the lion and the unicorn-第6节

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pounds　for　that；〃　she　said。

〃Take　it；　please；〃　Helen　begged；　as　though　she　feared　if　she
kept　it　a　moment　longer　she　might　not　be　able　to　make　the
sacrifice。

〃That　will　be　enough　now；〃　she　went　on；　taking　out　her　ten…pound
note。　　She　put　Lady　Gower's　ring　back　upon　her　finger　and　picked
up　Philip's　ring　and　watch　with　the　pleasure　of　one　who　has　come
into　a　great　fortune。　　She　turned　back　at　the　door。

〃Oh；〃　she　stammered；　〃in　case　any　one　should　inquire；　you　are　not
to　say　who　bought　these。〃

〃No；　miss；　certainly　not；〃　said　the　woman。　　Helen　gave　the
direction　to　the　cabman　and；　closing　the　doors　of　the　hansom；　sat
looking　down　at　the　watch　and　the　ring；　as　they　lay　in　her　lap。　
The　thought　that　they　had　been　his　most　valued　possessions；　which
he　had　abandoned　forever；　and　that　they　were　now　entirely　hers；
to　do　with　as　she　liked；　filled　her　with　most　intense　delight　and
pleasure。　　She　took　up　the　heavy　gold　ring　and　placed　it　on　the
little　finger　of　her　left　hand；　it　was　much　too　large；　and　she
removed　it　and　balanced　it　for　a　moment　doubtfully　in　the　palm　of
her　right　hand。　　She　was　smiling；　and　her　face　was　lit　with
shy　and　tender　thoughts。　　She　cast　a　quick　glance　to　the　left　and
right　as　though　fearful　that　people　passing　in　the　street　would
observe　her；　and　then　slipped　the　ring　over　the　fourth　finger　of
her　left　hand。　　She　gazed　at　it　with　a　guilty　smile　and　then；
covering　it　hastily　with　her　other　hand；　leaned　back；　clasping　it
closely；　and　sat　frowning　far　out　before　her　with　puzzled　eyes。

To　Carroll　all　roads　led　past　Helen's　studio；　and　during　the
summer；　while　she　had　been　absent　in　Scotland　it　was　one　of　his
sad　pleasures　to　make　a　pilgrimage　to　her　street　and　to　pause
opposite　the　house　and　look　up　at　the　empty　windows　of　her　rooms。

It　was　during　this　daily　exercise　that　he　learned；　through　the
arrival　of　her　luggage；　of　her　return　to　London；　and　when　day
followed　day　without　her　having　shown　any　desire　to　see　him　or　to
tell　him　of　her　return　he　denounced　himself　most　bitterly　as　a
fatuous　fool。

At　the　end　of　the　week　he　sat　down　and　considered　his　case　quite
calmly。　　For　three　years　he　had　loved　this　girl；　deeply　and
tenderly。　　He　had　been　lover；　brother；　friend；　and　guardian。　
During　that　time；　even　though　she　had　accepted　him　in　every
capacity　except　as　that　of　the　prospective　husband；　she　had　never
given　him　any　real　affection；　nor　sympathy；　nor　help；　all　she　had
done　for　him　had　been　done　without　her　knowledge　or　intent。　　To
know　her；　to　love　her；　and　to　scheme　to　give　her　pleasure　had
been　its　own　reward；　and　the　only　one。　　For　the　last　few　months
he　had　been　living　like　a　crossing…sweeper　in　order　to　be　able　to
stay　in　London　until　she　came　back　to　it；　and　that　he　might　still
send　her　the　gifts　he　had　always　laid　on　her　altar。　　He　had　not
seen　her　in　three　months。　　Three　months　that　had　been　to　him　a
blank；　except　for　his　workwhich　like　all　else　that　he　did；　was
inspired　and　carried　on　for　her。　　Now　at　last　she　had　returned
and　had　shown　that；　even　as　a　friend；　he　was　of　so　little　account
in　her　thoughts；　of　so　little　consequence　in　her　life；　that　after
this　long　absence　she　had　no　desire　to　learn　of　his　welfare　or　to
see　himshe　did　not　even　give　him　the　chance　to　see　her。　　And
so；　placing　these　facts　before　him　for　the　first　time　since
he　had　loved　her；　he　considered　what　was　due　to　himself。　　〃Was　it
good　enough？〃　he　asked。　　〃Was　it　just　that　he　should　continue　to
wear　out　his　soul　and　body　for　this　girl　who　did　not　want　what　he
had　to　give；　who　treated　him　less　considerately　than　a　man　whom
she　met　for　the　first　time　at　dinner？　　He　felt　he　had　reached　the
breaking…point；　that　the　time　had　come　when　he　must　consider　what
he　owed　to　himself。　　There　could　never　be　any　other　woman　save
Helen；　but　as　it　was　not　to　be　Helen；　he　could　no　longer；　with
self…respect；　continue　to　proffer　his　love　only　to　see　it
slighted　and　neglected。　　He　was　humble　enough　concerning　himself；
but　of　his　love　he　was　very　proud。　　Other　men　could　give　her　more
in　wealth　or　position；　but　no　one　could　ever　love　her　as　he　did。　
〃He　that　hath　more　let　him　give；〃　he　had　often　quoted　to　her
defiantly；　as　though　he　were　challenging　the　world；　and　now　he
felt　he　must　evolve　a　make…shift　world　of　his　owna　world　in
which　she　was　not　his　only　spring　of　acts；　he　must　begin　all　over
again　and　keep　his　love　secret　and　sacred　until　she
understood　it　and　wanted　it。　　And　if　she　should　never　want　it　he
would　at　least　have　saved　it　from　many　rebuffs　and　insults。

With　this　determination　strong　in　him；　the　note　Helen　had　left
for　him　after　her　talk　with　Marion；　and　the　flowers；　and　the　note
with　them；　saying　she　was　coming　to　take　tea　on　the　morrow；
failed　to　move　him　except　to　make　him　more　bitter。　　He　saw　in
them　only　a　tardy　recognition　of　her　neglectan　effort　to　make
up　to　him　for　thoughtlessness　which；　from　her；　hurt　him　worse
than　studied　slight。

A　new　regime　had　begun；　and　he　was　determined　to　establish　it
firmly　and　to　make　it　impossible　for　himself　to　retreat　from　it；
and　in　the　note　in　which　he　thanked　Helen　for　the　flowers　and
welcomed　her　to　tea；　he　declared　his　ultimatum。

〃You　know　how　terribly　I　feel；〃　he　wrote；　〃I　don't　have　to　tell
you　that；　but　I　cannot　always　go　on　dragging　out　my　love　and
holding　it　up　to　excite　your　pity　as　beggars　show　their　sores。　　I
cannot　always　go　on　praying　before　your　altar；　cutting　myself
with　knives　and　calling　upon　you　to　listen　to　me。　　You　know
that　there　is　no　one　else　but　you；　and　that　there　never　can　be
any　one　but　you；　and　that　nothing　is　changed　except　that　after
this　I　am　not　going　to　urge　and　torment　you。　　I　shall　wait　as　I
have　always　waitedonly　now　I　shall　wait　in　silence。　　You　know
just　how　little；　in　one　way；　I　have　to　offer　you；　and　you　know
just　how　much　I　have　in　love　to　offer　you。　　It　is　now　for　you　to
speaksome　day；　or　never。　　But　you　will　have　to　speak　first。　
You　will　never　hear　a　word　of　love　from　me　again。　　Why　should
you？　　You　know　it　is　always　waiting　for　you。　　But　if　you　should
ever　want　it；　you　must　come　to　me；　and　take　off　your　hat　and　put
it　on　my　table　and　say；　'Philip；　I　have　come　to　stay。'　　Whether
you　can　ever　do　that　or　not　can　make　no　difference　in　my　love　for
you。　　I　shall　love　you　always；　as　no　man　has　ever　loved　a　woman
in　this　world；　but　it　is　you　who　must　speak　first；　for　me；　the
rest　is　silence。〃

The　following　morning　as　Helen　was　leaving　the　house　she　found
this　letter　lying　on　the　hall…table；　and　ran　back　with　it　to　her
rooms。　　A　week　before　she　would　have　let　it　lie　on　the　table
and　read　it　on　her　return。　　She　was　conscious　that　this　was　what
she　would　have　done；　and　it　pleased　her　to　find　that　what
concerned　Philip　was　now　to　her　the　thing　of　greatest　interest。　
She　was　pleased　with　her　own　eagernessher　own　happiness　was　a
welcome　sign；　and　she　was　proud　and　glad　that　she　was　learning　to
care。

She　read　the　letter　with　an　anxious　pride　and　pleasure　in　each
word　that　was　entirely　new。　　Philip's　recriminations　did　not　hurt
her；　they　were　the　sign　that　he　cared；　nor　did　his　determination
not　to　speak　of　his　love　to　her　hurt　her；　for　she　believed　him
when　he　said　that　he　would　always　care。　　She　read　the　letter
twice；　and　then　sat　for　some　time　considering　the　kind　of　letter
Philip　would　have　written　had　he　known　her　secrethad　he　known
that　the　ring　he　had　abandoned　was　now　upon　her　finger。

She　rose　and；　crossing　to　a　desk；　placed　the　letter　in　a　drawer；
and　then　took　it　out　again　and　re…read　the　last　page。　　When　she
had　finished　it　she　was　smiling。　　For　a　moment　she　stood
irresolute；　and　then；　moving　slowly　toward　the　centre…table；　cast
a　guilty　look　about　her　and；　raising　her　hands；　lifted　her
veil　and　half　withdrew　the　pins　that　fastened　her　hat。

〃Philip；〃　she　began　in　a　frightened　whisper；　〃I　haveI　have　come
to〃

The　sentence　ended　in　a　cry　of　protest；　and　she　rushed　across　the
room　as　though　she　were　running　from　herself。　　She　was　blushing
violently。

〃Never！〃　she　cried；　as　she　pulled　open　the　door；　〃I　could　never
do　itnever！〃

The　following　afternoon；　when　Helen　was　to　come　to　tea；　Carroll
decided　that　he　would　receive　her　with　all　the　old　friendliness；
but　that　he　must　be　careful　to　subdue　all　emotion。

He　was　really　deeply　hurt　at　her　treatment；　and　had　it　not　been
that　she　came　on　her　own　invitation　he　would　not　of　his　own
accord　have　sought　to　see　her。　　In　consequence；　he　rather
welcomed　than　otherwise　the　arrival　of　Marion　Cavendish；　who　came
a　half…hour　before　Helen　was　expected；　and　who　followed　a　hasty
knock　with　a　precipitate　entrance。

〃Sit　down；〃　she　commanded　breathlessly；　〃and　listen。　　I've　been
at　rehearsal　all　day；　or　I'd　have　been　here　before　you　were
awake。〃　　She　seated　herself　nervously　and　nodded　her　head　at
Carroll　in　an　excited　and　mysterious　manner。

〃What　is　it？〃　he　asked。　　〃Have　you　and　Reggie〃

〃Listen；〃　Marion　repeated；　〃our　fortunes　are　made；　that　is　what's
the　matterand　I've　made　them。　　If　you　took　half　the　interest　in
your　work　I　do；　you'd　have　made　yours　long　ago。　　Last　night；〃　she
began　impressively；　〃I　went　to　a　large　supper　at　the　Savoy；　and　I
sat　next　to　Charley