the book of snobs-第39节

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quality　of　his　mutton…chop。



'Look　at　it；　sir！　　Is　it　cooked；　sir？　　Smell　it；　sir！　　Is

it　meat　fit　for　a　gentleman？'　he　roars　out　to　the

steward；　who　stands　trembling　before　him；　and　who　in　vain

tells　him　that　the　Bishop　of　Bullocksmithy　has　just　had

three　from　the　same　loin。　　All　the　waiters　in　the　Club

are　huddled　round　the　captain's　mutton…chop。　　He　roars

out　the　most　horrible　curses　at　John　for　not　bringing　the

pickles；　he　utters　the　most　dreadful　oaths　because　Thomas

has　not　arrived　with　the　Harvey　Sauce；　Peter　comes

tumbling　with　the　water…jug　over　Jeames；　who　is　bringing

'the　glittering　canisters　with　bread。'　　Whenever　Shindy

enters　the　room　（such　is　the　force　of　character）；　every

table　is　deserted；　every　gentleman　must　dine　as　he　best

may；　and　all　those　big　footmen　are　in　terror。



He　makes　his　account　of　it。　　He　scolds；　and　is　better

waited　upon　in　consequence。　　At　the　Club　he　has　ten

servants　scudding　about　to　do　his　bidding。



Poor　Mrs。　Shindy　and　the　children　are；　meanwhile；　in

dingy　lodgings　somewhere；　waited　upon　by　a　charity…girl

in　pattens。







CHAPTER　XLII



CLUB　SNOBS



Every　well…bred　English　female　will　sympathize　with　the

subject　of　the　harrowing　tale；　the　history　of　Sackville

Maine；　I　am　now　about　to　recount。　　The　pleasures　of　Clubs

have　been　spoken　of：　let　us　now　glance　for　a　moment　at

the　dangers　of　those　institutions；　and　for　this　purpose　I

must　introduce　you　to　my　young　acquaintance；　Sackville

Maine。



It　was　at　a　ball　at　the　house　of　my　respected　friend；

Mrs。　Perkins；　that　I　was　introduced　to　this　gentleman　and

his　charming　lady。　　Seeing　a　young　creature　before　me　in

a　white　dress；　with　white　satin　shoes；　with　a　pink

ribbon；　about　a　yard　in　breadth；　flaming　out　as　she

twirled　in　a　polka　in　the　arms　of　Monsieur　de　Springbock；

the　German　diplomatist；　with　a　green　wreath　on　her　head；

and　the　blackest　hair　this　individual　set　eyes　on

seeing；　I　say；　before　me　a　charming

young　woman　whisking　beautifully　in　a　beautiful　dance；

and　presenting；　as　she　wound　and　wound　round　the　room；

now　a　full　face；　then　a　three…quarter　face；　then　a

profilea　face；　in　fine；　which　in　every　way　you　saw　it；

looked　pretty；　and　rosy；　and　happy；　I　felt　（as　I　trust）　a

not　unbecoming　curiosity　regarding　the　owner　of　this

pleasant　countenance；　and　asked　Wagley　（who　was　standing

by；　in　conversation　with　an　acquaintance）　who　was　the

lady　in　question？



'Which？'　says　Wagley。



'That　one　with　the　coal…black　eyes；'　I　replied。



'Hush！'　says　he；　and　the　gentleman　with　whom　he　was

talking　moved　off；　with　rather　a　discomfited　air。



When　he　was　gone　Wagley　burst　out　laughing。　　'COAL…BLACK

eyes！'　said　he；　'you've　just　hit　it。　　That's　Mrs。

Sackville　Maine；　and　that　was　her　husband　who　just　went

away。　　He's　a　coal…merchant；　Snob　my　boy；　and　I　have　no

doubt　Mr。　Perkins's　Wallsends　are　supplied　from　his

wharf。　　He　is　in　a　flaming　furnace　when　he　hears　coals

mentioned。　　He　and　his　wife　and　his　mother　are　very　proud

of　Mrs。　Sackville's　family；　she　was　a　Miss　Chuff；

daughter　of　Captain　Chuff；　R。N。　　That　is　the　widow；　that

stout　woman　in　crimson　tabinet；　battling　about　the　odd

trick　with　old　Mr。　Dumps；　at　the　card…table。'



And　so；　in　fact；　it　was。　　Sackville　Maine　（whose　name　is

a　hundred　times　more　elegant；　surely；　than　that　of　Chuff）

was　blest　with　a　pretty　wife；　and　a　genteel　mother…in…

law；　both　of　whom　some　people　may　envy　him。



Soon　after　his　marriage　the　old　lady　was　good　enough　to

come　and　pay　him　a　visitjust　for　a　fortnightat　his

pretty　little　cottage；　Kennington　Oval；　and；　such　is　her

affection　for　the　place；　has　never　quitted　it　these　four

years。　　She　has　also　brought　her　son；　Nelson　Collingwood

Chuff；　to　live　with　her；　but　he　is　not　so　much　at　home　as

his　mamma；　going　as　a　day…boy　to　Merchant　Taylors'

School；　where　he　is　getting　a　sound　classical　education。



If　these　beings；　so　closely　allied　to　his　wife；　and　so

justly　dear　to　her；　may　be　considered　as　drawbacks　to

Maine's　happiness；　what　man　is　there　that　has　not　some

things　in　life　to　complain　of？　　And　when　I　first　knew　Mr。

Maine；　no　man　seemed　more　comfortable　than　he。　　His

cottage　was　a　picture　of　elegance　and　comfort；　his　table

and　cellar　were　excellently　and　neatly　supplied。　　There

was　every　enjoyment；　but　no　ostentation。　　The　omnibus

took　him　to　business　of　a　morning；　the　boat　brought　him

back　to　the　happiest　of　homes；　where　he　would　while　away

the　long　evenings　by　reading　out　the　fashionable　novels

to　the　ladies　as　they　worked；　or　accompany　his　wife　on

the　flute　（which　he　played　elegantly）；　or　in　any　one　of

the　hundred　pleasing　and　innocent　amusements　of　the

domestic　circle。　　Mrs。　Chuff　covered　the　drawing…rooms

with　prodigious　tapestries；　the　work　of　her　hands。　　Mrs。

Sackville　had　a　particular　genius　for　making　covers　of

tape　or　network　for　these　tapestried　cushions。　　She　could

make　home…made　wines。　　She　could　make　preserves　and

pickles。　　She　had　an　album；　into　which；　during　the　time

of　his　courtship；　Sackville　Maine　bad　written　choice

scraps　of　Byron's　and　Moore's　poetry；　analogous　to　his

own　situation；　and　in　a　fine　mercantile　hand。　　She　had　a

large　manuscript　receipt…bookevery　quality；　in　a　word；

which　indicated　a　virtuous　and　well…bred　English　female

mind。



'And　as　for　Nelson　Collingwood；'　Sackville　would　say；

laughing；　'we　couldn't　do　without　him　in　the　house。　　If

he　didn't　spoil　the　tapestry　we　should　be　'over…cushioned

in　a　few　months；　and　whom　could　we　get　but　him　to　drink

Laura's　home…made　wine？'　　The　truth　is；　the　gents　who

came　from　the　City　to　dine　at　the　'Oval'　could　not　be

induced　to　drink　itin　which　fastidiousness；　I　myself；

when　I　grew　to　be　intimate　with　the　family；　confess　that

I　shared。



'And　yet；　sir；　that　green　ginger　has　been　drunk　by　some

of　England's　proudest　heroes；'　Mrs。　Chuff　would　exclaim。

'Admiral　Lord　Exmouth　tasted　and　praised　it；　sir；　on

board　Captain　Chuff's　ship；　the　〃Nebuchadnezzar；〃　74；　at

Algiers；　and　he　had　three　dozen　with　turn　in　the

〃Pitchfork〃　frigate；　a　part　of　which　was　served

out　to　the　men　before　he　went　into　his　immortal　action

with　the　〃Furibonde；〃　Captain　Choufleur；　in　the　Gulf　of

Panama。'



All　　　　　this；　though　the　old　dowager　told　us　the　story　every

day　when　the　wine　was　produced；　never　served　to　get　rid

of　any　quantity　of　itand　the　green　ginger；　though　it

had　fired　British　tars　for　combat　and　victory；　was　not　to

the　taste　of　us　peaceful　and　degenerate　gents　of　modern

times。



I　see　Sackville　now；　as　on　the　occasion　when；　presented

by　Wagley；　I　paid　my　first　visit　to　him。　　It　was　in　July…

…a　Sunday　afternoonSackville　Maine　was　coming　from

church；　with　his　wife　on　one　arm；　and　his　mother…ill…law

（in　red　tabinet；　as　usual；）　on　the　other。　　A　half…grown；

or　hobbadehoyish　footman；　so　to　speak；　walked　after　them；

carrying　their　shining　golden　prayer…booksthe　ladies

had　splendid　parasols　with　tags　and　fringes。　　Mrs。

Chuff's　great　gold　watch；　fastened　to　her　stomach；

gleamed　there　like　a　ball　of　fire。　　Nelson　Collingwood

was　in　the　distance；　shying　stones　at　an　old　horse　on

Kennington　Common。　　'Twas　on　that　verdant　spot　we　met

nor　can　I　ever　forget　the　majestic　courtesy　of　Mrs。

Chuff；　as　she　remembered　having　had　the　pleasure　of

seeing　me　at　Mrs。　Perkins'snor　the　glance　of　scorn

which　she　threw　at　an　unfortunate　gentleman　who　was

preaching　an　exceedingly　desultory　discourse　to　a

sceptical　audience　of　omnibus…cads　and　nurse…maids；　on　a

tub；　as　we　passed　by。　　'I　cannot　help　it；　sir；'　says　she；

'I　am　the　widow　of　an　officer　of　Britain's　Navy：　I　was

taught　to　honour　my　Church　and　my　King：　and　I　cannot　bear

a　Radical　or　a　Dissenter。'



With　these　fine　principles　I　found　Sackville　Maine

impressed。　　'Wagley；'　said　he；　to　my　introducer；　'if　no

better　engagement；　why　shouldn't　self　and　friend　dine　at

the　〃Oval？〃　　Mr。　Snob；　sir；　the　mutton's　coming　off　the

spit　at　this　very　minute。　　Laura　and　Mrs。　Chuff'　（he　said

LAURAR　and　Mrs。　Chuff；　but　I　hate　people　who　make　remarks

on　these　peculiarities　of　pronunciation；）　'will　be　most

happy　to　see　you；　and　I　can　promise　you　a　hearty　welcome；

and　as　good　a　glass　of　port…wine　as　any　in　England。'



'This　is　better　than　dining　at　the　〃Sarcophagus；〃'　thinks

I　to　myself；　at　which　Club　Wagley　and　I　had　intended　to

take　our　meal；　and　so　we　accepted　the　kindly　invitation；

whence　arose　afterwards　a　considerable　intimacy。



Everything　about　this　family　and　house　was　so　good…

natured；　comfortable；　and　well…conditioned；　that　a　cynic

would　have　ceased　to　growl　there。　　Mrs。　Laura　was　all

graciousness　and　smiles；　and　looked　to　as　great　advantage

in　her　pretty　morning…gown　as　in　her　dress…robe　at　Mrs。

Perkins's。　　Mrs。　Chuff　fired　off　her　stories　about　the

'Nebuchadnezzar；'　74；　the　action　between　the　'Pitchfork'

and　the　'Furibonde'the　heroic　resistance　of　Captain

Choufleur；　and　the　quantity