the monk(僧侣)-第82节

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cold　vapours　hovering　in　the　air；　the　walls　green　with　damp；　the
bed　of　Straw　so　forlorn　and　comfortless；　the　Chain　destined　to
bind　me　for　ever　to　my　prison；　and　the　Reptiles　of　every
description　which　as　the　torches　advanced　towards　them；　I
descried　hurrying　to　their　retreats；　struck　my　heart　with　terrors
almost　too　exquisite　for　nature　to　bear。　　Driven　by　despair　to
madness；　I　burst　suddenly　from　the　Nuns　who　held　me：　　I　threw
myself　upon　my　knees　before　the　Prioress；　and　besought　her　mercy
in　the　most　passionate　and　frantic　terms。

'If　not　on　me；'　said　I；　'look　at　least　with　pity　on　that　innocent
Being；　whose　life　is　attached　to　mine！　　Great　is　my　crime；　but
let　not　my　Child　suffer　for　it！　　My　Baby　has　committed　no　fault：　
Oh！　spare　me　for　the　sake　of　my　unborn　Offspring；　whom　ere　it
tastes　life　your　severity　dooms　to　destruction！'

The　Prioress　drew　back　haughtily：　　She　forced　her　habit　from　my
grasp；　as　if　my　touch　had　been　contagious。

'What？'　She　exclaimed　with　an　exasperated　air；　'What？　　Dare　you
plead　for　the　produce　of　your　shame？　　Shall　a　Creature　be
permitted　to　live；　conceived　in　guilt　so　monstrous？　　Abandoned
Woman；　speak　for　him　no　more！　　Better　that　the　Wretch　should
perish　than　live：　Begotten　in　perjury；　incontinence；　and
pollution；　It　cannot　fail　to　prove　a　Prodigy　of　vice。　　Hear　me；
thou　Guilty！　　Expect　no　mercy　from　me　either　for　yourself；　or
Brat。　　Rather　pray　that　Death　may　seize　you　before　you　produce
it；　Or　if　it　must　see　the　light；　that　its　eyes　may　immediately　be
closed　again　for　ever！　　No　aid　shall　be　given　you　in　your　labour；
Bring　your　Offspring　into　the　world　yourself；　Feed　it　yourself；
Nurse　it　yourself；　Bury　it　yourself：　　God　grant　that　the　latter
may　happen　soon；　lest　you　receive　comfort　from　the　fruit　of　your
iniquity！'

This　inhuman　speech；　the　threats　which　it　contained；　the　dreadful
sufferings　foretold　to　me　by　the　Domina；　and　her　prayers　for　my
Infant's　death；　on　whom　though　unborn　I　already　doated；　were　more
than　my　exhausted　frame　could　support。　　Uttering　a　deep　groan；　I
fell　senseless　at　the　feet　of　my　unrelenting　Enemy。　　I　know　not
how　long　I　remained　in　this　situation；　But　I　imagine　that　some
time　must　have　elapsed　before　my　recovery；　since　it　sufficed　the
Prioress　and　her　Nuns　to　quit　the　Cavern。　When　my　senses
returned；　I　found　myself　in　silence　and　solitude。　　I　heard　not
even　the　retiring　footsteps　of　my　Persecutors。　　All　was　hushed；
and　all　was　dreadful！　　I　had　been　thrown　upon　the　bed　of　Straw：　
The　heavy　Chain　which　I　had　already　eyed　with　terror；　was　wound
around　my　waist；　and　fastened　me　to　the　Wall。　　A　Lamp　glimmering
with　dull；　melancholy　rays　through　my　dungeon；　permitted　my
distinguishing　all　its　horrors：　　It　was　separated　from　the　Cavern
by　a　low　and　irregular　Wall　of　Stone：　A　large　Chasm　was　left　open
in　it　which　formed　the　entrance；　for　door　there　was　none。　　A
leaden　Crucifix　was　in　front　of　my　straw　Couch。　　A　tattered　rug
lay　near　me；　as　did　also　a　Chaplet　of　Beads；　and　not　far　from　me
stood　a　pitcher　of　water；　and　a　wicker　Basket　containing　a　small
loaf；　and　a　bottle　of　oil　to　supply　my　Lamp。

With　a　despondent　eye　did　I　examine　this　scene　of　suffering：　
When　I　reflected　that　I　was　doomed　to　pass　in　it　the　remainder
of　my　days；　my　heart　was　rent　with　bitter　anguish。　　I　had　once
been　taught　to　look　forward　to　a　lot　so　different！　　At　one　time
my　prospects　had　appeared　so　bright；　so　flattering！　　Now　all　was
lost　to　me。　　Friends；　comfort；　society；　happiness；　in　one　moment
I　was　deprived　of　all！　　Dead　to　the　world；　Dead　to　pleasure；　I
lived　to　nothing　but　the　sense　of　misery。　　How　fair　did　that
world　seem　to　me；　from　which　I　was　for　ever　excluded！　　How　many
loved　objects　did　it　contain；　whom　I　never　should　behold　again！　
As　I　threw　a　look　of　terror　round　my　prison；　as　I　shrunk　from　the
cutting　wind　which　howled　through　my　subterraneous　dwelling；　the
change　seemed　so　striking；　so　abrupt；　that　I　doubted　its　reality。

That　the　Duke　de　Medina's　Niece；　that　the　destined　Bride　of　the
Marquis　de　las　Cisternas；　One　bred　up　in　affluence；　related　to
the　noblest　families　in　Spain；　and　rich　in　a　multitude　of
affectionate　Friends；　that　She　should　in　one　moment　become　a
Captive；　separated　from　the　world　for　ever；　weighed　down　with
chains；　and　reduced　to　support　life　with　the　coarsest　aliments；
appeared　a　change　so　sudden　and　incredible；　that　I　believed
myself　the　sport　of　some　frightful　vision。　　Its　continuance
convinced　me　of　my　mistake　with　but　too　much　certainty。　　Every
morning　my　hopes　were　disappointed。　　At　length　I　abandoned　all
idea　of　escaping：　　I　resigned　myself　to　my　fate；　and　only
expected　Liberty　when　She　came　the　Companion　of　Death。

My　mental　anguish；　and　the　dreadful　scenes　in　which　I　had　been　an
Actress；　advanced　the　period　of　my　labour。　　In　solitude　and
misery；　abandoned　by　all；　unassisted　by　Art；　uncomforted　by
Friendship；　with　pangs　which　if　witnessed　would　have　touched　the
hardest　heart；　was　I　delivered　of　my　wretched　burthen。　　It　came
alive　into　the　world；　But　I　knew　not　how　to　treat　it；　or　by　what
means　to　preserve　its　existence。　　I　could　only　bathe　it　with
tears；　warm　it　in　my　bosom；　and　offer　up　prayers　for　its　safety。
I　was　soon　deprived　of　this　mournful　employment：　　The　want　of
proper　attendance；　my　ignorance　how　to　nurse　it；　the　bitter　cold
of　the　dungeon；　and　the　unwholesome　air　which　inflated　its　lungs；
terminated　my　sweet　Babe's　short　and　painful　existence。　　It
expired　in　a　few　hours　after　its　birth；　and　I　witnessed　its　death
with　agonies　which　beggar　all　description。

But　my　grief　was　unavailing。　　My　Infant　was　no　more；　nor　could
all　my　sighs　impart　to　its　little　tender　frame　the　breath　of　a
moment。　　I　rent　my　winding…sheet；　and　wrapped　in　it　my　lovely
Child。　　I　placed　it　on　my　bosom；　its　soft　arm　folded　round　my
neck；　and　its　pale　cold　cheek　resting　upon　mine。　　Thus　did　its
lifeless　limbs　repose；　while　I　covered　it　with　kisses；　talked　to
it；　wept；　and　moaned　over　it　without　remission；　day　or　night。　
Camilla　entered　my　prison　regularly　once　every　twenty…four　hours；
to　bring　me　food。　　In　spite　of　her　flinty　nature；　She　could　not
behold　this　spectacle　unmoved。　　She　feared　that　grief　so
excessive　would　at　length　turn　my　brain；　and　in　truth　I　was　not
always　in　my　proper　senses。　　From　a　principle　of　compassion　She
urged　me　to　permit　the　Corse　to　be　buried：　　But　to　this　I　never
would　consent。　　I　vowed　not　to　part　with　it　while　I　had　life：　
Its　presence　was　my　only　comfort；　and　no　persuasion　could　induce
me　to　give　it　up。　It　soon　became　a　mass　of　putridity；　and　to
every　eye　was　a　loathsome　and　disgusting　Object；　To　every　eye　
but　a　Mother's。　　In　vain　did　human　feelings　bid　me　recoil　from
this　emblem　of　mortality　with　repugnance：　　I　withstood；　and
vanquished　that　repugnance。　　I　persisted　in　holding　my　Infant　to
my　bosom；　in　lamenting　it；　loving　it；　adoring　it！　　Hour　after
hour　have　I　passed　upon　my　sorry　Couch；　contemplating　what　had
once　been　my　Child：　　I　endeavoured　to　retrace　its　features
through　the　livid　corruption；　with　which　they　were　overspread：　
During　my　confinement　this　sad　occupation　was　my　only　delight；
and　at　that　time　Worlds　should　not　have　bribed　me　to　give　it　up。　
Even　when　released　from　my　prison；　I　brought　away　my　Child　in　my
arms。　　The　representations　of　my　two　kind　Friends；''（Here　She
took　the　hands　of　the　Marchioness　and　Virginia；　and　pressed　them
alternately　to　her　lips）''at　length　persuaded　me　to　resign　my
unhappy　Infant　to　the　Grave。　　Yet　I　parted　from　it　with
reluctance：　　However；　reason　at　length　prevailed；　I　suffered　it
to　be　taken　from　me；　and　it　now　reposes　in　consecrated　ground。

I　before　mentioned　that　regularly　once　a　day　Camilla　brought　me
food。　　She　sought　not　to　embitter　my　sorrows　with　reproach：　　She
bad　me；　'tis　true；　resign　all　hopes　of　liberty　and　worldly
happiness；　But　She　encouraged　me　to　bear　with　patience　my
temporary　distress；　and　advised　me　to　draw　comfort　from　religion。

My　situation　evidently　affected　her　more　than　She　ventured　to
express：　　But　She　believed　that　to　extenuate　my　fault　would　make
me　less　anxious　to　repent　it。　　Often　while　her　lips　painted　the
enormity　of　my　guilt　in　glaring　colours；　her　eyes　betrayed；　how
sensible　She　was　to　my　sufferings。　　In　fact　I　am　certain　that
none　of　my　Tormentors；　（for　the　three　other　Nuns　entered　my
prison　occasionally）　were　so　much　actuated　by　the　spirit　of
oppressive　cruelty　as　by　the　idea　that　to　afflict　my　body　was
the　only　way　to　preserve　my　soul。　　Nay；　even　this　persuasion
might　not　have　had　such　weight　with　them；　and　they　might　have
thought　my　punishment　too　severe；　had　not　their　good　dispositions
been　represt　by　blind　obedience　to　their　Superior。　　Her
resentment　existed　in　full　force。　　My　project　of　elopement　having
been　discovered　by　the　Abbot　of　the　Capuchins；　She　supposed
herself　lowered　in　his　opinion　by　my　disgrace；　and　in　consequence
her　hate　was　inveterate。　　She　told　the　Nuns　to　whose　custody　I
was　committed　that　my　fault　was　of　the　most　heinous　nature；　that
no　sufferings　could　equal　the　offence；　and　that　nothing　could
save　me　from　eternal　perdition　but　punishing　my　guilt　with　the
utmost　severity。　　The　Superior's　word