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ve in luxury; it was only necessary to assume an exaggerated  affection for some wealthy mortal; and have since proved  themselves past masters in a difficult art in which few men  succeed。  The number of human beings who manage to live on  their friends is small; whereas the veriest mongrel cur  contrives to enjoy food and lodging at some dupe's expense。

Facts such as these; however; have not over…thrown the great  dog myth。  One can hardly open a child's book without coming  across some tale of canine intelligence and devotion。  My  tender youth was saddened by the story of one disinterested  dog that refused to leave his master's grave and was found  frozen at his post on a bleak winter's morning。  With the  experience of years in pet dogs I now suspect that; instead of  acting in this theatrical fashion; that pup trotted home from  the funeral with the most prosperous and simple…minded couple  in the neighborhood; and after a substantial meal went to  sleep by the fire。  He must have been a clever dog to get so  much free advertisement; so probably strolled out to his  master's grave the next noon; when people were about to hear  him; and howled a little to keep up appearances。

I have written 〃the richest and most simple minded couple;〃  because centuries of self…seeking have developed in these  beasts an especial aptitude for spotting possible victims at a  glance。  You will rarely find dogs coquetting with the strong… minded or wasting blandishments where there is not the  probability of immediate profit; but once let even a puppy get  a tenderhearted girl or aged couple under his influence; no  pity will be shown the victims。

There is a house not a square away from Mr。 Gerry's  philanthropic headquarters; where a state of things exists  calculated to extract tears from a custom…house official。  Two  elderly virgins are there held in bondage by a Minotaur no  bigger than your two fists。  These good dames have a taste for  travelling; but change of climate disagrees with their tyrant。   They dislike house…keeping and; like good Americans; would  prefer hotel life; nevertheless they keep up an establishment  in a cheerless side street; with a retinue of servants;  because; forsooth; their satrap exacts a back yard where he  can walk of a morning。  These spinsters; although loving  sisters; no longer go about together; Caligula's nerves being  so shaken that solitude upsets them。  He would sooner expire  than be left alone with the servant; for the excellent reason  that his bad temper and absurd airs have made him dangerous  enemies below stairs … and he knows it!

Another household in this city revolves around two brainless;  goggle…eyed beasts; imported at much expense from the slopes  of Fuji…yama。  The care that is lavished on those heathen  monsters passes belief。  Maids are employed to carry them up  and down stairs; and men are called in the night to hurry for  a doctor when Chi has over…eaten or Fu develops colic; yet  their devoted mistress tells me; with tears in her eyes; that  in spite of this care; when she takes her darlings for a walk  they do not know her from the first stranger that passes; and  will follow any boy who whistles to them in the street。

What revolts me in the character of dogs is that; not content  with escaping from the responsibilities entailed on all the  other inhabitants of our globe by the struggle for existence;  these four…legged Pecksniffs have succeeded in making for  themselves a fallacious reputation for honesty and devotion。   What little lingering belief I had in canine fidelity  succumbed then I was told that St。 Bernards … those models of  integrity and courage … have fallen into the habit of carrying  the flasks of brandy that the kind monks provide for the  succor of snowbound travellers; to the neighboring hamlets and  exchanging the contents for … chops!

Will the world ever wake to the true character of these four… legged impostors and realize that instead of being  disinterested and sincere; most family pets are consummate  hypocrites。  Innocent?  Pshaw!  Their pretty; coaxing ways and  pretences of affection are unadulterated guile; their  ostentatious devotion; simply a clever manoeuvre to excite  interest and obtain unmerited praise。  It is useless; however;  to hope that things will change。  So long as this giddy old  world goes on waltzing in space; so long shall we continue to  be duped by shams and pin our faith on frauds; confounding an  attractive bearing with a sweet disposition and mistaking  dishevelled hair and eccentric appearance for brains。  Even in  the Orient; where dogs have been granted immunity from other  labor on the condition that they organized an effective  street…cleaning department; they have been false to their  trust and have evaded their contracts quite as if they were  Tammany braves; like whom they pass their days in slumber and  their nights in settling private disputes; while the city  remains uncleaned。

I nurse yet another grudge against the canine race!  That  Voltaire of a whelp; who imposed himself upon our confiding  first parents; must have had an important pull at  headquarters; for he certainly succeeded in getting the decree  concerning beauty and fitness which applies to all mammals;  including man himself; reversed in favor of dogs; and handed  down to his descendants the secret of making defects and  deformities pass current as qualities。  While other animals  are valued for sleek coats and slender proportions; canine  monstrosities have always been in demand。  We do not admire  squints or protruding under jaws in our own race; yet bulldogs  have persuaded many weak…minded people that these defects are  charming when combined in an individual of their breed。

The fox in the fable; who after losing his tail tried to make  that bereavement the fashion; failed in his undertaking; Dutch  canal…boat dogs have; however; been successful where the fox  failed; and are to…day pampered and prized for a curtailment  that would condemn any other animal (except perhaps a Manx  cat) to a watery grave at birth。

I can only recall two instances where canine sycophants got  their deserts; the first tale (probably apocryphal) is about a  donkey; for years the silent victim of a little terrier who  had been trained to lead him to water and back。  The dog … as  might have been expected … abused the situation; while  pretending to be very kind to his charge; never allowed him to  roll on the grass; as he would have liked; or drink in peace;  and harassed the poor beast in many other ways; getting;  however; much credit from the neighbors for devotion and  intelligence。  Finally; one day after months of waiting; the  patient victim's chance came。  Getting his tormentor well out  into deep water; the donkey quietly sat down on him。

The other tale is true; for I knew the lady who provided in  her will that her entire establishment should be kept up for  the comfort and during the life of the three fat spaniels that  had solaced her declining years。  The heirs tried to break the  will and failed; the delighted domestics; seeing before them a  period of repose; proceeded (headed by the portly housekeeper)  to consult a 〃vet〃 as to how the life of the precious legatees  might be prolonged to the utmost。  His advice was to stop all  sweets and rich food and give each of the animals at least  three hours of hard exercise a day。  From that moment the lazy  brutes led a dog's life。  Water and the detested 〃Spratt〃  biscuit; scorned in happier days; formed their meagre  ordinary; instead of somnolent airings in a softly cushioned  landau they were torn from chimney corner musings to be raced  through cold; muddy streets by a groom on horseback。

Those two tales give me the keenest pleasure。  When I am  received on entering a friend's room with a chorus of yelps  and attacked in dark corners by snarling little hypocrites who  fawn on me in their master's presence; I humbly pray that some  such Nemesis may be in store for these FAUX BONHOMMES before  they leave this world; as apparently no provision has been  made for their punishment in the next。




Chapter 3 … Cyrano; Rostand; Coquelin


AMONG the proverbs of Spanish folk…lore there is a saying that  good wine retains its flavor in spite of rude bottles and  cracked cups。  The success of M。 Rostand's brilliant drama;  CYRANO DE BERGERAC; in its English dress proves once more the  truth of this adage。  The fun and pathos; the wit and satire;  of the original pierce through the halting; feeble translation  like light through a ragged curtain; dazzling the spectators  and setting their enthusiasm ablaze。

Those who love the theatre at its best; when it appeals to our  finer instincts and moves us to healthy laughter and tears;  owe a debt of gratitude to Richard Mansfield for his courage  in giving us; as far as the difference of language and rhythm  would allow; this CHEF D'OEUVRE unchanged; free from the  mutilations of the adapter; with the author's wishes and the  stage decorations followed into the smallest detail。  In this  way we profit by the vast labor and study which Rostand and  Coquelin gave to the original production。

Rumors of the success attained by this play in Pa

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