the book of snobs-第26节

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gardener；　valet；　and　bailiff；　with　Tummus　under　him；）　'if

YOU'LL　come　across；　John　Snapper；　and　take　your　coat　off；

I'll　give　you　such　a　whopping　as　you've　never　had　since

the　last　time　I　did　it　at　Guttlebury　Fair。'



'Whop　one　of　your　own　weight；'　Mr。　Snapper　said；

whistling　his　dogs　and　disappearing　into　the　wood。　　And

so　we　came　out　of　this　controversy　rather　victoriously；

but　I　began　to　alter　my　preconceived　ideas　of　rural

felicity。



Notes。



（1）　I　have　since　heard　that　this　aristocratic　lady's

father　was　a　livery…button　maker　in　St。　Martin's　Lane：

where　he　met　with　misfortunes；　and　his　daughter　acquired

her　taste　for　heraldry。　　But　it　may　be　told　to　her

credit；　that　out　of　her　earnings　she　has　kept　the　bed…

ridden　old　bankrupt　in　great　comfort　and　secrecy　at

Pentonville；　and　furnished　her　brother's　outfit　for　the

Cadetship　which　her　patron；　Lord　Swigglebiggle；　gave　her

when　he　was　at　the　Board　of　Control。　　I　have　this

information　from　a　friend。　　To　hear　Miss　Wirt　herself；

you　would　fancy　that　her　Papa　was　a　Rothschild；　and　that

the　markets　of　Europe　were　convulsed　when　he　went　into

the　GAZETTE。







CHAPTER　XXVIII



ON　SOME　COUNTRY　SNOBS



'Be　hanged　to　your　aristocrats！'　Ponto　said；　in　some

conversation　we　had　regarding　the　family　at　Carabas；

between　whom　and　the　Evergreens　there　was　a　feud。　　'When

I　first　came　into　the　countyit　was　the　year　before　Sir

John　Buff　contested　in　the　Blue　interestthe　Marquis；

then　Lord　St。　Michaels；　who；　of　course；　was　Orange　to　the

core；　paid　me　and　Mrs。　Ponto　such　attentions；　that　I

fairly　confess　I　was　taken　in　by　the　old　humbug；　and

thought　that　I'd　met　with　a　rare　neighbour。　　'Gad；　Sir；

we　used　to　get　pines　from　Carabas；　and　pheasants　from

Carabas；　and　it　was〃Ponto；　when　will　you　come　over　and

shoot？〃and〃Ponto；　our　pheasants　want　thinning；〃and

my　Lady　would　insist　upon　her　dear　Mrs。　Ponto　coming　over

to　Carabas　to　sleep；　and　put　me　I　don't　know　to　what

expense　for　turbans　and　velvet　gowns　for　my　wife's

toilette。　　Well；　Sir；　the　election　takes　place；　and

though　I　was　always　a　Liberal；　personal　friendship　of

course　induces　me　to　plump　for　St。　Michaels；　who　comes　in

at　the　head　of　the　poll。　　Next　year；　Mrs。　P。　insists　upon

going　to　townwith　lodgings　in　Clarges　Street　at　ten

pounds　a　week；　with　a　hired　brougham；　and　new　dresses　for

herself　and　the　girls；　and　the　deuce　and　all　to　pay。　Our

first　cards　were　to　Carabas　House；　my　Lady's　are　returned

by　a　great　big　flunkey；　and　I　leave　you　to　fancy　my　poor

Betsy's　discomfiture　as　the　lodging…house　maid　took　in

the　cards；　and　Lady　St。　Michaels　drives　away；　though　she

actually　saw　us　at　the　drawing…room　window。　　Would　you

believe　it；　Sir；　that　though　we　called　four　times

afterwards；　those　infernal　aristocrats　never　returned　our

visit；　that　though　Lady　St。　Michaels　gave　nine　dinner…

parties　and　four　DEJEUNERS　that　season；　she　never　asked

us　to　one；　and　that　she　cut　us　dead　at　the　Opera；　though

Betsy　was　nodding　to　her　the　whole　night？　　We　wrote　to

her　for　tickets　for　Almack's；　she　writes　to　say　that　all

hers　were　promised；　and　said；　in　the　presence　of　Wiggins；

her　lady's…maid；　who　told　it　to　Diggs；　my　wife's　woman；

that　she　couldn't　conceive　how　people　in　our　station　of

life　could　so　far　forget　themselves　as　to　wish　to　appear

in　any　such　place！　　Go　to　Castle　Carabas！　　I'd　sooner　die

than　set　my　foot　in　the　house　of　that　impertinent；

insolvent；　insolent　jackanapes　and　I　hold　him　in

scorn！'　　After　this；　Ponto　gave　me　some　private

information　regarding　Lord　Carabas's　pecuniary　affairs；

how　he　owed　money　all　over　the　county；　how　Jukes　the

carpenter　was　utterly　ruined　and　couldn't　get　a　shilling

of　his　bill；　how　Biggs　the　butcher　hanged　himself　for　the

same　reason；　how　the　six　big　footmen　never　received　a

guinea　of　wages；　and　Snaffle；　the　state　coachman；

actually　took　off　his　blown…glass　wig　of　ceremony　and

flung　it　at　Lady　Carabas's　feet　on　the　terrace　before　the

Castle；　all　which　stories；　as　they　are　private；　I　do　not

think　proper　to　divulge。　　But　these　details　did　not

stifle　my　desire　to　see　the　famous　mansion　of　Castle

Carabas；　nay；　possibly　excited　my　interest　to　know　more

about　that　lordly　house　and　its　owners。



At　the　entrance　of　the　park；　there　are　a　pair　of　great

gaunt　mildewed　lodgesmouldy　Doric　temples　with　black

chimney…pots；　in　the　finest　classic　taste；　and　the　gates

of　course　are　surmounted　by　the　CHATS　BOTTES；　the　well…

known　supporters　of　the　Carabas　family。　　'Give　the　lodge…

keeper　a　shilling；'　says　Ponto；　（who　drove　me　near　to　it

in　his　four…wheeled　cruelty…chaise）。　　'I　warrant　it's　the

first　piece　of　ready　money　he　has　received　for　some　time。

I　don't　know　whether　there　was　any　foundation　for　this

sneer；　but　the　gratuity　was　received　with　a　curtsey；　and

the　gate　opened　for　me　to　enter。　　'Poor　old　porteress！'

says　I；　inwardly。　　'You　little　know　that　it　is　the

Historian　of　Snobs　whom　you　let　in！'　　The　gates　were

passed。　　A　damp　green　stretch　of　park　spread　right　and

left　immeasurably；　confined　by　a　chilly　grey　wall；　and　a

damp　long　straight　road　between　two　huge　rows　of　moist；

dismal　lime…trees；　leads　up　to　the　Castle。　　In　the　midst

of　the　park　is　a　great　black　tank　or　lake；　bristling　over

with　rushes；　and　here　and　there　covered　over　with　patches

of　pea…soup。　　A　shabby　temple　rises　on　an　island　in　this

delectable　lake；　which　is　approached　by　a　rotten　barge

that　lies　at　roost　in　a　dilapidated　boat　house。　　Clumps

of　elms　and　oaks　dot　over　the　huge　green　flat。　　Every　one

of　them　would　have　been　down　long　since；　but　that　the

Marquis　is　not　allowed　to　cut　the　timber。



Up　that　long　avenue　the　Snobographer　walked　in　solitude。

At　the　seventy…ninth　tree　on　the　left…hand　side；　the

insolvent　butcher　hanged　himself。　　I　scarcely　wondered　at

the　dismal　deed；　so　woful　and　sad　were　the　impressions

connected　with　the　place。　　So；　for　a　mile　and　a　half　I

walkedalone　and　thinking　of　death。



I　forgot　to　say　the　house　is　in　full　view　all　the　way

except　when　intercepted　by　the　trees　on　the　miserable

island　in　the　lakean　enormous　red…brick　mansion；

square；　vast；　and　dingy。　　It　is　flanked　by　four　stone

towers　with　weathercocks。　　In　the　midst　of　the　grand

facade　is　a　huge　Ionic　portico；　approached　by　a　vast；

lonely；　ghastly　staircase。　　Rows　of　black　windows；　framed

in　stone；　stretch　on　either　side；　right　and　leftthree

storeys　and　eighteen　windows　of　a　row。　　You　may　see　a

picture　of　the　palace　and　staircase；　in　the　'Views　of

England　and　Wales；'　with　four　carved　and　gilt　carriages

waiting　at　the　gravel　walk；　and　several　parties　of　ladies

and　gentlemen　in　wigs　and　hoops；　dotting　the　fatiguing

lines　of　stairs。



But　these　stairs　are　made　in　great　houses　for　people　NOT

to　ascend。　　The　first　Lady　Carabas　（they　are　but　eighty

years　in　the　peerage）；　if　she　got　out　of　her　gilt　coach

in　a　shower；　would　be　wet　to　the　skin　before　she　got

half…way　to　the　carved　Ionic　portico；　where　four　dreary

statues　of　Peace；　Plenty；　Piety　and　Patriotism；　are　the

only　sentinels。　　You　enter　these　palaces　by　back…doors。

'That　was　the　way　the　Carabases　got　their　peerage；'　the

misanthropic　Ponto　said　after　dinner。



WellI　rang　the　bell　at　a　little　low　side…door；　it

clanged　and　jingled　and　echoed　for　a　long；　long　while；

till　at　length　a　face；　as　of　a　housekeeper；　peered

through　the　door；　and；　as　she　saw　my　hand　in　my　waistcoat

pocket；　opened　it。　　Unhappy；　lonely　housekeeper；　I

thought。　　Is　Miss　Crusoe　in　her　island　more　solitary？

The　door　clapped　to；　and　I　was　in　Castle　Carabas。



'The　side　entrance　and　All；'　says　the　housekeeper。　　'The

halligator　hover　the　mantelpiece　was　brought　home　by

Hadmiral　St。　Michaels；　when　a　Capting　with　Lord　Hanson。

The　harms　on　the　cheers　is　the　harms　of　the　Carabas

family。'　　The　hall　was　rather　comfortable。　　We　went

clapping　up　a　clean　stone　backstair；　and　then　into　a　back

passage　cheerfully　decorated　with　ragged　light…green

Kidderminster；　and　issued　upon



'THE　GREAT　ALL。



'The　great　all　is　seventy…two　feet　in　lenth；　fifty…six　in

breath；　and　thirty…eight　feet　'igh。　　The　carvings　of　the

chimlies；　representing　the　buth　of　Venus；　and　Ercules；

and　Eyelash；　is　by　Van　Chislum；　the　most　famous　sculpture

of　his　hage　and　country。　　The　ceiling；　by　Calimanco；

represents　Painting；　Harchitecture　and　Music　（the　naked

female　figure　with　the　barrel　horgan）　introducing　George；

fust　Lord　Carabas；　to　the　Temple　of　the　Muses。　　The

winder　ornaments　is　by　Vanderputty。　　The　floor　is

Patagonian　marble；　and　the　chandelier　in　the　centre　was

presented　to　Lionel；　second　Marquis；　by　Lewy　the

Sixteenth；　whose　'ead　was　cut　hoff　in　the　French

Revelation。　　We　now　henter



THE　SOUTH　GALLERY。



'One　'undred　and　forty…eight　in　lenth　by　thirty…two　in

breath；　it　is　profusely　hornaminted　by　the　choicest　works

of　Hart。　　Sir　Andrew　Katz；　founder　of　the　Carabas　family

and　banker　of　the