first visit to new england-第10节

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of　immortality；　of　the　experiences　of　morbid　youth；　and　of　all　those
messages　from　the　tremulous　nerves　which　we　take　for　prophecies。　　I　was
not　ashamed；　before　his　tolerant　wisdom；　to　acknowledge　the　effects　that
had　lingered　so　long　with　me　in　fancy　and　even　in　conduct；　from　a　time　of
broken　health　and　troubled　spirit；　and　I　remember　the　exquisite　tact　in
him　which　recognized　them　as　things　common　to　all；　however　peculiar　in
each；　which　left　them　mine　for　whatever　obscure　vanity　I　might　have　in
them；　and　yet　gave　me　the　companionship　of　the　whole　race　in　their
experience。　　We　spoke　of　forebodings　and　presentiments；　we　approached　the
mystic　confines　of　the　world　from　which　no　traveller　has　yet　returned
with　a　passport　'en　regle'　and　properly　'vise'；　and　he　held　his　light
course　through　these　filmy　impalpabilities　with　a　charming　sincerity；
with　the　scientific　conscience　that　refuses　either　to　deny　the　substance
of　things　unseen；　or　to　affirm　it。　　In　the　gathering　dusk；　so　weird　did
my　fortune　of　being　there　and　listening　to　him　seem；　that　I　might　well
have　been　a　blessed　ghost；　for　all　the　reality　I　felt　in　myself。

I　tried　to　tell　him　how　much　I　had　read　him　from　my　boyhood；　and　with
what　joy　and　gain；　and　he　was　patient　of　these　futilities；　and　I　have　no
doubt　imagined　the　love　that　inspired　them；　and　accepted　that　instead　of
the　poor　praise。　　When　the　sunset　passed；　and　the　lamps　were　lighted；　and
we　all　came　back　to　our　dear　little　firm…set　earth；　he　began　to　question
me　about　my　native　region　of　it。　　From　many　forgotten　inquiries　I　recall
his　asking　me　what　was　the　fashionable　religion　in　Columbus；　or　the
Church　that　socially　corresponded　to　the　Unitarian　Church　in　Boston。
He　had　first　to　clarify　my　intelligence　as　to…what　Unitarianism　was；　we
had　Universalists　but　not　Unitarians；　but　when　I　understood；　I　answered
from　such　vantage　as　my　own　wholly　outside　Swedenborgianism　gave　me；　that
I　thought　most　of　the　most　respectable　people　with　us　were　of　the
Presbyterian　Church；　some　were　certainly　Episcopalians；　but　upon　the
whole　the　largest　number　were　Presbyterians。　　He　found　that　very　strange
indeed；　and　said　that　he　did　not　believe　there　was　a　Presbyterian　Church
in　Boston；　that　the　New　England　Calvinists　were　all　of　the　Orthodox
Church。　　He　had　to　explain　Oxthodoxy　to　me；　and　then　I　could　confess　to
one　Congregational　Church　in　Columbus。

Probably　I　failed　to　give　the　Autocrat　any　very　clear　image　of　our　social
frame　in　the　West；　but　the　fault　was　altogether　mine；　if　I　did。　　Such
lecturing　tours　as　he　had　made　had　not　taken　him　among　us；　as　those　of
Emerson　and　other　New…Englanders　had；　and　my　report　was　positive　rather
than　comparative。　　I　was　full　of　pride　in　journalism　at　that　day；　and　I
dare　say　that　I　vaunted　the　brilliancy　and　power　of　our　newspapers　more
than　they　merited；　I　should　not　have　been　likely　to　wrong　them　otherwise。
It　is　strange　that　in　all　the　talk　I　had　with　him　and　Lowell；　or　rather
heard　from　them；　I　can　recall　nothing　said　of　political　affairs；　though
Lincoln　had　then　been　nominated　by　the　Republicans；　and　the　Civil　War　had
practically　begun。　　But　we　did　not　imagine　such　a　thing　in　the　North；　we
rested　secure　in　the　belief　that　if　Lincoln　were　elected　the　South　would
eat　all　its　fiery　words；　perhaps　from　the　mere　love　and　inveterate　habit
of　fireeating。

I　rent　myself　away　from　the　Autocrat's　presence　as　early　as　I　could；
and　as　my　evening　had　been　too　full　of　happiness　to　sleep　upon　at　once；
I　spent　the　rest　of　the　night　till　two　in　the　morning　wandering　about　the
streets　and　in　the　Common　with　a　Harvard　Senior　whom　I　had　met。　　He　was　a
youth　of　like　literary　passions　with　myself；　but　of　such　different
traditions　in　every　possible　way　that　his　deeply　schooled　and　definitely
regulated　life　seemed　as　anomalous　to　me　as　my　own　desultory　and
self…found　way　must　have　seemed　to　him。　　We　passed　the　time　in　the
delight　of　trying　to　make　ourselves　known　to　each　other；　and　in　a　promise
to　continue　by　letter　the　effort；　which　duly　lapsed　into　silent　patience
with　the　necessarily　insoluble　problem。




XIII。

I　must　have　lingered　in　Boston　for　the　introduction　to　Hawthorne　which
Lowell　had　offered　me；　for　when　it　came；　with　a　little　note　of　kindness
and　counsel　for　myself　such　as　only　Lowell　had　the　gift　of　writing；
it　was　already　so　near　Sunday　that　I　stayed　over　till　Monday　before　I
started。　　I　do　not　recall　what　I　did　with　the　time；　except　keep　myself
from　making　it　a　burden　to　the　people　I　knew；　and　wandering　about　the
city　alone。　　Nothing　of　it　remains　to　me　except　the　fortune　that　favored
me　that　Sunday　night　with　a　view　of　the　old　Granary　Burying…ground　on
Tremont　Street。　　I　found　the　gates　open；　and　I　explored　every　path　in　the
place；　wreaking　myself　in　such　meagre　emotion　as　I　could　get　from　the
tomb　of　the　Franklin　family；　and　rejoicing　with　the　whole　soul　of　my
Western　modernity　in　the　evidence　of　a　remote　antiquity　which　so　many　of
the　dim　inscriptions　afforded。　　I　do　not　think　that　I　have　ever　known
anything　practically　older　than　these　monuments；　though　I　have　since
supped　so　full　of　classic　and　mediaeval　ruin。　　I　am　sure　that　I　was　more
deeply　touched　by　the　epitaph　of　a　poor　little　Puritan　maiden　who　died　at
sixteen　in　the　early　sixteen…thirties　than　afterwards　by　the　tomb　of
Caecilia　Metella；　and　that　the　heartache　which　I　tried　to　put　into　verse
when　I　got　back　to　my　room　in　the　hotel　was　none　the　less　genuine　because
it　would　not　lend　itself　to　my　literary　purpose；　and　remains　nothing　but
pathos　to　this　day。

I　am　not　able　to　say　how　I　reached　the　town　of　Lowell；　where　I　went
before　going　to　Concord；　that　I　might　ease　the　unhappy　conscience　I　had
about　those　factories　which　I　hated　so　much　to　see；　and　have　it　clean　for
the　pleasure　of　meeting　the　fabricator　of　visions　whom　I　was　authorized
to　molest　in　any　air…castle　where　I　might　find　him。　　I　only　know　that　I
went　to　Lowell；　and　visited　one　of　the　great　mills；　which　with　their
whirring　spools；　the　ceaseless　flight　of　their　shuttles；　and　the
bewildering　sight　and　sound　of　all　their　mechanism　have　since　seemed　to
me　the　death　of　the　joy　that　ought　to　come　from　work；　if　not　the
captivity　of　those　who　tended　them。　　But　then　I　thought　it　right　and　well
for　me　to　be　standing　by；

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃With　sick　and　scornful　looks　averse；〃

while　these　others　toiled；　I　did　not　see　the　tragedy　in　it；　and　I　got　my
pitiful　literary　antipathy　away　as　soon　as　I　could；　no　wiser　for　the
sight　of　the　ingenious　contrivances　I　inspected；　and　I　am　sorry　to　say　no
sadder。　　In　the　cool　of　the　evening　I　sat　at　the　door　of　my　hotel；　and
watched　the　long　files　of　the　work…worn　factory…girls　stream　by；　with　no
concern　for　them　but　to　see　which　was　pretty　and　which　was　plain；　and
with　no　dream　of　a　truer　order　than　that　which　gave　them　ten　hours'　work
a　day　in　those　hideous　mills　and　lodged　them　in　the　barracks　where　they
rested　from　their　toil。

I　wonder　if　there　is　a　stage　that　still　runs　between　Lowell　and　Concord；
past　meadow　walls；　and　under　the　caressing　boughs　of　way…side　elms；　and
through　the　bird…haunted　gloom　of　woodland　roads；　in　the　freshness　of　the
summer　morning？　　By　a　blessed　chance　I　found　that　there　was　such　a　stage
in　1860；　and　I　took　it　from　my　hotel；　instead　of　going　back　to　Boston　and
up　to　Concord　as　I　must　have　had　to　do　by　train。　　The　journey　gave　me　the
intimacy　of　the　New　England　country　as　I　could　have　had　it　in　no　other
fashion；　and　for　the　first　time　I　saw　it　in　all　the　summer　sweetness
which　I　have　often　steeped　my　soul　in　since。　　The　meadows　were　newly
mown；　and　the　air　was　fragrant　with　the　grass；　stretching　in　long　winrows
among　the　brown　bowlders；　or　capped　with　canvas　in　the　little　haycocks　it
had　been　gathered　into　the　day　before。　　I　was　fresh　from　the　affluent
farms　of　the　Western　Reserve；　and　this　care　of　the　grass　touched　me　with
a　rude　pity；　which　I　also　bestowed　on　the　meagre　fields　of　corn　and
wheat；　but　still　the　land　was　lovelier　than　any　I　had　ever　seen；　with　its
old　farmhouses；　and　brambled　gray　stone　walls；　its　stony　hillsides；　its
staggering　orchards；　its　wooded　tops；　and　its　thick…brackened　valleys。
From　West　to　East　the　difference　was　as　great　as　I　afterwards　found　it
from　America　to　Europe；　and　my　impression　of　something　quaint　and　strange
was　no　keener　when　I　saw　Old　England　the　next　year　than　when　I　saw　New
England　now。　　I　had　imagined　the　landscape　bare　of　trees；　and　I　was
astonished　to　find　it　almost　as　full　of　them　as　at　home；　though　they　all
looked　very　little；　as　they　well　might　to　eyes　used　to　the　primeval
forests　of　Ohio。　　The　road　ran　through　them　from　time　to　time；　and　took
their　coolness　on　its　smooth　hard　reaches；　and　then　issued　again　in　the
glisten　of　the　open　fields。

I　made　phrases　to　myself　about　the　scenery　as　we　drove　along；　and　yes；　I
suppose　I　made　phrases　about　the　young　girl　who　was　one　of　the　inside
passengers；　and　who；　when　the　common　strangeness　had　somewhat　worn　off；
began　to　sing；　and　sang　most　of　the　way　to　Concord。　　Perhaps　she　was　not
very　sage；　and　I　am　sure　she　was　not　of　the　caste　of　Vere　de　Vere；　but
she　was　pretty　enough；　and　she　had　a　voice　of　a　bird