the book of snobs-第41节

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with　perfect　pleasure。　　They　beheld　the　coffee…rooms；　and

the　little　tables　laid　for　dinner；　and　the　gentlemen　who

were　taking　their　lunch；　and　old　Jawkins　thundering　away

as　usual；　they　saw　the　reading…rooms；　and　the　rush　for

the　evening　papers；　they　saw　the　kitchensthose　wonders

of　artwhere　the　CHEF　was　presiding　over　twenty　pretty

kitchen…maids；　and　ten　thousand　shining　saucepans：　and

they　got　into　the　light…blue　fly　perfectly　bewildered

with　pleasure。



Sackville　did　not　enter　it；　though　little　Laura　took　the

back　seat　on　purpose；　and　left　him　the　front　place

alongside　of　Mrs。　Chuff's　red　tabinet。



'We　have　your　favourite　dinner；'　says　she；　in　a　timid

voice；　'won't　you　come；　Sackville？'



'I　shall　take　a　chop　here　to…day；　my　dear；'　Sackville

replied。　　'Home；　James。'　　And　he　went　up　the　steps　of　the

'Sarcophagus；'　and　the　pretty　face　looked　very　sad　out　of

the　carriage；　as　the　blue　fly　drove　away。







CHAPTER　XLIV



CLUB　SNOBS



WhyWhy　did　I　and　Wagley　ever　do　so　cruel　an　action　as

to　introduce　young　Sackville　Maine　into　that　odious

'Sarcophagus'？　　Let　our　imprudence　and　his　example　be　a

warning　to　other　gents；　let　his　fate　and　that　of　his　poor

wife　be　remembered　by　every　British　female。　　The

consequences　of　his　entering　the　Club　were　as　follows：



One　of　the　first　vices　the　unhappy　wretch　acquired　in

this　abode　of　frivolity　was　that　of　SMOKING。　　Some　of　the

dandies　of　the　Club；　such　as　the　Marquis　of　Macabaw；　Lord

Doodeen；　and　fellows　of　that　high　order；　are　in　the　habit

of　indulging　in　this　propensity　upstairs　in　the　billiard…

rooms　of　the　'Sarcophagus'　and；　partly　to　make　their

acquaintance；　partly　from　a　natural　aptitude　for　crime；

Sackville　Maine　followed　them；　and　became　an　adept　in　the

odious　custom。　　Where　it　is　introduced　into　a　family　I

need　not　say　how　sad　the　consequences　are；　both　to　the

furniture　and　the　morals。　　Sackville　smoked　in　his

dining…room　at　home；　and　caused　an　agony　to　his　wife　and

mother…in…law　which　I　do　not　venture　to　describe。



He　then　became　a　professed　BILLIARD…PLAYER；　wasting　hours

upon　hours　at　that　amusement；　betting　freely；　playing

tolerably；　losing　awfully　to　Captain　Spot　and　Col。

Cannon。　　He　played　matches　of　a　hundred　games　with　these

gentlemen；　and　would　not　only　continue　until　four　or　five

o'clock　in　the　morning　at　this　work；　but　would　be　found

at　the　Club　of　a　forenoon；　indulging　himself　to　the

detriment　of　his　business；　the　ruin　of　his　health；　and

the　neglect　of　his　wife。



》From　billiards　to　whist　is　but　a　stepand　when　a　man

gets　to　whist　and　five　pounds　on　a　rubber；　my　opinion　is；

that　it　is　all　up　with　him。　　How　was　the　coal　business　to

go　on；　and　the　connection　of　the　firm　to　be　kept　up；　and

the　senior　partner　always　at　the　card…table？



Consorting　now　with　genteel　persons　and　Pall　Mall　bucks；

Sackville　became　ashamed　of　his　snug　little　residence　in

Kennington　Oval；　and　transported　his　family　to　Pimlico；

where；　though　Mrs。　Chuff；　his　mother…in…law；　was　at　first

happy；　as　the　quarter　was　elegant　and　near　her　Sovereign；

poor　little　Laura　and　the　children　found　a　woful

difference。　　Where　were　her　friends　who　came　in　with

their　work　of　a　morning？At　Kennington　and　in　the

vicinity　of　Clapham。　　'Where　were　her　children's　little

playmates？On　Kennington　Common。　　The　great　thundering

carriages　that　roared　up　and　down　the　drab…coloured

streets　of　the　new　quarter；　contained　no　friends　for　the

sociable　little　Laura。　　The　children　that　paced　the

squares；　attended　by　a　BONNE　or　a　prim　governess；　were

not　like　those　happy　ones　that　flew　kites；　or　played　hop…

scotch；　on　the　well…beloved　old　Common。　　And　ah！　what　a

difference　at　Church　too！between　St。　Benedict's　of

Pimlico；　with　open　seats；　service　in　sing…songtapers　

albssurplicesgarlands　and　processions；　and　the　honest

old　ways　of　Kennington！　　The　footmen；　too；　attending　St。

Benedict's　were　so　splendid　and　enormous；　that　James；

Mrs。　Chuff's　boy；　trembled　amongst　them；　and　said　he

would　give　warning　rather　than　carry　the　books　to　that

church　any　more。



The　furnishing　of　the　house　was　not　done　without　expense。



And；　ye　gods！　what　a　difference　there　was　between

Sackville's　dreary　French　banquets　in　Pimlico；　and　the

jolly　dinners　at　the　Oval！　　No　more　legs…of…mutton；　no

more　of　'the　best　port…wine　in　England；'　but　ENTREES　on

plate；　and　dismal　twopenny　champagne；　and　waiters　in

gloves；　and　the　Club　bucks　for　companyamong　whom　Mrs。

Chuff　was　uneasy　and　Mrs。　Sackville　quite　silent。



Not　that　he　dined　at　home　often。　　The　wretch　had　become　a

perfect　epicure；　and　dined　commonly　at　the　Club　with　the

gormandising　clique　there；　with　old　Doctor　Maw；　Colonel

Cramley　（who　is　as　lean　as　a　greyhound　and　has　jaws　like

a　jack）；　and　the　rest　of　them。　　Here　you　might　see　the

wretch　tippling　Sillery　champagne　and　gorging　himself

with　French　viands；　and　I　often　looked　with　sorrow　from

my　table；　（on　which　cold　meat；　the　Club　small…beer；　and　a

half…pint　of　Marsala　form　the　modest　banquet；）　and　sighed

to　think　it　was　my　work。



And　there　were　other　beings　present　to　my　repentant

thoughts。　　Where's　his　wife；　thought　I？　　Where's　poor；

good；　kind　little　Laura？　　At　this　very　momentit's　about

the　nursery　bed…time；　and　while　yonder　good…for…nothing

is　swilling　his　winethe　little　ones　are　at　Laura's

knees　lisping　their　prayers：　and　she　is　teaching　them　to

say'Pray　God　bless　Papa。'



When　she　has　put　them　to　bed；　her　day's　occupation　is

gone；　and　she　is　utterly　lonely　all　night；　and　sad；　and

waiting　for　him。



Oh；　for　shame！　　Oh；　for　shame！　　Go　home；　thou　idle

tippler。



How　Sackville　lost　his　health　：　how　he　lost　his　business；

how　he　got　into　scrapes；　how　he　got　into　debt；　how　he

became　a　railroad　director；　how　the　Pimlico　house　was

shut　up；　how　he　went　to　Boulogne；all　this　I　could　tell；

only　I　am　too　much　ashamed　of　my　part　of　the　transaction。

They　returned　to　England；　because；　to　the　surprise　of

everybody；　Mrs。　Chuff　came　down　with　a　great　sum　of　money

（which　nobody　knew　she　had　saved）；　and　paid　his

liabilities。　　He　is　in　England；　but　at　Kennington。　　His

name　is　taken　off　the　books　of　the　'Sarcophagus'　long

ago。　　When　we　meet；　he　crosses　over　to　the　other　side　of

the　street；　I　don't　call；　as　I　should　be　sorry　to　see　a

look　of　reproach　or　sadness　in　Laura's　sweet　face。



Not；　however；　all　evil；　as　I　am　proud　to　think；　has　been

the　influence　of　the　Snob　of　England　upon　Clubs　in

general：Captain　Shindy　is　afraid　to　bully　the　waiters

any　more；　and　eats　his　mutton…chop　without　moving

Acheron。　　Gobemouche　does　not　take　more　than　two　papers

at　a　time　for　his　private　reading。　　Tiggs　does　not　ring

the　bell　and　cause　the　library…waiter　to　walk　about　a

quarter　of　a　mile　in　order　to　give　him　Vol。　II。；　which

lies　on　the　next　table。　　Growler　has　ceased　to　walk　from

table　to　table　in　the　coffee…room；　and　inspect　what

people　are　having　for　dinner。　　Trotty　Veck　takes　his　own

umbrella　from　the　hallthe　cotton　one；　and　Sydney

Scraper's　paletot　lined　with　silk　has　been　brought　back

by　Jobbins；　who　entirely　mistook　it　for　his　own。　　Wiggle

has　discontinued　telling　stories　about　the　ladies　he　has

killed。　　Snooks　does　not　any　more　think　it　gentlemanlike

to　blackball　attorneys。　　Snuffler　no　longer　publicly

spreads　out　his　great　red　cotton　pocket…handkerchief

before　the　fire；　for　the　admiration　of　two　hundred

gentlemen；　and　if　one　Club　Snob　has　been　brought　back　to

the　paths　of　rectitude；　and　if　one　poor　John　has　been

spared　a　journey　or　a　scoldingsay；　friends　and　brethren

if　these　sketches　of　Club　Snobs　have　been　in　vain？







CONCLUDING　OBSERVATIONS　ON　SNOBS



How　it　is　that　we　have　come　to　No。　45　of　this　present

series　of　papers；　my　dear　friends　and　brother　Snobs；　I

hardly　knowbut　for　a　whole　mortal　year　have　we　been

together；　prattling；　and　abusing　the　human　race；　and　were

we　to　live　for　a　hundred　years　more；　I　believe　there　is

plenty　of　subject　for　conversation　in　the　enormous　theme

of　Snobs。



The　national　mind　is　awakened　to　the　subject。　　Letters

pour　in　every　day；　conveying　marks　of　sympathy；　directing

the　attention　of　the　Snob　of　England　to　races　of　Snobs

yet　undescribed。　　'Where　are　your　Theatrical　Snobs；　your

Commercial　Snobs；　your　Medical　and　Chirurgical　Snobs；

your　Official　Snobs；　your　Legal　Snobs；　your　Artistical

Snobs；　your　Musical　Snobs；　your　Sporting　Snobs？'　write　my

esteemed　correspondents。　　'Surely　you　are　not　going　to

miss　the　Cambridge　Chancellor　election；　and　omit　showing

up　your　Don　Snobs；　who　are　coming；　cap　in　hand；　to　a

young　Prince　of　six…and…twenty；　and　to　implore　him　to　be

the　chief　of　their　renowned　University？'　writes　a　friend

who　seals　with　the　signet　of　the　Cam　and　Isis　Club。

'Pray；　pray；'　cries　another；　'now　the　Operas　are　opening；

give　us　a　lecture　about　Omnibus　Snobs。'　　Indeed；　I　should

like　to　write　a　chapter　about　the　Snobbish　Don