hard cash-第76节

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　share　our　fallen　fortunes；　and　said　she　could　cook　a　little　and　would　do　her　best。　I　kissed　her　violently；　and　quite　forgot　I　was　a　young　lady　till　she　herself　reminded　me；　and　she　looked　frightened　at　mamma。　But　mamma　only　smiled　through　her　tears　and　said；　'Think　of　it　quietly；　Sarah；　before　you　commit　yourself。'〃


〃I　am　now　sitting　in　my　old　room；　cold　as　a　stone：　for　I　have　packed　up　some　things：　so　the　first　step　is　actually　taken。　Oh；　if　I　but　knew　that　he　was　happy！　Then　I　could　endure　anything。　But　how　can　I　think　so？　Well；　I　will　go；　and　never　tell　a　soul　what　I　suspect；　and　he　cannot　tell；　even　if　he　knows：　for　it　is　his　father。　Jane；　too；　avoids　all　mention　of　her　own　father　and　brother　more　than　is　natural。　Oh；　if　I　could　only　be　a　child　again！

〃Regrets　are　vain；　I　will　cease　even　to　record　them；　these　diaries　feed　one's　selfishness；　and　the　unfortunate　passion；　that　will　make　me　a　bad　daughter　and　an　ungrateful　soldier　of　Him　who　was　born　as　to…morrow：　to　your　knees；　false　Christian！　to　your　knees！〃


〃I　am　calmer　now；　and　feel　resigned　to　the　will　of　Heaven；　or　benumbed；　or　something。　I　will　pack　this　box　and　then　go　down　and　comfort　my　mother；　and　visit　my　poor　people；　perhaps　for　the　last　time：　ah　me！

〃A　knock　at　the　street　door！　his　knock！　I　know　every　echo　of　his　hand；　and　his　foot。　Where　is　my　composure　now？　I　flutter　like　a　bird。　I　will　not　go　down。　He　will　think　I　love　him　so。

〃At　least　I　will　wait　till　he　has　nearly　gone。

〃Elizabeth　has　come　to　say　I　am　wanted　in　the　drawing…room。

〃So　I　_must_　go　down　whether　I　like　or　no。

〃Bedtime。　Oh　that　I　had　the　pen　of　a　writer　to　record　the　scene　I　have　witnessed；　worthily。　When　I　came　in；　I　found　mamma　and　him　both　seated　in　dead　silence。　He　rose　and　looked　at　me　and　I　at　him：　and　years　seemed　to　have　rolled　over　his　face　since　last　I　saw　it。　I　was　obliged　to　turn　my　head　away；　I　curtseyed　to　him　distantly；　and　may　Heaven　forgive　me　for　that：　and　we　sat　down；　and　presently　turned　round　and　all　looked　at　one　another　like　the　ghosts　of　the　happy　creatures　we　once　were　altogether。

〃Then　Alfred　began；　not　in　his　old　imperative　voice；　but　scarce　above　a　whisper；　and　oh　the　words　such　as　none　but　himself　in　the　wide　world　would　have　spokenI　love　him　better　than　ever；　I　pity　him；　I　adore　him；　he　is　a　scholar；　he　is　a　chevalier；　he　is　the　soul　of　honour；　he　is　the　most　unfortunate　and　proudest　gentleman　beneath　the　sun；　oh；　my　darling！　my　darling！！

〃He　said；　'Mrs。　Dodd；　and　you　Miss　Dodd；　whom　I　loved　before　I　lost　the　right　to　ask　you　to　be　mine；　and　whom　I　shall　love　to　the　last　hour　of　my　miserable　existence；　I　am　come　to　explain　my　own　conduct　to　you；　and　to　do　you　an　act　of　simple　justice；　too　long　delayed。　To　begin　with　myself；　you　must　know　that　my　understanding　is　of　the　Academic　School：　I　incline　to　weigh　proofs　before　I　make　up　my　mind。　But　then　I　differ　from　that　school　in　this；　that　I　cannot　think　myself　to　an　eternal　standstill；　（such　an　expression！　but　what　does　that　matter；　it　was　_his；）_　I　am　a　man　of　action：　in　Hamlet's　place　I　should　have　either　turned　my　ghost　into　ridicule；　or　my　uncle　into　a　ghost；　so　I　kept　away　from　you　while　in　doubt；　but　now　I　doubt　no　longer。　I　take　my　line：　ladies；　you　have　been　swindled　out　of　a　large　sum　of　money。

〃My　blood　ran　cold　at　these　words。　Surely　nothing　on　earth　but　a　man　could　say　this　right　out　like　that。

〃Mamma　and　I　looked　at　one　another；　and　what　did　I　see　in　her　face；　for　the　first　time　？　Why　that　she　had　her　suspicions　too；　and　had　been　keeping　them　from　me。　Pitying　angel！

〃He　went　on：　'Captain　Dodd　brought　home　several　thousand　pounds？'

〃Mamma　said　'Yes。'　And　I　think　she　was　going　to　say　how　much；　but　he　stopped　her　and　made　her　write　the　amount　in　an　envelope；　while　he　took　another　and　wrote　in　it　with　his　pencil。　He　took　both　envelopes　to　me；　and　asked　me　to　read　them　out　in　turn：　I　did；　and　mamma's　said　fourteen　thousand　pounds：　and　his　said　fourteen　thousand　pounds。　Mamma　looked　such　a　look　at　me。

〃Then　he　turned　to　me：　'Miss　Dodd；　do　you　remember　that　night　you　and　I　met　at　Richard　Hardie's　door？　Well；　scarce　five　minutes　before　that；　your　father　was　standing　on　our　lawn　and　called　to　the　man；　who　was　my　father；　in　a　loud　voiceit　rings　in　my　ears　now〃Hardie；　Villain！　give　me　back　my　money；　my　fourteen　thousand　pounds！　give　me　my　children's　money；　or　may　your　children　die　before　your　eyes。〃　Ah；　you　wince　to　hear　me　whisper　these　dreadful　words：　what　if　you　had　been　where　I　was　and　heard　them　spoken；　and　in　a　terrible　voice；　the　voice　of　Despair；　the　voice　of　Truth！　Soon　a　window　opened　cautiously；　and　a　voice　whispered；　〃Hush！　I'll　bring　it　you　down。〃　And　　_this_　voice　was　the　voice　of　fear；　of　dishonesty；　and　of　Richard　Hardie。'

〃He　turned　deadly　white　when　he　said　this；　and　I　cried　to　mamma；　'Oh；　stop　him！　stop　him！'　And　she　said；　'Alfred；　think　what　you　are　saying。　Why　do　you　tell　us　what　we　had　better　never　know？'　He　answered　directly。

〃'Because　it　is　the　truth：　and　because　I　loathe　injustice。　Some　time　afterwards　I　taxed　Mr。　Richard　Hardie　with　this　fourteen　thousand　pounds：　and　his　face　betrayed　him。　I　taxed　his　clerk；　Skinner：　and　Skinner's　face　betrayed　him：　and　he　fled　the　town　that　very　night。

〃My　mother　looked　much　distressed　and　said；　'To　what　end　do　you　raise　this　pitiable　subject？　Your　father　is　a　bankrupt；　and　we　but　suffer　with　the　rest。'

〃'No；　no；'　said　he；　'I　have　looked　through　the　bankrupt's　books；　and　there　is　no　mention　of　the　sum。　And　then　who　brought　Captain　Dodd　here？　Skinner？　and　Skinner　is　his　detected　confederate。　It　is　clear　to　me　poor　Captain　Dodd　trusted　that　sum　to　_us_　before　he　had　the　fit；　beyond　this　all　is　conjecture。'

〃Mamma　looked　at　me　again；　and　said；　'What　am　I　to　do；　or　say？'

'I　screamed；　'Do　nothing；　say　nothing：　oh　pray；　pray　make　him　hold　his　tongue；　and　let　the　vile　money　go。　It　is　not　_his_　fault。'

〃'Do？'　said　the　obstinate　creature：　'why　tell　Edward；　and　let　him　employ　a　sharp　attorney：　you　have　a　supple　antagonist　and　a　daring　one。　Need　I　say　I　have　tried　persuasion；　and　even　bribes：　but　he　defies　me。　Set　an　attorney　on　him；　or　the　police。　Fiat　Justitia；　ruat　coelum。'　I　put　both　hands　out　to　him　and　burst　out　'Oh；　Alfred；　why　did　you　tell？　A　son　expose　his　own　father？　For　shame；　for　shame！　I　have　suspected　it　all　long　ago：　but　_I_　would　never　have　told。'

〃He　started　a　little；　but　said；　'Miss　Dodd；　you　were　very　generous　to　me：　but　that　is　not　exactly　a　reason　why　I　should　be　a　cur　to　you；　and　an　accomplice　in　a　theft　by　which　you　suffer。　I　have　no　pretensions　to　religion　like　my　sister：　so　I　can't　afford　to　tamper　with　plain　right　and　wrong。　What；　look　calmly　on　and　see　one　man　defraud　another？　I　can't　do　it。　See　_you_　defrauded？　you；　Mrs。　Dodd；　for　whom　I　profess　affection　and　friendship？　You；　Miss　Dodd；　for　whom　I　profess　love　and　constancy？　Stand　and　see　you　swindled　into　poverty？　Of　what　do　you　think　I　am　made？　My　stomach　rises　against　it；　my　blood　boils　against　it；　my　flesh　creeps　at　it；　my　soul　loathes　it：'　then　after　this　great　burst　he　seemed　to　turn　_so_　feeble：　'Oh；'　said　he；　faltering；　'I　know　what　I　have　done；　I　have　signed　the　death　warrant　of　our　love；　dear　to　me　as　life。　But　I　can't　help　it。　Oh；　Julia；　Julia；　my　lost　love；　you　can　never　look　on　me　again；　you　must　not　love　a　man　you　cannot　marry。　Cheat　Hardie's　wretched　son。　But　what　could　I　do？　Fate　offers　me　but　the　miserable　choice　of　desolation　or　cowardly　rascality。　I　choose　desolation　and　I　mean　to　stand　by　my　choice　like　a　man。　So　good…bye；　ladies。'

〃The　poor　proud　creature　rose　from　his　seat；　and　bowed　stiffly　and　haughtily　to　us　both；　and　was　going　away　without　another　word；　and　I　do　believe　for　ever。　But　his　soul　had　been　too　great　for　his　body；　his　poor　lips　turned　pale　and　he　staggered；　and　would　have　fallen；　but　mamma　screamed　to　me；　and　she　he　loves　so　dearly；　and　abandons　so　cruelly；　woke　from　a　stupor　of　despair；　and　flew　and　caught　him　fainting　in　these　arms。〃



CHAPTER　XXVII

〃WE　laid　the　poor　proud　creature　on　the　sofa；　and　bathed　his　face　with　eau　de　Cologne。　He　spoke　directly；　and　said　that　was　nice；　and　'His　head！　his　head！'　And　I　don't　think　he　was　ever　quite　insensible；　but　he　did　not　know　what　was　going　on；　for　presently　he　opened　his　eyes　wide；　and　stared　at　us　so；　and　then　closed　them　with；　oh　such　a　sigh；　it　swelled　my　heart　almost　to　bursting。　And　to　think　I　could　say　nothing：　but　mamma　soothed　him　and　insisted　on　his　keeping　quiet；　for　he　wanted　to　run　away　from　us。　She　was　never　so　good　to　him　before：　she　said；　'My　dear　child；　you　have　my　pity　and　my　esteem；　alas！　that　at　your　age　you　should　be　tried　like　this。　How　few　in　this　sorry　world　would　have　acted　like　you：　I　should　have　sided　with　my　own　flesh　and　blood；　for　one。'

〃'What；　right　or　wrong？'　he　asked。

〃'Yes；'　said　she；　'right　or　wrong。'　Then　she　turned　to　me：　'Julia；　shall　all　the　generosity　be　on　his　side？'

〃I　kissed　her　and　clung　to　her；　but　dared　not　speak；　but　I　was　mad　enough　to　hope；　I　scarcely　know　what；　till　she　said　in　the　same　kind；　sorrowful　voice；　'I　agree　with　you；　you　can　never　be　my　son；　nor　Julia's　husband。　But　as　for　that　money；　it　revolts　me　to　proceed　to　extremes　against　one；　who　after　all　is　your　father；　my　poo