the book of snobs-第13节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



lay　down　key　and　crosier　before　the　iron　conqueror。



If　you　consider；　dear　reader；　what　profound　snobbishness

the　University　System　produced；　you　will　allow　that　it　is

time　to　attack　some　of　those　feudal　middle…age

superstitions。　　If　you　go　down　for　five　shillings　to　look

at　the　'College　Youths；'　you　may　see　one　sneaking　down

the　court　without　a　tassel　to　his　cap；　another　with　a

gold　or　silver　fringe　to　his　velvet　trencher；　a　third　lad

with　a　master's　gown　and　hat；　walking　at　ease　over　the

sacred　College　grass…plats；　which　common　men　must　not

tread　on。



He　may　do　it　because　he　is　a　nobleman。　　Because　a　lad　is

a　lord；　the　University　gives　him　a　degree　at　the　end　of

two　years　which　another　is　seven　in　acquiring。　　Because

he　is　a　lord；　he　has　no　call　to　go　through　an

examination。　　　Any　man　who　has　not　been　to　College　and

back　for　five　shillings；　would　not　believe　in　such

distinctions　in　a　place　of　education；　so　absurd　and

monstrous　do　they　seem　to　be。



The　lads　with　gold　and　silver　lace　are　sons　of　rich

gentlemen　and　called　Fellow　Commoners；　they　are

privileged　to　feed　better　than　the　pensioners；　and　to

have　wine　with　their　victuals；　which　the　latter　can　only

get　in　their　rooms。



The　unlucky　boys　who　have　no　tassels　to　their　caps；　are

called　sizarsSERVITORS　at　Oxford（a　very　pretty　and

gentlemanlike　title）。　　A　distinction　is　made　in　their

clothes　because　they　are　poor；　for　which　reason　they　wear

a　badge　of　poverty；　and　are　not　allowed　to　take　their

meals　with　their　fellow…students。



When　this　wicked　and　shameful　distinction　was　set　up；　it

was　of　a　piece　with　all　the　resta　part　of　the　brutal；

unchristian；　blundering　feudal　system。　　Distinctions　of

rank　were　then　so　strongly　insisted　upon；　that　it　would

have　been　thought　blasphemy　to　doubt　them；　as　blasphemous

as　it　is　in　parts　of　the　United　States　now　for　a　nigger

to　set　up　as　the　equal　of　a　white　man。　　A　ruffian　like

Henry　VIII。　talked　as　gravely　about　the　divine　powers

vested　in　him；　as　if　he　had　been　an　inspired　prophet。　　A

wretch　like　James　I。　not　only　believed　that　there　was　in

himself　a　particular　sanctity；　but　other　people　believed

him。　　Government　regulated　the　length　of　a　merchant's

shoes　as　well　as　meddled　with　his　trade；　prices；　exports；

machinery。　　It　thought　itself　justified　in　roasting　a　man

for　his　religion；　or　pulling　a　Jew's　teeth　out　if　he　did

not　pay　a　contribution；　or　ordered　him　to　dress　in　a

yellow　gabardine；　and　locked　him　in　a　particular　quarter。



Now　a　merchant　may　wear　what　boots　he　pleases；　and　has

pretty　nearly　acquired　the　privilege　of　buying　and

selling　without　the　Government　laying　its　paws　upon　the

bargain。　　The　stake　for　heretics　is　gone；　the　pillory　is

taken　down；　Bishops　are　even　found　lifting　up　their

voices　against　the　remains　of　persecution；　and　ready　to

do　away　with　the　last　Catholic　Disabilities。　　Sir　Robert

Peel；　though　he　wished　it　ever　so　much；　has　no　power　over

Mr。　Benjamin　Disraeli's　grinders；　or　any　means　of

violently　handling　that　gentleman's　jaw。　　Jews　are　not

called　upon　to　wear　badges：　on　the　contrary；　they　may

live　in　Piccadilly；　or　the　Minories；　according　to　fancy；

they　may　dress　like　Christians；　and　do　sometimes　in　a

most　elegant　and　fashionable　manner。



Why　is　the　poor　College　servitor　to　wear　that　name　and

that　badge　still？　　Because　Universities　are　the　last

places　into　which　Reform　penetrates。　　But　now　that　she

can　go　to　College　and　back　for　five　shillings；　let　her

travel　down　thither。







CHAPTER　XIV



ON　UNIVERSITY　SNOBS



All　the　men　of　Saint　Boniface　will　recognize　Hugby　and

Crump　in　these　two　pictures。　　They　were　tutors　in　our

time；　and　Crump　is　since　advanced　to　be　President　of　the

College。　　He　was　formerly；　and　is　now；　a　rich　specimen　of

a　University　Snob。



At　five…and…twenty；　Crump　invented　three　new　metres；　and

published　an　edition　of　an　exceedingly　improper　Greek

Comedy；　with　no　less　than　twenty　emendations　upon　the

German　text　of　Schnupfenius　and　Schnapsius。　　These

Services　to　religion　instantly　pointed　him　out　for

advancement　in　the　Church；　and　he　is　now　President　of

Saint　Boniface；　and　very　narrowly　escaped　the　bench。



Crump　thinks　Saint　Boniface　the　centre　of　the　world；　and

his　position　as　President　the　highest　in　England。　　He

expects　the　fellows　and　tutors　to　pay　him　the　same　sort

of　service　that　Cardinals　pay　to　the　Pope。　　I　am　sure

Crawler　would　have　no　objection　to　carry　his　trencher；　or

Page　to　hold　up　the　skirts　of　his　gown　as　he　stalks　into

chapel。　　He　roars　out　the　responses　there　as　if　it　were

an　honour　to　heaven　that　the　President　of　Saint　Boniface

should　take　a　part　in　the　service；　and　in　his　own　lodge

and　college　acknowledges　the　Sovereign　only　as　his

superior。



When　the　allied　monarchs　came　down；　and　were　made　Doctors

of　the　University；　a　breakfast　was　given　at　Saint

Boniface；　on　which　occasion　Crump　allowed　the　Emperor

Alexander　to　walk　before　him；　but　took　the　PAS　himself　of

the　King　of　Prussia　and　Prince　Blucher。　　He　was　going　to

put　the　Hetman　Platoff　to　breakfast　at　a　side…table　with

the　under　college　tutors；　but　he　was　induced　to　relent；

and　merely　entertained　that　distinguished　Cossack　with　a

discourse　on　his　own　language；　in　which　he　showed　that

the　Hetman　knew　nothing　about　it。



As　for　us　undergraduates；　we　scarcely　knew　more　about

Crump　than　about　the　Grand　Llama。　　A　few　favoured　youths

are　asked　occasionally　to　tea　at　the　lodge；　but　they　do

not　speak　unless　first　addressed　by　the　Doctor；　and　if

they　venture　to　sit　down；　Crump's　follower；　Mr。　Toady；

whispers；　'Gentlemen；　will　you　have　the　kindness　to　get

up？The　President　is　passing；'　or　'Gentlemen；　the

President　prefers　that　undergraduates　should　not　sit

down；'　or　words　to　a　similar　effect。



To　do　Crump　justice；　he　does　not　cringe　now　to　great

people。　　He　rather　patronizes　them　than　otherwise；　and；

in　London；　speaks　quite　affably　to　a　Duke　who　has　been

brought　up　at　his　college；　or　holds　out　a　finger　to　a

Marquis。　　He　does　not　disguise　his　own　origin；　but　brags

of　it　with　considerable　self…gratulation：'I　was　a

Charity…boy；'　says　he；　'see　what　I　am　now；　the　greatest

Greek　scholar　of　the　greatest　College　of　the　greatest

University　of　the　greatest　Empire　in　the　world。'　　The

argument　being；　that　this　is　a　capital　world；　for

beggars；　because　he；　being　a　beggar；　has　managed　to　get

on　horseback。



Hugby　owes　his　eminence　to　patient　merit　and　agreeable

perseverance。　　He　is　a　meek；　mild；　inoffensive　creature；

with　just　enough　of　scholarship　to　fit　him　to　hold　a

lecture；　or　set　an　examination　paper。　　He　rose　by

kindness　to　the　aristocracy。　　It　was　wonderful　to　see　the

way　in　which　that　poor　creature　grovelled　before　a

nobleman　or　a　lord's　nephew；　or　even　some　noisy　and

disreputable　commoner；　the　friend　of　a　lord。　　He　used　to

give　the　young　noblemen　the　most　painful　and　elaborate

breakfasts；　and　adopt　a　jaunty　genteel　air；　and　talk　with

them　（although　he　was　decidedly　serious）　about　the　opera；

or　the　last　run　with　the　hounds。　　It　was　good　to　watch

him　in　the　midst　of　a　circle　of　young　tufts；　with　his

mean；　smiling；　eager；　uneasy　familiarity。　　He　used　to

write　home　confidential　letters　to　their　parents；　and

made　it　his　duty　to　call　upon　them　when　in　town；　to

condole　or　rejoice　with　them　when　a　death；　birth；　or

marriage　took　place　in　their　family；　and　to　feast　them

whenever　they　came　to　the　University。　　I　recollect　a

letter　lying　on　a　desk　in　his　lecture…room　for　a　whole

term；　beginning；　'My　Lord　Duke。'　　It　was　to　show　us　that

he　corresponded　with　such　dignities。



When　the　late　lamented　Lord　Glenlivat；　who　broke　his　neck

at　a　hurdle…race；　at　the　premature　age　of　twenty…four；

was　at　the　University；　the　amiable　young　fellow；　passing

to　his　rooms　in　the　early　morning；　and　seeing　Hugby's

boots　at　his　door；　on　the　same　staircase；　playfully

wadded　the　insides　of　the　boots　with　cobbler's　wax；　which

caused　excruciating　pains　to　the　Rev。　Mr。　Hugby；　when　he

came　to　take　them　off　the　same　evening；　before　dining

with　the　Master　of　St。　Crispin's。



Everybody　gave　the　credit　of　this　admirable　piece　of　fun

to　Lord　Glenlivat's　friend；　Bob　Tizzy；　who　was　famous　for

such　feats；　and　who　had　already　made　away　with　the

college　pump…handle；　filed　St。　Boniface's　nose　smooth

with　his　face；　carried　off　four　images　of　nigger…boys

from　the　tobacconists；　painted　the　senior　proctor's　horse

pea…green；　&c。　&c。；　and　Bob　（who　was　of　the　party

certainly；　and　would　not　peach；）　was　just　on　the　point　of

incurring　expulsion；　and　so　losing　the　family　living

which　was　in　store　for　him；　when　Glenlivat　nobly　stepped

forward；　owned　himself　to　be　the　author　of　the　delightful

JEU…D'ESPRIT；　apologized　to　the　tutor；　and　accepted　the

rustication。



Hugby　cried　when　Glenlivat　apologized；　if　the　young

nobleman　had　kicked　him　round　the　court；　I　believe　the

tutor