the use and need of the life of carrie a. nation-第35节
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place I ever saw。 I do not know what is in other people's hearts。 Paul
meant this when he said： 〃Christ Jesus came into the world to save
sinners of whom I am chief；〃 Said； this； 〃is worthy of all acceptation〃
or was； a good testimony。 Because one can never see how bad the heart
is； until God sheds the light to see it。 So many people are deceived； as
a blind man。 They may be in filth； and do not know it。 It is there；
but not seen； for lack of light。
I was first condemned by reading the Psalms。 I said： 〃If Christians
have impulses to 〃rejoice〃； clap their hands； and 〃shout〃； I do not
know what it is。 I find no response of gladness in my heart。〃 I trembled
with fear to think of God and the judgement day。 This continued from
youth up to the age of forty。 At this time I received from Christ the
〃Gift of the Holy Ghost〃； the 〃Unction〃； that which 〃leads unto all
truth。〃 There are many names for this； I call it the Bible name。 〃Hold
fast the form of sound words。〃 Before this I had never spoken a word
for God or prayed in public。 At one time I was called on to do so； and
was terrified and mumbled out something； that was no prayer。 Now all
was changed： 〃I was glad when they said unto me； let us go into the
house of the Lord。〃 I was anxious for my time to come to tell how
good Jesus was to me。 When I met my neighbors I would be heavy…
hearted； because they talked of servants； house cleaning； the new fashions；
and these seemed so vain； so frivolous。 I liked to direct their minds to
speak of the Scriptures； and of the ways of doing work for God。 I
soon found out I was not welcome； I was looked upon as an intruder；
was often avoided； I could see the frowns and glances of impatience at
my presence。 These would cause me many a cry and mortification。 My
best companion was the Bible。 I then knew what David meant when he
said： 〃More to be desired are they； than gold； yea than much fine gold；
sweeter also than the honey and the honey comb。〃 I often kiss and
caress my Bible； 'tis the most precious of all earthly treasures。
I wonder how people can live any kind of Christian life without
reading the Scriptures and prayer。 If I neglect this one day I feel
impatient； restless；a soul hunger。 Spurgeon is my favorite of all ministers。
I read where he said； 〃Being a Christian was something like taking
a sea bath。 You go in up to the ankles and there is no pleasure； then
to the knees is not much better； but if you wish to know the pleasure of
a bath take a 'HEADER' and plunge。 Then you can say； How glorious。〃
Christian life is like a journey。 There are flowers and fruit and streams；
thorns； dark valleys and fires； rocky steeps from whose summits you
can see beautiful prospects。 There is rest； refreshment； sleep and bitter
tearful watchings。 'Tis a great pleasure to me to be in a spiritual meeting。
To know by the testimony how far they have traveled。 Some one
in the garden of delights； he wonders why that one tells of the dark
valley。 One at the base of the hill cannot understand why others see
what he cannot。 The young beginner tells of the beautiful sights and
songs； and maybe the one who has been on the road almost a life time
will tell of the 〃continual heaviness； hours of darkness； and the smoking
furnace； and the lamp。〃 I have found that the warrior is never as bouyant
as the new recruit； in his dress parade。 We humor children； and call
on men to labor。 Few； comparatively； get to the place where they prefer
hard labor； to endure desolation of heart； to seek self in nothing；
to see all loved but himself； to see others exalted but only abasement for
self； to 〃endure hardness as a good soldier；〃 to lay on the ground； to
eat hard tack； to make long； weary marches； footsore and still fight on；
to suffer traveling over rocks and thorns； to endure the loss of all
things。〃 I will take this last for mine。 'Tis the best； Oh my God； give
me this！ 〃He that goeth forth and WEEPETH bearing precious seeds shall
doubtless come again rejoicing； bringing his sheaves with him。〃 I do
not ask this because I enjoy suffering but to prove my love and gratitude
to Him who loved me； and gave Himself for me。
After we moved to Medicine Lodge the Free Methodists came there
and held a meeting。 I had never heard the doctrine of the 〃second
blessing〃 or 〃sanctification〃 taught。 It was very interesting to me。 Three
women called to see me in my home； to ask me if I had ever 〃had the
Gift。〃 I told them I had something peculiar given me from God in
Texas； asked them to pray to God to give this great blessing to me or a
witness that he had done so。 These sisters were Mrs。 Painter； Green and
Marvin。 I also prayed for myself。 In about ten days from that time I
was in my sitting room。 It was raining。 A minister and his daughter
were at our house （Mr。 Laurance； a Baptist）。 We were all quietly reading
in the room。 I was in meditation； praying and saying： 〃Just now；
blessed Father； give me the witness。〃 Then a wonderful thing took place；
which it is not 〃lawful〃 or possible for me to utter。 Something was poured
on top of my bead； running all over and through me； which I call divine
electricity。 The two persons who were in the room； Mr。 Laurance and
his daughter； were very much startled； for I jumped up； clapped my hands；
saying： 〃I have this from God； this divine Gift。〃 I went below in the
basement that I might give vent to my gratitude； and under my breath
I walked up and down； thanking； praising； crying and laughing。
Like the woman that found the piece of silver that was lost； I had
to tell my neighbors。 I wrapped myself up to be protected from the
rain； and ran to Sister Painters； near by； then to Sister Dollars and Marvin's
and several others； to tell them of my great blessing。
When I returned I opened my Bible。 Every word and every letter
was surrounded with a bright light。 I turned over the leaves； and I
saw the meaning on the pages at a glance。 There was a new light and
meaning。 I have never been able to express that experience in any other
way than to say I was 〃eating〃 the word of God。 I could now understand
why we do not understand the figures and expressions used in the
Bible； because I have had several experiences； that were impossible to
explain by human language。
I told Mr。 Nation that the Bible was a new book to me； tried to
explain to him； told him I now saw the meaning of everything。 He
said： 〃Explain Lazarus and the rich man。〃 I turned to it instantly。
The divine light gave a new meaning to me。 I commented thus as I
read it： 〃This rich man is the Jewish nation； with its gorgeous temple
service。 The poor man is the Gentile nations called dogs； no temple； no
altar； no God； no healing； like a man with an incurable loathsome disease。
These begged from the Jews the crumbs that fell to their dogs。 This rich
man had much goods。 He could have shared to bless； but through lack
of charity he withheld。
The beggar died； and angels took him to Abraham's bosom； the very
place the Jews thought was only for them。 This is a figure of the
death to sin； and the life to righteousness。 The natural must die before
the spiritual can live。 The rich man died； and was buried。 The Jewish
nation died as it is here predicted； and in hell； he lifted up his eyes； being
in torments。 It is not said that the Gentiles； or Lazarus were buried。
The Jews as a nation are dead； never to be resurrected。 They have been
scattered abroad in torments； a people without a land； a hiss and a by…
word； as God said。 The Jew sees the Gentiles with the good things； he
once had。 Has time and time again begged relief from them。 The Jews
wish no companionship in their misery； have no missionaries。 Five is
a number applied to humanity。five senses； five fingers； five toes。 The
gulf spoken of as being impassable； is the separateness of the Jews from
all others。
The rich man wants one from the dead to go to his five brethren； or
humanity。 Abraham or the Gospel reminds the Jew that Moses and
the prophets were as convincing； they would not believe them。 Christ
said： 〃If ye had believed Moses； ye would have believed me for he
wrote of me。 If ye believe not him； neither will ye believe； though one
arose from the dead。〃 Christ in this parable prophesied of his own
death and resurrection； they did not believe when he arose from the dead。
Scripture was given a meaning I had never heard of before。 This
light continued for about three days。 Oh！ if I had devoted all my time
then to reading while I had this divine light！ We never know the value
of any blessing； until it is gone。 Persons almost universally say of me：
〃You have studied and remember so much of the Bible；〃 but this is a
gift from God。 I know why God gave this to me。 Because I have always
been a reader and a student of holy teachings； even when it was sealed；
and often to me； contradictory。 〃If any will do His will； they shall
know of the doctrine。〃 Jesus said： 〃Search the Scriptures。〃 Study to
show thyself a workman well approved unto God； that needeth not to
be ashamed； rightly divining the word of truth。〃 'Tis a sweet love letter
by an independent God to a dependent people。 〃Oh！ the depth of the
wisdom； both of the knowledge and power of Go
