the lion and the unicorn-第23节

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　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃H。　M。　HOLLOWAY　PRISON；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃July　28th。

〃I　am　going　to　keep　a　diary　while　I　am　in　prison；　that　is；　if
they　will　let　me。　　I　never　kept　one　before　because　I　hadn't　the
time；　when　I　was　home　on　leave　there　was　too　much　going　on　to
bother　about　it；　and　when　I　was　up　country　I　always　came　back
after　a　day's　riding　so　tired　that　I　was　too　sleepy　to　write
anything。　　And　now　that　I　have　the　time；　I　won't　have　anything　to
write　about。　　I　fancy　that　more　things　happened　to　me　today
than　are　likely　to　happen　again　for　the　next　eight　months；　so　I
will　make　this　day　take　up　as　much　room　in　the　diary　as　it　can。　
I　am　writing　this　on　the　back　of　the　paper　the　Warder　uses　for
his　official　reports；　while　he　is　hunting　up　cells　to　put　us　in。　
We　came　down　on　him　rather　unexpectedly　and　he　is　nervous。
　　　　
〃Of　course；　I　had　prepared　myself　for　this　after　a　fashion；
but　now　I　see　that　somehow　I　never　really　did　think　I　would　be　in
here；　and　all　my　friends　outside；　and　everything　going　on　just
the　same　as　though　I　wasn't　alive　somewhere。　　It's　like　telling
yourself　that　your　horse　can't　possibly　pull　off　a　race；　so　that
you　won't　mind　so　much　if　he　doesn't；　but　you　always　feel　just　as
bad　when　he　comes　in　a　loser。　　A　man　can't　fool　himself　into
thinking　one　way　when　he　is　hoping　the　other。
　　　　
〃But　I　am　glad　it　is　over；　and　settled。　　It　was　a　great　bore
not　knowing　your　luck　and　having　the　thing　hanging　over　your　head
every　morning　when　you　woke　up。　　Indeed　it　was　quite　a　relief
when　the　counsel　got　all　through　arguing　over　those
proclamations；　and　the　Chief　Justice　summed　up；　but　I　nearly
went　to　sleep　when　I　found　he　was　going　all　over　it　again　to　the
jury。　　I　didn't　understand　about　those　proclamations　myself　and
I'll　lay　a　fiver　the　jury　didn't　either。　　The　Colonel　said　he
didn't。　　I　couldn't　keep　my　mind　on　what　Russell　was　explaining
about；　and　I　got　to　thinking　how　much　old　Justice　Hawkins　looked
like　the　counsel　in　'Alice　in　Wonderland'　when　they　tried　the
knave　of　spades　for　stealing　the　tarts。　　He　had　just　the　same
sort　of　a　beak　and　the　same　sort　of　a　wig；　and　I　wondered　why　he
had　his　wig　powdered　and　the　others　didn't。　　Pollock's　wig　had　a
hole　in　the　top；　you　could　see　it　when　he　bent　over　to　take
notes。　　He　was　always　taking　notes。　　I　don't　believe　he
understood　about　those　proclamations　either；　he　never　seemed　to
listen；　anyway。

〃The　Chief　Justice　certainly　didn't　love　us　very　much；　that's
sure；　and　he　wasn't　going　to　let　anybody　else　love　us　either。　　I
felt　quite　the　Christian　Martyr　when　Sir　Edward　was　speaking　in
defence。　　He　made　it　sound　as　though　we　were　all　a　lot　of　Adelphi
heroes　and　ought　to　be　promoted　and　have　medals；　but　when
Lord　Russell　started　in　to　read　the　Riot　Act　at　us　I　began　to
believe　that　hanging　was　too　good　for　me。　　I'm　sure　I　never　knew
I　was　disturbing　the　peace　of　nations；　it　seems　like　such　a　large
order　for　a　subaltern。

〃But　the　worst　was　when　they　made　us　stand　up　before　all　those
people　to　be　sentenced。　　I　must　say　I　felt　shaky　about　the　knees
then；　not　because　I　was　afraid　of　what　was　coming；　but　because　it
was　the　first　time　I　had　ever　been　pointed　out　before　people；　and
made　to　feel　ashamed。　　And　having　those　girls　there；　too；　looking
at　one。　　That　wasn't　just　fair　to　us。　　It　made　me　feel　about　ten
years　old；　and　I　remembered　how　the　Head　Master　used　to　call　me
to　his　desk　and　say；　'Blake　Senior；　two　pages　of　Horace　and　keep
in　bounds　for　a　week。'　　And　then　I　heard　our　names　and　the
months；　and　my　name　and　'eight　months'　imprisonment；'　and　there
was　a　bustle　and　murmur　and　the　tipstaves　cried；　'Order　in　the
Court；'　and　the　Judges　stood　up　and　shook　out　their　big　red
skirts　as　though　they　were　shaking　off　the　contamination　of　our
presence　and　rustled　away；　and　I　sat　down；　wondering　how
long　eight　months　was；　and　wishing　they'd　given　me　as　much　as
they　gave　Jameson。

〃They　put　us　in　a　room　together　then；　and　our　counsel　said　how
sorry　they　were；　and　shook　hands；　and　went　off　to　dinner　and　left
us。　　I　thought　they　might　have　waited　with　us　and　been　a　little
late　for　dinner　just　that　once；　but　no　one　waited　except　a　lot　of
costers　outside　whom　we　did　not　know。　　It　was　eight　o'clock　and
still　quite　light　when　we　came　out；　and　there　was　a　line　of　four…
wheelers　and　a　hansom　ready　for　us。　　I'd　been　hoping　they　would
take　us　out　by　the　Strand　entrance；　just　because　I'd　like　to　have
seen　it　again；　but　they　marched　us　instead　through　the　main
quadranglea　beastly；　gloomy　courtyard　that　echoed；　and　out；
into　Carey　Streetsuch　a　dirty；　gloomy　street。　　The　costers　and
clerks　set　up　a　sort　of　a　cheer　when　we　came　out；　and　one　of　them
cried；　'God　bless　you；　sir；'　to　the　doctor；　but　I　was　sorry　they
cheered。　　It　seemed　like　kicking　against　the　umpire's　decision。　
The　Colonel　and　I　got　into　a　hansom　together　and　we　trotted
off　into　Chancery　Lane　and　turned　into　Holborn。　　Most　of　the
shops　were　closed；　and　the　streets　looked　empty；　but　there　was　a
lighted　clock…face　over　Mooney's　public…house；　and　the　hands
stood　at　a　quarter　past　eight。　　I　didn't　know　where　Holloway　was；
and　was　hoping　they　would　have　to　take　us　through　some　decent
streets　to　reach　it；　but　we　didn't　see　a　part　of　the　city　that
meant　anything　to　me；　or　that　I　would　choose　to　travel　through
again。

〃Neither　of　us　talked；　and　I　imagined　that　the　people　in　the
streets　knew　we　were　going　to　prison；　and　I　kept　my　eyes　on　the
enamel　card　on　the　back　of　the　apron。　　I　suppose　I　read；　'Two…
wheeled　hackney　carriage：　if　hired　and　discharged　within　the
four…mile　limit；　1s。'　at　least　a　hundred　times。　　I　got　more
sensible　after　a　bit；　and　when　we　had　turned　into　Gray's　Inn　Road
I　looked　up　and　saw　a　tram　in　front　of　us　with　'Holloway　Road　and
King's　X；'　painted　on　the　steps；　and　the　Colonel　saw　it　about　the
same　time　I　fancy；　for　we　each　looked　at　the　other；　and　the
Colonel　raised　his　eyebrows。　　It　showed　us　that　at　least　the
cabman　knew　where　we　were　going。

〃'They　might　have　taken　us　for　a　turn　through　the　West　End　first；
I　think；'　the　Colonel　said。　　'I'd　like　to　have　had　a　look　around；
wouldn't　you？　　This　isn't　a　cheerful　neighborhood；　is　it？'

〃There　were　a　lot　of　children　playing　in　St。　Andrew's　Gardens；
and　a　crowd　of　them　ran　out　just　as　we　passed；　shrieking　and
laughing　over　nothing；　the　way　kiddies　do；　and　that　was　about　the
only　pleasant　sight　in　the　ride。　　I　had　quite　a　turn　when　we　came
to　the　New　Hospital　just　beyond；　for　I　thought　it　was　Holloway；
and　it　came　over　me　what　eight　months　in　such　a　place　meant。　　I
believe　if　I　hadn't　pulled　myself　up　sharp；　I'd　have　jumped　out
into　the　street　and　run　away。　　It　didn't　last　more　than　a　few
seconds；　but　I　don't　want　any　more　like　them。　　I　was　afraid；
afraidthere's　no　use　pretending　it　was　anything　else。　　I　was　in
a　dumb；　silly　funk；　and　I　turned　sick　inside　and　shook；　as　I　have
seen　a　horse　shake　when　he　shies　at　nothing　and　sweats　and
trembles　down　his　sides。

〃During　those　few　seconds　it　seemed　to　be　more　than　I　could
stand；　I　felt　sure　that　I　couldn't　do　itthat　I'd　go　mad　if　they
tried　to　force　me。　　The　idea　was　so　terribleof　not　being　master
over　your　own　legs　and　arms；　to　have　your　flesh　and　blood　and
what　brains　God　gave　you　buried　alive　in　stone　walls　as　though
they　were　in　a　safe　with　a　time…lock　on　the　door　set　for　eight
months　ahead。　　There's　nothing　to　be　afraid　of　in　a　stone　wall
really；　but　it's　the　idea　of　the　thingof　not　being　free　to　move
about；　especially　to　a　chap　that　has　always　lived　in　the　open　as
I　have；　and　has　had　men　under　him。　　It　was　no　wonder　I　was　in　a
funk　for　a　minute。　　I'll　bet　a　fiver　the　others　were；　too；　if
they'll　only　own　up　to　it。　　I　don't　mean　for　long；　but　just　when
the　idea　first　laid　hold　of　them。　　Anyway；　it　was　a　good　lesson
to　me；　and　if　I　catch　myself　thinking　of　it　again　I'll　whistle；
or　talk　to　myself　out　loud　and　think　of　something　cheerful。　　And
I　don't　mean　to　be　one　of　those　chaps　who　spends　his　time　in　jail
counting　the　stones　in　his　cell；　or　training　spiders；　or
measuring　how　many　of　his　steps　make　a　mile；　for　madness
lies　that　way。　　I　mean　to　sit　tight　and　think　of　all　the　good
times　I've　had；　and　go　over　them　in　my　mind　very　slowly；　so　as　to
make　them　last　longer　and　remember　who　was　there　and　what　we
said；　and　the　jokes　and　all　that；　I'll　go　over　house…parties　I
have　been　on；　and　the　times　I've　had　in　the　Riviera；　and　scouting
parties　Dr。　Jim　led　up　country　when　we　were　taking　Matabele　Land。

〃They　say　that　if　you're　good　here　they　give　you　things　to　read
after　a　month　or　two；　and　then　I　can　read　up　all　those
instructive　books　that　a　fellow　never　does　read　until　he's　laid
up　in　bed。

〃But　that's　crowding　ahead　a　bit；　I　must　keep　to　what　happened
to…day。　　We　struck　York　Road　at　the　back　of　the　Great　Western
Terminus；　and　I　half　hoped　we　might　see　some　chap　we　knew　coming
or　going　away：　I　would　like　to　have　waved　my　hand　to　him。　　It
would　have　been　fun　to　have　seen　his　surprise　the　next　morning
when　he　read　in　the　paper　that　he　had　been　bowing　to　jail…birds；
and　then　I　would　like　to　have　cheated　the　tipstaves　out　of　just
one　more　friendly　g