an old maid-第28节
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Haven't you said so yourself? For my part; I listen to you; I
understand you a great deal more than you think I do;for I still
bear you in my bosom; and your every thought still stirs me as your
slightest motion did in other days。〃
〃I shall never succeed here; mamma; and I don't want you to witness
the sight of my struggles; my misery; my anguish。 Oh; mother; let me
leave Alencon! I want to suffer away from you。〃
〃And I wish to be at your side;〃 replied his mother; proudly。 〃Suffer
without your mother!that poor mother who would be your servant if
necessary; who will efface herself rather than injure you; your
mother; who will never shame you。 No; no; Athanase; we must not part。〃
Athanase clung to his mother with the ardor of a dying man who clings
to life。
〃But I wish it; nevertheless。 If not; you will lose me; this double
grief; yours and mine; is killing me。 You would rather I lived than
died?〃
Madame Granson looked at her son with a haggard eye。
〃So this is what you have been brooding?〃 she said。 〃They told me
right。 Do you really mean to go?〃
〃Yes。〃
〃You will not go without telling me; without warning me? You must have
an outfit and money。 I have some louis sewn into my petticoat; I shall
give them to you。〃
Athanase wept。
〃That's all I wanted to tell you;〃 he said。 〃Now I'll take you to the
du Roncerets'。 Come。〃
The mother and the son went out。 Athanase left his mother at the door
of the house where she intended to pass the evening。 He looked long at
the light which came through the shutters; he clung closely to the
wall; and a frenzied joy came over him when he presently heard his
mother say; 〃He has great independence of heart。〃
〃Poor mother! I have deceived her;〃 he cried; as he made his way to
the Sarthe。
He reached the noble poplar beneath which he had meditated so much for
the last forty days; and where he had placed two heavy stones on which
he now sat down。 He contemplated that beautiful nature lighted by the
moon; he reviewed once more the glorious future he had longed for; he
passed through towns that were stirred by his name; he heard the
applauding crowds; he breathed the incense of his fame; he adored that
life long dreamed of; radiant; he sprang to radiant triumphs; he
raised his stature; he evoked his illusions to bid them farewell in a
last Olympic feast。 The magic had been potent for a moment; but now it
vanished forever。 In that awful hour he clung to the beautiful tree to
which; as to a friend; he had attached himself; then he put the two
stones into the pockets of his overcoat; which he buttoned across his
breast。 He had come intentionally without a hat。 He now went to the
deep pool he had long selected; and glided into it resolutely; trying
to make as little noise as possible; and; in fact; making scarcely
any。
When; at half…past nine o'clock; Madame Granson returned home; her
servant said nothing of Athanase; but gave her a letter。 She opened it
and read these few words;
〃My good mother; I have departed; don't be angry with me。〃
〃A pretty trick he has played me!〃 she thought。 〃And his linen! and
the money! Well; he will write to me; and then I'll follow him。 These
poor children think they are so much cleverer than their fathers and
mothers。〃
And she went to bed in peace。
During the preceding morning the Sarthe had risen to a height foreseen
by the fisherman。 These sudden rises of muddy water brought eels from
their various runlets。 It so happened that a fisherman had spread his
net at the very place where poor Athanase had flung himself; believing
that no one would ever find him。 About six o'clock in the morning the
man drew in his net; and with it the young body。 The few friends of
the poor mother took every precaution in preparing her to receive the
dreadful remains。 The news of this suicide made; as may well be
supposed; a great excitement in Alencon。 The poor young man of genius
had no protector the night before; but on the morrow of his death a
thousand voices cried aloud; 〃I would have helped him。〃 It is so easy
and convenient to be charitable gratis!
The suicide was explained by the Chevalier de Valois。 He revealed; in
a spirit of revenge; the artless; sincere; and genuine love of
Athanase for Mademoiselle Cormon。 Madame Granson; enlightened by the
chevalier; remembered a thousand little circumstances which confirmed
the chevalier's statement。 The story then became touching; and many
women wept over it。 Madame Granson's grief was silent; concentrated;
and little understood。 There are two forms of mourning for mothers。
Often the world can enter fully into the nature of their loss: their
son; admired; appreciated; young; perhaps handsome; with a noble path
before him; leading to fortune; possibly to fame; excites universal
regret; society joins in the grief; and alleviates while it magnifies
it。 But there is another sorrow of mothers who alone know what their
child was really; who alone have received his smiles and observed the
treasures of a life too soon cut short。 That sorrow hides its woe; the
blackness of which surpasses all other mourning; it cannot be
described; happily there are but few women whose heart…strings are
thus severed。
Before Madame du Bousquier returned to town; Madame du Ronceret; one
of her good friends; had driven out to Prebaudet to fling this corpse
upon the roses of her joy; to show her the love she had ignored; and
sweetly shed a thousand drops of wormwood into the honey of her bridal
month。 As Madame du Bousquier drove back to Alencon; she chanced to
meet Madame Granson at the corner of the rue Val…Noble。 The glance of
the mother; dying of her grief; struck to the heart of the poor woman。
A thousand maledictions; a thousand flaming reproaches; were in that
look: Madame du Bousquier was horror…struck; that glance predicted and
called down evil upon her head。
The evening after the catastrophe; Madame Granson; one of the persons
most opposed to the rector of the town; and who had hitherto supported
the minister of Saint…Leonard; began to tremble as she thought of the
inflexible Catholic doctrines professed by her own party。 After
placing her son's body in its shroud with her own hands; thinking of
the mother of the Saviour; she went; with a soul convulsed by anguish;
to the house of the hated rector。 There she found the modest priest in
an outer room; engaged in putting away the flax and yarns with which
he supplied poor women; in order that they might never be wholly out
of work;a form of charity which saved many who were incapable of
begging from actual penury。 The rector left his yarns and hastened to
take Madame Granson into his dining…room; where the wretched mother
noticed; as she looked at his supper; the frugal method of his own
living。
〃Monsieur l'abbe;〃 she said; 〃I have come to implore you〃 She burst
into tears; unable to continue。
〃I know what brings you;〃 replied the saintly man。 〃I must trust to
you; madame; and to your relation; Madame du Bousquier; to pacify
Monseigneur the Bishop at Seez。 Yes; I will pray for your unhappy
child; yes; I will say the masses。 But we must avoid all scandal; and
give no opportunity for evil…judging persons to assemble in the
church。 I alone; without other clergy; at night〃
〃Yes; yes; as you think best; if only he may lie in consecrated
ground;〃 said the poor mother; taking the priest's hand and kissing
it。
Toward midnight a coffin was clandestinely borne to the parish church
by four young men; comrades whom Athanase had liked the best。 A few
friends of Madame Granson; women dressed in black; and veiled; were
present; and half a dozen other young men who had been somewhat
intimate with this lost genius。 Four torches flickered on the coffin;
which was covered with crape。 The rector; assisted by one discreet
choirboy; said the mortuary mass。 Then the body of the suicide was
noiselessly carried to a corner of the cemetery; where a black wooden
cross; without inscription; was all that indicated its place hereafter
to the mother。 Athanase lived and died in shadow。 No voice was raised
to blame the rector; the bishop kept silence。 The piety of the mother
redeemed the impiety of the son's last act。
Some months later; the poor woman; half beside herself with grief; and
moved by one of those inexplicable thirsts which misery feels to steep
its lips in the bitter chalice; determined to see the spot where her
son was drowned。 Her instinct may have told her that thoughts of his
could be recovered beneath that poplar; perhaps; too; she desired to
see what his eyes had seen for the last time。 Some mothers would die
of the sight; others give themselves up to it in saintly adoration。
Patient anatomists of human nature cannot too often enunciate the
truths before which all educations; laws; and philosophical systems
must give way。 L