a hero of our time-第31节

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And　I　felt　a　venomous　rage　gradually　filling　my　soul。

〃Have　a　care；　Mr。　Grushnitski！〃　I　said；　walk…　ing　up　and　down　the　room：　〃I　am　not　to　be　jested　with　like　this！　　You　may　pay　dearly　for　the　approbation　of　your　foolish　comrades。　　I　am　not　your　toy！〃　。　。　。

I　got　no　sleep　that　night。　　By　daybreak　I　was　as　yellow　as　an　orange。

In　the　morning　I　met　Princess　Mary　at　the　well。

〃You　are　ill？〃　she　said；　looking　intently　at　me。

〃I　did　not　sleep　last　night。〃

〃Nor　I　either。　。　。　　I　was　accusing　you　。　。　。　perhaps　groundlessly。　　But　explain　yourself；　I　can　forgive　you　everything〃　。　。　。

〃Everything？〃　。　。　。

〃Everything　。　。　。　only　speak　the　truth　。　。　。　and　be　quick。　。　。　　You　see；　I　have　been　thinking　a　good　deal；　trying　to　explain；　to　justify；　your　be…　haviour。　　Perhaps　you　are　afraid　of　opposition　on　the　part　of　my　relations　。　。　。　that　will　not　matter。　　When　they　learn〃　。　。　。

Her　voice　shook。

〃I　will　win　them　over　by　entreaties。　　Or；　is　it　your　own　position？　。　。　。　　But　you　know　that　I　can　sacrifice　everything　for　the　sake　of　the　man　I　love。　。　。　　Oh；　answer　quickly　　have　pity。　。　。　You　do　not　despise　me　　do　you？〃

She　seized　my　hand。

Princess　Ligovski　was　walking　in　front　of　us　with　Vera's　husband；　and　had　not　seen　anything；　but　we　might　have　been　observed　by　some　of　the　invalids　who　were　strolling　about　　the　most　in…　quisitive　gossips　of　all　inquisitive　folk　　and　I　rapidly　disengaged　my　hand　from　her　passionate　pressure。

〃I　will　tell　you　the　whole　truth；〃　I　answered。　〃I　will　not　justify　myself；　nor　explain　my　ac…　tions：　I　do　not　love　you。〃

Her　lips　grew　slightly　pale。

〃Leave　me；〃　she　said；　in　a　scarcely　audible　voice。

I　shrugged　my　shoulders；　turned　round；　and　walked　away。



CHAPTER　XVI

25th　June。

I　SOMETIMES　despise　myself。　。　。　　Is　not　that　the　reason　why　I　despise　others　also？　。　。　。　I　have　grown　incapable　of　noble　impulses；　I　am　afraid　of　appearing　ridiculous　to　myself。　　In　my　place；　another　would　have　offered　Princess　Mary　son　coeur　et　sa　fortune；　but　over　me　the　word　〃marry〃　has　a　kind　of　magical　power。　However　passionately　I　love　a　woman；　if　she　only　gives　me　to　feel　that　I　have　to　marry　her　　then　farewell；　love！　　My　heart　is　turned　to　stone；　and　nothing　will　warm　it　anew。　　I　am　prepared　for　any　other　sacrifice　but　that；　my　life　twenty　times　over；　nay；　my　honour　I　would　stake　on　the　for…　tune　of　a　card　。　。　。　but　my　freedom　I　will　never　sell。　　Why　do　I　prize　it　so　highly？　　What　is　there　in　it　to　me？　　For　what　am　I　preparing　myself？　What　do　I　hope　for　from　the　future？　。　。　。　　In　truth；　absolutely　nothing。　　It　is　a　kind　of　innate　dread；　an　inexplicable　prejudice。　。　。　　There　are　people；　you　know；　who　have　an　unaccountable　dread　of　spiders；　beetles；　mice。　。　。　　Shall　I　con…　fess　it？　　When　I　was　but　a　child；　a　certain　old　woman　told　my　fortune　to　my　mother。　　She　pre…　dicted　for　me　death　from　a　wicked　wife。　　I　was　profoundly　struck　by　her　words　at　the　time：　an　irresistible　repugnance　to　marriage　was　born　with…　in　my　soul。　。　。　　Meanwhile；　something　tells　me　that　her　prediction　will　be　realized；　I　will　try；　at　all　events；　to　arrange　that　it　shall　be　realized　as　late　in　life　as　possible。



CHAPTER　XVII

26th　June。

YESTERDAY；　the　conjurer　Apfelbaum　ar…　rived　here。　　A　long　placard　made　its　appear…　ance　on　the　door　of　the　restaurant；　informing　the　most　respected　public　that　the　above…mentioned　marvellous　conjurer；　acrobat；　chemist；　and　opti…　cian　would　have　the　honour　to　give　a　magnificent　performance　on　the　present　day　at　eight　o'clock　in　the　evening；　in　the　saloon　of　the　Nobles'　Club　（in　other　words；　the　restaurant）；　tickets　　two　rubles　and　a　half　each。

Everyone　intends　to　go　and　see　the　marvellous　conjurer；　even　Princess　Ligovski　has　taken　a　ticket　for　herself；　in　spite　of　her　daughter　being　ill。

After　dinner　to…day；　I　walked　past　Vera's　win…　dows；　she　was　sitting　by　herself　on　the　balcony。　A　note　fell　at　my　feet：

〃Come　to　me　at　ten　o'clock　this　evening　by　the　large　staircase。　　My　husband　has　gone　to　Pyati…　gorsk　and　will　not　return　before　to…morrow　morn…　ing。　　My　servants　and　maids　will　not　be　at　home；　I　have　distributed　tickets　to　all　of　them；　and　to　the　princess's　servants　as　well。　　I　await　you；　come　without　fail。〃

〃Aha！〃　I　said　to　myself；　〃so　then　it　has　turned　out　at　last　as　I　thought　it　would。〃

At　eight　o'clock　I　went　to　see　the　conjurer。　The　public　assembled　before　the　stroke　of　nine。　The　performance　began。　　On　the　back　rows　of　chairs　I　recognized　Vera's　and　Princess　Ligovski's　menservants　and　maids。　　They　were　all　there；　every　single　one。　　Grushnitski；　with　his　lorgnette；　was　sitting　in　the　front　row；　and　the　conjurer　had　recourse　to　him　every　time　he　needed　a　hand…　kerchief；　a　watch；　a　ring　and　so　forth。

For　some　time　past；　Grushnitski　has　ceased　to　bow　to　me；　and　to…day　he　has　looked　at　me　rather　insolently　once　or　twice。　　It　will　all　be　remem…　bered　to　him　when　we　come　to　settle　our　scores。

Before　ten　o'clock　had　struck；　I　stood　up　and　went　out。

It　was　dark　outside；　pitch　dark。　　Cold；　heavy　clouds　were　lying　on　the　summit　of　the　surround…　ing　mountains；　and　only　at　rare　intervals　did　the　dying　breeze　rustle　the　tops　of　the　poplars　which　surrounded　the　restaurant。　　People　were　crowd…　ing　at　the　windows。　　I　went　down　the　mountain　and；　turning　in　under　the　gate；　I　hastened　my　pace。　　Suddenly　it　seemed　to　me　that　somebody　was　following　my　steps。　　I　stopped　and　looked　round。　　It　was　impossible　to　make　out　anything　in　the　darkness。　　However；　out　of　caution；　I　walked　round　the　house；　as　if　taking　a　stroll。　Passing　Princess　Mary's　windows；　I　again　heard　steps　behind　me；　a　man　wrapped　in　a　cloak　ran　by　me。　　That　rendered　me　uneasy；　but　I　crept　up　to　the　flight　of　steps；　and　hastily　mounted　the　dark　staircase。　　A　door　opened；　and　a　little　hand　seized　mine。　。　。

〃Nobody　has　seen　you？〃　said　Vera　in　a　whisper；　clinging　to　me。

〃Nobody。〃

〃Now　do　you　believe　that　I　love　you？　　Oh！　I　have　long　hesitated；　long　tortured　myself。　。　。　But　you　can　do　anything　you　like　with　me。〃

Her　heart　was　beating　violently；　her　hands　were　cold　as　ice。　　She　broke　out　into　complaints　and　jealous　reproaches。　　She　demanded　that　I　should　confess　everything　to　her；　saying　that　she　would　bear　my　faithlessness　with　submission；　because　her　sole　desire　was　that　I　should　be　happy。　　I　did　not　quite　believe　that；　but　I　calmed　her　with　oaths；　promises　and　so　on。

〃So　you　will　not　marry　Mary？　　You　do　not　love　her？　。　。　。　　But　she　thinks。　。　。　　Do　you　know；　she　is　madly　in　love　with　you；　poor　girl！〃　。　。　。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　。　　　　　。　　　　　。　　　　　。　　　　　。

About　two　o'clock　in　the　morning　I　opened　the　window　and；　tying　two　shawls　together；　I　let　my…　self　down　from　the　upper　balcony　to　the　lower；　holding　on　by　the　pillar。　　A　light　was　still　burn…　ing　in　Princess　Mary's　room。　　Something　drew　me　towards　that　window。　　The　curtain　was　not　quite　drawn；　and　I　was　able　to　cast　a　curious　glance　into　the　interior　of　the　room。　　Mary　was　sitting　on　her　bed；　her　hands　crossed　upon　her　knees；　her　thick　hair　was　gathered　up　under　a　lace…frilled　nightcap；　her　white　shoulders　were　covered　by　a　large　crimson　kerchief；　and　her　little　feet　were　hidden　in　a　pair　of　many…coloured　Persian　slippers。　　She　was　sitting　quite　still；　her　head　sunk　upon　her　breast；　on　a　little　table　in　front　of　her　was　an　open　book；　but　her　eyes；　fixed　and　full　of　inexpressible　grief；　seemed　for　the　hundredth　time　to　be　skimming　the　same　page　whilst　her　thoughts　were　far　away。

At　that　moment　somebody　stirred　behind　a　shrub。　　I　leaped　from　the　balcony　on　to　the　sward。　　An　invisible　hand　seized　me　by　the　shoulder。

〃Aha！〃　said　a　rough　voice：　〃caught！　。　。　。　I'll　teach　you　to　be　entering　princesses'　rooms　at　night！〃

〃Hold　him　fast！〃　exclaimed　another；　spring…　ing　out　from　a　corner。

It　was　Grushnitski　and　the　captain　of　dragoons。

I　struck　the　latter　on　the　head　with　my　fist；　knocked　him　off　his　feet；　and　darted　into　the　bushes。　　All　the　paths　of　the　garden　which　covered　the　slope　opposite　our　houses　were　known　to　me。

〃Thieves；　guard！〃　。　。　。　they　cried。

A　gunshot　rang　out；　a　smoking　wad　fell　almost　at　my　feet。

Within　a　minute　I　was　in　my　own　room；　undressed　and　in　bed。　　My　manservant　had　only　just　locked　the　door　when　Grushnitski　and　the　captain　began　knocking　for　admission。

〃Pechorin！　　Are　you　asleep？　　Are　you　there？〃　。　。　。　cried　the　captain。

〃I　am　in　bed；〃　I　answered　angrily。

〃Get　up！　　Thieves！　。　。　。　　Circassians！〃　。　。　。

〃I　have　a　cold；〃　I　answered。　　〃I　am　afraid　of　catching　a　chill。〃

They　went　away。　　I　had　gained　no　useful　pur…　pose　by　answering　them：　they　would　have　been　looking　for　me　in　the　garden　for　another　hour　or　so。

Meanwhile　the　alarm　became　terrific。　　A　Cossack　galloped　up　from　the　fortress。　　The　com…　motion　was　general；　Circassians　were　looked　for　in　every　shrub　　and　of　course　none　were　found。　Probably；　however；　a　good　many　people　were　left　with　the　firm　conviction　that；　if　only　more　courage　and　despatch　had　been　shown　by　the　garrison；　at　least　a　score　of　brigands　would　have　failed　to　get　away　with　their　lives。



CHAPTER　XVIII

27th　June。

THIS　morning；　at　the　well；　the　sole　topic　of　conversation　was　the　nocturnal　attack　by　the　Circassians。　　I　drank　the　appointed　number　of　glasses　of　Narzan　w