to have and to hold-第66节
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IT was like a May morning； so mild was the air； so gay the sunshine； when the mist had risen。 Wild flowers were blooming； and here and there unfolding leaves made a delicate fretwork against a deep blue sky。 The wind did not blow； everywhere were stillness soft and sweet； dewy freshness； careless peace。
Hour after hour I walked slowly through the woodland； pausing now and then to look from side to side。 It was idle going； wandering in a desert with no guiding star。 The place where I would be might lie to the east； to the west。 In the wide enshrouding forest I might have passed it by。 I believed not that I had done so。 Surely； surely I should have known； surely the voice that lived only in my heart would have called to me to stay。
Beside a newly felled tree； in a glade starred with small white flowers； I came upon the bodies of a man and a boy； so hacked； so hewn； so robbed of all comeliness； that at the sight the heart stood still and the brain grew sick。 Farther on was a clearing； and in its midst the charred and blackened walls of what had been a home。 I crossed the freshly turned earth； and looked in at the cabin door with the stillness and the sunshine。 A woman lay dead upon the floor； her outstretched hand clenched upon the foot of a cradle。 I entered the room； and； looking within the cradle； found that the babe had not been spared。 Taking up the little waxen body with the blood upon its innocent breast； I laid it within the mother's arms； and went my way over the sunny doorstep and the earth that had been made ready for planting。 A white butterfly … the first of the year … fluttered before me； then rose through a mist of green and passed from my sight。
The sun climbed higher into the deep blue sky。 Save where grew pines or cedars there were no shadowy places in the forest。 The slight green of uncurling leaves； the airy scarlet of the maples； the bare branches of the tardier trees； opposed no barrier to the sunlight。 It streamed into the world below the treetops； and lay warm upon the dead leaves and the green moss and the fragile wild flowers。 There was a noise of birds； and a fox barked。 All was lightness； gayety； and warmth； the sap was running； the heyday of the spring at hand。 Ah！ to be riding with her； to be going home through the fairy forest； the sunshine； and the singing！ 。 。 。 The happy miles to Weyanoke； the smell of the sassafras in its woods； the house all lit and trimmed。 The fire kindled； the wine upon the table 。 。 。 Diccon's welcoming face； and his hand upon Black Lamoral's bridle； the minister； too； maybe； with his great heart and his kindly eyes； her hand in mine； her head upon my breast …
The vision faded。 Never； never； never for me a home…coming such as that； so deep； so dear； so sweet。 The men who were my friends； the woman whom I loved； had gone into a far country。 This world was not their home。 They had crossed the threshold while I lagged behind。 The door was shut； and without were the night and I。
With the fading of the vision came a sudden consciousness of a presence in the forest other than my own。 I turned sharply； and saw an Indian walking with me； step for step； but with a space between us of earth and brown tree trunks and drooping branches。 For a moment I thought that he was a shadow； not substance； then I stood still； waiting for him to speak or to draw nearer。 At the first glimpse of the bronze figure I had touched my sword； but when I saw who it was I let my hand fall。 He too paused； but he did not offer to speak。 With his hand upon a great bow； he waited； motionless in the sunlight。 A minute or more thus； then I walked on with my eyes upon him。
At once he addressed himself to motion； not speaking or making any sign or lessening the distance between us； but moving as I moved through the light and shade； the warmth and stillness； of the forest。 For a time I kept my eyes upon him； but soon I was back with my dreams again。 It seemed not worth while to wonder why he walked with me； who was now the mortal foe of the people to whom he had returned。
From the river bank； the sycamore； and the boat that I had fastened there； I had gone northward toward the Pamunkey； from the clearing and the ruined cabin with the dead within it； I had turned to the eastward。 Now； in that hopeless wandering； I would have faced the north again。 But the Indian who had made himself my traveling companion stopped short； and pointed to the east。 I looked at him； and thought that he knew； maybe； of some war party between us and the Pamunkey； and would save me from it。 A listlessness had come upon me； and I obeyed the pointing finger。
So； estranged and silent； with two spears' length of earth between us； we went on until we came to a quiet stream flowing between low； dark banks。 Again I would have turned to the northward； but the son of Powhatan； gliding before me； set his face down the stream； toward the river I had left。 A minute in which I tried to think and could not； because in my ears was the singing of the birds at Weyanoke； then I followed him。
How long I walked in a dream； hand in hand with the sweetness of the past； I do not know； but when the present and its anguish weighed again upon my heart it was darker； colder； stiller； in the forest。 The soundless stream was bright no longer； the golden sunshine that had lain upon the earth was all gathered up； the earth was dark and smooth and bare； with not a flower； the tree trunks were many and straight and tall。 Above were no longer brown branch and blue sky； but a deep and sombre green； thick woven； keeping out the sunlight like a pall。 I stood still and gazed around me； and knew the place。
To me； whose heart was haunted； the dismal wood； the charmed silence； the withdrawal of the light； were less than nothing。 All day I had looked for one sight of horror； yea； had longed to come at last upon it； to fall beside it； to embrace it with my arms。 There； there； though it should be some fair and sunny spot； there would be my haunted wood。 As for this place of gloom and stillness； it fell in with my mood。 More welcome than the mocking sunshine were this cold and solemn light； this deathlike silence； these ranged pines。 It was a place in which to think of life as a slight thing and scarcely worth the while； given without the asking； spent in turmoil； strife； suffering； and longings all in vain。 Easily laid down； too； … so easily laid down that the wonder was …
I looked at the ghostly wood； and at the dull stream； and at my hand upon the hilt of the sword that I had drawn halfway from the scabbard。 The life within that hand I had not asked for。 Why should I stand like a soldier left to guard a thing not worth the guarding； seeing his comrades march homeward； hearing a cry to him from his distant hearthstone？
I drew my sword well…nigh from its sheath； and then of a sudden I saw the matter in a truer light； knew that I was indeed the soldier； and willed to be neither coward nor deserter。 The blade dropped back into the scabbard with a clang； and； straightening myself； I walked on beside the sluggish stream deep into the haunted wood。
Presently it occurred to me to glance aside at the Indian who had kept pace with me through the forest。 He was not there； he walked with me no longer； save for myself there seemed no breathing creature in the dim wood。 I looked to right and left； and saw only the tall； straight pines and the needle…strewn ground。 How long he had been gone I could not tell。 He might have left me when first we came to the pines； for my dreams had held me； and I had not looked his way。
There was that in the twilight place； or in the strangeness； the horror； and the yearning that had kept company with me that day； or in the dull weariness of a mind and body overwrought of late； which made thought impossible。 I went on down the stream toward the river； because it chanced that my face was set in that direction。
How dark was the shadow of the pines； how lifeless the earth beneath； how faint and far away the blue that showed here and there through rifts in the heavy roof of foliage！ The stream bending to one side I turned with it； and there before me stood the minister！
I do not know what strangled cry burst from me。 The earth was rocking； all the wood a glare of light。 As for him； at the sight of me and the sound of my voice he had staggered back against a tree； but now； recovering himself； he ran to me and put his great arms about me。 〃From the power of the dog； from the lion's mouth；〃 he cried brokenly。 〃And they slew thee not； Ralph； the heathen who took thee away！ Yesternight I learned that you lived； but I looked not for you here。〃
I scarce heard or marked what he was saying； and found no time in which to wonder at his knowledge that I had not perished。 I only saw that he was alone； and that in the evening wood there was no sign of other living creature。
〃Yea； they slew me not； Jeremy；〃 I said。 〃I would that they had done so。 And you are alone？ I am glad that you died not； my friend； yes； faith； I am very glad that one escaped。 Tell me about it； and I will sit here upon the bank and listen。 Was it done in this wood？ A gloomy deathbed； friend； for one so young and fair。 She should have died to soft music； in the su
