the book of snobs-第27节

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of　Hart。　　Sir　Andrew　Katz；　founder　of　the　Carabas　family

and　banker　of　the　Prince　of　Horange；　Kneller。　　Her

present　Ladyship；　by　Lawrence。　　Lord　St。　Michaels；　by　the

samehe　is　represented　sittin'　on　a　rock　in　velvit

pantaloons。　　Moses　in　the　bullrushesthe　bull　very　fine；

by　Paul　Potter。　　The　toilet　of　Venus；　Fantaski。　　Flemish

Bores　drinking；　Van　Ginnums。　　Jupiter　and　Europia；　de

Horn。　　The　Grandjunction　Canal；　Venis；　by　Candleetty；　and

Italian　Bandix；　by　Slavata　Rosa。'And　so　this　worthy

woman　went　on；　from　one　room　into　another；　from　the　blue

room　to　the　green；　and　the　green　to　the　grand　saloon；　and

the　grand　saloon　to　the　tapestry　closet；　cackling　her

list　of　pictures　and　wonders：　and　furtively　turning　up　a

corner　of　brown　holland　to　show　the　colour　of　the　old；

faded；　seedy；　mouldy；　dismal　hangings。



At　last　we　came　to　her　Ladyship's　bed…room。　　In　the

centre　of　this　dreary　apartment　there　is　a　bed　about　the

size　of　one　of　those　whizgig　temples　in　which　the　Genius

appears　in　a　pantomime。　　The　huge　gilt　edifice　is

approached　by　steps；　and　so　tall；　that　it　might　be　let

off　in　floors；　for　sleeping…rooms　for　all　the　Carabas

family。　　An　awful　bed！　　A　murder　might　be　done　at　one　end

of　that　bed；　and　people　sleeping　at　the　other　end　be

ignorant　of　it。　　Gracious　powers！　fancy　little　Lord

Carabas　in　a　nightcap　ascending　those　steps　after　putting

out　the　candle！



The　sight　of　that　seedy　and　solitary　splendour　was　too

much　for　me。　　I　should　go　mad　were　I　that　lonely

housekeeperin　those　enormous　galleriesin　that　lonely

library；　filled　up　with　ghastly　folios　that　nobody　dares

read；　with　an　inkstand　on　the　centre　table　like　the

coffin　of　a　baby；　and　sad　portraits　staring　at　you　from

the　bleak　walls　with　their　solemn　Mouldy　eyes。　　No　wonder

that　Carabas　does　not　come　down　here　often。



It　would　require　two　thousand　footmen　to　make　the　place

cheerful。　　No　wonder　the　coachman　resigned　his　wig；　that

the　masters　are　insolvent；　and　the　servants　perish　in

this　huge　dreary　out…at…elbow　place。



A　single　family　has　no　more　right　to　build　itself　a

temple　of　that　sort　than　to　erect　a　Tower　of　Babel。　　Such

a　habitation　is　not　decent　for　a　mere　mortal　man。　　But；

after　all；　I　suppose　poor　Carabas　had　no　choice。　　Fate

put　him　there　as　it　sent　Napoleon　to　St。　Helena。　　Suppose

it　had　been　decreed　by　Nature　that　you　and　I　should　be

Marquises？　　We　wouldn't　refuse；　I　suppose；　but　take

Castle　Carabas　and　all；　with　debts；　duns；　and　mean

makeshifts；　and　shabby　pride；　and　swindling　magnificence。



Next　season；　when　I　read　of　Lady　Carabas's　splendid

entertainments　in　the　MORNING　POST；　and　see　the　poor　old

insolvent　cantering　through　the　ParkI　shall　have　a　much

tenderer　interest　in　these　great　people　than　I　have　had

heretofore。　　Poor　old　shabby　Snob！　　Ride　on　and　fancy　the

world　is　still　on　its　knees　before　the　house　of　Carabas！

Give　yourself　airs；　poor　old　bankrupt　Magnifico；　who　are

under　money…obligations　to　your　flunkeys；　and　must　stoop

so　as　to　swindle　poor　tradesmen！　　And　for　us；　O　my

brother　Snobs；　oughtn't　we　to　feel　happy　if　our　walk

through　life　is　more　even；　and　that　we　are　out　of　the

reach　of　that　surprising　arrogance　and　that　astounding

meanness　to　which　this　wretched　old　victim　is　obliged　to

mount　and　descend。







CHAPTER　XXIX



A　VISIT　TO　SOME　COUNTRY　SNOBS



Notable　as　my　reception　had　been　（under　that　unfortunate

mistake　of　Mrs。　Ponto　that　I　was　related　to　Lord

Snobbington；　which　I　was　not　permitted　to　correct）；　it

was　nothing　compared　to　the　bowing　and　kotooing；　the

raptures　and　flurry　which　preceded　and　welcomed　the　visit

of　a　real　live　lord　and　lord's　son；　a　brother　officer　of

Cornet　Wellesley　Ponto；　in　the　120th　Hussars；　who　came

over　with　the　young　Cornet　from　Guttlebury；　where　their

distinguished　regiment　was　quartered。　　This　was　my　Lord

Gules；　Lord　Saltire's　grandson　and　heir：　a　very　young；

short；　sandy…haired　and　tobacco…smoking　nobleman；　who

cannot　have　left　the　nursery　very　long；　and　who；　though

he　accepted　the　honest　Major's　invitation　to　the

Evergreens　in　a　letter　written　in　a　school…boy

handwriting；　with　a　number　of　faults　of　spelling；　may　yet

be　a　very　fine　classical　scholar　for　what　I　know：　having

had　his　education　at　Eton；　where　he　and　young　Ponto　were

inseparable。



At　any　rate；　if　he　can't　write；　he　has　mastered　a　number

of　other　accomplishments　wonderful　for　one　of　his　age　and

size。　　He　is　one　of　the　best　shots　and　riders　in　England。

He　rode　his　horse　Abracadabra；　and　won　the　famous

Guttlebury　steeple…chase。　　He　has　horses　entered　at　half

the　races　in　the　country　（under　other　people's　names；　for

the　old　lord　is　a　strict　hand；　and　will　not　hear　of

betting　or　gambling）。　　He　has　lost　and　won　such　sums　of

money　as　my　Lord　George　himself　might　be　proud　of。　　He

knows　all　the　stables；　and　all　the　jockeys；　and　has　all

the　'information；'　and　is　a　match　for　the　best　Leg　at

Newmarket。　　Nobody　was　ever　known　to　be　'too　much'　for

him　at　play　or　in　the　stable。



Although　his　grandfather　makes　him　a　moderate　allowance；

by　the　aid　of　POST…OBITS　and　convenient　friends　he　can

live　in　a　splendour　becoming　his　rank。　　He　has　not

distinguished　himself　in　the　knocking　down　of　policemen

much；　he　is　not　big　enough　for　that。　　But；　as　a　light…

weight；　his　skill　is　of　the　very　highest　order。　　At

billiards　he　is　said　to　be　first…rate。　　He　drinks　and

smokes　as　much　as　any　two　of　the　biggest　officers　in　his

regiment。　　With　such　high　talents；　who　can　say　how　far　he

may　not　go？　　He　may　take　to　politics　as　a　DELASSEMENT；

and　be　Prime　Minister　after　Lord　George　Bentinck。



My　young　friend　Wellesley　Ponto　is　a　gaunt　and　bony

youth；　with　a　pale　face　profusely　blotched。　　From　his

continually　pulling　something　on　his　chin；　I　am　led　to

fancy　that　he　believes　he　has　what　is　called　an　Imperial

growing　there。　　That　is　not　the　only　tuft　that　is　hunted

in　the　family；　by　the　way。　　He　can't；　of　course；　indulge

in　those　expensive　amusements　which　render　his

aristocratic　comrade　so　respected：　he　bets　pretty　freely

when　he　is　in　cash；　and　rides　when　somebody　mounts　him

（for　he　can't　afford　more　than　his　regulation　chargers）。

At　drinking　he　is　by　no　means　inferior；　and　why　do　you

think　he　brought　his　noble　friend；　Lord　Gules；　to　the

Evergreens？Why？　because　he　intended　to　ask　his　mother

to　order　his　father　to　pay　his　debts；　which　she　couldn't

refuse　before　such　an　exalted　presence。　　Young　Ponto　gave

me　all　this　information　with　the　most　engaging　frankness。

We　are　old　friends。　　I　used　to　tip　him　when　he　was　at

school。



'Gad！'：　says　he；　'our　wedgment's　so　DOOTHID　exthpenthif。

Must　hunt；　you　know。　　A　man　couldn't　live　in　the　wedgment

if　he　didn't。　　Mess　expenses　enawmuth。　　Must　dine　at

mess。　　Must　drink　champagne　and　claret。　　Ours　ain't　a

port　and　sherry　light…infantry　mess。　　Uniform's　awful。

Fitzstultz；　our　Colonel；　will　have　'em　so。　　Must　be　a

distinction　you　know。　　At　his　own　expense　Fitzstultz

altered　the　plumes　in　the　men's　caps　（you　called　them

shaving…brushes；　Snob；　my　boy：　most　absurd　and　unjust

that　attack　of　yours；　by　the　way）；　that　altewation　alone

cotht　him　five　hundred　pound。　　The　year　befaw　latht　he

horthed　the　wegiment　at　an　immenthe　expenthe；　and　we're

called　the　Queen'th　Own　Pyebalds　from　that　day。　　Ever

theen　uth　on　pawade？　　The　Empewar　Nicolath　burtht　into

tearth　of　envy　when　he　thaw　uth　at　Windthor。　　And　you

see；'　continued　my　young　friend；　'I　brought　Gules　down

with　me；　as　the　Governor　is　very　sulky　about　shelling

out；　just　to　talk　my　mother　over；　who　can　do　anything

with　him。　　　Gules　told　her　that　I　was　Fitzstultz's

favourite　of　the　whole　regiment；　and；　Gad！　she　thinks　the

Horse　Guards　will　give　me　my　troop　for　nothing；　and　he

humbugged　the　Governor　that　I　was　the　greatest　screw　in

the　army。　　Ain't　it　a　good　dodge？'



With　this　Wellesley　left　me　to　go　and　smoke　a　cigar　in

the　stables　with　Lord　Gules；　and　make　merry　over　the

cattle　there；　under　Stripes's　superintendence。　　Young

Ponto　laughed　with　his　friend；　at　the　venerable　four…

wheeled　cruelty…chaise；　but　seemed　amazed　that　the　latter

should　ridicule　still　more　an　ancient　chariot　of　the

build　of　1824；　emblazoned　immensely　with　the　arme　of　the

Pontos　and　the　Snaileys；　from　which　latter　distinguished

family　Mrs。　Ponto　issued。



I　found　poor　Pon　in　his　study　among　his　boots；　in　such　a

rueful　attitude　of　despondency；　that　I　could　not　but

remark　it。　　'Look　at　that！'　says　the　poor　fellow；　handing

me　over　a　document。　　'It's　the　second　change　in　uniform

since　he's　been　in　the　army；　and　yet　there's　no

extravagance　about　the　lad。　　Lord　Gules　tells　me　he　is

the　most　careful　youngster　in　the　regiment；　God　bless

him！　But　look　at　that！　by　heaven；　Snob；　look　at　that　and

say　how　can　a　man　of　nine　hundred　keep　out　of　the　Bench？'

He　gave　a　sob　as　he　handed　me　the　paper　across　the　table；

and　his　old　face；　and　his　old