hard cash-第140节

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Undeterred　by　the　fear　of　immorality；　the　monotonous　girl　had　but　one　reply　to　his　multiform　reasons：　〃This　is　no　time　for　me　to　abandon　my　mother。〃

〃Ah；　it　is　her　you　love：　you　don't　care　for　me；〃　snapped　Alfred。

〃Don't　I；　dear　Alfred？〃　murmured　Julia。

〃Forgive　me！　I'm　a　ruffian；　a　wretch。〃

〃You　are　my　Alfred。　But　oh；　have　a　little　patience；　dear。〃

〃A　little　patience？　I　have　the　patience　of　Job。　But　even　his　went　at　last。〃

＇I　ought　to　have　said　they　were　in　the　passage　now。　The　encroaching　youth　had　gained　an　entrance　by　agitating　her　so　at　the　door　that　she　had　to　ask　him　in　to　hide　her　own　blushes　from　the　public。＇　She　now　gently　reminded　him　how　much　happier　they　were　than　they　had　been　for　months。　〃Dear　me；〃　said　she；　〃I　am　almost　happy：　happier　than　I　ought　to　be；　could　be　quite　so；　but　that　I　see　you　discontented。〃

〃Ah；　you　have　so　many　about　you　that　you　love：　I　have　only　you。〃

〃And　that　is　true；　my　poor　Alfred。〃

This　softened　him　a　little；　and　then　she　interwove　her　fingers　together；　and　so　put　both　palms　softly　on　his　shoulder　（you　never　saw　a　male　do　that；　and　never　will）；　and　implored　him　to　be　patient；　to　be　generous。　〃Oh；〃　said　she；　〃　if　you　knew　the　distress　it　gives　me　to　refuse　to　you　anything　on　earth；　you　would　be　generous；　and　not　press　me　when　my　heart　says　'Yes；'　but　my　lips　_must_　say　'No。'〃

This　melted　him　altogether；　and　he　said　he　would　not　torment　her　any　more。

But　he　went　away　discontented　with　himself　for　having　yielded：　my　lord　did　not　call　it　〃yielding；〃　but　〃being　defeated。〃　And　as　he　was　not　only　very　deep　in　love；　but　by　nature　combative；　he　took　a　lodging　nearly　opposite　No。　66；　and　made　hot　love　to　her；　as　hot　as　if　the　attachment　was　just　forming。　Her　mother　could　not　go　out　but　he　was　at　the　door　directly：　she　could　not　go　out　but　he　was　at　her　heels。　This　pleased　her　at　first　and　thrilled　her　with　the　sense　of　sweet　and　hot　pursuit：　but　by…and…by；　situated　as　she　was　between　him　and　her　mother；　it　worried　her　a　little　at　times；　and　made　her　nervous。　She　spoke　a　little　sharply　to　him　now　and　then。　And　that　was　new。　It　came　from　the　nerves；　not　the　heart。　At　last　she　advised　him　to　go　back　to　Oxford。　〃I　shall　be　the　ruin　of　your　mind　if　we　go　on　like　this；〃　said　she　sadly。

〃What；　leave　the　field　to　my　rivals？　No；　thank　you。〃

〃What　rivals；　sir？〃　asked　Julia；　drawing　up。

〃Your　mother；　your　brother；　your　curates　that　would　come　buzzing　the　moment　I　left；　your　sick　people；　who　bask　on　your　smiles　and　your　sweet　voice　till　I　envy　them：　Sarah；　whom　you　permit　to　brush　your　lovely　hair；　the　piano　you　play　on；　the　air　you　deign　to　breathe　and　brighten；　everybody　and　everything　that　is　near　you；　they　are　all　my　rivals；　and　shall　I　resign　you　to　them；　and　leave　myself　desolate？　I'm　not　such　a　fool。〃

She　smiled；　and　could　not　help　feeling　it　was　sweet　to　be　pestered。　So　she　said　with　matronly　dignity；　and　the　old　Julian　consistency；　〃You　are　a　foolish　impetuous　boy。　You　are　the　plague　of　my　life：　andthe　sun　of　my　existence。〃　That　passed　off　charmingly。　But　presently　his　evil　genius　prompted　Alfred　to　endeavour　to　soften　Mrs。　Dodd　by　letter；　and　induce　her　to　consent　to　his　marriage　with　her　daughter。　He　received　her　answer　at　breakfast…time。　It　was　wonderfully　polite　and　cold；　Mrs。　Dodd　feigned　unmixed　surprise　at　the　proposal；　and　said　that　insanity　being　unfortunately　in　her　own　family；　and　the　suspicion　of　insanity　resting　on　himself；　such　a　union　was　not　to　be　thought　of；　and　therefore；　notwithstanding　her　respect　for　his　many　good　qualities；　she　must　decline　with　thanks　the　honour　he　offered　her。　She　inserted　a　poisoned　sting　by　way　of　postscript。　〃When　you　succeed　in　publicly　removing　the　impression　your　own　relations　share　with　me；　and　when　my　husband　owes　his　restoration　to　you；　instead　of　his　destruction；　of　course　you　will　receive　a　very　different　answer　to　your　proposalshould　you　then　think　it　consistent　with　your　dignity　to　renew　it。〃

As　hostile　testators　used　to　leave　the　disinherited　one　shilling；　not　out　of　a　shilling's　worth　of　kindly　feeling；　but　that　he　might　not　be　able　to　say　his　name　was　omitted　through　inadvertency；　so　Mrs。　Dodd　inserted　this　postscript　merely　to　clench　the　nail　and　tantalise　her　enemy。　It　was　a　masterpiece　of　feminine　spite。

She　would　have　been　wonderstruck　could　she　have　seen　how　Alfred　received　her　missive。

To　be　sure　he　sat　in　a　cold　stupor　of　dejection　for　a　good　half　hour；　but　at　the　end　of　that　time　he　lifted　up　his　head；　and　said　quietly；　〃So　be　it。　I'll　get　the　trial　over；　and　my　sanity　established；　as　soon　as　possible：　and　then　I'll　hire　a　yacht　and　hunt　her　husband　till　I　find　him。〃

Having　settled　this　little　plan；　he　looked　out　for　Julia；　whose　sympathy　he　felt　in　need　of　after　such　a　stern　blow。

She　came　out　much　later　than　usual　that　day；　for　to　tell　the　truth；　her　mother　had　detained　her　to　show　her　Alfred's　letter；　and　her　answer。

〃Ah；　mamma；〃　said　poor　Julia；　〃you　don't　love　me　as　you　did　once。　Poor　Alfred！〃

Mrs。　Dodd　sighed　at　this　reproach；　but　said　she　did　not　deserve　it。　No　mother　in　her　senses　would　consent　to　such　a　match。

Julia　bowed　her　head　submissively　and　went　to　her　duties。　But　when　Alfred　came　to　her　open…mouthed　to　complain　of　her　mother's　cruelty；　she　stopped　him　at　once；　and　asked　him　how　he　could　go　and　write　that　foolish；　unreasonable　letter。　Why　had　he　not　consulted　her　first？　〃You　have　subjected　yourself　to　a　rebuff；〃　said　she　angrily；　〃and　one　from　which　I　should　have　saved　you。　Is　it　nothing　that　mamma　out　of　pity　to　me　connives　at　our　meeting　and　spending　hours　together？　Do　you　think　she　does　no　violence　to　her　own　wishes　here？　and　is　she　to　meet　with　no　return？〃

〃What；　are　you　against　me　too？〃　said　poor　Alfred。

〃No；　it　is　you　who　are　our　enemy　with　your　unreasonable　impatience。〃

〃I　am　not　so　cold…blooded　as　you　are；　certainly。〃

〃Humility　and　penitence　would　become　you　better　than　to　retort　on　me。　I　love　you　both；　and　pray　God　on　my　knees　to　show　me　how　to　do　my　duty　to　both。〃

〃That　is　it；　you　are　not　single…hearted　like　me。　You　want　to　please　all　the　world；　and　reconcile　the　irreconcilable。　It　won't　do：　you　will　have　to　choose　between　your　mother　and　me　at　last。〃

〃Then　of　course　I　shall　choose　my　mother。〃

〃Why？〃

〃Because　she　claims　my　duty　as　well　as　my　love；　because　she　is　bowed　down　with　sorrow；　and　needs　her　daughter　just　now　more　than　you　do；　besides；　you　are　my　other　self；　and　we　must　deny　ourselves。〃

〃We　have　no　more　right　to　be　unjust　to　ourselves　than　to　anybody　else；　injustice　is　injustice。〃

〃Alfred；　you　are　a　high…minded　Heathen；　and　talk　Morality。　Morality　is　a　snare。　What　I　pray　to　be　is　a　Christian；　as　your　dear　sister　was；　and　to　deny　myself；　and　you　make　it；　oh　so　difficult。〃

〃So　I　suppose　it　will　end　in　turning　out　your　heathen　and　then　taking　your　curate。　Your　mother　would　consent　to　that　directly。〃

〃Alfred；〃　said　Julia　with　dignity；　〃these　words　are　harsh；　andforgive　me　for　saying　sothey　are　coarse。　Such　words　would　separate　us　two；　without　my　mother；　if　I　were　to　hear　many　of　them；　for　they　take　the　bloom　off　affection；　and　that　mutual　reverence；　without　which　no　gentleman　and　lady　could　be　blessed　in　holy　wedlock。〃

Alfred　was　staggered　and　mortified　too：　they　walked　on　in　silence　now。

〃Alfred；〃　said　Julia　at　last；　〃do　not　think　me　behind　you　in　affection；　but　wiser；　for　once；　and　our　best　friend。　I　do　think　we　had　better　see　less　of　one　another　for　a　time；　my　poor　Alfred。〃

〃And　why　for　a　time？　Why　not　for　ever？〃

〃If　your　heart　draws　no　distinction；　why　not　indeed？〃

〃So　be　it　then：　for　I　will　be　no　woman's　slave。　There's　my　hand；　Julia：　let　us　part　friends。〃

〃Thank　you　for　that；　dear　Alfred：　may　you　find　some　one　who　can　love　you　morethanI　do。〃

The　words　choked　her。　But　he　was　stronger；　because　he　was　in　a　passion。　He　reproached　her　bitterly。　〃If　I　had　been　as　weak　and　inconstant　as　you　are；　I　might　have　been　out　of　Drayton　House　long　before　I　did　escape。　But　I　was　faithful　to　my　one　love。　I　have　some　right　to　sing　'Aileen　Aroon；'　you　have　none。　You　are　an　angel　of　beauty　and　goodness；　you　will　go　to　Heaven；　and　I　shall　go　to　the　devil　now　for　want　of　you；　but　then　you　have　no　constancy　nor　true　fidelity：　so　that　has　parted　us；　and　now　nothing　is　left　me　but　to　try　and　hate　you。〃

He　turned　furiously　on　his　heel。

〃God　bless　you；　go　where　you　will；〃　faltered　Julia。

He　replied　with　a　fierce　ejaculation　of　despair；　and　dashed　away。

Thus　temper　and　misunderstanding　triumphed；　after　so　many　strange　and　bitter　trials　had　failed。

But　alas！　it　is　often　so。



CHAPTER　XLIX。

Both　the　parted　lovers　were　wretched。　Julia　never　complained；　but　drooped；　and　read　the　Psalms；　and　Edward　detected　her　in　tears　over　them。　He　questioned　her　and　obtained　a　lame　account；　she　being　far　more　bent　on　screening　Alfred　than　on　telling　the　truth。

Edward　called　on　the　other；　and　found　him　disconsolate；　and　reading　a　Heathen　philosopher　for　comfort；　and　finding　none。　Edward　questioned　him；　and　he　was　reserved　and　even　sulky。　Sir　Imperturbable　persisted　quietly；　and　he　exploded；　and　out　came　his　wrongs。　Edward　replied　that　he　was　a　pretty　fellow：　wanted　it　all　his　own　way。　〃Suppose　my　mother；　with　he