the ragged trousered philanthropists-第86节

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d　a　fine　harvest。　　The　proceeds　of　these　sales　were　distributed　in　‘charity'　and　it　was　usually　a　case　of　much　cry　and　little　wool。

There　was　a　religious　organization；　called　‘The　Mugsborough　Skull　and　Crossbones　Boys'；　which　existed　for　the　purpose　of　perpetuating　the　great　religious　festival　of　Guy　Fawkes。　　This　association　also　came　to　the　aid　of　the　unemployed　and　organized　a　Grand　Fancy　Dress　Carnival　and　Torchlight　Procession。　　When　this　took　place；　although　there　was　a　slight　sprinkling　of　individuals　dressed　in　tawdry　costumes　as　cavaliers　of　the　time　of　Charles　I；　and　a　few　more　as　highwaymen　or　footpads；　the　majority　of　the　processionists　were　boys　in　women's　clothes；　or　wearing　sacks　with　holes　cut　in　them　for　their　heads　and　arms；　and　with　their　faces　smeared　with　soot。　　There　were　also　a　number　of　men　carrying　frying…pans　in　which　they　burnt　red　and　blue　fire。　　The　procession　…　or　rather；　mob　…　was　headed　by　a　band；　and　the　band　was　headed　by　two　men；　arm　in　arm；　one　very　tall；　dressed　to　represent　Satan；　in　red　tights；　with　horns　on　his　head；　and　smoking　a　large　cigar；　and　the　other　attired　in　the　no　less　picturesque　costume　of　a　bishop　of　the　Established　Church。

This　crew　paraded　the　town；　howling　and　dancing；　carrying　flaring　torches；　burning　the　blue　and　red　fire；　and　some　of　them　singing　silly　or　obscene　songs；　whilst　the　collectors　ran　about　with　the　boxes　begging　for　money　from　people　who　were　in　most　cases　nearly　as　poverty…stricken　as　the　unemployed　they　were　asked　to　assist。　　The　money　thus　obtained　was　afterwards　handed　over　to　the　Secretary　of　the　Organized　Benevolence　Society；　Mr　Sawney　Grinder。

Then　there　was　the　Soup　Kitchen；　which　was　really　an　inferior　eating…house　in　a　mean　street。　　The　man　who　ran　this　was　a　relative　of　the　secretary　of　the　OBS。　　He　cadged　all　the　ingredients　for　the　soup　from　different　tradespeople：　bones　and　scraps　of　meat　from　butchers：　pea　meal　and　split　peas　from　provision　dealers：　vegetables　from　greengrocers：　stale　bread　from　bakers；　and　so　on。　　Well…intentioned；　charitable　old　women　with　more　money　than　sense　sent　him　donations　in　cash；　and　he　sold　the　soup　for　a　penny　a　basin　…　or　a　penny　a　quart　to　those　who　brought　jugs。

He　had　a　large　number　of　shilling　books　printed；　each　containing　thirteen　penny　tickets。　　The　Organized　Benevolence　Society　bought　a　lot　of　these　books　and　resold　them　to　benevolent　persons；　or　gave　them　away　to　‘deserving　cases'。　　It　was　this　connection　with　the　OBS　that　gave　the　Soup　Kitchen　a　semi…official　character　in　the　estimation　of　the　public；　and　furnished　the　proprietor　with　the　excuse　for　cadging　the　materials　and　money　donations。

In　the　case　of　the　Soup　Kitchen；　as　with　the　unemployed　processions；　most　of　those　who　benefited　were　unskilled　labourers　or　derelicts：　with　but　few　exceptions　the　unemployed　artisans　…　although　their　need　was　just　as　great　as　that　of　the　others　…　avoided　the　place　as　if　it　were　infected　with　the　plague。　　They　were　afraid　even　to　pass　through　the　street　where　it　was　situated　lest　anyone　seeing　them　coming　from　that　direction　should　think　they　had　been　there。　　But　all　the　same；　some　of　them　allowed　their　children　to　go　there　by　stealth；　by　night；　to　buy　some　of　this　charity…tainted　food。

Another　brilliant　scheme；　practical　and　statesmanlike；　so　different　from　the　wild　projects　of　demented　Socialists；　was　started　by　the　Rev。　Mr　Bosher；　a　popular　preacher；　the　Vicar　of　the　fashionable　Church　of　the　Whited　Sepulchre。　　He　collected　some　subscriptions　from　a　number　of　semi…imbecile　old　women　who　attended　his　church。　　With　some　of　this　money　he　bought　a　quantity　of　timber　and　opened　what　he　called　a　Labour　Yard；　where　he　employed　a　number　of　men　sawing　firewood。　　Being　a　clergyman；　and　because　he　said　he　wanted　it　for　a　charitable　purpose；　of　course　he　obtained　the　timber　very　cheaply　…　for　about　half　what　anyone　else　would　have　had　to　pay　for　it。

The　wood…sawing　was　done　piecework。　　A　log　of　wood　about　the　size　of　a　railway　sleeper　had　to　be　sawn　into　twelve　pieces；　and　each　of　these　had　to　be　chopped　into　four。　　For　sawing　and　chopping　one　log　in　this　manner　the　worker　was　paid　ninepence。　　One　log　made　two　bags　of　firewood；　which　were　sold　for　a　shilling　each　…　a　trifle　under　the　usual　price。　　The　men　who　delivered　the　bags　were　paid　three　half…pence　for　each　two　bags。

As　there　were　such　a　lot　of　men　wanting　to　do　this　work；　no　one　was　allowed　to　do　more　than　three　lots　in　one　day　…　that　came　to　two　shillings　and　threepence　…　and　no　one　was　allowed　to　do　more　than　two　days　in　one　week。

The　Vicar　had　a　number　of　bills　printed　and　displayed　in　shop　windows　calling　attention　to　what　he　was　doing；　and　informing　the　public　that　orders　could　be　sent　to　the　Vicarage　by　post　and　would　receive　prompt　attention　and　the　fuel　could　be　delivered　at　any　address　…　Messrs　Rushton　&　Co。　having　very　kindly　lent　a　handcart　for　the　use　of　the　men　employed　at　the　Labour　Yard。

As　a　result　of　the　appearance　of　this　bill；　and　of　the　laudatory　notices　in　the　columns　of　the　Ananias；　the　Obscurer；　and　the　Chloroform　…　the　papers　did　not　mind　giving　the　business　a　free　advertisement；　because　it　was　a　charitable　concern　…　many　persons　withdrew　their　custom　from　those　who　usually　supplied　them　with　firewood；　and　gave　their　orders　to　the　Yard；　and　they　had　the　satisfaction　of　getting　their　fuel　cheaper　than　before　and　of　performing　a　charitable　action　at　the　same　time。

As　a　remedy　for　unemployment　this　scheme　was　on　a　par　with　the　method　of　the　tailor　in　the　fable　who　thought　to　lengthen　his　cloth　by　cutting　a　piece　off　one　end　and　sewing　it　on　to　the　other；　but　there　was　one　thing　about　it　that　recommended　it　to　the　Vicar　…　it　was　self…supporting。　　He　found　that　there　would　be　no　need　to　use　all　the　money　he　had　extracted　from　the　semi…imbecile　old　ladies　for　timber；　so　he　bought　himself　a　Newfoundland　dog；　an　antique　set　of　carved　ivory　chessmen；　and　a　dozen　bottles　of　whisky　with　the　remainder　of　the　cash。

The　reverend　gentleman　hit　upon　yet　another　means　of　helping　the　poor。　He　wrote　a　letter　to　the　Weekly　Chloroform　appealing　for　cast…off　boots　　for　poor　children。　　This　was　considered　such　a　splendid　idea　that　the　　editors　of　all　the　local　papers　referred　to　it　in　leading　articles；　and　several　other　letters　were　written　by　prominent　citizens　extolling　the　wisdom　and　benevolence　of　the　profound　Bosher。　　Most　of　the　boots　that　were　sent　in　response　to　this　appeal　had　been　worn　until　they　needed　repair　…　in　a　very　large　proportion　of　instances；　until　they　were　beyond　repair。　　The　poor　people　to　whom　they　were　given　could　not　afford　to　have　them　mended　before　using　them；　and　the　result　was　that　the　boots　generally　began　to　fall　to　pieces　after　a　few　days'　wear。

This　scheme　amounted　to　very　little。　　It　did　not　increase　the　number　of　cast…off　boots；　and　most　of　the　people　who　‘cast　off'　their　boots　generally　gave　them　to　someone　or　other。　　The　only　difference　It　can　have　made　was　that　possibly　a　few　persons　who　usually　threw　their　boots　away　or　sold　them　to　second…hand　dealers　may　have　been　induced　to　send　them　to　Mr　Bosher　instead。　　But　all　the　same　nearly　everybody　said　it　was　a　splendid　idea：　its　originator　was　applauded　as　a　public　benefactor；　and　the　pettifogging　busybodies　who　amused　themselves　with　what　they　were　pleased　to　term　‘charitable　work'　went　into　imbecile　ecstasies　over　him。



Chapter　36

The　OBS


One　of　the　most　important　agencies　for　the　relief　of　distress　was　the　Organized　Benevolence　Society。　　This　association　received　money　from　many　sources。　　The　proceeds　of　the　fancy…dress　carnival；　the　collections　from　different　churches　and　chapels　which　held　special　services　in　aid　of　the　unemployed；　the　weekly　collections　made　by　the　employees　of　several　local　firms　and　business　houses；　the　proceeds　of　concerts；　bazaars；　and　entertainments；　donations　from　charitable　persons；　and　the　subscriptions　of　the　members。　　The　society　also　received　large　quantities　of　cast…off　clothing　and　boots；　and　tickets　of　admission　to　hospitals；　convalescent　homes　and　dispensaries　from　subscribers　to　those　institutions；　or　from　people　like　Rushton　&　Co。；　who　had　collecting…boxes　in　their　workshops　and　offices。

Altogether　during　the　last　year　the　Society　had　received　from　various　sources　about　three　hundred　pounds　in　hard　cash。　　This　money　was　devoted　to　the　relief　of　cases　of　distress。

The　largest　item　in　the　expenditure　of　the　Society　was　the　salary　of　the　General　Secretary；　Mr　Sawney　Grinder　…　a　most　deserving　case　…　who　was　paid　one　hundred　pounds　a　year。

After　the　death　of　the　previous　secretary　there　were　so　many　candidates　for　the　vacant　post　that　the　election　of　the　new　secretary　was　a　rather　exciting　affair。　　The　excitement　was　all　the　more　intense　because　it　was　restrained。　　A　special　meeting　of　the　society　was　held：　the　Mayor；　Alderman　Sweater；　presided；　and　amongst　those　present　were　Councillors　Rushton；　Didlum　and　Grinder；　Mrs　Starvem；　Rev。　Mr　Bosher；　a　number　of　the　rich；　semi…imbecile　old　women　who　had　helped　to　open　the　Labour　Yard；　and　several　other　‘ladies'。　　Some　of　these　were　the　district　visitors　already　alluded　to；　most　of　them　the　wives　of　wealthy　citizens　and　retired　tradesmen；　richly　dresse