　comforting　about　that　carbuncle。　To　be　kind？　。　。　。　If　this　thwarted　feeling　broke　out　into　anger　he　might　be　tempted　to　take　it　out　of　Martin。　That　at　any　rate　he　must　not　do。　He　had　always　for　some　inexplicable　cause　treated　Martin　badly。　Nagged　her　and　blamed　her　and　threatened　her。　That　must　stop　now。　No　shadow　of　this　affair　must　lie　on　Martin。　。　。　。　And　Martin　must　never　have　a　suspicion　of　any　of　this。　。　。　。　The　image　of　Martin　became　very　vivid　in　his　mind。　He　thought　of