the secret places of the heart-第14节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


ee　a　faint　glow　of　colour　on　the　darkness。　。　。　。　〃　Dr。　Martineau　sat　without　a　word。　〃I　can　believe　that　over　all　things　Righteousness　rules。　I　can　believe　that。　But　Righteousness　is　not　friendliness　nor　mercy　nor　comfort　nor　any　such　dear　and　intimate　things。　This　cuddling　up　to　Righteousness！　It　is　a　dream；　a　delusion　and　a　phase。　I've　tried　all　that　long　ago。　I've　given　it　up　long　ago。　I've　grown　out　of　it。　Men　doafter　forty。　Our　souls　were　made　in　the　squatting…place　of　the　submen　of　ancient　times。　They　are　made　out　of　primitive　needs　and　they　die　before　our　bodies　as　those　needs　are　satisfied。　Only　young　people　have　souls；　complete。　The　need　for　a　personal　God；　feared　but　reassuring；　is　a　youth's　need。　I　no　longer　fear　the　Old　Man　nor　want　to　propitiate　the　Old　Man　nor　believe　he　matters　any　more。　I'm　a　bit　of　an　Old　Man　myself　I　discover。　Yes。　But　the　other　thing　still　remains。　〃　〃The　Great　Mother　of　the　Gods；〃　said　Dr。　Martineaustill　clinging　to　his　theories。　〃The　need　of　the　woman；〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　〃I　want　mating　because　it　is　my　nature　to　mate。　I　want　fellowship　because　I　am　a　social　animal　and　I　want　it　from　another　social　animal。　Not　from　any　Godany　inconceivable　God。　Who　fades　and　disappears。　No。　。　。　。　〃Perhaps　that　other　need　will　fade　presently。　I　do　not　know。　Perhaps　it　lasts　as　long　as　life　does。　How　can　I　tell？〃　He　was　silent　for　a　little　while。　Then　his　voice　sounded　in　the　night；　as　if　he　spoke　to　himself。　〃But　as　for　the　God　of　All　Things　consoling　and　helping！　Imagine　it！　That　up　there　having　fellowship　with　me！　I　would　as　soon　think　of　cooling　my　throat　with　the　Milky　Way　or　shaking　hands　with　those　stars。〃

CHAPTER　THE　FIFTH　IN　THE　LAND　OF　THE　FORGOTTEN　PEOPLES

Section　1　A　gust　of　confidence　on　the　part　of　a　person　naturally　or　habitually　reserved　will　often　be　followed　by　a　phase　of　recoil。　At　breakfast　next　morning　their　overnight　talk　seemed　to　both　Sir　Richmond　and　Dr。　Martineau　like　something　each　had　dreamt　about　the　other；　a　quite　impossible　excess　of　intimacy。　They　discussed　the　weather；　which　seemed　to　be　settling　down　to　the　utmost　serenity　of　which　the　English　spring　is　capable；　they　talked　of　Sir　Richmond's　coming　car　and　of　the　possible　routes　before　them。　Sir　Richmond　produced　the　Michelin　maps　which　he　had　taken　out　of　the　pockets　of　the　little　Charmeuse。　The　Bath　Road　lay　before　them；　he　explained；　Reading；　Newbury；　Hungerford；　Marlborough；　Silbury　Hill　which　overhangs　Avebury。　Both　travellers　discovered　a　common　excitement　at　the　mention　of　Avebury　and　Silbury　Hill。　Both　took　an　intelligent　interest　in　archaeology。　Both　had　been　greatly　stimulated　by　the　recent　work　of　Elliot　Smith　and　Rivers　upon　what　was　then　known　as　the　Heliolithic　culture。　It　had　revived　their　interest　in　Avebury　and　Stonehenge。　The　doctor　moreover　had　been　reading　Hippisley　Cox's　GREEN　ROADS　OF　ENGLAND。　Neither　gentleman　had　ever　seen　Avebury；　but　Dr。　Martineau　had　once　visited　Stonehenge。　〃Avebury　is　much　the　oldest；〃　said　the　doctor。　They　must　have　made　Silbury　Hill　long　before　2000　B。C。　It　may　be　five　thousand　years　old　or　even　more。　It　is　the　most　important　historical　relic　in　the　British　Isles。　And　the　most　neglected。　〃　They　exchanged　archaeological　facts。　The　secret　places　of　the　heart　rested　until　the　afternoon。　Then　Sir　Richmond　saw　fit　to　amplify　his　confessions　in　one　particular。　Section　2　The　doctor　and　his　patient　had　discovered　a　need　for　exercise　as　the　morning　advanced。　They　had　walked　by　the　road　to　Marlow　and　had　lunched　at　a　riverside　inn；　returning　after　a　restful　hour　in　an　arbour　on　the　lawn　of　this　place　to　tea　at　Maidenhead。　It　was　as　they　returned　that　Sir　Richmond　took　up　the　thread　of　their　overnight　conversation　again。　〃In　the　night；〃　he　said；　〃I　was　thinking　over　the　account　I　tried　to　give　you　of　my　motives。　A　lot　of　it　was　terribly　out　of　drawing。〃　〃Facts？〃　asked　the　doctor。　〃No；　the　facts　were　all　right。　It　was　the　atmosphere；　the　proportions。　。　。　。　I　don't　know　if　I　gave　you　the　effect　of　something　Don　Juanesque？　。　。　。〃　〃Vulgar　poem；〃　said　the　doctor　remarkably。〃　I　discounted　that。〃　〃Vulgar！〃　〃Intolerable。　Byron　in　sexual　psychology　is　like　a　stink　in　a　kitchen。〃　Sir　Richmond　perceived　he　had　struck　upon　the　sort　of　thing　that　used　to　be　called　a　pet　aversion。　〃I　don't　want　you　to　think　that　I　run　about　after　women　in　an　habitual　and　systematic　manner。　Or　that　I　deliberately　hunt　them　in　the　interests　of　my　work　and　energy。　Your　questions　had　set　me　theorizing　about　myself。　And　I　did　my　best　to　improvise　a　scheme　of　motives　yesterday。　It　was；　I　perceive；　a　jerry…built　scheme；　run　up　at　short　notice。　My　nocturnal　reflections　convinced　me　of　that。　I　put　reason　into　things　that　are　essentially　instinctive。　The　truth　is　that　the　wanderings　of　desire　have　no　single　drive。　All　sorts　of　motives　come　in；　high　and　low；　down　to　sheer　vulgar　imitativeness　and　competitiveness。　What　was　true　in　it　all　was　this；　that　a　man　with　any　imagination　in　a　fatigue　phase　falls　naturally　into　these　complications　because　they　are　more　attractive　to　his　type　and　far　easier　and　more　refreshing　to　the　mind；　at　the　outset；　than　anything　else。　And　they　do　work　a　sort　of　recovery　in　him；　They　send　him　back　to　his　work　refreshedso　far；　that　is；　as　his　work　is　concerned。〃　〃At　the　OUTSET　they　are　easier；〃　said　the　doctor。　Sir　Richmond　laughed。　〃When　one　is　fagged　it　is　only　the　outset　counts。　The　more　tired　one　is　the　more　readily　one　moves　along　the　line　of　least　resistance。　。　。　。　〃That　is　one　footnote　to　what　I　said。　So　far　as　the　motive　of　my　work　goes；　I　think　we　got　something　like　the　spirit　of　it。　What　I　said　about　that　was　near　the　truth　of　things。　。　。　。　〃But　there　is　another　set　of　motives　altogether；　〃Sir　Richmond　went　on　with　an　air　of　having　cleared　the　ground　for　his　real　business；　〃that　I　didn't　go　into　at　all　yesterday。〃　He　considered。　〃It　arises　out　of　these　other　affairs。　Before　you　realize　it　your　affections　are　involved。　I　am　a　man　much　swayed　by　my　affections。〃　Mr。　Martineau　glanced　at　him。　There　was　a　note　of　genuine　self…reproach　in　Sir　Richmond's　voice。　〃I　get　fond　of　people。　It　is　quite　irrational；　but　I　get　fond　of　them。　Which　is　quite　a　different　thing　from　the　admiration　and　excitement　of　falling　in　love。　Almost　the　opposite　thing。　They　cry　or　they　come　some　mental　or　physical　cropper　and　hurt　themselves；　or　they　do　something　distressingly　little　and　human　and　suddenly　I　find　they've　GOT　me。　I'm　distressed。　I'm　filled　with　something　between　pity　and　an　impulse　of　responsibility。　I　become　tender　towards　them。　I　am　impelled　to　take　care　of　them。　I　want　to　ease　them　off；　to　reassure　them；　to　make　them　stop　hurting　at　any　cost。　I　don't　see　why　it　should　be　the　weak　and　sickly　and　seamy　side　of　people　that　grips　me　most；　but　it　is。　I　don't　know　why　it　should　be　their　failures　that　gives　them　power　over　me；　but　it　is。　I　told　you　of　this　girl；　this　mistress　of　mine；　who　is　ill　just　now。　SHE'S　got　me　in　that　way；　she's　got　me　tremendously。〃　〃You　did　not　speak　of　her　yesterday　with　any　morbid　excess　of　pity；〃　the　doctor　was　constrained　to　remark。　〃I　abused　her　very　probably。　I　forget　exactly　what　I　said。　。　。　。〃　The　doctor　offered　no　assistance。　〃But　the　reason　why　I　abuse　her　is　perfectly　plain。　I　abuse　her　because　she　distresses　me　by　her　misfortunes　and　instead　of　my　getting　anything　out　of　her；　I　go　out　to　her。　But　I　DO　go　out　to　her。　All　this　time　at　the　back　of　my　mind　I　am　worrying　about　her。　She　has　that　gift　of　making　one　feel　for　her。　I　am　feeling　that　damned　carbuncle　almost　as　if　it　had　been　my　affair　instead　of　hers。　〃That　carbuncle　has　made　me　suffer　FRIGHTFULLY。　。　。　。　Why　should　I？　It　isn't　mine。〃　He　regarded　the　doctor　earnestly。　The　doctor　controlled　a　strong　desire　to　laugh。　〃I　suppose　the　young　lady〃　he　began。　〃Oh！　SHE　puts　in　suffering　all　right。　I've　no　doubt　about　that。　〃I　suppose；〃　Sir　Richmond　went　on；　〃now　that　I　have　told　you　so　much　of　this　affair；　I　may　as　well　tell　you　all。　It　is　a　sort　of　comedy；　a　painful　comedy；　of　irrelevant　affections。〃　The　doctor　was　prepared　to　be　a　good　listener。　Facts　he　would　always　listen　to；　it　was　only　when　people　told　him　their　theories　that　he　would　interrupt　with　his　〃Exactly。〃　〃This　young　woman　is　a　person　of　considerable　genius。　I　don't　know　if　you　have　seen　in　the　illustrated　papers　a　peculiar　sort　of　humorous　illustrations　usually　with　a　considerable　amount　of　bite　in　them　over　the　name　of　Martin　Leeds？　〃Extremely　amusing　stuff。〃　〃It　is　that　Martin　Leeds。　I　met　her　at　the　beginning　of　her　career。　She　talks　almost　as　well　as　she　draws。　She　amused　me　immensely。　I'm　not　the　sort　of　man　who　waylays　and　besieges　women　and　girls。　I'm　not　the　pursuing　type。　But　I　perceived　that　in　some　odd　way　I　attracted　her　and　I　was　neither　wise　enough　nor　generous　enough　not　to　let　the　thing　develop。〃　〃H'm；〃　said　Dr。　Martineau。　〃I'd　never　had　to　do　with　an　intellectually　brilliant　woman　before。　I　see　now　that　the　more　imaginative　force　a　woman　has；　the　more　likely　she　is　to　get　into　a　state　of　extreme　self…abandonment　with　any　male　thing　upon　which　her　imagination　begins　to　crystallize。　Before　I　came　along　she'd　mixed　chiefly　with　a　lot　of　young　artists　and　students；　all　doing　nothing　at　all　except　talk　about　the　things　they　were　going　to　do。　I　suppose　I　profi